LUKE: All right, welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Luke, and I am your host of this radio show, Luke at the Roost. It's the radio show where you can call in and tell me what's going on in your life, and I'll give you the very best advice that I can. If you'd like to call in and get some advice, the number's 208-439-583. That's 208-439 Luke. locked in the back of a RV and you don't want to draw attention to yourself, you can send us an email at submissions at lukeatsderoose.com. And if we deem that it's funny enough, then it may be played on one of these next year episodes. Tonight is a very special night. It's Monday, February 23rd, here in animus, New Mexico. And this is the 20th episode of this we have a new segment. The segment's called Storytime with Luke, and this is what it's about. Storytime with Luke. Storytime with Luke. Okay, so this is Storytime with Luke. And today's story, I've been sitting at my computer here for 16, 18 hours of, day for the last couple of weeks and not getting a whole lot of activity or moving. And my dog, Elvis, the king here, has been looking at me like, what the hell, man? When are we going to go do something fun? So I decided today that it was a nice enough out to go for our regular scheduled walk up to the mercantile store and around and back. And today on our walk, something special happened. So Elvis, when Elvis takes a piss, he squats down like a girl. And I try to tell him, Elvis, all the other dogs in town are going to make fun of you. If they catch you doing this, you should really be lifting your leg like a male dog. So today, on our walk, I saw him find a nice little bush and lift his leg. And then I was so proud. I filled up with joy and pride. And he lifted up his leg and took a shit with his leg waving the air. Storytime with Luke. Storytime with Luke. All right. Well, that's Story Time with Luke. I hope you liked it. We're about to get to the calls. I'm going to start some music here. Here we go. A little ambiance. And first up on the line here, we have Donnie. The show, how can we help you today? What's going on in your life, sir?

DONNIE: Hey, Luke. Yeah, thanks for taking my call. So I found out about two hours ago that my dad had a whole second family I never knew about.

LUKE: Like he had a second family? Like brothers and sisters and stuff? Or you have a second family? Like brothers and sisters and stuff.

DONNIE: No, I have brothers and sisters I never knew existed. My dad died three months ago. And tonight, some woman in Tucson emails me a photo of three kids who apparently grew up calling him dad, same as I did.

LUKE: Okay, well, can we assume that that email came from their mother?

DONNIE: Yeah, yeah, it did. She said she thought I should know now that he's gone, that her kids have been asking about me, which is wild because I didn't even know they existed until 7 o'clock tonight.

LUKE: Yeah, that's a pretty weird thing to feel, what are you going to do about that? Are you going to reach out to them and try to start a relationship or just let it be?

[Continued in next part due to length...]

LUKE: I don't think it's the big things that they care about so much.

EBONY: I got in my head tonight thinking it wasn't enough, that I wasn't enough, because I can't...

LUKE: Well, you know what? You're doing great. Those donuts on Saturday morning, that's exactly the kind of memory that's going to stick with them forever. That's their version of learning to drive in the Kmart parking lot. And it's perfect because it's yours. It's what you can do, and you're doing it consistently. That's what matters.

EBONY: Yeah, yeah, I actually do that already. Every Saturday morning, we go to this little donut shop, and they each pick one, and we sit there and talk about their week. It's like five bucks total, and they love it. I just, I don't know. I got in my head tonight thinking it wasn't enough, that I wasn't enough, because I can't...

[Note: The transcript appears to have some repetition in the final section. I've maintained it exactly as provided, per instructions.]

EBONY: I mean, they might in the moment while they're young, but when they get older and they can look back and see what you did give them, they'll much appreciate donut Saturday or Donut Sunday or whatever it was over. My mom gave me this fancy car. If you want to make more money and be able to do those bigger things, that's an option too. You can do those things, but I think probably it would take more of your time and attention away from the kids and make those gifts a lot less meaningful. You know what's messed up? I heard from Donnie earlier, the guy who called about his dad having the whole second family, and I was sitting here thinking, at least my dad was there. At least he gave me his time. And then I turn around and worry I'm not giving my kids enough because I can't buy them a truck someday. Like I'm completely missing what actually mattered about my dad.

LUKE: Yeah, don't worry about it. You just got got by a commercial. That's what they're designed to do, it's doing a very good job on you. So don't worry about it. You're enough for your kids. Give them as much as you can in your time and attention. Spend time with them and have those special days, and that's what they're going to remember when they get older.

