ai-podcast/website/transcripts/episode-6-late-night-woes-and-cosmic-contemplations.txt

LUKE: Oh, right. Welcome back to the show. My name is Luke and you've reached Luke at the Roost. This is the call in late night radio show. You can talk to me about whatever is on your mind. We'd like to help out folks that are biologically questionable entities. If you'd like to give us a call, the number's 208-439-5853. That's 208-439-Luke. We'll get you on there as soon as we can. First up, we have Brenda. Brenda is on the line. What's going on for you out there tonight, Brenda? Well, how can we help you?

BRENDA: Oh, man. Luke, thanks for taking my call. So here's the thing. My business partner just completely screwed me over. We ran a bar together. Well, we did. And she emptied out our entire business account yesterday and disappeared.

LUKE: Oh, no. What are you gonna do about that? Do you have a way to find her or anybody close to her?

BRENDA: I've been calling her all day and it just goes straight to voicemail. Her sister lives over in Tucson, but she's not answering either. I think they planned this together, honestly. I already filed a police report, but the cop basically told me it's a civil matter, since her name was on the account, too.

LUKE: Well, that is true and that's really unfortunate. But how much money do you have for operating expenses? Can you keep the bar open? Or are you dead in the water right now?

BRENDA: I've got maybe two grand in my personal account. But payrolls do Friday, and that's 4,000 right there. The beer distributor once paid two or they're cutting me off. I'm sitting here in my truck trying to figure out if I should just tell my staff tomorrow that we're closing. Or if I take out some kind of emergency loan and try to keep the doors open.

LUKE: Would you wanna continue on running the business if it's just you without your partner and that's horrible that that happened. I'm very sorry to hear it.

BRENDA: Yeah, I do, actually. I mean, this bar is all I've got left, you know? After my husband died a few years back, this place became everything. The regulars, the staff, they're like family.

LUKE: Okay, well then here's my advice. My advice is to go into work and tell everybody what happened. Be honest with them. Tell them not to freak out, but you're gonna work it out. And see if you can get that loan. And also talk to some of those regulars and see if they can set up like a go fund me or something to get you through these next few months until you can get back on your feet. But if your business partner split out on you like that and took the money, you probably never gonna see her again. And the law is probably not gonna help you out too much.

BRENDA: You're right. I need to be straight with them. My bartender Mike has been with me since we opened. He'll probably help spread the word.

LUKE: Well, I wish you the best of luck, that's a horrible thing. And everybody, all the listeners of this show, if you could visit Brenda's bar, it would be a big help to her and her employees. You gotta keep, keep each other moving, you know?

BRENDA: Thanks, Luke. I really appreciate that. It's called the Silver Spur. We're just off Highway 10 near the state line.

LUKE: Alright, so if you need to help out the Silver Spur down there and Silver off Highway 10, that's the place to be. You can go watch the Super Bowl there and tip them well because the whole account was just drained. Next up, we got Terence. Terence, welcome to the show. I've been thinking a lot about Terence Howard and his flower of life theory. What do you think about that?

TERENCE: Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. You know, I got to be honest. I don't know a whole lot about Terence Howard's flower of life thing. I've heard bits and pieces. Something about geometry and math that doesn't really add up the way he thinks it does. But man, I didn't call about that.

LUKE: You sound like a super villain, sir. What's wrong with your voice? Do you have throat cancer?

TERENCE: Ha, that's how I sound. I guess. Been smoking Marlboro since I was 17. So that probably doesn't help. And it's cold as hell out here tonight. Maybe that's got my voice a little rough.

LUKE: Yeah, I would say so. How about you calls back after you get yourself a humidifier? Next we've got Carmen. Carmen, welcome to the show. What's going on out there in your world today?

CARMEN: Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. So look, I'm in a total panic right now. I've got this audit coming up at work tomorrow morning. And they're going to find out I lied on my resume about having a master's degree.

LUKE: What kind of audit checks your degree status?

CARMEN: It's a compliance audit for our state funding. They're verifying credentials for everyone who builds Medicaid and social workers need specific licensing and education requirements. I've been skating by for three years, but now they're actually checking transcripts against what we claimed when we were hired.

LUKE: Well, what is your relationship with your boss in the company?

