ai-podcast/website/transcripts/episode-23-secrets-lies-and-revelations.txt

LUKE: All right, welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Luke. This is Luke at the Roost, the call-in radio show, where you can call in and talk to me about what's going on in your life, and I'll give you the best advice I can. If you'd like to call in, our number is 208-439-58-3. That's 208-439 Luke. It is Thursday, February 26th, and we're going to get to to the phones right away today. We've got Cedric on the line. Cedric, what's going on? How can we help you today?

CEDRIC: Hey, Luke. Yeah, uh, thanks for taking the call. I've been listening for a while. Figured I, I don't know, maybe you can help me think through something. So I've got this situation with my gym. I've been going to the same place for like two years now. Same personal trainer. We've got a good routine going.

LUKE: Okay, what's the problem with your gym?

CEDRIC: go, I ran into him at the Safeway, my trainer.

LUKE: Okay, is this a problem with your gym or a problem with your trainer? I think I know where this is going.

CEDRIC: Yeah, it's, okay, so we got beers. Just ran into each other. He was grabbing groceries. I was grabbing groceries, and he asked if I wanted to grab a beer, and I said, yeah. And then we ended up sleeping together.

LUKE: In the safe way?

CEDRIC: Yeah, yeah, safe. But now, now I've still got sessions with him twice a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I've already paid through March. And it's like...

LUKE: It's like what? I mean, you slept with your personal trainer. Could you be more cliche?

CEDRIC: I know. I know. But it's really awkward now. Like neither of us is saying anything about it, but when he's spotting me or doing assisted stretches, we're both just... We're so aware of where hands are going, you know? And I'm married.

LUKE: So you cheated on your wife with your male personal trainer at the same thing?

CEDRIC: safe way. Well, not at the safe way. After. But yeah, and my wife and I, we got married young, like 22 high school sweethearts, and we're still kind of...

LUKE: You're still kind of what?

CEDRIC: We're still figuring out what the rules are, I guess. Like what counts? Whether this even matters if it was just once. I haven't told her yet.

LUKE: Yeah, I think it matters. You cheated on your wife with a dude. She's probably not going to be happy about that.

CEDRIC: I know. I know she won't be. But also, like, I keep thinking about the logistics of it.

LUKE: The logistics of what?

CEDRIC: The gym situation. The contract. The fact that Sierra Vista is too small to just disappear.

LUKE: Well, yeah, you can't disappear. Do you have feelings for this trainer dude? More so than the wife that you married?

CEDRIC: No. I mean, I don't know. It wasn't like that. We just ran into each other at Safeway. Got beers. And then it just kind of happened.

LUKE: You just went to a grocery store and fell into his asshole? Like, I don't understand how that just happened. You just happened to have sex with a guy at the grocery store? Like, what are you talking about? It just happened. That was a conscious decision that you both had to make. Like, you had to figure out where you were going to go and how you were going to do it. It wasn't like a spur of the moment situation. You left a store to go somewhere else to have sex.

CEDRIC: You're right. Okay. Yeah. We went back to his... place, it wasn't just, it didn't just happen.

LUKE: All right, so what's the deal? You're going to tell your wife about this and how's she going to react?

CEDRIC: I don't know if I'm going to tell her. That's kind of why I called, because I keep going to these sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we just don't talk about it. We do the stretches, and he spots me, and neither of us says anything, but we both know. And I've got the contract through March, and I already paid, and there's nowhere else to go in town.

LUKE: Well, here's my advice. because not telling your wife is a rotten thing to do. And deal with the fallout of that. And if you, if things are weird with your personal trainer and things are weird with your wife, which they will be, eat the money. And just don't go. You don't need a personal trainer. You can, you know how to do your, your fucking deadlifts.

CEDRIC: Yeah, you're right. I just, I keep thinking if I can just get through March without making it weird, then the contract's up and I can just let it expire. And nobody has to know, and it goes away.

LUKE: You'll know. He'll know. And it won't go away. It'll haunt you for the rest of your life because you'll be keeping this massive secret from your betrothed.

CEDRIC: I know. I know you're right. It's just we've been together since high school, since we were 17. And I don't even know if this means something about me or if it was just a one-time thing or what it was.

LUKE: Well, it means a few things about you. It means you're into dudes, obviously. I don't know if you knew that or not. but if you have sex with a guy, you're into dudes. And it means you're a liar because you cheated on your wife without telling her and having that conversation first.

CEDRIC: I mean, I don't know if I'm into dudes. It was just him. I've never thought about that before.

LUKE: Okay, well, he is a dude, and you're into him, which would, by definition, mean you're into dudes.

CEDRIC: Yeah, okay. Yeah, you're right. I just, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. Like, do I tell her?

LUKE: that part too?

CEDRIC: Yeah, I would think so. I mean, the alternative is you're like, you know what? I'm not even into dudes. I just didn't want to have sex with you so badly that I had sex with him anyway, even though I don't like the male sex.

LUKE: God, when you put it like that, I just, we got married so young. And I don't think either of us really knew what we were doing. And she's a good person.

CEDRIC: Okay, well, do you still want to be married?

LUKE: I don't know. I mean, yeah? She's my best friend. We have a whole life.

CEDRIC: Yeah, that doesn't sound very convincing, and it sounds like maybe you're undercutting her here, and that's not very fair.

LUKE: No, you're right. I'm being a coward about this whole thing. I think I'm more worried about what happens after. Like, what do I even do in Sierra Vista if we split up? Everyone knows us together.

CEDRIC: You move on with your life, and people forget, and who cares what everybody else knows? If you don't want to be married, then don't be married, but don't string her along thinking that you're all in love and shit and then be out fucking dudes on the side. That's not cool.

LUKE: You're right. That's not fair to her. I need to tell her everything. The whole thing. Not just that it happened, but...