EBONY: Thank you. I really needed to hear that tonight. I'm going to finish this wine. Look at some more space pictures and actually get some sleep before I have to open tomorrow. And maybe I'll take the kids for donuts a day early this week.

LUKE: Excellent. I think you could have double donuts this week. And if you want to go for extra credit, you could teach them to do donuts in your car before it goes to the junkyard. So that's what I recommend. And don't worry about it too much. Stay off the commercials. Speaking of commercials, it's time for an ad from our sponsors.

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All right, and we're back. We're back just in time to hear from Murray. Murray, welcome to the show. You're calling in on our 20th episode. Congratulations. What would you like to talk about? Let's make it a good one.

MURRAY: Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. So I got this envelope from Lab Corp sitting on my kitchen table right now, and I'm pretty sure it's going to tell me whether or not I'm a dad to a three-year-old I've never met. My ex-girlfriend called me three weeks ago out of nowhere. We broke up about four years back. She moved to Tucson, and apparently she's getting married now. Her daughter's three, and the timeline lines up with when we were were still hooking up sometimes, so she needs to know for sure.

LUKE: All right, she didn't think about maybe mentioning that while you were still involved together. That's a bit odd, and I'm sorry to hear that. That's my worst nightmare right there.

MURRAY: Yeah, well, here's the thing. She says she wasn't sure herself until recently. We were on and off for like five years, total mess of a relationship. And I guess there was another guy in the picture She thought it was his. He thought it was his. They tried to make it work for a while. But now the kid's getting older and apparently doesn't look anything like him. And her fiance wants everything settled before they get married. So here I am. Staring at this envelope, I'm too chicken shit to open.

LUKE: Why don't you open it right now? Live on the air?

MURRAY: Oh man, I don't know if I can do that. I've been sitting here for. I've been sitting here for for two hours just looking at it. The thing is, Luke, and this is what's really messing with me, I've already been playing both scenarios out in my head for three weeks straight. Like, what does my life look like if I open this and it says yes? What does it look like if it says no?

LUKE: Well, I can tell you right now, if it says no, your life looks exactly the same as it does today. If it says yes, then your life looks completely different.

MURRAY: That's exactly it. And here's the part the hell out of me. I think I wanted to say yes. I'm 36 years old. I teach eighth grade social studies in Lordsburg. I go home to an empty house every night. I've been thinking about this little girl for three weeks, wondering if she likes dinosaurs, or if she's scared of the dark, or what her voice sounds like. My ex sent me one picture, just one, and I've looked at it about a hundred times trying to see if she has my nose or my eyes or anything.

LUKE: Well, that's not going to do anything for you because people have eerie similarities and it's possible that she got other genes that give her a different nose from both of you, so I don't know that that's going to do it for you. You're going to have to open the letter to find out, but the way I see it is if you want it to be true, then you can't lose. Open it up.

MURRAY: You're right. You're absolutely right. Okay, hold on. I'm opening it right now. My hands are shaking like crazy. Okay. sharing it open.

LUKE: All right. Good for you. What does it say? What does it say? Everybody's waiting.

MURRAY: It says, probability of paternity, 90 to 9.9%. I'm her dad. Oh my God, I'm her dad. Oh, my God, I'm her dad. Her name is Sophia.

LUKE: Well, congratulations to you and your new toddler-aged three-year-old daughter. That's very good news, and we're all happy for you. So now you've got to get to get yourself another room and turn it into a little girl's room and she can come over on the weekends and everybody's going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

MURRAY: Yeah, except she's in Tucson and I'm here in Lordsburg, and her mom's getting married in like two months. I don't even know what my rights are, if I have any. I haven't been there for three years, Luke. Three years.

LUKE: Yeah, well, you didn't know, and she didn't tell you, and there's no way you could have known, but you can definitely fight for the those rights. And it sounds like she wanted you to know because she reached out and told you about it. So talk to her, see what the arrangement's going to be. And then if you have to go to the courts to get some level of custody of your child, then go do that. But yeah, congratulations. Happy day.

MURRAY: Thank you. God, I need to call her right now. I need to call Veronica right now and tell her. Thank you, Luke.

