ai-podcast/website/transcripts/episode-3-desire-burnout-and-friendship-woes.txt

LUKE: All right, welcome back. Here we are. It's Luke at the roost today is Thursday, February 5th. It's 11.34 p.m. Here in Anomas, New Mexico. Anomas, New Mexico. It's the hottest place you've never heard of. I'm here to take to take calls and give advice to some of the people that are out there struggling to sleep tonight. So first up, we've got it looks like Tanya on the line. Tanya, this is Luke. You've reached the show. What can we do for you today?

TANYA: Hi, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. Um, I've been wanting to talk to just someone about this for a while. I keep having these really intense thoughts about one of my clients. She's selling her house after a divorce and I find myself thinking about her constantly. Like way beyond what's professional. I'll be sharing other properties and suddenly I'm wondering what she's doing, what she's wearing. I've never felt this way about another woman before. It's kind of freaking me out.

LUKE: Hey, that's all right. If you, uh, if you're having some thoughts that happens, what is this woman like that you're attracted to?

TANYA: She's just different, you know, she's maybe mid-forties, really confident, successful attorney. Has this way of looking at you that makes you feel like you're the only person in the room? God, I feel stupid even saying this out loud. I've dated men my whole life. I go out to bars all the time. But I've never felt this kind of pull toward someone. The other day during a show, she touched my arm while asking about the master bathroom. And I couldn't focus for the rest of the day. Is that normal to be this affected by someone?

LUKE: I can't speak to what's normal and not normal. It's just what happens sometimes. What do you think would happen if you were to reveal your feelings to her?

TANYA: That's terrifying to even think about. She's a client, first of all, and I could totally destroy my professional reputation. Plus, I have no idea if she's even into women. Though sometimes I catch her looking at me in this way. But shit, I'm probably just seeing what I want to see right. And even if I did say something, what would I say? Hey, I know I'm supposed to be selling your house, but I can't stop thinking about you in ways that would definitely violate the real to code of ethics. I just die of embarrassment.

LUKE: Well, it sounds to me like you'd get to get to work and get that house sold. And then there's no more client-seller relationship, right? So that opens you up. And if she rejects you at that time, so be it.

TANYA: I mean, you're right. The house should close in about three weeks. But Luke, I'm so scared I'm reading this all wrong. Like last week she invited me for coffee after a showing to discuss the office. But we barely talked business at all. We spent an hour talking about travel and her divorce. And I don't know, maybe she's just lonely. And here I am, getting all worked up because God, I sound like a teenager with a crush. But I haven't felt this kind of electricity with anyone in years. My hands literally shake when I'm around her.

LUKE: Well, I say finished the job you've been paid to do and then talk to her afterwards and see where that goes. Maybe there's something, maybe there's not, but what's the worst that could happen?

TANYA: You're right. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. I feel like an idiot for a while and life goes on. But fuck, if she says yes, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. It's just last time we met she was wearing this blazer with nothing underneath. And I swear she knew exactly what she was doing to me. Three weeks feels like forever right now. I keep having these dreams about her that are, well, let's just say they're definitely not professional. Should I at least try dropping some hints before closing or just keep it totally business?

LUKE: My advice would be to keep it business while you're in business. And do whatever you have to do at home to take care of your own needs. And then when the business is concluded, you're open to explore that situation as deeply as you and her would like to.

TANYA: God, yes, you're right. I need to keep it professional though I might need a very cold shower after every showing at this point. The thing is, I've never been with a woman before, but the way I feel when she's around, it's like my whole body is on fire. I've been taking care of myself almost every night thinking about her. Shit, sorry, that's probably too much information for radio. But thanks, Luke, you're right. Get through closing first then maybe ask her to dinner like a real dinner. Not a let's discuss paperwork dinner. At least then I'll know one way or the other instead of driving myself crazy with these fantasies.