CARMEN: My supervisor Linda, we're pretty good actually. She's been really supportive, especially with all the crap I deal with at home with my dad. But that almost makes this worse, you know. She went to bat for me to get this position.

LUKE: Well, I think you owe it to her to let her know what's going to come up on this audit before it does. And maybe she can help you navigate what happens next. I doubt they're going to get ready. You write off the bat. Maybe they will. I don't know how that works in Medicaid and state funding sources, but you should definitely get in front of it and come clean with the powers that be before they find out from somebody else.

CARMEN: Oh man, you're right. I know you're right. It's just I've been sitting here all night staring at my phone trying to work up the nerve to text her. The thing is, I actually do have most of a master's degree. I was like six credits short when I ran out of money.

LUKE: Well, that's great. If that's the case and you have a good relationship with your workplace, maybe you can talk to them and they can put you on some kind of leave until you can finish it up. Maybe even give you a loan, depending on how, you know, how much they want to keep you, but the way to the way to navigate that is through direct honesty. Don't don't let them find out from an auditor that you lied on your resume now.

CARMEN: You're absolutely right. I'm going to call a first thing in the morning before the auditors even get there. God, my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. But yeah, better she hears it from me.

LUKE: Honesty is always the best policy. Sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it, but then when you get caught fake in it, you gotta be honest about it. Otherwise, well, either way you're a liar, but one of them's worse. Ray, Ray, welcome to the show. How are you tonight, sir?

RAY: Yeah, hey, Luke, I'm all right, man. Thanks for taking the call. So listen, I heard something the other day that's been messing with me a little bit.

LUKE: What'd you hear? Hit us with it.

RAY: I was listening to some podcast while I'm sorting parts, and this guy says that every single person on Earth could fit inside the city limits of Los Angeles, like all eight billion of us. And I don't know why, but that just hit me weird, you know? On one level, like everybody side by side, I don't know if that's true. Maybe it is. I'm not sure what the square footage of Los Angeles is, but it seems a bit small for eight billion people. If we did like Japan-style cities and had everybody in high rises, then sure, but side by side in one plane, I don't know, I would question that.

LUKE: Yeah, I mean, I don't know the exact math either, but the way he explained it made sense at the time. But here's what got me, whether it's LA or Texas or whatever. The point is, we're not actually that many people when you think about space itself. Like, I'm out here at the junkyard, middle of nowhere, and I can go a whole day without seeing another soul.

LUKE: The desert's empty as hell, but then you think about how packed we are in certain spots, and it just makes you wonder what the hell we're doing, you know?

EARL: Yeah, it actually makes me wonder why we're so hell-bent on immigration reform being out here in the desert where there's so much empty space. We could take on a lot of people here in the United States, and get them to work, build an infrastructure project, and you know, like the civilian conservation core, the CCC, where they built all those crazy bridges through the national parks and stuff. We could have lots of programs like that and improve the viability of the United States as a country, but that's not what we do. You know, we want to keep our land open so that the cows can eat grass so we can sell it to China.

LUKE: Well, hold on now, I hear you, but it's not that simple out here. I mean, yeah, there's space, but there's a reason it's empty. There's no water, no jobs. Nothing to sustain people. You can't just drop folks in the middle of the desert and say, build something. And look, I'm not anti-immigration or anything, but Lord'sburg's barely hanging on as it is. We got what 2,500 people? Half the businesses on Main Street are boarded up.

EARL: Yeah, I know. So, I mean, if we had a whole bunch of people that were suddenly here building stuff, building houses, building roads, building parks, and building business, there would be more incentive for business to come out here and build factories and data centers and all of those things. Yeah, water scares, but we can get water, we can drill for water, we can come up with different ways of trucking water in, I don't know, but there is water here.

LUKE: I mean, maybe you're right. I don't know enough about all that to argue it, but here's what's really been sticking with me. It's not even about the immigration thing or the politics.

LUKE: Well, then what is it about for you?

EARL: It's about feeling small, man. Like I'm out here every day, same routine, fixing up junk trying to make this long distance thing work with my girl who's hours away. And then I hear that we could all fit in one city, and it makes me think, with all these people on the planet, what are the odds I even matter? What are the odds any of us do?