LUKE: You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. Next up on the line we have Debbie. Debbie, welcome to the show. What's going on for you on this wonderful Monday evening?

DEBBIE: Hey, Luke. So I bought a house six months ago, and I'm sitting on the bedroom floor right now in my coat, because I sat in the driveway for like 45 minutes tonight, and I just realized I don't actually want to be here.

LUKE: You don't want to be where? You don't want to be in the house, or you don't want to be in the area you're in, or where is it you don't want to be?

DEBBIE: In the house. Like, this is the first real thing I ever owned, you know? I'm 21. I bought it myself, with money I made selling jewelry and vintage stuff online, and I should be so proud of it. But I pulled into the driveway tonight after working all day, and I just sat there with the engine running because going inside felt like this weight dropping on me. And now I'm inside, and it still feels

LUKE: Well, you know what? I think the crushing weight that you feel dropping on you is called a mortgage. Yeah, mortgage. That's part of homeownership and that's the part that never feels good. So here's what I recommend to you.

LUKE: Since you just bought the house, congratulations, it's a good thing to own property, especially at your age. I think you should live in that house for a year or two. See what it's like to be a homeowner and get used to utilities and small repairs and stuff like that. later, after some time that you don't want to be there, you can either rent the house out and be a landlord, or you could sell the house at probably a significant profit, usually. So that's what I think you should do. Enjoy the house while you're there. You can do anything for a couple of years, so just live there. And then when you're ready to move on, move on.

CALLER: No, but see, that's the thing, though. It's not the mortgage. I make good money like really good money. figures from my Etsy shop. I work harder than anyone I know.

LUKE: Great. It seems like you've got a nice place to work on your Etsy shop for the next couple of years then.

CALLER: Luke, I'm working like 16 hour days. I'm refreshing my shop stats at two in the morning. I haven't taken a weekend off and I don't even know how long.

LUKE: Well, that sounds like your problem. So if you're making enough money, you've got your house, your mortgage is covered. you're not worried about the money, then take a weekend off and unwind. That's a stressful situation buying a house and you're very young, so that's a big decision, and it's going to affect you. So take some time for yourself and re-center your whole outlook on things. And if you still feel like you don't want to be in the house in another six months, then get out of it. There's plenty of ways to do that.

CALLER: Yeah, I know I need to. I know I need to. I know I know I I should hire help, take time off, all of that. But hearing you say it out loud makes it feel more real, you know? Like I can't just keep telling myself, I'll slow down next month.

LUKE: Nope, but it sounds like you've made good progress and congratulations on the success of your business and your new home ownership. And if you're finding out that's not the life you want, then at any point you can turn about face and go for a different one.

CALLER: You're right. Thank you, Luke. I appreciate it.

LUKE: No problem. That's what we do here. Next up we have Darnell. Darnell, what's going on in your world today, sir? How can we help you at Luke at the Roost?

DARNELL: Man, so I'm sitting in my garage right now, surrounded by all these boxes I pulled down. And I just found these old demo tapes from like 2004, 2005. Me and my cousin Marcus, we had this whole hip-hop. thing going. And Luke, I'm telling you, listening to these tracks right now, they're actually good, like really good. Better than half the stuff that's on the radio these days. And here's the thing that's got me twisted up. Last week, my captain at the station, Rick, he pulls me aside and says the department might not make budget next year.

LUKE: Okay, well, congratulations on finding your old records. You know what? I think most of us have a box full of old records that's better than what's on the radio right now. people with records that are better than what's on the radio right now. And as far as the department not making budget, that's pretty much every department right now. So you're in the same boat as literally everyone.

DARNELL: Yeah, no, I hear you. I'm not special. It's just, okay, so I've been a firefighter for eight years now.

LUKE: And you're not going to make budget? What does that mean for you? Does that mean you lose your job, or you have to take a pay cut, or you're not going to get the hours you expect? What is... the budget, the department being out of money mean to you.

DARNELL: It means they might not hire the next class, which means the guys who were supposed to move up, they're stuck, which means I'm stuck. I've been waiting on a promotion for two years now, and Rick's basically saying it's not happening anytime soon. Maybe not at all if things get worse. So I'm looking at the same position, same pay, for who knows how long.

