Clips page, new episodes, TTS/audio improvements, publish pipeline updates
Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.6 <noreply@anthropic.com>
This commit is contained in:
File diff suppressed because one or more lines are too long
@@ -0,0 +1,257 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right, all right. We're back. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late-night call-in radio show where you can call in and tell me about what's going on in your life, and I'll give you the very best advice that money can buy. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is 208-439-58-53. That's 208-439 Luke. If you're not near a phone or you don't want to let somebody know that you're telling all your deepest. darkest secrets to a late night radio show host, you can send us an email anytime to submissions at Luke at the roost.com. Tonight is Friday, March 6th, and our phone lines are already lighting up, and we're going to go to our pal Murray. Murray, thanks for calling in. How can we help you tonight, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: Well, shoot, Luke. Hey man, good to be back. So listen, I had that meeting with the crew like we talked about last week, right? I sat everybody down, Danny included. I with all the new protocols. I explained why we needed them. I asked for their input on how to make things work better. Real vulnerable, real honest.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, good for you. And how did that work out?
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: It worked out great for about four days. Danny showed up on time. The guys were cracking jokes again. We landed this residential job over in Scottsdale that's going to keep us busy through summer. I'm thinking, okay, we turned a corner here. This is exactly what we needed. Then yesterday, Danny just doesn't show up.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, and are you concerned about Danny? Is that like him? It doesn't sound like Danny was upset with you or anything. Did something happen to him? Is he sick? Have you talked to him since?
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: That's the thing, Luke. I called him six times yesterday. Nothing. I'm thinking maybe he's in the hospital. Maybe something happened with his family. You know? So I drive over to his place last night after we wrap up. And his truck is in the driveway. Lights are on.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so he's home, or we assume he's home. Did you knock on the door or anything? I mean, he could have had a heart attack in there.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: I knocked. Yeah, I knocked for like five minutes. Finally, his girlfriend, Sheila, comes to the door, and she's got this look on her face like she doesn't want to be having this conversation. She tells me Danny's fine. He's just not feeling up to working right now. I'm like, what does that mean? Is he sick? And she goes, no. He's just taking some time to think about whether he wants to keep doing this.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You can't have that, right? If he doesn't want to work for you, that's fine. He doesn't have to work for you. I think this is an at-will employment state. And you can't have somebody just not showing up for work. So if you've got a can-danny, you've got a can-danny, whether he's your friend or not. You can't have him messing up the morale of the rest of your crew.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: only did that meeting because you called me out on your show, that I didn't actually mean any of it, that it was all just damage control because I got embarrassed on the radio.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's not true, though, is it? Because I think that came from an authentic place from you. You want to do a good job and you want to enjoy your work with your people. So it sounds like maybe Danny's just a little bit confused and, you know, he doesn't want to work for you. And that's okay. Just let him go.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: Well, shoot, Luke, that's the thing that's eating me up. Part of me wonders if he's right. Like, would I have had that meeting if I hadn't called you? I was so dug in on firing him. And then I get on the air with you and suddenly on this enlightened boss who wants everybody's input.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, you should really probably split the difference there. You called me because you were conflicted about the situation. You weren't hell-bent on firing Danny or you wouldn't have called and asked about it, right? So some part of you was looking for guidance and you were unsure. you in one direction or another, that's fine. That doesn't mean it's not authentic, right? Because you came looking for advice. You didn't just fly off the seedy your pants. Is that, is that what is, is that the saying? The seat of your pants? Doesn't make much sense.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: Yeah, you're right. I did call you because I was torn up about it. It's one of those things where I knew firing him was the business decision, but it felt wrong in my gut, and I needed somebody to help me figure out which one to listen to. did feel right when we had it. The guys opened up, we talked through the protocols, Danny even admitted he'd been taking some stuff personally that wasn't meant that way.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I mean, you've got to get rid of Danny. If he's not going to show up, if he's not going to be reliable, then you can't have that person on your crew, right? But I don't think you've done anything wrong with addressing the rest of the team the way that you have. And it sounds like once you get rid of Danny, he's spiraling in negativity. right now and he's going to bring everybody else down. So get rid of Danny. He's not fulfilling his end of the employment agreement, right? So once he's gone, just continue being yourself. Be authentic. Be kind. But you are the boss and you have to, if somebody's not pulling their way, you've got to get rid of him.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: You know what, Luke? You're right. I've been so worried about whether I'm being genuine or not that I'm letting him hold the whole operation hostage. He's not showing up. He's bad-mouthing me to the crew, and now he's playing victim like I'm the one who wronged him. I can't keep bending over backwards for somebody who won't even pick up the phone when I call. It's one of those things where I wanted so badly for that meeting to fix everything. But you can't fix somebody who doesn't want to be fixed, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's right, and it sounds like you sort of fixed yourself. You fixed your own attitude about it, and I think that the crew will recognize that you mean it. You're being authentic with them. He doesn't want to accept that, but you can't keep going back and forth with him because everybody will see that and then, you know, they'll all fall in line with Danny and start not showing up for work and stuff. And you can't have that. So you've done everything you could. You tried to be a good employer and a good friend to Danny. And if he doesn't want to accept that, that's fine. Just let him go and he'll have to find somebody else to work for. And keep trying to be authentic with the rest of your crew. And they will see that you let Danny go. and they'll understand that this is a business. We're friends, but this is also a business. And you're the boss and you've got to come to work.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: Yeah, Luke, I needed to hear that. I've been so stuck on trying to save this friendship, but I forgot I've got eight other guys counting on me to keep this thing running. Vince has been breathing down my neck about the next contract. And I can't go to him and say, well, my best friend might come back to work when he feels like it. That's not how you run a company. I'm going to call Danny tomorrow morning, tell him, I need an answer by Monday, whether he's in or out, and if he's out. That's his choice. I tried. I really did.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, nobody could expect any more from you, right? I mean, even the fact that you're giving him one more chance is pretty generous on your part. So if he doesn't want to play ball, then that's okay. You don't have to have him playing ball. It seems like he's just going to be a pain in the ass and pull the rest of the crew down for as long as he's there. And that's all right. You've done your part. You tried your hardest, and you gave him. chances, and that's all that could be expected of you.