LUKE: None of us do. Of course we don't matter. Look up into the sky. I mean, it's dark enough here for you to see all the planets out there. There's no way we matter at all in the big scope of things. We're just here to watch the universe unfold as it does, and when we're gone, the universe will continue doing its thing forever and ever and ever.

EARL: Jesus, Luke, that's bleak as hell. I mean, I get it on some level, but if that's really true, then why even get up in the morning? Why sort parts?

LUKE: Why not? Because you have the opportunity to do it. I mean, of all the places you could have been born in the whole of the universe, you were born to the one place that supports life, and we have sunsets and flowers blooming and birds flying, and all sorts of cool stuff to watch and experience. So you get up for the experience of the world, and everything else is extra bullshit that we pile on top of it.

EARL: Huh, I never thought about it like that.

LUKE: There's really no other way to think about it. You know, there's no purpose for us being here at all. None of us, not the President of the United States, not Nobel laureates, or people that do scientific breakthroughs, nobody. At the end of the day, we're a very tiny blip on a very big radar.

EARL: Well then, what about love? I mean, I'm out here freezing my ass off every night, thinking about her, wondering if we're going to make it work with all this distance between us. If none of it matters in the grand scheme, why does it hurt so much when she doesn't call back right away?

LUKE: Well, love's part of that experiencing the universe. Love's part of the universe, and you experience it, so are your emotions, and so are your thoughts, and everything that happens.

EARL: So you're saying it matters because I'm feeling it right now, even if it doesn't matter 100 years from now or whatever?

LUKE: It matters to you because you're going through it, and it's part of your experience of the universe. It doesn't matter to the whole of the universe, it doesn't matter to the earth, it doesn't matter to literally anybody else except you and her.

EARL: That's actually kind of freeing in a weird way. Like, I've been tying myself up in knots thinking I need to figure out some bigger meaning to all this, but maybe the point is just that I'm here, she's there, and we're trying. The junkyard, the cold nights, the phone calls, that's just what I get to experience while I'm on this rock.

LUKE: That's right until you get sick of it, and then you can change what you get to experience. You get to experience where you're standing in any given moment. If you want to change that and work somewhere else or live somewhere else or travel somewhere else, that's up to you, and you can do that at any time.

EARL: Yeah, but here's the thing, Luke. I like the junkyard. I like the desert, even when it's cold as hell. It's just the loneliness that gets to me sometimes.

LUKE: Yeah, well, you're in the desert, and there's pros and cons to everything, so you've got to deal with the good and the bad. There's a lot of good points about being lonely in the desert, and there's some bad ones, too. So, you know, you've got to pick what you're good with.

EARL: You're right. I mean, out here, I can think.

LUKE: You sure can. Out here, you can think, sir. So you enjoy your experience of the universe and stop worrying about what the greater purpose is, because there isn't one. Stacey, welcome to the show. What kind of great life advice can I give you tonight?

STACEY: Hey, Luke, yeah, so my ex-wife is dating my best friend now, and they both want me to just be cool about it, like it's no big deal. I'm trying to be the bigger person here, but honestly...

LUKE: Yeah, it's a little weird, but I mean, the heart wants what it wants, so if they're together now, and you two are no longer a thing, there's not too much to talk about there. Maybe it's time for a new best friend.

STACEY: See, that's the thing, though. I don't want to lose Rachel. We've been friends for 15 years. She helped me through the divorce. She was there when my brother and I almost got swept away in that flash flood down by Animus Valley. Like? She's family.

LUKE: Well, then you're gonna have to work it out and be okay with them together, because if she's family, you have to support her.

STACEY: I know, I know you're right. It's just... They started seeing each other like three months after the divorce was final. Three months, Luke, and neither of them told me until last week when they showed up together at my place like Surprise, where a thing now, that's what's eating at me.

LUKE: Yeah, it sounds like she's not a very good friend to you, and it's maybe time to let them go and be happy in their own little corner of the world while you do something else.

STACEY: You think so? I mean, maybe you're right. It just feels like I'm losing both of them at once, you know? And out here, it's not like there's a ton of people. I work alone most days. Just me and the trails and whatever tourists come through.