LUKE: Well, I don't know that I've ever seen a plan to make things get not worse. Worse seems to be the default trajectory of everything. So I would expect things are probably going to get worse, and you're going to be locked at the same pay while you're in that same area in that department. So if you would like to move up in the fire department, you may have to move to another location that has more of a budget to pay you.

DARNELL: Yeah, and that's the thing I keep coming back to. I could apply to Phoenix, Scottsdale places that are hiring. But I've got a mortgage here. got her job at the hospital. And honestly, man, I like my crew. I'm good at what I do. But sitting here tonight listening to these tracks, hearing myself at 20 years old, before I had all this locked down. I don't know. It's like I can hear this version of myself that still thought anything was possible, you know?

LUKE: Nothing's locked down. Anything is still possible. If you want to pursue a hip-hop career, you can do that. You're probably not going to do so well in the there's plenty of people with great hip-hop records, but you can give it a shot. It has been done. Maybe Dr. Dre'll come down into a rap battle and discover you.

DARNELL: Ha, yeah, Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Trail at the VFW Hall. Look, I'm not delusional. I know I'm not going to be a rapper at 34 with a mortgage.

LUKE: It is very unlikely, but it's not impossible. And it sounds like if the mortgage is a problem, then you can. You can get rid of that. That's not locked down. You can always sell a house and the wife likes her job, but she can continue to like her job and live somewhere else, or you can talk to her and explain to her that you're stagnant and you need to make a move and talk that out with her and see if it's a possibility. If you really want to go thermonuclear, you can blow up your entire life and start over in a van by the river.

DARNELL: Right, right. No, it's not even that I want to blow everything up. It's more like Okay, so Marcus moved to Flagstaff in 2006, got into construction, and that was it for the music. And I went hard at the fire academy. Got the job, bought the house, did everything right.

LUKE: Okay, well, you did everything right for you at the time, and it may not be what's right for you now. Or it may be. This might just be a strange feeling you're having that you could be having a different life. But there's a couple of things here. If you want to pursue music, you can do that either as a career or just for fun. There's plenty of people that would collaborate with you on a hip-hop project, I'm sure. And it's never been easier than it is today to make music or art or really anything. So you can do that if you want on the side. And if you need more money, you're stagnant, you're stagnant at the department. Then you have to change what county you're in and go work for a department that's funded.

DARNELL: Yeah, you're right. I could just make music again without it being a whole career third. thing. I haven't even talked to Marcus in like six months. I could call him up, see if he's still got any of his equipment. The thing is, I think what's really getting to me is I spent three hours out here tonight, and I felt more alive than I have in months.

LUKE: Yeah, I used to have a box full of CDs like that, too, of all my demos and songs that I wrote. And what I realized, after carrying them around for 20 years in a giant box full of unmarked stuff, is that I don't even own a Nobody cares. So I threw them away. If you want to make music, make music for you. If you want to make a career out of it, then you got to really buckle down and make a career out of it. And if you need more money, then you've got to find another job. That's all there is.

DARNELL: Man, that's harsh. But you're probably right. I've been carrying these tapes around the same way, not even listening to them, just knowing they're up there. And tonight, I finally pull them down, and it's not. Like, what was I waiting for? Permission? The money thing, though. That's real.

LUKE: Yep, the money thing is real as it is for most people.

LUKE: So you're going to have to figure out a way to make enough money to support your mortgage if that's what you want to do. And I'm just going to go out on a limb and say a rap career probably isn't it?

DARNELL: Yeah, no, you're right. I mean, I knew that before I call. I think I just needed to probably Phoenix or Scottsdale. Get on with a department that's actually funded. Keep the house. Keep the benefits. My wife and I could handle the commute for a while, or we sell and move closer.

LUKE: You can absolutely do that for as long as you can stand it. A commute like that will get to anybody's nerves over time. But for now, you can do it. You could rent out the house and get yourselves an apartment in the city or do the commute.

DARNELL: Right. Yeah. Rent it out. smart. Cover the mortgage that way. Get a place closer to wherever I end up. And I can still mess around with the music on weekends. Just for me.

LUKE: Yes, sir. You most certainly can. That's the way to do it. And make sure that you're fulfilling all areas of your life. And music is definitely one of those.

DARNELL: Yeah, yeah. I appreciate that, Luke. I think I just needed to hear someone cut through the bullshit.