|
||||
|
||||
MURRAY: You're absolutely right, Luke. I appreciate you letting me call back in. I was spiraling on this all week, thinking maybe I was being fake or whatever Danny's saying, but I know what I felt in that meeting. I know I meant it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I believe that you meant it too. And, you know, the crew knows it too. So you're doing the right thing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Next up we've got Angie. Angie, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: My mom's dying and she wants me to have dinner with my brother tomorrow for her birthday. But I haven't talked to him in two years and I'm sitting here at the laundry mat trying to figure out if I'm being principled or just an asshole.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I think if your mom's dying and that's her dying wish and you're even considering whether or not you should honor it. I think you're being an asshole. Yeah, you should go have dinner with your mom and your brother.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah, that's what I figured you'd say. And you're probably right. But here's the thing. My brother spent the last two years posting stuff about how people like my best friend shouldn't be allowed to use public bathrooms. He showed up to Thanksgiving 2022, wearing a shirt that said, let's go, Brandon. And when my mom asked him to change it, he told her she raised him to stand up for what he believes in.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It doesn't meant. It's not about him and you or anybody's views. This is a dinner about your mom. So you can put that stuff aside for one dinner. It's not really a big deal. And then if you don't want to talk to your brother after that, that's fine.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: You're right that it's about my mom. But the reason I stopped talking to Derek in the first place was because of something he said about my mom. He told her that her cancer was probably God's way of getting her attention because she voted for Biden. He said that
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It doesn't matter what he said or what he didn't say or what he did. If that's your mom's wish, I mean, yeah, he sounds like a real douchebag, but you can deal with it for a couple of hours to have dinner to satisfy your mom. That's all she wants in the world is to have dinner with her kids and you're her kids, so you can give her that. And just bite your tongue and get through it and it'll be fine. And that's the right thing to do for your mom.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: I know you're right. I called my mom back about an hour ago and told her I'd come. I'm driving up tomorrow morning. The thing I can't figure out is what happens when we're sitting there and Derek says something. Because he will.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you know, you can bite your tongue for a little while. It's just one dinner and you can make it through no matter what he says, no matter what he does, don't turn it into a fight because that's probably what he's looking for. And it's just going to make your mom's last days more miserable. So do it for Bite your tongue, let him spout off whatever bullshit he has to spout off. And then, you know, if you don't want to talk to him after that, that's fine.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: The last time I bit my tongue around Derek was at that Thanksgiving. I sat there for three hours while he talked about election fraud and crisis actors. And I didn't say anything because my mom kept looking at me with these pleading eyes. Then, on the drive home, I had to pull over on the side of the highway because I was shaking so hard I couldn't see straight. That was before she got sick. Now, there's maybe... six weeks left and I'm supposed to do it again except this time it matters more and I have less room to fuck it up.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, just remember that your mom loves you both, no matter what either of you says or does, and this is about her and not you. And if he has to spout off, that's okay. Just let it go by you. Don't pay him any tension because attention's what he's looking for.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: You're right. I know you're right. The hospice nurse told my mom yesterday that she should start thinking about what she wants to say to people. final conversations. And my mom said all she wants is to see her kids eat cake together. That's it. Not some big reconciliation or apologies or anything. Just cake.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I think you can handle eating cake with anybody, even a douchebag. So just do it for your mom and then get out of there as soon as you can. That's all.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah, I can eat cake with a douchebag for my mom. I'm going to stop at the grocery store on the way up and get her those candles that relight themselves when you blow them out. She used to think those were the funniest thing in the world when we were kids. Thanks, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're welcome, and I'm sorry to hear about your mom. And I hope you get through the dinner okay without any explosions or catastrophes. And then you don't have to deal with it again after that. Next up, we've got Lamar. Lamar, thanks for calling the show. What's going on tonight, buddy?
|
||||
|
||||
LAMAR: Hey, Luke. Yeah. So I told my girlfriend my biggest fantasy tonight, and she went completely silent like 10 seconds and then just said she needed to think and hung up. I am honestly not even kidding when I say I might have just ended a six-month relationship because I was stupid enough to be honest when she asked me what I really wanted.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I've been in that position before too. I'm pretty sure it blew up my marriage. So sometimes you can't, you can't be that honest with people or it doesn't go well. What was the fantasy? Are you okay with telling us what you asked for on the air?
|
||||
|
||||
LAMAR: Yeah, I mean, it's not like it's illegal or anything, it's just the latex thing. Like I'm into latex, the whole outfit, the look, all of it. And she asked me point blank what my biggest fantasy was, and I have been driving four hours each way to Tucson every other weekend for six months. So I figured we were at the point where I could actually tell her the truth.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that seems like an odd thing for her to hang up on you for. Laytex isn't, out of all the fetishes and weird shit you could be into, latex is pretty mild, so I'm not sure why she's reacting that way. If she's going to give you a hard time, that you're into latex? I think maybe she's not the right woman for you.
|
||||
|
||||
LAMAR: That is exactly what I keep telling myself. But honestly, the silence is what is killing me. Like if she had laughed or said no way or even gotten mad, I could deal with that. But she just went quiet and I could hear the wind rattling her window. And then she said she needed to think. And that was it. And now I am sitting here in the break room at work on a Friday night that should be dead easy. And I keep checking my phone like an idiot. I have been so careful about this for years, Luke. do not tell people.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you should be able to tell people, especially the person that you're with, what you're into. I think, I don't know. I've never been a woman, so I don't know how they think. But my guess is from just previous relationships that when you share fantasies and stuff like that, what they really want to hear is you're my fantasy. Everything about you is my fantasy. Whatever it is that you do, that's my fantasy. And if you deviate from that, it's a problem.
|
||||
|
||||
LAMAR: That makes a lot of sense because she has asked me this question twice before and both times I deflected or made it about her and this time I actually answered it. Like she specifically said she wanted to know the real thing, not just the safe answer and I believed her. But maybe that was a test I just failed. The thing is, I am tired of hiding it, Luke. I ran into this guy Danny Vasquez at the Walmart in Deming last month. Someone I knew from way back and he saw me buying something and I could tell he clocked what it was for and I felt like I was going to throw up right there in the checkout line.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Nah, you don't have to be embarrassed about that kind of stuff, man. I mean, everybody's into some weird shit, and that's just a part of the human experience. Being able to talk to people about that or live with it confidently is part of what confidence is, right? That's a part of you. Wherever it came from, it doesn't really matter. It's not hurting anybody. It's not difficult to fulfill. If you like latex, you like latex, and there's nothing wrong with that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Unless, you know, maybe she's allergic to latex, then I could see an issue. But even then, you should be able to talk about it and come up with some sort of alternative. I mean, there are alternatives to latex that have the same characteristics.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, she is not allergic, at least not that she has ever mentioned. And I appreciate you saying that, because I have been treating this like it is some shameful secret for eight years now, just keeping it separate from everything else. I have got a whole set up at home that nobody knows about. I do not bring anyone over. And the one time I tried to meet someone online who was into the same thing it felt so fake and transactional that I never did it again. So when I met her and things were actually good, like really good, I thought maybe this could be the person I could actually be myself with. But now I am thinking maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and kept driving to Tucson and kept pretending that vanilla is all I need.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I don't think so. I think you did the right thing and you should be able to be honest with your partner about what you're into and any fetishes and stuff like that. something like latex, which is really, I mean, I don't understand why that would bother somebody. I'm not into latex myself, but I know that it's a huge fetish and lots of people are into latex and there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's not that, um, disturbing, I don't think, as on the fetish scale. I mean, I'm into some weird shit and latex wouldn't even make the mark there. So I don't know why she's being all weird about it. But it sounds like, like you need to find yourself somebody else that you can be yourself with. Because somebody that's going to make you feel bad about who you are and what you want is not the ideal partner.