CEDRIC: Well, I don't know the woman, so, I mean, talk to her and let her know what happened and how you're feeling and see if that's something that you two can navigate if you want to stay together. Otherwise, let her off the hook, because what you're doing isn't right or fair to her. If you want to go off and you got married too young and you're not sure about it and you want to experiment and, you know, sow your wild oats or whatever, then do that, but let her go.

LUKE: Yeah, I know. I'm going to talk to her this weekend. Just lay it all out.

CEDRIC: All right, buddy. Good luck to you. I hope that goes all right. And don't do that stuff. Don't cheat on your spouse. It's not cool. We have Shonda. Shonda, thanks for calling in. What's going on in your life today?

SHONDA: Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. So, I got accidentally C-Ced on an email today, where my friends are planning an intervention for me this Saturday because they think I'm spiraling. But honestly, I think they're overreacting. And I just wanted to talk to someone who might actually listen before they all show up at my apartment.

LUKE: Okay. Do you think your friends think you're spiraling?

SHONDA: Well, I have been watching a lot of body cam footage lately. Like police body cam videos, dash cam stuff. And I guess I have missed a couple brunches because I was up until three in the morning watching them. So I was too tired.

LUKE: So they're going to have an intervention because you missed brunch because you are up late watching body cam footage?

SHONDA: Yeah. When you say it like that, it does sound kind of silly.

SHONDA: But I think they're also worried because I've been staying late at work a lot to avoid going home. And I guess I've been talking about it maybe more than they want to hear about it. Like, I find it really fascinating how people behave under pressure, you know, in these high-stress situations.

LUKE: Why are you avoiding going home after work? What's going on at home?

SHONDA: Oh gosh. Well, nothing terrible. I live alone. It's just kind of quiet and empty. And when I get home, I end up just opening my laptop and going down these rabbit holes. At work, I can at least have the body cam stuff on one side of my screen and my spreadsheets on the other, so I feel like I'm being productive. At home, it's just me and the videos. And suddenly, it's three in the morning and I haven't eaten dinner.

LUKE: Well, that is a strange thing. I mean, I know a lot of people have their rabbit holes that they go down into true crime and pimple popping or cake baking, whatever it might be. So it's not that weird that you found a thing that interests you and keeps your mind occupied, but if it's affecting your eating and your social life, that's a problem.

SHONDA: You're right. I know you're right. I just feel like they're making it into this big scary thing. When really, I just got interested in something. Like, my friend Sarah sent this whole paragraph in the email about how I used to be so bubbly, and now I seem distant. And I'm like, I'm the same person. I just have a new interest. But yeah, the not eating thing, that's probably not great.

LUKE: What is it about the body cam footage that you're finding so compelling? Like you said the high stress situations and people's reactions there, but, I mean, how can that continue to be compelling once you've seen, you know, a day's worth of them?

SHONDA: That's actually a really good question. I think it's because every single one is different, you know? Like, you'd think after watching 100 traffic stops, they'd all blur together, but they don't. Some people completely fall apart. Some people get really polite and compliant. Some people try to run. Some people just shut down completely. And I keep thinking about what I would do, how I would react, if I was in that situation.

LUKE: Does it turn you on, the power dynamic?

SHONDA: What? No. Oh, gosh, no. It's not like that at all. It's more like, I don't know, studying human behavior. Like when you watch those nature documentaries and see how animals react when they're cornered.

LUKE: I can understand that. And I can understand getting sucked into some kind of compelling true media like that. I mean, I'm sure it's not all even true. A bunch of that stuff is probably staged. But if it's affecting your life and keeping you up at night and you're not eating and you're not socializing with your friends, that's a problem that maybe they're right to be concerned about. So I would listen to them and strongly consider if this is kind of taking over your life more than you wanted to.

SHONDA: Yeah, you're probably right. I guess when my boss accidentally sent me that email and I saw how worried they all are, Part of me wanted to just prove them wrong, you know? Like show up to the intervention and be like, see, I'm fine. This is just a hobby. But sitting here talking to you about it, saying out loud that I'm not eating dinner and I'm avoiding my own apartment, that does sound like maybe it's gotten a little out of hand. I just hate the idea of them thinking I'm broken or something when I genuinely find this stuff, interesting, and educational.

LUKE: Well, you don't necessarily have to give it up. It doesn't sound like the media itself is a problem. If you're watching those videos at work and still being productive, you can, you know, have that plan in your ear pods while you're out going for a walk just to make sure you're getting enough sleep, you're eating, and you're taking care of yourself. And I wouldn't be, you said you're avoiding going home to your own apartment because you're just going to stay up all night on this rabbit hole of videos. That's not good, no matter what the videos are.

SHONDA: You're absolutely right. It's not really about the videos themselves. It's about me using them to avoid other stuff. Like, I could watch this content in a normal way. But instead, I'm staying at my office until 11 at night because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. And then the videos are just there to fill that space.

LUKE: And what thoughts are you having that you're trying to get away from? What's going on in your head that you need to numb with the body cam footage?

SHONDA: Oh, shoot, that's a hard question. I guess, well, my apartment just feels really empty lately. My roommate moved out in December to move in with her boyfriend. And I thought, I'd like having my own place, but it's just quiet all the time. And I keep thinking about how I'm 32, and I don't have that, you know? Like everyone's pairing off, and I'm just coming home to watch videos on my laptop.

LUKE: Yeah, but that's not the only thing you can do at home. You could come home to make yourself a nice dinner and exercise and, you know, create something, whatever your hobby is. It doesn't have to just be going home to watch content, you could go home and make content, or you could go out and participate in your community. There's a lot of things you could do to occupy your time and fill that space with something more productive. Why aren't you doing those other things?

SHONDA: Because they all sound exhausting, honestly. Like making a nice dinner for one person? That just feels sad. And I used to paint a little bit. But when I set up my easel in the living room, it just reminded me that there's nobody there to see what I'm making or care if I finish it. I think the body cam videos are easy because they don't require anything from me. I can just watch other people's worst moments and feel like at least my life isn't that bad. At least I'm not getting arrested or having a breakdown on the side of the highway.