LUKE: Well, that's what I do. I cut through the bullshit. like a hot knife through cheese. And, uh, okay, so I am obligated now to play another one of the words from our sponsors. Let's talk about mental health. Specifically, let's talk about brutal honesty, the therapy app that's tired of your shit. Unlike other apps with their calming voices and gentle affirmations, brutal honesty pairs you with an AI therapist that tells you what your friends are too nice to say. Did you try journal? about it? No, we're not doing that. Our algorithm analyzes your patterns and asks questions like, why do you think you deserve to feel better when you don't even drink water? And is your anxiety real or did you just have four cold bruise on an empty stomach? Brutal honesty, because coddling yourself got you here. First session is free, but it will hurt your feelings. Use code grow up at checkout. Brutal honesty, the app that blocks itself if you don't do the work. Okay, and we're back here with Roberta on the line. Roberta, welcome to the show. How can we help you?

ROBERTA: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I'm sitting here in the dark at my thrift store, and I just found out my business partner emptied our bank account three days ago and took off with everything.

LUKE: How much was everything?

ROBERTA: $42,000, which was supposed to cover payroll, rent, utilities, our spring inventory. by. I had two employees show up this morning, and their checks bounced. I've been staring at this screen showing zero for the past hour trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my husband that the money we put into this place is just gone.

LUKE: Have you, uh, reached out to the business partner, I assume?

ROBERTA: I've called her probably 30 times since Friday. Straight to voicemail every single time. I drove by her house yesterday and her car's not there, mails piling up. She's just gone. She's just gone.

LUKE: Well, I don't know that $42,000 is enough money to disappear for any significant length of time, so it's likely she'll be back.

ROBERTA: That's what I keep telling myself. But Luke, she knew exactly what she was doing. She waited until Friday, after the banks closed, cleaned out the account, and by Monday morning, we're dead in the water. This wasn't some panic move. And the thing is, we've been friends for six years. We started this story. We started this story together from nothing.

LUKE: Well, you both had your names on the accounts, which means she was within her rights to withdraw that money. So I don't think that you have any legal recourse to go after it. Maybe you could try to sue her in civil court, you know. But I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. I would think that probably you're screwed on this one and you're going to have to come up with another way to raise that money to cover your payroll.

ROBERTA: Yeah, I figured. That's the part that's making me sick. I keep thinking. I keep thinking about Darnell earlier. You know, stuck because of budget cuts. At least he's got a steady paycheck. I've got two employees who depend on me and I can't even make good on what I owe them. One of them is a single mom.

LUKE: Well, that is rough. And I think, um, maybe have you told your employees yet what the situation is?

ROBERTA: I told them their checks bounced, but I made up some story about a bank error. Said it would be fixed by Wednesday. I couldn't look them in the eye and tell them the that I have no idea when I can pay them or if we're even going to stay open.

LUKE: Well, it sounds like maybe you shouldn't stay open if you don't have the operating expenses to sustain the business, but you should let them know the truth so that they can make alternate plans. And also, you got to tell your husband what's going on because that affects him.

ROBERTA: You're right. I know you're right. It's just Danny and I put 28,000 into this place when we opened. That was our savings. Money we were supposed to be supposed to use to finally fix the roof. Maybe take a real vacation for once.

LUKE: Yeah, well, that's a lot of money to lose, but it seems like you lost it. And I hope that in this experience, you've learned a valuable lesson, which is never trust anybody. If you're going to go into business with a partner, make sure that everything is well-buttoned up by a lawyer, and that you both need to sign the checks in order to take the money out of the accounts.

ROBERTA: God, that's dark. But yeah, I guess that's where I'm at now. Six years of friendship. Gone. The crazy thing is, she was the one who was always so careful about the books. Always worried about every penny. I trusted her completely. I never even thought to check the account myself until it was too late.

LUKE: Well, I mean, it's only been a few days. There could be a reasonable explanation. Maybe she had her mother kidnapped and had to pay a ransom in Bitcoin or something like that, and it's the only thing she knew how to do. There could have been good intentions behind this. Probably not. Probably she ripped you off and ran. But, but we don't know that until you talk to her.

ROBERTA: I haven't thought about it like that. I mean, I've been so angry I just assumed the worst. But you're right. I don't actually know.