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You are probably right, but the problem is, I am 34 years old, and I have been bouncing at the same club for eight years. And I live in a town where everyone knows everyone. And this was the first real relationship I have had in three years. And she is smart, Luke, like she works for one of those non-profits in Tucson, helping homeless people get connected with services. and she actually laughs at my jokes about reloading brass and gun stuff that most people think is boring as hell. So the idea of just letting this go because I could not keep my mouth shut for one more conversation is eating me alive right now. Maybe I should have just lied. Maybe I should call her back and tell her I was joking or testing her or something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I don't think so because it's not one more conversation. That's a part of who you are and what you want and a partner. So this conversation could come up a thousand more times for the rest of your life. with denying a part of yourself for the rest of your life potentially because it might make somebody look at you weird, then I mean, you can do that, but I don't think that's the way that you should live your life. And I don't think it's a healthy relationship.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You are right. God, you are right. And I know you are right, but it does not make it any easier sitting here. The thing is, I heard Angie earlier talking about her brother and the birthday dinner. And I had almost the exact same thing happened with my own family two years ago. My sister wanted me at was going to be there, the one who makes comments about everything. And I just did not go because I could not deal with pretending to be someone I am not for six hours. And now my sister barely talks to me. So I have already lost people by hiding. And now I might lose someone by being honest. And I do not know which one is worse, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, what I have to say about that is you should not hide and you should not be afraid to tell the truth. And you can be confident in yourself, no matter who you are. No matter who you're around. And if other people don't like that for whatever reason, fuck them. That's all. You don't need them in your life. Surround yourself with people that are going to accept you for who you are, who you feel open enough to discuss what's going on in your head. And if it bothers people and they don't want to be around you, let them go. There's plenty of people out there in this world that will accept you for who you are. And hiding or denying the those portions of yourself is no way to live.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You know what, Luke? I needed to hear that. I really did. Because I have spent so much time worrying about what people think that I forgot there are actually people out there who would not care. And if she cannot handle this one thing about me, then maybe she is not the person I thought she was.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I mean, maybe talk to her and figure out why she had such a reaction to such a relatively mild thing. And if you can work around it, and if you want to work around it. Because you might ask her, you know, why she reacted that way and find out that, you know, something happened to her. She was abused by somebody in latex or something and it brought back memories. She doesn't want to deal with. Like, there might be a reason. But probably she just wanted you to say your fantasy was her, not latex. And, you know, maybe if she doesn't like latex or can't wear latex, and that's important to you both talk to her about maybe going to latex club. that are into latex. So you can meet people that are into the same thing as you, either to play with them or to just be surrounded by people that are like-minded. And if you guys can work that out in a way that works for you both great. And if not, then, you know, find another girlfriend. That's all.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: That is actually a really good point about asking her why she reacted that way instead of just assuming. I did not even think about that because I was so busy panicking about what I said that I did not consider what might be going on for her. And honestly, the idea of going to some kind of community thing, even if she is not into it herself but understands that I need it, that would be something. I do not even know if there is anything like that around here, but Tucson is big enough that there might be. I just need to actually have the conversation instead of sitting here in the break room at two in the morning catastrophizing about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, and if that conversation is not an adult conversation that you can have with a peer and, you know, be civil and get across what you want to get across while still remaining true to yourself and what you want, but not pushing it on her, then, I mean, if you can't have that conversation, she's not the right partner. But I would suggest that you check out sites like vetlife.com. They have all sorts of groups for different fetishes and stuff that you might be into. And that's where you're going to find the other people that are in those communities. And you're in Tucson. There's definitely latex people in Tucson. No doubt about it. So if that's the type of thing you're looking for, you can absolutely find it. You know, fetish festivals that happen usually once a year in the cities. And you can go to those and there will be a latex corner and there will be an electro stem corner and bondage and all those things are pretty widely accepted in the right crowds.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, I have been on FEP Life before. That is actually where I tried to meet someone a few years back and it felt so weird and forced that I gave up on it. But maybe I was approaching it wrong. Maybe I was approaching it wrong. Maybe I was looking for a relationship when I should have just been looking for community first. And you are right about Tucson. There has got to be something there. I think part of my problem is I have been so isolated with this for so long that I forgot there are actual real people who do not think this is some freakish thing. I have been treating it like some dark secret when really it is just a part of who I am and there are plenty of people who would not bat an eye at it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, man, good luck. Don't feel weird and don't worry about what anybody else thinks of you. Because fuck them all. That's what I say. Fuck them all. And now it's time for a word from our sponsors. All right. I'm going to read this ad exactly as they sent it to me. And I want you to know that I have concerns. Phantom Ranch Wellness wants you to know that your gut health starts, and I'm reading this directly from the card now, from the other end. They make an at-home coffee enema kit. It comes in a box that says wellness inside, on the outside, which I think we can agree is doing a lot of the heavy lifting. The kit includes a medical grade silicone bag, organic single-origin coffee, because apparently the coffee you put in your, that that coffee needs to be single origin, instruction booklet and a com card with a QR code to a guided meditation for during. During. There's a guided meditation for during. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your body. That's between you and your bathroom and whatever God you answer to. I will say the reviews are disturbingly positive. Four and a half stars. One guy said it has changed his morning routine, which I believe because it would absolutely change your morning routine. Phantom Ranch Wellness I read the ad. I didn't endorse it. All right, we're back. And let's see who's next here on the old caller line. We've got Lucille. Lucille, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: Hey, Luke. So I've got this neighbor, Dennis. And for the past three days, every time I hit my garage door opener, his door opens instead of mine. Started after that transformer blue during the windstorm. At first, it was just weird. You know, kind of funny even. But this morning, I get home and he's standing in my driveway with his arms crossed, wanting to know why I've been checking his property at odd hours. And the thing is, I work strange hours.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Hey, have we talked about this before? Because I remember a similar call not too long ago when the power went out and somebody's garage door opener was opening the wrong door and it was a big problem. I think that that issue has been resolved in most modern garage doors. And they resolved it by using a rotating, code instead of the standard infrared blaster that they used to have in the 90s. So maybe it's time to upgrade your garage door opener device with one of those rotating codes. And, you know, just explain the situation to them. It's not that big a deal.
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: No, that wasn't me. And yeah, I get that it's probably just the frequency thing. But the problem is I can't really explain my hours to Dennis. Like, I work in bail bonds, who only surfaces around three in the morning. So I'm coming and going at weird times. And when Dennis is standing there asking me pointed questions about my schedule, I can't exactly say, oh, I'm out hunting down people who jumped bail. That makes it sound worse, you know? So I'm just standing there saying, I can't get into the specifics of my work schedule, which makes me sound guilty as hell.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that does kind of make you sound guilty, but you don't have to address that conversation with your work schedule. Just tell them, hey, my garage job. door opener is opening your door. I'm not doing it intentionally, and I'm going to get myself a new garage door opener so that doesn't happen anymore. And that's all. That's the end of the conversation. Explain to him that you're not doing it on purpose. I mean, you can show him right in your driveway if you hit the button in it opens his garage door. And then do your best to get that changed as quickly as possible, and the problem is solved.
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: Yeah, but see, that's where it gets complicated, because I've been using it. Like once I realized his door, was opening. I started parking in his garage instead of mine when I get back at three in the morning. His garage is closer to my back door and he's got that motion sensor light that doesn't work. So nobody sees me come and go. I've been doing it for three days now. And this morning when he confronted me, I didn't tell him that part.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, cut the shit. I mean, don't do that. That's not right. And that does make you seem like a psycho at three in the morning parking in somebody else. What are you thinking? No, don't do that. Parking your own garage. Or park outside your garage until you can fix your garage door opener. That's the right answer.
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: I know, I know, you're right. It's just, look, I've been doing this job for 12 years and I've gotten real good at finding the path of least resistance, you know? Lease noise, least attention. And his garage was just sitting there, dark, and it felt like the practical solution at the time.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, it's not a solution. It's trespassing, and don't do it anymore, and your problem will be solved, right? And I understand that you're a badass and you hunt down bail bond skips and all that. And that's super cool. But you're not a top secret federal agent and you don't need the cover of darkness. You can come home when it's time to come home and stop making more of it than it really is.