LUKE: No, but you do have your friends staging a literal intervention because they're concerned about your well-being and your health because of your behavior.

SHONDA: Oh, gosh, yeah, when you put it like that. I guess I am having my own kind of breakdown. Just a slower, quieter one where I'm sitting at my desk instead of on the highway. That's actually kind of worse in a way, isn't it?

LUKE: I don't know if there's a better or worse kind of breakdown, but it's definitely not healthy that. And I think you should hear your friends out when they stage this intervention because they care about you and they want to make sure that you're in good health. So listen to them. See if maybe they have good suggestions to kind of get you out of this slump. And maybe try to make some decisions, take some actions to pull yourself out of it and do something else. I'm not saying you have to stop watching these videos, that's, I don't think that's a problem. But you do have to participate in life.

SHONDA: You're right. I think I've been so defensive about it. Because I didn't want to admit that something's actually wrong. Like if I can just insist it's a normal hobby, then I don't have to deal with the loneliness part. But they're staging an intervention because they love me. Not because they think I'm weird. I should probably just go to the thing on Saturday and actually listen instead of trying to prove them wrong.

LUKE: Yep, that's what I think you should do because, I mean, watching videos isn't much of a hobby. I mean, I'm not going to say one hobby is better than another hobby, but if you're only consuming content, it's hard to even call that a hot. I mean, a hobby is woodworking or painting or singing or creating something of your own, not just consuming something that somebody else has created for you. Even people that are really into movies or music, they're not just listening to music or movies. They're formulating opinions and dissecting the directors and tension and writing essays and stuff.

LUKE: So even those types of hobbies still have a creation component, whereas what you're describing is not that at all. That's a really good point.

CALLER: I'm not even engaging with it critically. I'm just letting it wash over me. Like, I'm not learning anything about criminal justice or police procedures or even human psychology, really. I'm just numbing out. And I used to actually make things. I painted. I used to write these little essays about art exhibits I'd see. I stopped doing all of that, and I didn't even notice when it happened. I just gradually replaced creating with consuming until my whole life became about filling time instead of doing something with it.

LUKE: Okay, well, it sounds like you have a plan. You're going to hear out your friends at their intervention. I'm not saying take all their advice, but be open to some of it because they may have good ideas. And I would suggest that you take some steps to move back into creating something or participating in life. And don't just put yourself to sleep with videos every night because that's a sad way to exist. And you probably can get more out of life than that.

CALLER: You're absolutely right, Luke. Thank you for being honest with me instead of just letting me justify it. I think I needed someone outside my friend group to tell me the same thing they've been trying to say. I'm going to go to the intervention on Saturday with an open mind, and maybe this weekend I'll pull my easel back out.

LUKE: Okay, I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully you don't end up on the wrong side of one of those body cam videos. And ladies and gentlemen, it is time. It's that time again for a word from our sponsors. This episode is brought to you by Desert Gut, the all-in-one nutritional supplement made from things you'd actually find within walking distance from my RV. Each scoop of Desert Gut contains 17 adaptogens, nine minerals scraped, directly off a rock, pulverized tumbleweed fiber, and a proprietary blend we're calling coyote dust, which our lawyers have asked me to clarify as not made from actual coyotes. Desert gut tastes like someone described the color beige to a blender, but you'll feel incredible or you'll feel something. First five callers get a free shaker bottle that definitely used to be a gas station coffee cup. Desert gut, because your gut isn't going to desert itself. All right, we're back here. And let's, uh, let's get back to the phones. First up, we've got Phil. Phil, welcome back to the show. You're a returning caller. What, uh, what can we do for you tonight?

PHIL: Hey, Luke. Yeah, thanks for taking my call again. So, uh, remember last time I called, I was kind of freaking out about the whole situation with my wife, Teresa, and this open marriage thing we were trying. Well, fast forward to last week, Marcus and I, we have been seeing each other pretty regularly, then. Nothing serious, just dinners, and we have been taking it slow. And Teresa has been with her girlfriend Amanda. Everything seemed like it was working out the way we talked about. But then Sunday night, Marcus tells me he is moving.

LUKE: Oh, okay. So now how are you feeling now that your wife has something on the side and yours is taken off? Do you feel left out?

PHIL: No, it is not even that, really. I mean, yeah, maybe a little bit. But the thing that got me was how I reacted when he told me. We were sitting in his truck outside this diner over in Scotland. And he is telling me about this job offer in Portland. Really good opportunity for him. And I just, I nearly lost it. Like I felt this panic in my chest that I have not felt in years. And I realized I was way more attached to this guy than I thought I was. And here is the thing that is messing with me.

LUKE: What's messing with you? This whole situation is a little bit interesting. It's unique.

PHIL: What is messing with me is that I went home that night. And I could not even look at Teresa, because I realized I have been lying to myself this whole time. I thought I was doing this open thing to make her happy, to keep our family together. Be the good guy, you know? But sitting in that truck with Marcus, feeling like my heart was being ripped out because he is leaving, I realized I actually have feelings for him, real feelings. The kind I have not had for Teresa in, I do not even know how long.

LUKE: Yeah, but you said that last time, too, you said you two had kind of a platonic relationship, but you were good partners and wanted to stay married for the other benefits of marriage sort of homosexual things on the side.

PHIL: Yeah, I know I said that, but I think I was still trying to convince myself that was enough, you know? Like, I could compartmentalize it. Marcus over here in this box. Teresa and our life together in that box. And everybody gets what they need. But when he said he was leaving, it was not just like losing a friend or even just a hookup.

LUKE: Yeah, this dude broke your heart while you're married to this other woman who's flourishing with her girlfriend. It's a strange situation to be in, but you did kind of put yourself there.