LUKE: All right, Tonya, it sounds like you know what you got to do. Thanks for the call. We appreciate hearing from you. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you get that household. All right, folks, it's time to take a break to thank today's sponsor. Jam hospitality, the leader in Maple-based Marmalade. If your toast has been living in a bland little studio apartment of flavor, it's time to move into the luxury suite. We're talking Maple-based Marmalade. Plus, Marmalade-related products. Because apparently Jam hospitality asked, what if breakfast had a brand ecosystem? Go to www.myfavoretmarmalade.com and use code jammedinia for 15% off. That's jammedinia, like jammedinia. But legally distinct and emotionally complex. Jam hospitality, put it on toast, put it on pancakes, put it on your confidence. Tell him, Luke sent you. You're welcome. All right, well thanks to our sponsor there. And now let's get back to the phones. Hey Carla, Carla, you're on the line with us. What can we do for you tonight?

CARLA: Hey there. Honestly, I just needed to vent a bit. I've been feeling really stuck lately and it's like I sacrificed a chunk of my life just to make someone else happy. It's eating at me, you know?

LUKE: Well, it sounds like that's what you're doing right now. If you're sick of giving away chunks of your life, cut it out and start doing what you want to do and, you know, take advantage of the moment that you have in front of you.

CARLA: Yeah, I hear you. I mean, it's just hard to flip that switch, right? I work in pharmaceutical sales and I spend so much time chasing targets and making sure everyone else is good that I sort of lost track of what makes me happy. Like I used to love being outdoors, going hiking. And now it feels like it's just a distant memory. No wonder I'm feeling this way. I'm just a little burned out.

LUKE: Well, burnout definitely happens. That's a real thing. But what are you doing to combat the negative feelings? If you like to go outside and do hiking and stuff, you should do that.

CARLA: Honestly, I try to make time for it, but life just gets in the way, you know? I mean, I have plans to go hiking with some friends next weekend, but it always feels like an afterthought. I read this article about how sound in nature can really boost your mood and I thought, man, I need that in my life again. I just get wrapped up in work and forget what I actually enjoy. It's frustrating. I guess I have to push myself more.

LUKE: Well, you shouldn't really have to push yourself so much as, you know, just try. Just try a little bit. Go outside and enjoy nature, enjoy the birds singing to you and be grateful that you get another day here on this beautiful Earth.

CARLA: You're right. I think I overthink everything sometimes. I mean, I get so caught up in work that I forget to appreciate the little things. Honestly, just stepping outside and breathing fresh air sounds simple, but can be powerful. I saw this thing about how even just pausing to listen to the sound of nature can change your mood. It's wild how much we overlook it. Maybe I do just need to take a step back and start small, like a walk around the block or checking out a new trail.

LUKE: It's just tough to remember to do that amid the chaos, you know? Well, you can do that right now instead of calling into a radio show and complaining about how you've lost yourself and you don't know what to do. You know exactly what to do. You just gotta go outside and do it.

CARLA: You know, you're absolutely right. I called in to sort of air it out and it sounds like what I really need is action. Not just talk. I've been avoiding it, but yeah, I do know what I need to do. It's just a matter of stopping myself from getting bogged down by work stuff. Maybe I'll even take my hiking boots out tonight and plan out a route. It really does feel good to just lace up and hit the trail. Thanks for the reminder.

LUKE: No problem. That's what we do here. Yeah, nature's a wonderful healer. And it's really what we're here to do is to just watch the world on furl in front of us. And the world is outside. Megan, Megan, welcome to the show. What can we do for you today?

MEGAN: Hey, thanks for having me. Honestly, I don't know how to say this. But I've been thinking a lot about this dream I had when I was younger, you know? I always wanted to get into music, but life happened and now I'm a dental hygienist. It's like I gave up on it all and it keeps haunting me, you know? Like every time I'm watching reality TV or scrolling through TikTok, I see people chasing their dreams. And I just feel this pang of regret. Like what the hell am I doing, right?

LUKE: What are you doing? You're watching reality TV and scrolling through TikTok. That's an enormous waste of time. If you want to be creative, be creative and go create something.