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: You're not wrong. I think maybe I've been in this work too long, where everything becomes about not being noticed. But here's the other thing. And this is what's really bothering me. Dennis has been leaving his garage light on. and off all night since yesterday. Like flicking it on and off.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, whatever. That's fine for Dennis. It's his light. He can turn it on and off when he wants. Stop parking in his garage and get your garage door opener fixed. That's my advice for you. Do you have anything else to say? Because we're going to move on to the next caller.
|
||||
|
||||
LUCILLE: No, that's it. You're right. I'll get it fixed and stop being weird. Thanks, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No problem. That's my advice for everybody. Stop being weird. Just cut it out with the being weird shit. Jesus, you people are strange. Everybody that's called so far except Lamar with his latex fetish is a weirdo. Next up, we've got Ricky. Ricky, what's going on? What makes you so weird tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
RICKY: Luke? Okay, so I just got out of a youth group, and one of the kids spent 20 minutes trying to convince everyone that vinyl records sound better than digital music. Because they have this magical warp that Spotify can't capture. And I need you to tell me I'm not losing my mind here, because this is complete nonsense. right? Like, I've been sitting in the church parking lot for an hour reading audio engineering forums on my phone, and I'm about ready to drive back in there and give this kid a physics lesson. It's placebo effect, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's people convincing themselves they hear something that literally is not there. And honestly, I think it's the same psychology as people who still defend the last season of Game of Thrones. They spent money on the records. They spent money on the turntable. So their brain has to justify it by inventing this warm magical quality that does not exist in objective reality. exists in objective reality. And we just had a long conversation about this just a couple of days ago. So I recommend that you go back and listen to the previous episodes because I'm not going to take the time to explain it all over again. Do you have another question? Because this one's already been addressed at infinitum.
|
||||
|
||||
RICKY: Wait, hold on. You actually think vinyl sounds better? Luke, I'm being serious here. I listened to that episode and you were talking about the ritual and the experience, which Fine, I get that, but you cannot honestly tell me that the sound waves coming off a piece of plastic with grooves cut into it are superior to a lossless digital file.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Look, go back and listen to that episode. I'm not going to get into this whole thing again. I never said that vinyl sounds better. It can sound different. And the circuitry that it was used by a lot of audio files to listen to music imparts a warmth that is objectively real. So, again, I don't want to rehash this over and over and over again. But I would not say that vinyl sounds better. It does sound different and it has a character and it is real. And if people want to listen to vinyl, good for them. Otherwise, I'm not going to continue this conversation with you. All right. Do you have something else you'd like to talk about?
|
||||
|
||||
RICKY: Okay, okay, I hear you. I'll go back and listen to it again. But honestly, this is what's really bugging me. This kid, 17 years old, like he's the next Anthony Fantano. And he's not even talking about the circuitry or the character or any of that. He's just repeating stuff he read on Reddit like it makes him some kind of audiophile expert. And everyone in the youth group is nodding along like he just revealed the secrets of the universe.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Well, you have a good night. I'm not talking about this again. At least not for a long, long time. If you're bothered by what kind of music the kids in the youth group are listening to, then you got to, I don't know, talk to your therapist or figure out why that matters to you because it really shouldn't be such a big deal in your life. Next up, we've got Silas. Silas, welcome back to the show. What's going on at the Wellspring, buddy? Give us an update.
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: Brother, I appreciate you having me back. So Marcus came back. He showed up three days ago with Kara, his wife. They drove in together, middle of the afternoon, and they want to rejoin the community.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, the last time we spoke, only Kara had left. She had gone somewhere and was working at a bank or something, and Marcus stayed behind. So I was unaware that Marcus had left your little community. But are you going to welcome them back?
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: You're right. You're right. I misspoke. Marcus never left. Kara left after the unbinding. Went to stay with her sister in Los Cruces. Got that bank job.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, congratulations on your returning member of the flock. How's it going over there?
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: Well, that's the thing, brother. I want to welcome them back. I really do. But Teresa, my wife, she pulled me aside after they showed up and she said, we need to have a serious conversation about it. And the more I think about it, something about it just doesn't sit right with her.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you are the leader, right? So you get to choose who stays and who goes. And if you don't want them in the community, then you can say that. But I'm not sure why. I mean, if somebody just had a change of heart and took off for a little while for a little rumspringer, and had to find themselves and realize, well, you know, why they wanted to come back to the community, then they should be just more dedicated to the cause, I would think.
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: You would think that, and that's exactly what I said to Teresa. But she pointed out something I hadn't really considered. Kara came back, but she didn't come back because she missed the community. Or because she found clarity out there in Los Cruces. She came back because Marcus gave her an ultimatum. He told her either she comes back back to the wellspring, or he's leaving with her. And he made it clear he wasn't going to leave. So Kara chose to come back to keep her marriage, not because she actually wants to be here.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, so how are you going to handle that? You're going to let them back in, or just have you decided that they're not a good fit for your community? That's within your power to control, right? If you don't want them there, you can just say, sorry, we're full.
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: I mean, yeah, I could do that. I'm the founder. I guide the community. But brother, that's not how we operate at the Wellspring. We don't turn people away. We don't have a bouncer at the gate checking credentials.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: So what's your question for me then, Silas? It sounds like you're in a quandary. You have to let them in because that's how you operate at the Wellspring, but you don't want to because there is an ultimatum involved. What is it that you're looking for help with here?
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: The question is whether I'm being a hypocrite. Because Teresa said something to me that really landed. She said, Silas, you preach radical honesty and shedding the false self, but you're about to let someone back in who's wearing the biggest mask of all. And she's right. If Kara's here because she's afraid of losing Marcus, not because she believes in what we're doing, then she's living a lie. And the more I think about it, doesn't that poison the whole thing?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I would think that it would poison the whole thing. Or it could poison the whole thing. Or it could poison the whole thing because if she's unhappy in your community, she's going to, you know, have friends there and spread discontent around your members. And that doesn't sound like something that you want in the Wellspring. But it's your community, right? It's not my place to tell you what you should do. I don't know that you're being a hypocrite. Maybe you could use your influence to convince Kara or to is where she wants to be. I don't really know how all that works.
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: That's what I've been trying to do, Luke. I sat down with her yesterday, just the two of us, and I asked her point blank. Kara, why are you here? And she looked me right in the eye and said, because Marcus is here. Not because of the current, not because of the community, not because she found something at the Wellspring that she couldn't find anywhere else. Just Marcus. And then she said something that really shook me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What did she say that shook you?
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: She said, Silas, I never believed in any of this. I came here because Marcus wanted to, and I stayed because he stayed. And now I'm back because he won't leave. And then she asked me, how many other people here are just like me, going through the motions because someone they love believes. And brother, that question has been hours now.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Because what if she's right? What if she is right? Does it matter that much? Whatever brings someone to the wellspring brings them there and they are then exposed to the current and your way of life. And if it's strong enough, you should be able to attract them as opposed to promoting to them, right? So attraction over promotion. If your message is strong enough, extra attention, you can help her see that she does want to be there. Or, you know, maybe she doesn't want to be there. And if she doesn't want to be there, then, then, uh, then let her go. If she won't leave because Marcus won't leave, sit down and talk to Marcus and see, uh, see what his thoughts on the matter are.
|
||||
|
||||
SILAS: I did that too. I talked to Marcus this morning. And Marcus, he's all in, Luke. He told me the Wellspring saved his life that before he came here, he was drowning in materialism.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, buddy. Good luck. Give us a call back. Let us know how the renewal all shakes out, okay? And good luck to you with Kara and Marcus. Sounds like you're doing great work down there. Next up on the caller line here, we've got Gina. Gina, welcome to the show. Happy Friday night to you. What's going on in your life?
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I'm sitting in my bathroom right now with the door locked because I just got this text from my sister. I'm about to lose my mind. She's in Albuquerque running herself into the ground at this tech startup. Just sent me a selfie at midnight with no days off and I'm supposed to be impressed.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so what's your issue here? Your sister's overworking herself with her tech startup? Maybe that's what she wants to do. She's proud of herself for working, uh, for burning the candle at both ends, as they say. I've done it myself at times, quite a few times. What's wrong with that?