PHIL: You are right. And that is what I have been sitting with all week. I put myself here. I agreed to this whole thing thinking I was being evolved or whatever. But really, I was just avoiding the harder conversation. Because now I am looking at Teresa and she is happy. Like, genuinely happy in a way I have not seen her in years. She's texting Amanda all the time, smiling at her phone. And I am over here heartbroken over a guy I have been seeing for two months.

LUKE: So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue your marriage with Teresa? I mean, I wouldn't say it's a sham marriage. You do say that you're good partners and you've got, you know, the other life stuff together entwined and that's working out well. Do you want to end your marriage with Teresa and move into your new gay lifestyle?

PHIL: That is the question I have been avoiding all week. And honestly, I do not know. Part of me thinks, okay, Marcus is leaving. This will pass. I will meet someone else eventually. Keep the arrangement with Teresa. But then I think about my uncle, Hector.

LUKE: Right.

PHIL: He stayed in a marriage for 30 years. That was not really a marriage, just because it was easier than admitting what he actually wanted.

LUKE: Well, you know, if you've had enough a marriage and you're not into that and you don't see yourself continue in this arrangement for the long term, then talk to Teresa and end the marriage. Because it seems like, you know, she's got her own thing going on. You've got to figure out what it is that you want out of life.

PHIL: Yeah, but here is what really gets me. I called you last time because I was freaking out about the arrangement. And you helped me calm down, realize I did not need to have it all figured out right away. And that was good advice. But now I am wondering if I use that as an excuse to just keep avoiding the real thing, which is that I do not think I want to be married anymore.

LUKE: That's okay. That's what divorce is for. So, I mean, it sounds like you can talk to Teresa and end that marriage amicably and move on to whatever it is you want to move on to.

PHIL: You make it sound so simple. And maybe it is. I mean, we do not have kids. The house is in both our names, but we could figure that out. She has her job. I have mine. It is not like 20 years ago when we were broke college kids who needed each other just to survive. But then I think about telling my Uncle Hector that I am getting divorced. And I already know what he is going to say.

LUKE: It doesn't really matter what your uncle has to say. And I'm saying it, uh, simply because you're not coming at this from a place of hurt or anger. You both have already talked this through. You have a unique agreement. And I think if you bring this up and just explain that, hey, this isn't really working for me. I don't want to be married. I think that you can end that on a, maybe not a positive note, but not a negative one.

PHIL: You know what, you are right.

LUKE: Next up, we've got Marlene. Marlene, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? Do you have a homosexual lover that you're conflicted about? Is that what's going on? It seems to be everybody's call today.

MARLENE: No, nothing like that. I went to my manager's holiday party dressed as a full banana, and now I have a disciplinary meeting in the morning.

LUKE: Okay, why did you do such a thing?

MARLENE: The invite said costume party. Big letters at the top. So I rented the whole setup, phone body, the stem on top, professional grade, showed up. and everyone's in sweaters, drinking wine, spritters, talking about their time shares?

LUKE: All right, so it was a costume party. You wore a costume. What's the discipline there? What else happened that would get you called into the manager's office?

MARLENE: Nothing happened. I just stayed. All four hours. Talk to Janet from accounting about her divorce while I'm standing there like a piece of fruit.

LUKE: It sounds like an interesting party. I wouldn't worry about it too much because it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Might be a little embarrassed that you were the only one that I don't know that there's any reason for discipline there.

MARLENE: That's what I thought. But apparently showing up in a banana costume to discuss quarterly performance metrics demonstrates lack of professional judgment. Direct quote from the email. Meetings at nine tomorrow morning with my manager and someone from corporate HR.

LUKE: I think you just need to explain that it was a misunderstanding. Because if you were going to a costume party, it wasn't to discuss quarterly performance metrics. So you were called to that party under false pretenses. of the purpose of the party.

MARLENE: See, that's the thing though. The endbot had both. Top half said costume party. Bottom half had the agenda with all the work stuff. I've just figured we'd do the boring part fast and then actually party. But no, four hours of standing next to the veggie tray and full banana while Greg from IT pitched his fantasy football league.

LUKE: I don't think you have to worry about it. Just explain that you didn't understand the instructions because that's not clear. Said costume party, you wore a costume, it wasn't an offensive costume, and it's a costume. It doesn't sound like you did anything to deserve discipline. So it sounds like maybe a formality they got to do, or maybe somebody just doesn't like you.

MARLENE: Yeah, maybe? I heard Cedric earlier talking about his trainer situation, and I kept thinking, at least I'm not hiding who I sleep with from my wife. I just showed up to a party wrong. His whole marriage is built on not telling the truth. Makes my banana thing seem pretty small.

LUKE: Well, we all have small bananas here at Luke of the Roost, so that's understandable. I wouldn't worry about it. I think you sound like a fun person. You followed the instructions. You wore your costume in all good faith and tried to participate in what you thought was a costume party. That went wrong and if they want to give you a hard time about it, fuck them. That's what I say.

MARLENE: I appreciate that. The worst part is the makeup still will not come off my neck. I scrubbed it in the bathroom here twice already. Going to show up to the disciplinary meaning tomorrow with a yellow ring around my collar. like I've got jaundice or something. They are going to think I'm committed to making this worse.

LUKE: You know what you should do. You should go to that disciplinary meeting dressed full banana.

MARLENE: You know what? I actually considered keeping the costume in my truck for exactly that reason. Just walk in there, sit down across from corporate, let them say their piece while I'm foam and yellow from head to toe. But I already pulled a stranger's truck out of a wash during monsoon season and did not even get a thank you, so I know how these things go. Nobody appreciates the commitment.

LUKE: I appreciate the commitment. So if you do decide to go in there at full banana, we'd like to see a video. Send the video to submissions at look at the roost.com, and we'll make sure that the Luke at the roost army gets a good look at it. And you'll be a hero to us all.