MEGAN: I totally get what you're saying. It is a waste of time, honestly. I mean, part of me just escapes into these shows because it's like a guilty pleasure. But another part of me is like, Megan, why the hell aren't you picking up a guitar or something? It's just that the dream feels so distant now. I get stuck in this loop of thinking I can't just jump back in. You know? I'd love to create something, but it all just feels overwhelming. Sometimes I wish I had that kick-in-the-pants motivation like those reality TV stars pursuing their passions.

LUKE: Well, here's a kick-in-the-pants. Pick up your guitar and play something. And you don't have to have any aspirations to be famous or be on a world tour or anything like that. Just create something for the joy of creating. And I think you'll find yourself a lot happier.

MEGAN: That's so true. I thought about that, actually. Just playing for the joy of it, instead of worrying about being a rock star or something. Honestly, that pressure makes it a little paralyzing. I mean, I remember as a kid just jamming out with friends and having a blast. I think I'm putting too much weight on it now, you know? I've got to find that freedom again. Maybe I just need to set aside some time, grab my guitar, and see where it takes me. No expectations. I mean, if Carla Hall can have fun mixing up recipes on her show, I can have a little fun making some music, right?

LUKE: You know what? You can play some music on your couch while you're watching Carla Hall mix up recipes. There's nothing to say that you have to be only making music. You don't have to set aside time to make music. It can be something that you play with on the side, as much or as little as you want.

MEGAN: Absolutely. That makes total sense. I don't have to treat it like a full-time job or anything. I could just chill on the couch, maybe play some chords while Carla is whipping up something delicious. It's like a fun way to merge two things I enjoy. I mean, it's all about creating that vibe, right? It might inspire me to be more spontaneous with my music again. I just need to remind myself that it's about having fun, not stressing about it. Thanks for pushing me to think like this.

LUKE: You're very welcome, Carla. Thanks for calling in. That was a decent call. Oh, sorry. I called you Carla. Your name was Megan. I'm sorry about that, Megan. Well, thank you for calling in, and yeah, our purpose on this Earth is to enjoy it. So do whatever it is that makes you enjoy it. Okay, we'll take one more call tonight. And who do we have in the line? It's Marcus. Marcus, welcome to the show. Thanks for calling in. My friend, what can we do for you?

MARCUS: Hey, thanks for having me. So I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Like, I realized I don't really have any solid friends. Just people who need favors or want something from me. You know that feeling? It's like, I don't even know who I'd call if I really needed someone. Just a bit? Lonely, I guess. How do you even start to change that?

LUKE: I do know that feeling very well. I have a few very good friends that I've been close to for a long time. And if they're not around, you know, I don't talk to anybody. Because I don't want to meet new people for all the reasons you're just subscribed. You know, everybody I think most people that I've met want something. And it doesn't seem like they do, but in the back of their mind, they're waiting for an opportunity to get something from you. And I would rather not have that in my life. So I don't talk to that many people. So I understand where you're coming from. It can feel lonely. And I don't know if I'm right or wrong in that. But hopefully we can get through it together.

MARCUS: Yeah, I totally get that. It's like you end up putting in all this effort to connect and then realize it's just transactional. I mean, I love my photography. But being a freelancer can feel isolating, especially when the people in your life seem more interested in the next dig or a free shoot than a real connection. I thought maybe I was overthinking it and honestly, it feels like it's all about what people can get. I've been diving into psychology stuff lately, trying to unpack why people are the way they are. You know. Like those articles I read about how sound and memory are connected really make you reflect on your experiences. It's wild. How much are surroundings and interactions shape us?

LUKE: It is. It's very wild. I'd like to ask you when you meet a new person. What is your thought process? What are you trying to get out of them if anything? And if you look at yourself honestly, will you find that you're in the same type of person that they are? I mean, are your relationships transactional?

MARCUS: That's a great question. Honestly, when I meet someone new, I try to keep it casual at first, just seeing if we vibe. But as I think about it, there's definitely a part of me that's a bit guarded. Like I can't help but wonder what they want from me. It's hard not to think about that. I mean, am I being too cynical? I want genuine connections. But I also don't want to get burned again. And yeah, maybe that makes me a bit transactional too. I end up sizing people up without even realizing it. Like I'm measuring the potential value of the relationship instead of just letting it flow naturally.