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: What's wrong is everyone back home treats her like she's some kind of hero while her marriage is falling apart in real time. Her husband left three weeks ago, Luke. He's staying with his brother in Los Cruces because she hasn't been home before 10 at night in six months. And my mom's on the phone with me going, well, she's building something important. You know how hard it is to start a business? I've been a dental hygienist for 12 years.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, working as a dental hygienist is not the same as starting a business. And you can understand where somebody that's building something, maybe that's more important to her than her marriage. And that's her choice. She's her own person. And she gets to choose what she values. If her husband isn't okay with what she's decided to focus her life on right now, then, I mean, maybe it's time for them to split up. That's not on you. That's not your call. If she's happy, great.
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: She's not happy, Luke. That's the thing. I was out there two months ago when she cried in my car for 40 minutes about how she doesn't know who she is anymore. She said she can't remember the last time she felt anything.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, why are you calling me instead of her then? If she's the one that needs the advice, there's nothing I can tell you that's going to help her.
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: Because I've tried talking to her and she shut me down. She said I wouldn't understand because I chose comfort over ambition. Those were her actual words. I just bought 10 acres outside Lordsburg with my own savings, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, and there's really nothing more comfortable than 10 acres outside Lordsburg. So here's my advice for you. Give your sister our number here. It's 208. 3-9, Luke, and have her give us a call. And we'll get to the bottom of what she's doing, what she's feeling, and how she can best navigate the challenges of starting a business and being in a relationship.
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: You're not hearing me? I don't need you to fix my sister. I need to know why I'm supposed to feel like a failure because I'm not destroying myself. I make $72,000 a year cleaning teeth.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, good for you. You don't have to feel like a failure if you don't feel like a failure. Nobody can call somebody a failure, right? Because all we have to do to not be a failure is stay alive for another day. If you stayed alive, if you got up this morning, you're not a failure. Congratulations.
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: That's easy to say when nobody's looking at you like you settled. My boyfriend's out there yelling at his fantasy football team right now, and my sisters in Albuquerque getting divorce papers served, and somehow she's the one everyone's worried about. She's the one doing something with her life.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You don't have to worry about validation from other people. No matter who that is, right? If you're comfortable with your life, you're doing your thing, you got your job on lockdown, you're happy with your 72 grand as a dental hygienist, and you've got your land outside Lordsburg. Everything's going well for you. Don't worry about what other people think about your life. It's not important. Let them worry about their own lives, all right?
|
||||
|
||||
GINA: But I'm not happy, Luke. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I locked myself in my bathroom with a glass of wine because I can't stand listening to him out there one more night. I bought that land six months ago, and I haven't done a single thing with it because every time I think about actually building something out there, I feel like I'm just going to end up like him. Comfortable.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You don't have to build anything on it. You don't have to use it at all. You can just hold it and hope that someday a Walmart comes in and raises the value. You can be a land tycoon if you want. You can be anything you want to be. So your happiness is completely decided by you. If you want to be happy, be happy. If you're not happy, change the things in your life that are making you unhappy. If you don't feel like you're moving forward in life, then make you're making you.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Those are the three options.
|
||||
|
||||
CHARLENE: I looked him up, found him on Facebook in about 30 seconds.
|
||||
|
||||
CHARLENE: Lives over in Marana now, works at some HVAC company. I could just drive it over there tomorrow. Hand it to him. Tell him to fix his mail situation.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You could do that, but you can't be sure that's the correct David Herrera. That's not a particularly unique name. There could be more than one. He could have died. You don't know. I don't think you should do that, but, I mean, I'm not here to tell you what to do.
|
||||
|
||||
CHARLENE: You're right. I didn't think about that. There were actually four David Herreras in Tucson when I searched. I just picked the one that looked about the right age and had the Havak thing because the previous owner left a bunch of tools in the shed.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I mean, I would go with one of my three options, but that's just me. You're your own person and you can do whatever you want with the mail. I'm sorry you're getting mail that doesn't belong to you. That's a pain in the ass, but there's not much I can do about that for you from here.
|
||||
|
||||
CHARLENE: Yeah, I know. I guess I just thought. I don't know what I thought. That there was some other options. It just feels weird, having someone's money sitting in my trailer and doing nothing about it, when I could probably get it to him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: He probably could, but he could also probably update his fucking mailing address. And if he's not doing that, and he's got money coming to him, well, it's his own fault. That's what I say. But good luck to you and your mail carriers and David Herrera, and I hope that that situation works out, and you can go back to enjoying just your own in your mailbox. Next up, we're going to take one more call here. We've got Skeeter on the line. Skeeter, you're going to be our last call tonight. Do you have anything going on in your life you like to talk about?
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: Hey, Luke. Yeah, thanks for taking my call. I'm sitting here looking at my tax returns, and I just made $6,800 this month doing freelance web development, which is almost double what I was making at my city a job. And my wife keeps reminding me what my grandpa said at Sunday dinner, which is that only a fool trades a sure thing for a maybe when there's a sick kid in the house. My daughter Mia has asthma. She's got a pulmonologist. Medications run $900 a month without insurance. And I keep trying to explain about HSA eligible plans and COBRA extensions, but I cannot get past what my grandpa said. I left the city job three months ago, and the freelance money is good. It's really good, but I'm terrified I made the wrong call.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know if you made the wrong call. If the money's so good, you should be able to afford your insurance, right? I mean, it's easy for me to say I don't afford my own insurance because I won't insurance premium, but I don't have a kid that has asthma that needs. Why is asthma medication $900 a month? That seems extremely excessive. Have you looked at like the Amazon Pharmacy or Mark Cuban's company there for discount prescriptions?
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: Yeah, I have looked at those, and it's not just one medication. It's a combination. She's on flovent, which is the inhaled corticosteroid, and then there's the rescue inhaler, and the nebulizer treatments when it gets bad. The flovent alone is like 600-something without cover. Mark Cuban's thing helps a little bit, but not enough to make a real dent. And yeah, I can afford insurance now. I found a plan that's actually pretty comparable. The deductible is higher, but the monthly premium is reasonable. And I ran the numbers like 10 different ways. But here's the thing. My grandpa Ernesto. He worked for the city of Deming for 32 years.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you already left your city job. So it doesn't really matter if you made the right or the wrong decision. You have to deal with the life that you're in now. And it sounds like you've got enough money coming in and you can afford the insurance premiums, so that's what you should do. And this isn't a problem. You can't, you can't just stick in a job because it's comfortable forever when you have other skills and abilities that could possibly afford you life closer to what you really want. I think you probably made the right call going on on your own and taking the risk and betting on yourself. But if you've got a sick kid and you got to pay for those medications, then insurance is, important.
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: I hear you. I do. And I already got the insurance. I signed up two weeks ago. It kicks in April 1st.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, then. What's your problem here? You've got a, you've left your job. Now you've got a better freelance job. You work for yourself. You've got insurance. Your kids all set. What's the issue?
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: The issue is I cannot shake this feeling that I'm being selfish. Like, I did this for me. Not for my family. I was miserable at the city job. Yeah, but it was stable and safe. Now I'm making more and I get to work on projects I actually care about, instead of resetting passwords for the Parks and Rec Department. But every Sunday when we go to my grandparents' house for dinner, Ernesto looks at me like I'm some kind of idiot.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, Ernesto doesn't have to live your life. And if you hated your job, your family knew that. So a happier you is going to make for a happier family. The money's there. You're not in risk of not paying the mortgage or anything like that. So it sounds to me like you did the right thing. And it doesn't matter if you were selfish because it's your life and you're the one that has to live it.
