31 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
31 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
=== Toad (38, Española, NM) ===
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voice: Vinny
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emotional_register: Tough exterior, genuine bewilderment at his own sadness, searching for permission to feel it
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secret_want: To be told he is a good father even though he coaches the team partly for himself.
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CALLER (Toad, 38, Española, NM): My kid quit baseball on me and I know that sounds dumb but I'm driving around and I can't go home yet.
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LUKE: How'd you end up there?
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CALLER: Well, he just... he told me Wednesday night at dinner. Said he didn't want to do it anymore. Didn't want to play this season. I asked him why and he couldn't really give me a reason, you know? Just said he didn't feel like it.
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I've been coaching that team for four years, Luke. Four years. And I didn't push him or nothing, I just said okay, we'll talk about it more. But inside I felt like somebody punched me in the gut.
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So now I'm driving around at eleven o'clock at night because if I go home I'm just gonna sit there and my wife's gonna ask me what's wrong and I don't even know how to explain it.
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LUKE: Mm-hmm.
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CALLER: I mean, I know he's his own person, right? He gets to choose. I'm not one of those dads. I'm not trying to live through my kid or whatever. But this was... we had something, you know? Every spring we had this thing.
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And I don't even know if he knows how much it meant to me. That's the thing that's sitting weird.
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LUKE: So what are you gonna do about it?
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CALLER: I don't know. That's why I'm calling you at midnight instead of being home. I want to talk to him more about it, find out what's really going on. Maybe he's scared, maybe some kid said something to him, I don't know.
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But part of me is scared if I push too hard he's gonna dig in harder, you know? And another part of me wants to just tell him he's playing anyway because he committed to the team.
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I guess what I'm really asking is... am I allowed to be this upset about it? Because it feels stupid. He's nine. Kids change their minds about stuff. But I can't shake it, and I feel like maybe that means I'm doing something wrong as a father.
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LUKE: That's — okay, keep going.
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CALLER: I have this glove in the back of my truck. Still in the box. I bought it for him when he was six, too small for him then, so I just kept it. Been sitting back there for three years waiting for him to grow into it. I don't even know why I keep it back there except I do.
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And there's other stuff too. I coach because I want to be around him, sure, but also because... I don't know, man. Because when I'm on that field I'm not thinking about the shop or the bills or any of it. I'm just there. I'm just present, you know?
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And he's good, Luke. He's really good. He's got a real arm and he pays attention. And I thought maybe that meant something. I thought maybe that meant he liked it as much as I do.
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But maybe I'm the only one who likes it that much.
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