LUKE: Yeah, that sounds right on the money. I definitely do the same thing myself so I don't have a ton of advice for you in this regard. But it's good to hear that we are not alone. A lot of people think this way. And some of us do better with less people around. I think that's all there is to it.

MARCUS: For sure, it's kind of comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. It's just tough to navigate, you know? Sometimes I think maybe I would be better off just focusing on my work and letting friendships happen when they happen. But then I catch myself feeling lonely. Like I'll read things about how we need connections. Like even emotionally, it affects our mental health. But at the same time, I don't want to force that with people who might just end up wanting something from me. It's a weird balance to strike.

LUKE: It is a weird balance to strike. And I haven't got there myself. But what I can recommend to you is reach out to the ones that have been in your life for a long time. The people that you know well, that you've been through some stuff with.

LUKE: Everybody's got some friends from back in the day. The kids who grew up with her. You know whoever it might be. But keep in touch with a small circle and watch yourself out there. That makes sense.

CALLER: It's easy to get caught up in trying to make new friends. When I have those older connections that are still solid, even if they're not perfect, I guess I should invest more in those relationships. It's just sometimes I feel like I've lost touch over the years and reaching out feels daunting. But I know those people get me, you know? Maybe I can start small and just check in with a couple of them. I appreciate the reminder to keep it real with the people who actually matter. It's just a matter of breaking that initial ice again, I suppose.

LUKE: Sure thing. It can be tough and I understand where you're coming from. But it's not that big of a deal to reach for the phone and call somebody that you haven't talked to in a long time. Or you know you can go out and meet new friends if that's your thing. Doesn't really matter. You know, if you can deal with loneliness, then you're one up on this world. Earl, Earl, I thought I was going to quit but we'll take this one more call. What's going on, Earl?

EARL: Hey, thanks for taking my call. So, I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately and I can't shake this feeling that one of my close buddies has been talking shit about me behind my back. I mean, I never really thought he would but some things just feel off, you know? It's eating at me. What do you think I should do?

LUKE: What is it that he's saying behind your back and do you deserve it?

EARL: I'm not entirely sure what he's saying, but I've noticed some hints like he's been distant and I've called him making comments about me to other people. It's like he's trying to act like I'm the problem. As for deserving it, I don't really think I do. I've always tried to be a good friend but maybe there's something I'm missing. What do you think? Is it worth confronting him about it?

LUKE: Absolutely. If this is a friend of yours and it's affecting your relationship then yeah, you should have that conversation and say, hey, things feel a little bit weird. I'd like to know what's going on and am I picking up, you know, the wrong vibe here or is there something we need to talk about?

EARL: Yeah, that makes sense. I guess I just worry about how it'll come off. You know how guys can be? Sometimes it feels like we're supposed to just shrug things off but if I'm picking up on something I should trust my gut, right? I mean, this guy has been a friend for years and I'd rather clear the air than let it fester. Have you ever had to have that kind of talk with a friend? How did it go?

LUKE: Yeah, of course. I mean, I've had lots of talks like that with friends and more often than not, it goes very well. You know, people understand when you're talking to them on a, you know, personal human level when you're serious and when your emotional state is maybe not at its height. I think it can only do good either way no matter how he takes it. Like, if you bring this up to him and he's a dickhead about it, then whatever the guy is a dick. But if he's your friend and the relationship is meaningful, he will listen to you and do what he can to rectify the situation.

EARL: That's a good point. If he's a true friend, he should be willing to listen and figure things out, right? I just need to approach it without coming off too aggressive. Maybe start by sharing how I feel and see where it goes. It's funny, I've heard similar advice in shows like The Drew Barrymore Show where they talk about communication in relationships. It's like, if we can't talk about the tough stuff, what's the point? Thanks for the push, I really appreciate it. I'll let you know how it goes.

LUKE: All right, good luck with that. If you're watching The Drew Barrymore Show, you might be a dramatic individual, I don't know. But either way, this is the end of our show. Thank you for tuning in and we'll have another one tomorrow. Stay safe, get some sleep and be well.