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: Yeah, but what if I'm wrong about the money? Like, this month was 6,800, last month was 5,200. The month before that was 4,900. It's trending up, but it's not consistent. The city job was 2,900 every two weeks, no matter what. I could plan around that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yep, and if things go south and you're not able to upkeep this money over the long term, then you can always get another city job. You can always go work for some IT company and reset idiots' passwords all day. It's not that hard to find an entry-levelish job in IT. So if that's what you have to do, you can do it. But for right now, what's working is working, and you just have to learn how to manage your books so that you're saving the money when you're making extra. So at the times when you're not making so much, you have some buffer. So it's an exercise in accounting.
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: That is actually exactly what I have been doing. I set up a separate savings account. I am putting 30% of every payment into it for taxes and another 20% as buffer. I have a spreadsheet that tracks every invoice, every expense, projected income for the next three months based on current contracts. I have done the research on this. I know how freelancers are supposed to manage their finances. But Ernesto does not care about any of that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, Ernesto can worry about his own finances. He's not managing yours. It doesn't matter what Ernesto thinks. Ernesto is 80 years old. He's never worked in today's workplace. And the reality of the situation is, even though it felt like your city job was super secure and you're always going to get that $2,000. At the next town meeting, they could reduce the funding and lay you off on a pin drop. Is that right? On a dime. At the tip of a hat. So there's no loyalty to you in the workplace, whether it's a city job or a corporate job or a government job. Your best bet here is a freelance job where you can actually make things happen.
|
||||
|
||||
SKEETER: You are right about that. Actually, two people got laid off from my old department in January because the city council cut the it budget by 15%. My old supervisor sent me a text about it. So the security I thought I had, it was not even real security.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, it's not. And everybody that thinks they have job security is fooling themselves because, I mean, read the news. Layoffs happen all the time, all the time, for no reason at all, just because some, you know, CEO wants to make an extra couple billion a year. So I think you're doing the right thing. It's working out. You're managing your money correctly. Don't worry about Ernesto. He doesn't know, right? He doesn't have any clue what the current environment is like. So if he's going to give you the side eye, whatever. Fuck them. All right, ladies and gentlemen. That is the end of another look at the roost. again tomorrow where I give real world problems real life advice.
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,251 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right, welcome back. I am Luke. I am your host of tonight's episode of Luke at the Roost. This is the call-in radio show where you can call in and ask me about what's going on in your life. I'll give you the very best advice that I can. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is 208-439-58-53. That's 208-439 Luke. I've got a very special announcement for Wednesday. Actually, I don't know if you guys are going to care about this announcement, but I do have an announcement for Wednesday. I've been a very busy boy. And more about that later on in the week. Now it's time to get our show started. And first up on our caller line here, we've got Red. Red, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
RED: Luke, I just threw a college kid out of the bar for FaceTime and his girlfriend at full volume by the pool tables, fascist on his way out the door, a fascist for asking him to use headphones or take it outside. And you know what really gets me?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, before we get to what gets you, I just want to let you know that you are a true patriot, sir, and we appreciate you because people that are FaceTiming in public like that are the most annoying people ever. So I salute you for standing up for America. You're a true, a true patriot, sir. What is it that gets you?
|
||||
|
||||
RED: I've been at this place for 56 years, Luke. 56 years. And I have seen every kind of drunk, every kind of troublemaker, every kind of idiot you can imagine walk through that door. But this new generation, they think the whole world is their living room. This kid's got his phone up, girlfriend on the screen, they're having a full domestic argument about whether she liked some other guy's Instagram post, and he's just broadcasting it to the entire bar like we all bought tickets to his relationship drama. I gave him three warnings.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you did the right thing, and everybody else in that bar appreciates you and how you stood up for the cause, sir. You're not a fascist at all.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: I appreciate that, Luke, but here's the thing that's eating at me. After I tossed him, I'm back in the office cooling down, and I start thinking about it. My daughter, she's 32 now. She does the exact same thing. Last Thanksgiving, she's at my table facetiming her friends in Portland while I'm trying to carve the turkey.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, hopefully you threw her right out of Thanksgiving dinner because that is unacceptable behavior.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: See, that's the problem, Luke. I didn't. I sat there and took it because she's my daughter and I only see her twice a year since she moved up there. Now I'm wondering if I'm a hypocrite.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, maybe a little bit of a hypocrite, but it's your daughter and you have to make exceptions. Sometimes I understand that. Maybe a strong-worded suggestion to put the phone away would have been appropriate. What I would do in your situation is think, Dalton do at the double deuce, right? You're a bouncer, so Dalton really is the gold standard for a bouncer etiquette. And as we all know from the double deuce, the primary rule, the golden rule in bouncing is be nice. Be nice until it's time to not be nice.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: Yeah, I know the speech, Luke, but here's where I'm stuck. With the college kid tonight, I was nice.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, you were nice and then you escorted him out of the building because he was being a douchebag. And if he comes back and continues to be a douchebag, that's when you rip out his throat.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: Right. But with my daughter, I never even get to warning number one. I just sit there and simmer. And you know what the real kicker is? After I threw the kid out tonight, I called my daughter to tell her about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, maybe she'll be able to read through the lines and understand that you have to throw people out when they're acting in an unacceptable way to have the self-awareness to look at her own behavior and potentially change it for next Thanksgiving.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: That's what I was hoping, Luke, but instead she goes, Dad, that's so harsh. He was probably just having a bad day. A bad day. Like that gives you the right to ruin everybody else's night. And I'm standing there in the parking lot with the wind kicking up dust everywhere, and I realize she learned this from me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, there's only one thing you can do, and that is the next time you're at the Thanksgiving table with your daughter and she pulls out her phone and she's on speaker phone doing a face time. Just lift up your leg, you know, put your foot on the chair next to her and show her your boot knife.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: Luke, you're not hearing me. I don't want to threaten my daughter with a boot knife. What I want is to understand why I can enforce basic respect with strangers, but I let my own kid walk all over me because here's the thing that's really messing with me. After she defended the college kid, I asked her point blank, do you think what you did at Thanksgiving was rude? And she said, dad, my friends are my chosen family.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, that may be true. And you can talk to them before and after Thanksgiving dinner, but at Thanksgiving dinner put the phone away. I think that's a reasonable expectation from you. And I think there's a couple of things here. See, when you're at the bar and you have to enforce respect, you're working, right? You're at work. So you're doing your job. And that's what you're you're supposed to do and everybody expects you to do. When you're at home, you're off the clock, so you don't have to be the enforcer at home if you don't want to be.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: But that's exactly backwards, Luke. When I'm at work, these people mean nothing to me. Kid with a FaceTime, I'll never see him again.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, so. Good. That's the idea, right? Then you did your job well. At home, though, I mean, if it doesn't, if it bothers you, it bothers you. If it doesn't bother you, that's fine. You can do If you want to afford your daughter the flexibility to allow her to be a pain in the ass at Thanksgiving dinner, that's your prerogative. And you can do that. In the bar, though, when somebody's doing that, you got to kick him out because he's bothering everybody.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: No, Luke, it does bother me. That's why I'm calling. It bothered me so much I left my own table, went outside and sat in my truck for 20 minutes while my ex-wife carved the turkey. But here's what I can't figure out. At the bar, when someone disrespects the space, I feel righteous throwing them out. Clean conscience.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, at the bar is your job to throw them out. That's what you do. That's your whole purpose for being there. At your home with your daughter, throwing out your kids is not necessarily your role. That doesn't mean you can't throw them out, though, if they're being a pain in the ass, and if she continues to be a pain in the ass.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: You're missing what I'm saying, Luke. I don't want to throw my daughter out. What I'm trying to tell you, is that when I grabbed that college kid by the collar tonight, I felt like Anton Chigur. You know, from no country for old men, like I was this force of nature enforcing the rules of the universe, but with my daughter I feel like the opposite.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I'm not missing what you're saying. I'm hearing exactly what you're saying, and I'm telling you how to handle it or not handle it, and I'm giving you permission to choose your own adventure here. If it's bothering you so much that you've got to leave your own Thanksgiving table, you should say something to your daughter. And if you can't, then I don't know what to tell you. I guess go eat at McDonald's while everybody has Thanksgiving dinner.