MARLENE: All right, I'll think about it. Worst case, I've already got the costume and nothing left to lose except a third shift human resources job at a call center. If they fire me over a banana suit, that is a story I can tell for the rest of my life. anyway.

LUKE: That's right. If they fire you over a banana suit, you deserve a better job. That's what I say.

MARLENE: You're probably right. I've been doing this job for three years and the highlight was still tonight standing in that break room as a banana. That should tell me something.

LUKE: All right. Thanks for the call. And you make me very proud. Very, very proud. Thanks, Marlene. I hope everything works out for you in your disciplinary meeting tomorrow. Next up, we've got Dary. Daryl. Welcome to the show. How are you doing today, sir?

DARNELL: It's Darnell, but I'm all right. Being better.

LUKE: Oh, I'm sorry. I read your name wrong. What's going on? What's up, Darnell?

DARNELL: Darnell. My girlfriend took the $3,200 we saved for our vacation and lost it at the casino. Found out about three hours ago.

LUKE: Uh-oh. Has that kind of thing happened before?

DARNELL: Not like this.

LUKE: So, I mean, I think a lot of us have been in that situation before. You get a little kind of scratch happy with the old lottery tickets and the blinky lights and sounds from the casino. It's easy to get a little bit carried away. But I think once something like that starts, it's kind of, It's hard to get over. Have you talked to her about it? Did she apologize or does it seem like she's going to continue down this road?

DARNELL: She apologized, cried for about an hour before I got home from work. But here's the thing. She's been hiding it for weeks. Three separate trips. That's not getting carried away one time. That's a pattern.

LUKE: That is a pattern and that is an addiction. And it's a sad thing and it happens to a lot of people. And you have to decide if you want to be there to support her through it. Maybe you do and maybe you don't. That's up to you. What are you thinking?

DARNELL: I locked myself in the bathroom with a shower running so I could call you instead of talking to her.

LUKE: That probably answers your question. No, it doesn't really because this just happened and you're heard about the lying and you heard about the money and you're heard about the vacation and it's so new that you're probably not thinking super clearly. It's going to take a little bit of time for you to calm down and digest that and determine what it is you want to do to move forward.

DARNELL: We've been together four years. I work 10 hour days doing roofs in the sun. She works at the credit union. We split everything 50-50. We don't fight about money. We had a plan. And now I'm sitting here on a toilet at 11.30 at night because I don't know what to say to her.

LUKE: Well, you know, she spent the big vacation fund. It's not like she remortgaged the house out from under you. So that's a bummer if you can't go on vacation this year because that happened. But I think you need to take some time and consider your four-year relationship and see if this is enough to break it.

DARNELL: She lied to me for three weeks, told me she was at her sisters. I called her sister two weeks to ask about borrowing their cooler. And her sister had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't think anything of it then.

LUKE: Yeah, it's a bummer. She lied to you. That's what addicts do. And she was going off to the casino and trying to get the money back so that she didn't have to admit it. That's an understandable thought process for an addict.

DARNELL: So what? I'm supposed to just understand it. We were leaving for Cabo in three weeks. I already requested the time off. My boss gave me grief about it because we're in the middle of a job.

LUKE: Well, you have to decide if it's something that you want to understand because if you love the woman and she's got this sickness, then maybe you want to help her out and help her, you know, find ways to overcome it in the future. And if you don't, if it's too much, I mean, if it's broken your trust in her irrevocably, then maybe it's time to break up.

DARNELL: I heard Phil earlier, the guy with the open marriage who caught feelings for Marcus. You told him he was lying to himself about wanting to stay married. You didn't give him the maybe you can work through it speech.

LUKE: No, I did not tell him that he was lying to himself. He told us that he was lying to himself. And I just allowed him to go with what he already knew deep in his heart. You have not given us that context. So I don't know what your relationship is. If you don't want to be with this woman anymore, then this is a great excuse to not be with her anymore. But if you love the woman and you want to ending issue. Maybe you can't go to Cabo this year. So sad. That's a bummer. But, but, you know, you can help her get to meetings or support groups or find a way to overcome that compulsion to gamble and make sure she doesn't lie to you again.

DARNELL: I'm sitting in a bathroom with the shower running because I can't look at her right now. That should tell you something.

LUKE: It does. It tells me you're angry because you were just wronged and that makes sense. That's not telling me how you're going to feel about it a week from now.

DARNELL: A week from now, I'm still going to be the guy who works 10 hours in the sun while she sits in air conditioning and blows our money at the casino. That's not going to change.

LUKE: All right. Well, if you can't get over it, then maybe it's time to move on and let her know that, sorry, I can't take the lying. And you've broken my trust and I no longer want to be with you. You can, I mean, it's not on me to tell you what to do in your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the best advice I can. And my advice for you is to give it some time so that you can cool down and think about it clearly.

DARNELL: I already know what I'm going to do. I needed to hear someone say it out loud, so it didn't just stay in my head. I'm not leaving her over $3,200. I'm leaving her because when I found out, my first thought was relief.

LUKE: All right then. It's time to leave the woman. And good luck to you your future endeavors and good luck to her. Hopefully that she finds the help that she needs and doesn't end up destitute from gambling everything away.

DARNELL: Yeah. Thanks for taking the call.

LUKE: Best of luck to you both. Okay, I think it's about time we're obligated to play another ad here from our sponsors. Let's get this music stopped. I'm going to get dark for a second. You're going to die someday. Not today, probably, but someday. And when you do, what's going to represent your business? A Craigslist post from 2020? A Google Maps pin that still says permanently closed because you forgot to update it after COVID. A nephew who knows computers but actually just has a Reddit account? Your legacy deserves better than a Reddit account nephew with a Reddit account. Squarehole lets you build something that outlasts you. Something your kids can point to and say, Dad built that. They won't know it took you 11 minutes. That's between you and Squarehole. And when your nephew says, I could have built that for you for free, you can look them in the eye and say, then why didn't you, Tyler? I asked you in 2021 and you said you were busy and you were not busy. Squarehole. Build it before Tyler has to, because Tyler is not Not going to. All right. Thanks to Squarehole. If you need a website, Squarehole is the place to go. All right, let's see. Next up on the old line, we have Val. Val, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight?