LUKE: I mean, you can let the police know. You can let the bank know. I don't think that they can do anything about it at this point, but you should still let them know that there was some kind of misgoings on.

ROBERTA: Yeah, I called the bank this morning. said since her name's on the account, technically she didn't steal anything. It's a civil matter, not criminal. So I'd have to sue her, get a lawyer, spend money I don't have to, maybe get back money I'll never see again.

LUKE: Yeah, well, I mean, there is small claims court. I think that only goes up to like 15 grand or something like that, but at least it's something. It forces her to show face, so it'll bring her back to the area if she's left.

ROBERTA: That's true. I didn't think about small claims. I didn't think about At least I could get her in front of a judge. Make her explain herself. Even if I don't get all the money back, maybe I'd get some answers.

LUKE: Yeah, I don't think you need a lawyer for small claims court. I did it once, actually. One summer night, I went out looking for my backpack in my car and it was gone. So somebody had stolen it. So I went to the police. I let them know. Somebody stole my stuff. And then I found, I was searching through Craigslist. I found somebody selling some of the stuff that was in my backpack. So I went back to the police station and we set up a sting operation where I offered to buy back some of the gear that I had had in the backpack and meet a dude in a CVS parking lot. And the cops set up across the street to see the transaction go down. And that proved that, you know, the items were stolen for me and I had to go to small claims to look for restitution. I never did get the money, but he was ordered to pay it.

LUKE: Wait, you set up a sting operation over a backpack? That's incredible. I can't even get my partner to answer her phone.

CALLER: But yeah, okay. So even if she's ordered to pay, there's no guarantee I'll actually see the money. That's what I figured. Well, no, I set up a sting operation over the items that were inside the backpack.

LUKE: But I think you will see the money if you push it.

CALLER: I didn't. It was only a couple hundred bucks where there wasn't worth any more of my time. But I probably could have gone back to the court and enforced his, I don't know, probation fees or something to be diverted to me. I don't know how any of that works.

LUKE: Right. Okay. So there's ways to actually collect if you stay on it.

CALLER: I mean, we're talking about enough to cover payroll for two people, so it's worth my time. I just hate that it's come to this.

LUKE: Well, it takes a long time, so it's not going to cover your payroll right away. If you need to cover that payroll, you're going to have to find another way alone or, you know, talk to friends and family and see what you can do to raise the money. And stop operations because you can't afford to pay them going forward.

CALLER: Yeah, you're right. I've been sitting here like if I just figure out the legal stuff, the money will magically appear. But those employees need to get paid this week, not six months from now when a judge orders it. I'm going to have to tell Danny tonight. See if we can scrape together enough between savings and maybe his sister.

LUKE: Yeah, that sucks. I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation. It's a hard place to be. And I don't envy you at all, but that's the right thing to do. I think that's the correct course of action. And hopefully it all works out. And she comes back and returns the money. But I wouldn't bet on that. For now, I'd start looking at other arrangements.

CALLER: Yeah, I'm not holding my breath for her to suddenly grow a conscience. I appreciate you talking me through it. I'd just been spinning my wheels all day. Couldn't even Think straight. At least now I know what I got to do. Even if it sucks. Thanks, Luke.

LUKE: You're welcome. That's what we do here. Hopefully it all works out. And you get your money back and you're able to pay your employees and continue with your thrift shop business. Next up on the line we have Phil. Phil, how you doing, buddy?

PHIL: Hey, Luke, I'm all right, man. So I've been sitting here at the laundromat for like two hours now. And I cannot stop thinking about that Zachary Ty Bryan thing you mentioned earlier. You know the Home Improvement Kid getting locked up for violating probation?

LUKE: I do not. I have no idea what you're talking about. Are you talking about the television show Home Improvement from the 90s with Tim Allen, one of his kids?

PHIL: Yeah, yeah, the middle kid. Jonathan Taylor Thomas's TV brother. I read about it today. And it's been stuck in my head. Because my cousin Danny's sentencing is on Wednesday. And I'm supposed to text to testify against him tomorrow. Well, not against him exactly. But I saw what I saw behind the Circle K back in November. And the prosecutor keeps calling to make sure my story stays straight.

LUKE: What is it that you saw behind the Circle K?