|
||||
|
||||
RED: You know what, Luke? You're right. I've been making this too complicated. I can tell a drunk stranger exactly what line he crossed and why he's got to go, but I can't tell my own daughter that watching her ignore her family for her phone makes me feel like I failed as a father. And the reason I can't is because I'm scared she'll look at me the same way the college kid did tonight when I had him by the collar. Like I'm just some old man who doesn't understand how the world works anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: I budget everything. Like everything, everything, everything. $43 a week for social slash entertainment, and all of it goes to Cactus Jacks. Tuesday trivia, Thursday pool nights. That's where I see people.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay. And what's the problem with that? That seems like a reasonable amount for a lot of extracurricular social activities. $43 a week isn't a ton.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: The problem is, that was my place. And now Maya's there with Hannah, which means they're probably going to be there Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I can't just show up and pretend everything's normal. So where do I go? I don't have another $43 to build a whole new social life somewhere else.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, well, you just go to Cactus Jacks. That's your place. That's where you go. And if Maya wants to make out with Hannah, good for them. Like, that's none of your business, really.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: You don't understand. Hannah was my bartender. Like, she knew my drink. She knew my schedule. she'd text me when good bands were playing. And Maya knows that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, she's still your bartender, right? She's the bartender at Cactus Jack. So when you go there, she's not going to have suddenly forgotten your drink. And she can still text you when bands are playing and stuff. And why do you need a text when a good band's playing? They have a Facebook page or whatever. You can get on the rotation there and be informed about upcoming events.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: Luke, I think you're missing the point. Hannah was being nice to me because I was a customer and she's good at her job. She wasn't actually my friend. And now I know that for sure because she's with Maya and she didn't even text me a heads up or anything. I just walked into it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You don't know that she's with Maya. She was just making out with her at the bar. Like women are apt to do at times. That's not weird. I mean, that doesn't mean anything.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: They were leaning into each other like they'd done it before. It wasn't some random drunk thing. And Maya had her hand on Hannah's waist in that specific way where you you can tell it's comfortable, you know? Like muscle memory.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, well, you got two choices. You can either grow up and deal with it, your ex-girlfriends with somebody else, and just continue to go to Cactus Jacks like you always have, or you can find a new place and keep your same $43-46 budget and move it to another bar. What's the problem here?
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: The problem is, I don't know where else to go. I've been going to Cactus Jacks for this three years. I know the trivia categories. I know which pool table doesn't have the wonky felt. I know to avoid the bathroom between nine and ten because that's when the bachelorette parties show up. You can't just transplant that somewhere else and have it worked the same way.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you can't. You go somewhere else and you learn its idiosyncrasies. I mean, this is not an issue. You're a big girl. You can go to a different bar and learn which pool table you like and when the bathrooms get blown up. Or better yet, go to a bar that doesn't have bachelorette parties. And then you're that's a double win.
|
||||
|
||||
BERNADETTE: Okay, but it's not just about learning a new place. It's about the fact that I budgeted for this. I have a spreadsheet, $43 a week, every week, allocated to cactus jacks.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a word from our sponsors. I'm just going to say it. Your penis isn't working. I said it. It's out there now. The word is in the air. We're all adults. Some of us are adults whose penises work and some of us are adults who are listening very carefully right now while pretending to adjust the radio so the person in the passenger seat doesn't see their face. It's fine. It happens to, and this is the real number. Roughly half of all men over over 40 at some point. Half. You're not special. You're not broken. You're not the first guy this happened to and you're not going to be the last. You're just the guy it's happening to right now. And right now you have two options. Option one, do nothing. Keep staring at the ceiling. Keep blaming the altitude, the stress, the medication, the alignment of mercury, the fact that you ate dairy, none of which are the problem. Option two, sandstone. dollars, a doctor who has literally heard everything and will not flinch. Medication that works, a box that reveals nothing, and the ability to walk into your bedroom like a man who handled his business instead of a man who's about to suggest watching another episode of something. Sandstone, I said the word. You heard the word. Now go to the website.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, and we're back. Let's get some music playing here. And then, uh, let's talk to Rocco. Rocko's on the line. How are you tonight, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
ROCCO: Am I on? Hey, Luke. Yeah, I can hear you. I'm good. I'm good. Well, no. Actually, I'm calling because I need to tell you something. I'm on my break right now at the Pizza Hut. I'm in the back office, and I got about 20 minutes before I got to get back out there. So listen, I know I called a couple days ago about Linda, my ex-wife. And you told me to pick one person and stop wasting everybody's time.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes, I did. And then I hung up on you because you were an uninteresting radio caller and you had nothing to say. Do you have something to say this time? Or should we just move on with the hanging up part?
|
||||
|
||||
ROCCO: No, no, no. Wait. I got something. I got something to say. So three hours ago, right? I'm doing a delivery over on Maple Street. And I pull up to this house. And who opens the door? Linda, my ex-wife Linda. She-
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: We don't care. Enough of you and Linda. Stop calling. You're uninteresting. You're boring, Rocco. You're boring. Deliver your pieces and shut the fuck up. Next we've got Shanice. Sheenice, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can we help you?
|
||||
|
||||
SHANICE: Hey, Luke. So I got in a fight last night in a parking lot in Lordsburg, and I started it, and now I cannot stop reading about wars on Wikipedia, and I do not know why.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Jesus. That doesn't sound good. So why did you start the fight? You sound very angry. What's going on in your life?
|
||||
|
||||
SHANICE: I mean, I am not angry right now. I am just sitting in a bathroom at a second Super 8 trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. This guy outside the bar would not leave us alone, kept running his mouth. And I just, I threw the first punch. My girlfriend jumped in. We both got our asses kicked. And now I have been up since three in the morning, reading about the defenestration of Prague and the 30 years war. And I cannot turn my brain off.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, uh, what was he saying that guy who's so upset? It's not cool that he kicked two women's asses in a parking lot. That's not a very manly thing to do. But what was it that get your blood pressure pump in?
|
||||
|
||||
SHANICE: He was just being a drunk asshole, honestly. Said something about my girlfriend. I do not even remember exactly what now. Just kept going and would not shut up. But here's the thing, Luke. He was walking away. He was actually leaving. And I went after him. That is what I keep thinking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, uh, well, then maybe you got what you deserved. You can't just run up and punch people, even if they're assholes. That's a little thing that we call assault. And this time, it sounds like you got assaulted back.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Next up on the roost line, we've got, uh, Donnie. Donnie, welcome to the show. What's going on in your you.
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: Marco made a crack about me celebrating Taco Tuesday at Applebee's two hours ago. And now my wife won't talk to me because I told him that whole thing is disrespectful. We were at her sister's birthday at Los Arcos. Whole family there. And I said, yeah. Actually, I do think it's disrespectful. And the table went dead silent. She drove herself home in her own car. I'm at the Chevron off the ten right now. And I don't even know if I should go
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you sound like a pretty intense individual. So if you're saying something's disrespectful in that voice of yours, it's going to come across with some weight. It is disrespectful, but it's also a joke. So why are you taking it so seriously?
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: Because it's not just a joke when it's every single time we're together. Marko's always got something. Last month, it was asking if I shop at the white people Walmart. Month before that, he's if I listen to country music in the truck.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't understand. Are you a white person yourself? Why would you shop at the white person Walmart? I've only seen one Walmart ever that wasn't a white person Walmart, and it's the one in Gallup, New Mexico, that's a very Native American Walmart. But the rest of them, I would probably venture to say, are mostly white Walmarts.