VAL: Hey, Luke. Yeah. So, my dog died yesterday morning, and I don't really know what to do with myself. Cisco, he was 14. He just didn't wake up.

LUKE: Oh, I'm sorry. That's the worst. That's the worst day in any pet owner's life. It's the hardest thing to lose a pet. So I feel for you.

VAL: Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I knew it was coming. You know, he was old. But it still just knocked me flat. I called in sick to work tonight, but then I came in anyway because I couldn't stand being in the house. Just sitting here doing paperwork because the quiet at home is too much.

LUKE: Yeah, I understand it a few times and it does tear you up inside and there's really not much you can do to get over it. And then you come home and you see his bowl and you see his toys and it's just, it's a very sad time. But you can hold on to the life that you gave him and remember the happy times and that he loved you and try to remember him when he was having fun and enjoying life.

VAL: and he had this thing where he'd sleep with his head on my feet every night. So last night, I'm in bed, and my feet are just cold, and I kept waking up expecting the weight to be there. My boyfriend Rick is out on a job in Lordsburg until Saturday. So it's just me and all of Cisco stuff everywhere.

LUKE: Well, I would recommend when you go home today, you pick all that stuff up and put it somewhere. You're not going to have to see it.

GREG: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So three nights ago, someone stood on my front porch at three in the morning for almost 11 minutes straight and never took a breath. I have it on video.

LUKE: What do you mean, never took a breath? Like held his breath?

GREG: I mean exactly that. I have doorbell camera footage, ring, the newer model with the enhanced night vision, and I have scrubbed through it frame by frame. This person is standing there from 317 a.m. to 327 and 43 seconds a.m. facing my door and their chest never moves, not once.

LUKE: Well, that's a weird thing. Just a stranger shows up on your porch, holds his breath and then leaves?

GREG: Well, that's the thing. They didn't just show up. They were such a and leave there. The motion sensor light should have triggered when they approached. According to the manufacturer's specs, it activates at 15 feet, but it never turned on. They're just there in frame one second, standing maybe four feet from my door, and then, after the 10 minutes, 43 seconds, next frame they're gone. No walking away, no turning around.

LUKE: What do you think that's about? Do you think that's a ghost or a demon or a zombie?

GREG: I don't know what I think. That's why I'm calling. I've been down every forum, every paranormal subreddit, missing persons reports for Hidalgo County going back five years. I even cross-reference the timestamp with local police logs. Nothing reported that night in my neighborhood. But here's what really gets me. I measured it. The figure is approximately 5'7, wearing what looks like a dark hoodie, and in frame 206, if you zoom in on the pixel density around the edges, There's this weird distortion that shouldn't be there with that camera model under those lighting conditions.

LUKE: What kind of a distortion? Like an aura? Like a movement? Do you think it was a vampire that was waiting for you to invite him in?

GREG: Not an aura exactly. More like the kind of digital artifacting you get when there's electromagnetic interference. But localized just around the figure. And okay, I know how the vampire thing sounds, but I actually look at looked into that too. The invitation threshold, mythology, appears in multiple cultures, not just European folklore. Slavic traditions, some Asian variants, but here's what doesn't fit that pattern. This happened on a Tuesday night.

LUKE: Vampires don't like Tuesdays?

GREG: Well, actually, in most vampire folklore, there's no specific day restriction, but supernatural transitions. 3 a.m. is considered the inverse of 3pm, the so-called witching hour, though that term is actually a modern invention. The historical devil's hour was midnight. But 317 specifically doesn't correlate with any traditional supernatural timing I could find, which makes me think this might not be folklore at all. It might be something else.

LUKE: So you still have this video and have you shown it to anybody else?

GREG: I showed it to Denise, the woman I've been seeing. She keeps a toothbrush at my place though we haven't really defined what we are. And she said, I'm overthinking it. She thinks it's probably just a drunk person or someone on drugs who wandered up, zoned out, then left. But that doesn't explain the motion sensor failure or the lack of respiratory movement. I posted a 10 second clip on one of the forums, no identifying information, and got maybe 30 responses. Half said it's clearly a technical glitch. The other half said, I should sage my house and put salt at the thresholds.

LUKE: One guy claimed he had something similar happen in Tucson in 2019. Same standing pattern, same duration, but his footage corrupted the next day. Well, have you made any copies of the footage? I think that would be the first step is to make sure that you've got backup footage and maybe on different types of media. So if you could get that on tape, as well as a bunch of different digital containers, an MP4, an MLV file uploaded to YouTube. You know, get it around so it can't be corrupted.

GREG: I've already done that, actually. Three separate cloud backups. Google Drive, Dropbox, and a private server my buddy runs out of his apartment in McAllen. Plus, I burned it to two DVDs and have the original still on the doorbell's internal storage, which according to the ring documentation, contains files for 60 days before auto deletion. I even exported individual frames as PNG files numbered sequentially. The file integrity checks out on all copies, SH, 2. 5-6 hash is identical across all versions. So if it's going to corrupt, it hasn't yet.

LUKE: Well, that's an interesting thing. Have you showed it to the authorities at all? Bring it to the police and say that this weird figure showed up on my nest cam or my ring doorbell or whatever the hell it is?

GREG: No, I haven't gone to the police, and that's actually part of what's been keeping me up. Because what do I say, someone stood on my porch for 10 minutes and then left? That's not a crime.

LUKE: Well, it kind of is. That's trespassing and it could be considered harassment.