LUKE: Well, that might be your path for a little while. You just follow those trails until the right tourist comes through and then, you know, you're off to the races.

STACEY: Huh? Yeah. Off to the races. I appreciate that, Luke. I guess I've been so caught up in trying to hold on to what was that. I haven't been thinking about what could be. It's just hard when you're out there by yourself all day, checking the battery levels on the park vehicles, making sure everything's running right, and your mind just goes in circles.

LUKE: Yeah, it can be difficult. We are in a remote place and in remote places. There's not a lot of people, so that's one of the things we have to deal with. But the benefit of being in a remote place is there's not a lot of people, so you don't have to deal with them.

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DAR: Hey Luke, thanks for taking my call. So look, about three months ago my cousin Marcus hit me up saying he needed a grant to keep his landscaping business afloat. Equipment broke down. Couple clients haven't paid him yet. The whole deal. I helped the guy out because that's what family does, right?

LUKE: Well if you can, I mean if you can help family out, that's great. But if they're taking advantage of you if it puts you in a position where it hurts you more than it helps them, then no, that's not what family does. You put on your oxygen mask first at all times, sir.

DAR: Yeah, well that's the thing. I could afford it at the time. Wasn't going to put me out on the street or anything. But now it's three months later. And every time I bring it up, Marcus has got some new excuse. First it was waiting on a big commercial job to come through. Then his truck needed work. Now he's saying businesses slow because of the weather. I drove past his house last week and there's a brand new barbecue setup in his backyard. One of those fancy offset smokers. And Gary, my neighbor, he loves to stick his nose in everything. He tells me he saw Marcus at the casino two weekends ago.

LUKE: Well, that's not good. And if you're going to lend money to somebody even if it's family, you always have to assume that you're not going to get that money back because that's how it works. So you've learned an expensive lesson here. Don't give him any more money.

DAR: Oh, I'm not giving him another dime. That's for damn sure. But Luke, I want my money back.

LUKE: Yeah, I bet you do. And maybe you'll get that someday in the future and maybe you won't. But there's not a whole hell of a lot you can do about it. You gave it to him. And that's a gift.

DAR: A gift? No, no, no. We had an agreement.

LUKE: Did you get that agreement on paper?

DAR: Well, no. I mean, it was family. We shook hands on it. He said he'd paid me back by the end of November. Then it became January. Now he's saying maybe March. I've got text messages from him saying he owes me the money if that counts for anything.

LUKE: It does not. It doesn't count for anything. You gave him the money. You had no contract. And there's no recourse. You have to get that money back from him other than the kindness of his heart and his word. And apparently those aren't worth that much. So looks like you lost eight grand and you're going to have to move on.

DAR: That's $8,000, Luke. I can't just write that off. I've been divorced two years. I'm trying to rebuild my own situation here.

LUKE: I understand that, but you lent the money so you have to deal with the consequences.

DAR: So what? I just let him get away with it. He's out there buying smokers and gambling while I'm sitting here eating the loss.

LUKE: What else are you going to do? I mean, you could show up at his house in the middle of the night and steal his new grill or take his truck or punch him in the face, but there's really no way you're going to get that money out of him using the legal system.

DAR: I know you're right. I just damn it. This is eating me up inside. Every time I see my family things, he acts like everything's fine, like we're good. Meanwhile, I'm over here checking my bank account twice a day, hoping maybe he suddenly grew a conscience.

LUKE: Maybe someday you will, but until then don't lend any more money to him and let other people know what's going on and warn them not to lend money to him. And as you start to erode his reputation, maybe he'll think twice about continuing to withhold that money from you.

DAR: You know what? That's not a bad idea. His sister's been asking me why things are weird between us.

LUKE: Great. Well, it sounds like you have a plan. I hope you get your money back, sir, but also you might have to deal with the fact that it's not coming back. So I wish you the best either way. Okay, let's see. Who's next? Bobby, Bobby, welcome to the show. What are you doing on this Super Bowl Sunday, sir?

BOBBY: Well, Luke, I ain't watching no football tonight. That's for sure. Been sitting out here in my truck for a while now, trying to wrap my head around some news I just got. Turns out, I got this thing called multiple sclerosis.

LUKE: Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. How did you find out?