PHIL: I saw Danny breaking into the storage unit back there. It was like two in the morning. I was coming back from dropping off my girlfriend at the time, and I see him with a crowbar prying open the lock. And the thing is, he looked right at me. eye contact. We grew up together, man.

LUKE: Okay, and how did you end up on the telephone contact list for the prosecution?

PHIL: I called it in that night. I sat in my truck for like 10 minutes, just watching him load stuff into his car. And I kept thinking, maybe I should just drive away, you know? But then I thought about the guy who owns that Circle K. Jose, he's always been decent to everyone. And I just called 911.

LUKE: All right, so that's a little thing we in the business like to call snitching, and it's never a good idea to be the snitch, as they say. So do you have plans on how you're going to navigate that in a post-snitch world?

PHIL: That's the thing that's eating me up, Luke. Danny's mom has left me like eight voicemails today saying Uncle Hector would be ashamed of me. And that one hits different because Hector died last spring. He was the one who raised both of us half the time. Let us run wild on dirt bikes every Saturday. And now, I'm driving the same routes through Lordsburg and Amas for UPS that we used to tear up as kids. And everyone knows. Like I went into the gas station on Friday, and the guy behind the counter wouldn't even look at me.

LUKE: Yeah, I mean, you must have expected that when you ran your mouth about what you saw behind the circle K.

PHIL: I mean, yeah. I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I guess I thought doing the right thing would feel different than this. Like maybe people would understand that Danny's been spiraling since Hector died, stealing copper wire, breaking into storage units, and somebody had to pump the brakes. But instead, I'm Nerat, and he's the victim. And his mom is blowing up my phone talking about family loyalty while her son is out there destroying himself.

LUKE: Yeah, well, there are other ways you could have handled that. I mean, you turned in your own family to the police. That's pretty, uh, uh, nobody's going to respect that very much. You could have, uh, uh, uh, you could have gone up to him on the side and let him know that you saw that and not to continue doing it or, you know, giving him the chance to stop in his tracks. But that's not what you did. You just called the police. So, yes, you are a rat.

PHIL: You're right. I could have walked over there that night and said something. I sat in my truck for 10 minutes. I had time. And the worst part is, Danny would have listened to me. We've been tight since we were kids.

LUKE: Well, the way I've seen. You have two options. You can go in there and testify the truth and let them know what you saw and rat out your family, or you can, you can, uh, not tell the truth and lie under perjury and, uh, give up yourself that way. So either way, it's not the best situation to be in.

PHIL: I already gave a statement to the cops that night, though. The prosecutor called today to prep me, make sure my story stays consistent. So if I get up there Wednesday and sell, Suddenly I didn't see what I saw. They're going to know I'm lying. And then I'm looking at perjury charges on top of being the guy who snitched and then trying to take it back.

LUKE: It doesn't matter if they know you're lying. It only matters if they can prove you're lying. And it was dark. It was rainy and you would you were tired that night and who you saw was actually not this person.

PHIL: Man, that's the problem though. It wasn't dark and rainy. It was like 9.30 on a clear night and I was parked maybe 30 feet away. I watched him for 10 minutes. The prosecutors got my original statement where I described everything. What he was wearing. The stuff he was loading.

LUKE: Sounds to me like you're not listening to me, sir. It was dark, and you're not sure what you saw. You called the police, uh, in haste.

PHIL: You know what? You're right. I hear you. It was dark. I was tired after a long shift, and I shouldn't have been so sure about what I saw from that distance. Maybe I jumped the gun calling it in like that.

LUKE: Maybe you did. I would be careful if I were you on account of the whole stitches thing, because you know who gets stitches. And next up on the line we have Adrian. Adrian, thanks for calling in. What's going on with our callers today? We're, uh, we've got some not very interesting calls. Uh, can you help us out?

ADRIAN: Oh man, I hope so. So I'm sitting here cutting up Hatch Green Chile for a birth tomorrow. My client wants a pot of stew ready for after she delivers. And I just need to say something about commitment that's been driving me crazy all night. I was at the diner earlier and this tourist couple ordered Christmas-style enchiladas. You know red and green Chile.

LUKE: Sure.

LUKE: So, you're working with a woman who's given birth and her demand for post-birth snack is a chili soup?