GREG: That's technically true, but my porch is maybe eight feet from the public sidewalk, and there's no gate or fence. The property line is ambiguous enough that a decent lawyer could argue they never actually crossed onto private property. Plus, Hidalgo County Sheriff's Department is already stretched in with actual crimes. I looked at their call logs, public record, and they're dealing with smuggling cartel activity near the border domestic situations.

LUKE: Well, I'll tell you what. We'll throw this one out on the Luke at the Roos Discord, so if any of our listeners have any information about this sort of paranormal activity. you can discuss it there and maybe get to the bottom of what this is. I don't know that there's anything you need to worry about. It is concerning and it's definitely non-standard, but it sounds like you've done everything you could do to protect the footage and ask around to people who might know something about it.

GREG: I appreciate that, though I should mention, and this is what really bothers me. I went back through two months of prior footage and there are three other instances I initially missed. Same figure, same posture, but shorter durations. November 18th at 241 a.m. for three minutes, December 9th at 113 a.m. for 90 seconds.

LUKE: And did, do they have any identifying features? Does he have a face? Are they not breathing in all of the clips? Anything? It seems weird that a ghost or a vampire would be wearing a hoodie. Is there anything else about the figure that you can identify?

GREG: That's the thing. The resolution isn't great at night, even with the infrared. It's definitely humanoid, average height, maybe 58 to 510, based on the door frame reference. Dark clothing, possibly a hoodie, like you said, but the fabric doesn't move.

LUKE: Well, it sounds like you, my friend, need a porch light, so that's what I would do first thing, is get a light out there. So if it happens again, you can have some illumination and see what's going on.

GREG: I have a motion sensor light. That's what I mentioned earlier. It never triggered. The ring specs say it activates for anything over 40 pounds within 12 feet.

LUKE: Yeah, well, I'm not talking about a motion sensor light. I'm talking about just a regular light that's on all the time so that you don't have to worry about any sort of technical malfunction.

GREG: That's actually a good point. A constant light source would eliminate the variable of sensor failure. I could install a dusk to dawn LED fixture. They're energy efficient, maybe 12 watts, cost about $1.50 a month to run continuously. That would also give the ring camera better visibility for facial recognition if it happens again.

LUKE: Yes, sir. I mean, $1.50 a month is probably worth it if you get a ghost showing up on your doorstep, and especially if it's a malicious one and you can save yourself A lot of trouble by scaring him away with the daylight. All right, next up we've got Bernadette. Bernadette, welcome to the show. What's going on out there? Any ghosts on your porch?

BERNADETTE: And no, nothing like that. I have been watching my neighbors sleep with the mailman for three weeks. And I am trying to figure out if I should tell her husband.

LUKE: No, you should not tell her husband. It's not your place to tell her husband. Maybe she has already told her husband.

BERNADETTE: She has not told her husband. He leaves for work at 7.15 every morning. The mail truck shows up at 940, sits there for 20 minutes. She answers the door in different clothes than she wore at drop-off. This happens three times a week.

LUKE: Well, that's the little thing I like to call none of your business.

BERNADETTE: I run a home daycare. Their youngest started with me two months ago. I have her kid four days a week.

LUKE: Yeah, and that has nothing to do with her kids. So, I mean, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell her husband and break up the family? and then ruin that kid's life.

BERNADETTE: The kid is already in my care while this is happening. I am the one who has to look Christine in the eye at pickup and pretend I do not know she spent her morning with the postal carrier. That feels like my business.

LUKE: Well, it is not your business. Your business is taking care of that child while she's doing whatever she's doing, which is none of your business.

BERNADETTE: So I just keep taking her money and smiling at both of them like everything is fine.

LUKE: That is correct. Yes, everything is fine. It's not a problem for you. It's not a problem for the child. And when the husband finds out, then it might be a problem. But it's not your place to get involved in her life.

BERNADETTE: Dale waves at me every time he backs out of the driveway. He helped me move my freezer last month. I watch him leave for work every morning. And I know what is about to happen in his house.

LUKE: It is not your place to tell this man that his wife is cheating on him with the mailman. You can do that. I mean, it's a free country, but I recommend that you don't. And you keep this one to yourself and go about your life because it's not your place.

BERNADETTE: Fine. I will keep watching the mail truck and saying nothing.

LUKE: That's a good plan. Good job, Bernadette. Okay, next up on the line we've got Mitch. Mitch, welcome to the show. What's going on?

MITCH: Hey Luke, thanks for taking my call. So my neighbor's been stealing my water for over a year. I found his hose connected under the fence to my spigot. Been running up my bills this whole time while I'm out here with rocks and cactus trying to keep things And when I confronted him about it yesterday, he just shrugged and said he'd pay me back sometime. Like it was no big deal.

LUKE: Well, it is a big deal if you've got to pay for the water and he's pulling your water pressure and stuff from the, I assume you have town water or you got a well?

MITCH: Town water, yeah. And that's the thing, right? Like my bills have been double what they should be. I noticed it, but I just figured maybe there was a leak somewhere or the city was gouging me or something. Didn't occur to me to check if someone was literally siphoning it off.

LUKE: Well, I would go take pictures of that, the hose leading to his place from your spigot and let the town know and have them come do an investigation.

MITCH: Yeah, I took pictures already. Got the whole setup documented. But here's what's eating at me, Luke. I went over there yesterday afternoon. kept my cool. Did the whole thing my therapist taught me about staying level? And this guy just looks at me like I'm being unreasonable. Like I'm the it up.

LUKE: Well, now you're privy to what's going on and you can see how it's affecting your water bill. He's obviously stealing from you and that's costing you money and that's not all right. So you can talk to the police. You can talk to the town or whoever is managing your water. And if you have to, you can take that to a small claims court.