BOBBY: Yeah, it was just this morning. When in for some tests at the doc's office, and that's what they told me. I mean, I ain't really sure what it all means yet, you know? Just sitting here, trying to process it all.

LUKE: Well, I don't know too much about MS, but I don't think it's that great. I think it's quite an inconvenience to your life, but it's not life-ending, if I'm right. I really don't know too much about it, but I'm sorry that you got that news that must be hard to hear.

BOBBY: Yeah, that's exactly it, Luke. The doc said it's going to be a real hassle, you know? Going to make things a lot harder for me, especially with the work I do.

LUKE: What is it that you do?

BOBBY: Well, I'm a repo man. Been doing it for over 20 years now. Crawling under cars, towing them out of driveways, all that. Ain't exactly the easiest job to begin with. And now with this MS, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep it up, you know? I mean, I got to figure out how I'm going to tell the family, how I'm going to pay the bills. It's just...

LUKE: Well, as a repo man, do you work for yourself, or do you work for a company? Do you have disability insurance?

BOBBY: Nah, I'm self-employed. Just me and my truck going around town doing repo work. As for disability, I ain't got nothing like that. Always figured I'd be working till the day I dropped, you know? Never really thought about what would happen if something like this came up.

LUKE: You know, I met one guy that had MS at a songwriting workshop in Colorado. And his muscles, they didn't work the way that somebody without MS had muscles would work. And he figured out how to play chords on the guitar by detuning the guitar to an easier tuning for him, so that he could play full chords with just one finger. So there are ways that you can work around it, but I think there's no doubt it's going to make your life significantly harder. And I'm sorry to hear that.

BOBBY: Yeah, you hit the nail on the head there, Luke. I ain't never been one to ask for help, but I reckon I'm going to have to figure something out. Got to find a way to keep working, even if I can't do the physical stuff like I used to.

LUKE: Well, can you still do it now? Do you feel any different now that you have that news? Or did you learn the news because of a test because you were having some sort of physical ailment? Or has it not presented itself yet?

BOBBY: Nah, I ain't noticed nothing different yet.

BOBBY: The doc said it's still early stages, but that it's only going to get worse over time. I guess I've just been trying to wrap my head around it, you know?

LUKE: Yeah, it's going to be tough one. It's probably going to take a while to wrap your head around, until you do maybe learn everything you can about MS and what you can do to keep the symptoms at bay for as long as possible. Luckily, you're not feeling anything negative right now. Continue on with your work and start preparing for when the time comes that you can't do it anymore.

BOBBY: You're right, Luke. Got to start doing my homework on this MS thing. See what I can do to slow it down. For now, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, you know? Ain't going to do me any good to get all worked up about what might happen down the road.

LUKE: I know that's hard to do, but that's the truth because the reality is you could get hit by a bus tomorrow and then not have to worry about any of it. So, you might not ever get to a point where the MS affects your life, and you might. But I don't think it's life ending, and I don't think it's going to prevent you from making a living. It's just going to change your life drastically in what you can and can't do.

BOBBY: Yeah, that's a good way to look at it, Luke. I guess I'd want to stay positive, focus on what I can control. This MS thing ain't going to be the end of me, that's for sure.

LUKE: Well, I wish you the best of luck, sir. That's horrible news, and I hope everything works out for you. Carla, welcome back to the show, returning Carla. What can we do for you tonight?

CARLA: Oh, man. Hey, Luke, it's good to be back. I, uh, I've got something I really need to get off my chest.

LUKE: What did you do, Carla?

CARLA: All right. Well, the other day I was out at the Bronco. You know, just getting some stuff out of the back, and I found this box. And it was, uh, it was my ex-husband, Danny's old ham radio equipment.

LUKE: So you took a trip down to the ARRL and you got yourself licensed to be an operator on the ham radio? That's fantastic.

CARLA: No, no, not quite. I mean, I've been thinking about getting into that whole ham radio thing, you know, ever since you and I last talked. But this?

LUKE: What did you do?

CARLA: Well, the thing is, when I opened up that box, I found something else in there too. Something I wasn't expecting at all. It was, uh...

LUKE: Was it a severed finger?

CARLA: Oh God, no. Nothing like that. It was, uh...