SARAH: Stew, not soup. And yeah, she's very special. specific about it. She's having the baby tomorrow. I'm her midwife. And she swears, she needs hatch green Chile stew waiting for her after delivery. But that's not why I called. What's bugging me is this whole Christmas thing. The waitress winked at me when they ordered it, like we were in on some joke together, and it just set me off.

LUKE: Do you hate Christmas?

SARAH: No, I love Christmas, the holiday. I'm talking about Christmas-style enchilada. I'm talking about Christmas-style enchilada. red and green chili together. It's what tourists order when they can't commit to one or the other.

LUKE: Do you know what tourists do? By definition? They come into your town and they spend money and promote businesses and make sure that everybody in the area that, you know, works there, gets paid so that they can eat. So what seems to be the problem with this red and green chili?

SARAH: Okay. Fair point about the money. But here's what's getting under my skin. Choosing both isn't really choosing at all. It's hedging your bets. It's saying, I can't commit to red or green, so I'll just take everything. And I've been thinking about commitment a lot lately because my second ex-husband just got engaged after six months to someone who probably orders Christmas every single damn time.

LUKE: Um, well, that's not necessarily what it means. It could also mean that somebody likes both red and green chili and wants to have them both. Uh, which is a perfectly acceptable way to eat an enchilada.

SARAH: You're right. It is acceptable. I know I'm being irrational here, but it feels like a metaphor for my whole life right now. I'm a midwife. I'm a photographer on the side. I caught this perfect shot of a barn owl on my drive home tonight. And I keep thinking about how I wait for the right moment with photography.

LUKE: Yeah, well, photography is a fun hobby, and to get the shot, you often have to wait for the right moment or identify the right moment. right moment while it's happening. And that is a skill.

SARAH: It's more than a hobby for me, but yeah, and that's what I'm good at. Patience, waiting for the right moment instead of just taking whatever's in front of me.

LUKE: Okay, and what does that have to do with this chilly situation?

SARAH: Because I didn't wait with either of my marriages. I just jumped in, took what was there, didn't really choose deliberately. And now my second ex is engaged after six months to someone else. And I'm sitting here at my kitchen table at midnight, chopping green chili for a client stew. And I'm wondering if maybe I'm the one who should have been ordering Christmas all along.

LUKE: Here's what I say. If you like red chili, buy the red chili enchilada. If you like green chili, buy the green chili angelata. If you like both chilies, or you'd like to try a little bit of each, buy the Christmas enchilada. And that's all there is to it. It has nothing to do with, uh, your midwife chili stew or your failed marriages.

SARAH: You're absolutely right. God, I called in about enchiladas like a crazy person. I heard Roberta earlier talking about her business partner cleaning out their account. And that's a real problem.

LUKE: Yeah. I understand enchiladas are very important. And so are green chilies, especially around hatch. So I can see where you derived all. all meaning in your life from metaphors of chili colors.

SARAH: Okay, now you're making fun of me. Fair enough. I deserve it. I just, I think what I'm actually upset about is that he moved on so fast. Six months, Luke. We were together for three years, and it took him six months to find someone he wants to marry.

LUKE: Yeah, well, I mean, I was married a lot longer than that, and it took her a lot less, so you're in good company. and it makes no difference to you. It doesn't matter. Let them all be happy. Let them all eat chilies. That's what I say. Let everybody eat chilies and you just focus on what you've got in front of you, which is a birthing mother who wants her goddamn stew.

SARAH: You're right. She's due any day now and she's been so specific about this stew. It has to be hatch green. It has to have pork shoulder. It has to simmer for at least four hours. And honestly, I love that about her. She knows exactly. what she wants.

LUKE: Hey, that's good for you. I mean, if somebody, if one of my clients was like that, I would be like, you have to make your own stew. Um, but if you can, if you can deal with that, good for you. Give her the stew that she deserves. That's what I say. Give, give people the stew that they deserve.

SARAH: That's actually perfect advice. Give people the stew they deserve. I'm going to write that down. Thank you, Luke. I needed someone to tell me I was being ridiculous. about the enchiladas.

LUKE: Well, here I am to tell you you were being ridiculous about the enchiladas. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of our 20th episode. Thank you for tuning in. We hope you're enjoying Luke at the Roost, and we'll catch it again tomorrow.