MITCH: Right. And I could do all that. I probably should do all that. But I keep standing here at my kitchen table in the dark, just staring at his house across the driveway. And I'm trying to figure out if I'm actually mad about the money or if it's something else. Because the money matters don't get me wrong, but it's more like, this guy thought so little of me that he figured he could just do this and I wouldn't notice or wouldn't care or wouldn't do anything about it.

LUKE: Well, it sounds like he did it for quite a while and you didn't notice and didn't care and didn't do anything about it. But now that you do know and you've confronted him and he's being obstinate about it, it's time to do something.

MITCH: You're right. You're completely right. I didn't notice for over a year. So I guess he had me pegged pretty accurately. And now I'm sitting here in the dark like some kind of weirdo instead of just making the call to the water company in the morning.

LUKE: Yep, so you should make the call of the water company. Then you should go back through your previous bills and see when the usage spiked. And I would take that to Small Claims Court and go after them for the whole year.

MITCH: Yeah, I've actually already pulled all the bills. I've got them spread out here on the table. I can see exactly when it jumped up. March of last year. So we're talking almost a full year of this.

LUKE: Yep. So take that to the court and let them know that you expect reparations for a year's worth of double water bills because he stole it from you. And you have proof.

MITCH: I will. I'm going to do that. But can I ask you something? Why am I so stuck on the way he looked at me when I confronted him? Like the money is the practical thing. The court case makes sense. But I keep replaying him shrugging at me like I was being petty.

LUKE: It's because somebody took advantage of you and that hurts your self-esteem and makes you feel like less of a man or like other people are looking at you like less of a man. And maybe they are. I don't know you or him or the situation. But I can tell you that you're well within your rights to go after him for any damages that he's caused you.

MITCH: That's it. That's exactly it. He made me feel small and now I'm wondering if other people see me that way too.

LUKE: It doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter how other people see you. It only matters how you see yourself. And once you've been taken advantage of, now that you know you're being taken advantage of, you have to decide if you're going to allow that to continue or if you're going to stand up for yourself. And it sounds like you're going to stand up for yourself. And once people see you doing that a couple of times, they stop taking advantage.

MITCH: You're right. I need to file the paperwork tomorrow. Get the water company to document it. Take him to small claims. Stop standing here in my kitchen in the dark, obsessing about what his shrug meant. I appreciate you saying that, Luke. I really do.

LUKE: Yeah, no problem, man. His shrug meant he's a dick. That's all it meant. Didn't mean anything about what you are. You're just a guy that was taking advantage of and you're not going to stand for it anymore. So do what you've got to do tomorrow and get your money back and let him know that you're not going to take that from him or anybody. And we've got one more caller here tonight. We're going to talk to Pearl. Pearl, welcome to the show. last call of the night. How can we help you?

PEARL: Luke, hey. Okay, so I'm calling because tonight Monica walked into the cactus rose after 17 years and ordered a whiskey sour like nothing happened. And we got to talking on my smoke break. And she mentioned she's still driving that same Grand Torino we used to Hotbox behind the Sonic back in high school. And something about that car still running after all this time just hit me sideways because three years ago I got fired from the county assessor's office and I thought my whole life was over at 39. But I ended up slinging drinks at this bar and I'm actually happier than I ever was pushing papers. And when Monica asked if I was doing okay, she really meant it, like she actually wanted to know. And I realized, I'm not just okay. I'm exactly where I need to be. And I don't know why seeing her made me want to call you, but here I am sitting on beer cases in the stock room with my shift drink on the floor. And I just needed to tell somebody that sometimes getting fired is the best thing that ever happens to you.

LUKE: Absolutely, a lot of people will tell you that where you are is exactly where you're supposed to be. And everything that led you to that place is what was supposed to happen to bring you to the place the universe wants you. And I believe that. All the horrible things we go through are all to bring us to where we are today. And things always seem to work out for the best.

PEARL: Right. Exactly. And the weird thing is, I fought it so hard at first. Like when they let me go, I was devastated because that job was supposed to be my stable thing. You know, benefits and retirement and all that. And I spent like six months just spiraling, applying to similar positions in Las Cruces and even looked at stuff in Albuquerque. And my sister kept saying I should go back to school for something. And I was so focused on getting back to what I lost that I didn't even see what was right in front of me. The cactus rose was just supposed to be temporary, just to pay bills while I figured out my real life. But then I realized I was laughing more, sleeping better, actually looking forward to my shifts. And the people are real. You know what I mean? Like at the assessor's office, everyone was just counting down to retirement and complaining about their spouses. But at the bar, people actually talk to each other. They tell you things. And Monica's showing up tonight with that same car just made me think about how some things keep going even when you think they're done. And maybe I'm one of those things too.

LUKE: Maybe you are. It sounds like you're far from done feeling fulfilled in your life right now. That's great. There will probably come another time when you don't feel that way and you have to make a move and that's okay too. So just remember that no matter what happens, you always end up where you're supposed to be and things work out the way they're supposed to.

PEARL: You're right. And I need to remember that because I have this tendency to panic when things change. Like I'll get comfortable. And then the second something shifts I think the sky is falling. My ex-husband used to say I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And he wasn't wrong about that, even though he was wrong about plenty of other things. But tonight when Monica left, she gave me her number and said we should get coffee. An old me would have already been thinking about how to let her down easy. Or make excuses. Because what if we run out of things to talk about? Or what if 17 years is too long and we're different people now? But instead, I just said yes, and I meant it. And that felt like growth or something.

LUKE: Excellent. Well, good for you. I'm glad everything's working out. And what a great way to end the show on a positive note. So everybody out there, remember, whatever you're going through right now, it probably, I mean, sometimes it sucks and it doesn't make any sense to you. But in hindsight, you might notice that it brought you to where you needed to be. And your life is exactly what it's supposed to be because of the things that happened that you didn't want to happen at the time. With that, Luke at the Roost is going to sign off. I hope you all have a wonderful Thursday evening. And we'll talk to you again tomorrow.