LUKE: The suspense is killing us. Tell us what it was.

CARLA: It was a box of old photos, and in that box there were some, well, some explicit photos of Danny and his old girlfriend. From back when we were still married.

LUKE: Oh, wow, were they hot?

CARLA: I'd rather not get into the details, Luke. The point is, I found these photos and I just, I don't know what to do with them. I mean, this is my ex-husband we're talking about. And these are clearly very private intimate photos.

LUKE: You know, I would try my best to forget you saw that and throw them into a fire and never think about it again.

CARLA: Yeah, that's pretty much what I was thinking, too. I mean, I don't want to hold on to them, that's for sure.

LUKE: But I mean, if they are hot and you need to get rid of them, you can send them over to me.

CARLA: I don't think so, Luke. Those photos are staying far away from anyone else. Look, the whole thing just has me feeling really uncomfortable.

LUKE: Yeah, it's understandable, and you can't blame me for trying. But I'm sorry that happened to you. You're gonna have to get rid of those and, uh... and pretend it never happened.

CARLA: I appreciate you understanding, Luke. You're right. The best thing to do is just get rid of them and try to put it all behind me. I just needed to talk it through with someone, you know? I don't want this hanging over me.

LUKE: It doesn't have to hang over you. He was obviously hanging over somebody else, and all of that is behind you in the past. Nothing to worry about now. We're gonna take one more call for the show, and I think we're gonna talk to Marlene. Marlene, welcome to the show. How are you tonight?

MARLENE: Oh, man, Luke, I... I'm just... I don't even know. Look, something happened with my son, Javier, tonight. And I... I snapped at him, said some really awful things.

LUKE: Well, what kind of things did you say?

MARLENE: It was. It was just like how my old man used to talk to me, you know? I told Javier, he thought he was too good for this life, that he thought he was better than me. I could hear the words coming out of my mouth, and it was like I was that little girl all over again. Javier, he just stood there, didn't even fight back. I saw the look in his eyes, and it killed me, Luke.

LUKE: Well, you're human, and humans make mistakes, and sometimes we say things that we later regret, and sometimes we say things that we regret while we're saying them. I think the important part is that you sit down your son and explain to him that you made a mistake. You didn't mean those things, and try to make sure that that doesn't happen again.

MARLENE: Yeah, you're right, Luke. I got to make this right with Javier. I just... I'm so scared, you know?

LUKE: Well, you're the adult here, and I bet you're not as scared as he is, so make sure that you let him know that you were in the wrong here, and it has nothing to do with him.

MARLENE: You're right, you're right. I got to be the grown-up here. I just... I don't want Javier to end up like me, you know?

LUKE: Well, you only have so much control over how somebody else ends up, but you do have some control, so make sure you do the right thing and talk to him, and be honest and vulnerable, and let him know that you were the one, it's all on you, it was your mistake.

MARLENE: Yeah, no, I hear you. It's on me. I just... I don't know how to fix it, Luke. I don't know how to take back what I said. I don't know how to make sure it never happens again.

LUKE: Well, you can't take back what you said. You said it, and he heard it, and that's that. But what you can do is let him know it was a mistake, and you didn't mean to say it, and you wish he didn't. And to make sure it never happens again, I mean, that's just something that you have to work on in your own life, your own personal development, and you can do, I don't know, breathing exercises, or when you start to feel yourself get to that point, or the hair is sticking up on the back of your neck, and you're about to say something that you know you're going to regret. You know, count to ten, or do something out, leave the room. There's a lot of techniques you can use to prevent yourself from having an outburst.

MARLENE: You're right, Luke. I got to take responsibility for this, and make it right with Javier. I'll sit him down, look him in the eye, and just apologize. Tell him I was wrong, that I never want him to feel the way I felt growing up.

LUKE: I think that's the right thing to do, and you know what? He might not understand it right now, but later on down the line, and he grows up, and starts thinking about things from your perspective, he'll have a different appreciation for you, and for what you did, because having that conversation proves that you care.

MARLENE: Yeah, you're right, even if he doesn't get it now, I got to try.

LUKE: All right, good luck to you, and you're son Javier, that's the end of our show. Thanks for tuning in, we'll be on the air again tomorrow, and we'll take more of your calls.