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: I'm Mexican. My dad's from Chihuahua. But I grew up here. I grew up here. I I don't speak Spanish. And yeah, I listen to country sometimes, because that's what's on when you're driving between job sites all day. Marco thinks that makes me some kind of sellout. Like there's a right way to be Mexican, and I'm doing it wrong.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, Marco might be a dickhead. That's all. Sometimes you got to deal with those people in your life. Does he have good qualities, too? Or is it always just pissing you off?
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: He's good to my wife's sister. He works hard. He's got three kids, and he shows up for them.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I mean, to you. I mean, are you friends with this guy? Like, do you have a rapport? Do you joke back and forth and help each other out when you need help and stuff? Like, would you consider him your friend?
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: No. I mean, he's family. So I see him at these things. But we don't hang out. He doesn't call me. I don't call him. If his truck broke down, I'd probably go help him. But that's just what you do. I wouldn't say we're friends.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Well, then you don't have to be friends. And once in a while, you've got to see him at these family events, and he's going to say something stupid. And if it's disrespectful, yeah, you're right to tell him it's disrespectful. And if everybody else has a problem with that, I mean, you shouldn't have to hide that you're repulsed by somebody's off-color comments at the dinner table. But you have to articulate that without being a dickhead yourself.
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: I wasn't trying to be a dickhead. I just said I think the whole Taco Tuesday thing is disrespectful and I don't think it's funny. But the way everyone looked at me, like I just ruined the whole night. My wife's barely looked at me since.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, explain to me the Taco Tuesday thing, because when you say it's disrespectful, I think you're, is that a Mexican thing or is that like a tacos look like vaginas thing? Because I'm confused about where the disrespect is coming from.
|
||||
|
||||
DONNIE: It's the way white people treat Mexican food like it's some novelty. Like tacos are this fun little theme night at Applebee's with $2 margaritas, and sombreros on the wall. It's my culture turned into a marketing gimmick, and Marco knows that bothers me. So he's making the joke that I probably go to Applebee's for Taco Tuesday, because I'm not Mexican enough to care.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, well, fuck that guy. He's an asshole, and you can go for Taco Tuesday because you like tacos. And Taco Tuesday is usually a great value. I recommend that you stop by the Road Forks gas station and see Taco Jerry.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Because if you're looking for tacos, there's really no better tacos around than Taco Jerry. I appreciate that, but that's not really the point.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: The point is, I can't win with this guy. If I go to Applebee's, I'm a sellout.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, we've already established that he's a dickhead, and there's nothing that you can do that's going to change that. You just have to learn how to interface with him so you're not both getting on each other's nerves. But you don't have to worry about what he thinks about you if he doesn't think you're Mexican enough. You don't sound very Mexican. You sound like a super villain, but I mean, you're as Mexican as you want to be, man. I don't know why that bothers you. Who cares what other people think?
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Because it's not just him. It's the whole table going quiet, like I'm the one who made it awkward. My wife won't even talk to me. She drove herself home separately, and I've been standing out here for two hours because I don't want to go home and deal with the silent treatment. I'm the bad guy for calling out bullshit.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you're not. You gotta speak up when somebody's offending you and if it pisses other people off, then, I mean, have a conversation with your wife and tell her, look, the guy's a dick. He's always giving me shit about my Mexicanness and I'm sick of it and I'm not going to stand for it anymore. And if she has a problem with that, you two work it out between yourselves. See why that bothers her so much because it really shouldn't be this big of a deal.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Yeah, but here's the thing. This isn't the first time. Last Thanksgiving, I got into it with her uncle about something else. And at Christmas, her dad made some comment, and I said something back. She says, I'm always looking for a fight at these family things. And maybe she's got a point. I don't know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe she does have a point. You sound like a very sensitive man, very insecure in yourself. And maybe you should talk to a therapist or do some push-ups or something, or do something to have a little bit more confidence in yourself. Because those are the time types of things that should roll off you. A quick joke there. I mean, maybe it's a little bit annoying, but it shouldn't have you this pissed off, and it shouldn't have you ruining all the holidays. So maybe there is something there. And if it's not the first time you've caused one of these issues and embarrassed your wife in public, then maybe she's got a point, and you should look into that.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: I'm not embarrassed about who I am. I work hard. I run a good crew. I take care of my family. But yeah, maybe I do get defensive when people come at me like that. It's just, I grew up getting shit from both sides.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you have to be able to define what getting shit is and what getting ragged on is, right? This is a thing that dudes do to each other in general. Like, all, I don't know if women do this nearly as much as men do, but we all rag on each other. And it's not meant to cut deeply. Just, uh, it's our way of making conversation.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: But there's a difference between ragging on somebody and making it about their identity. Like, you can give me shit about my truck or my haircut or whatever. But when you're making it about whether I'm Mexican enough, that's different. That cuts at something else.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that's you. I mean, there are other people that would be far more offended if you gave them shit about their truck. You know, if somebody's really into their truck and you give them a little bit of shit about their truck, they're going to feel sensitive about that. Sounds like you're sensitive about a lot, though. And that probably comes from an upbringing where both sides were picking on you, and that makes perfect sense. But now you're an adult and you've got to navigate the real world with other people and understand that everything, everybody says, isn't meant to get under your skin like that. And you letting it under your skin is affecting your relationships. So maybe talk to a therapist or find some other way to regain that constant in your identity, because it's obviously the identity that's bothering you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're probably right. I just don't know how to sit there and smile when somebody's taking shots at me. Even if he doesn't mean it the way I'm taking it, I can't just let it slide. And that's what gets me in trouble every time.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you have to learn when to let it slide and when to say something about it, but not make it a big deal. And when to make it a big deal. And those are just interpersonal skills that you learn over time. If you know that you're prone to to get ultra-defensive, ultra-quickly around certain topics, if those are your triggers, then you can do certain techniques to avoid that, right? You can do breathing exercises or cognitive behavioral therapy. There are many different ways that you can identify, I don't want to call it a flaw, but what you're, you know, what triggers you to act in ways you don't want to and cut it off before it happens. And that takes effort and skill and time. But if you take that effort and learn those skills, I think you'll find that over time, you have a better, a better time in social interactions.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Yeah. I mean, I appreciate that. I think part of me knows I'm doing it while it's happening, but I can't stop myself.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, man, we've all got those things, those personality defects that causes problems. And when they cause enough of a problem with our families or our friends or our jobs, then we have to take action to do something about them. So I suggest that you do. And now before we take another call, I think we're going to have to go to another word from our sponsors.
|
||||
|
||||
Does your dog bark at nothing? Does he stare at the wall for 45 minutes and then sprint into a door? Does he ever growled at a specific corner of your house like he's seeing something you can't? Yeah, your dog's going through some stuff. Introducing calm down. Premium edibles for dogs. Each bacon-flavored chew contains a proprietary blend of chamomile, valerian root, and a third ingredient that we have patented so we don't have to tell you tell you what it is. Within 30 minutes, your dog will go from destroying your couch to sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with a thousand yard stare, completely at peace with the universe. Will he see the same thing in the corner? Probably, but he won't care anymore. Side effects may include extreme chill, sudden interest in reggae, and your dog forgetting his own name, which, let's be honest, he already did. Calm down. Because your dog doesn't need a walk. He needs to calm the hell down. Not available in California. We cannot stress that enough.
|
||||
|
||||
All right, and we are back. All right, next up on our caller line here, we've got Naomi. Naomi, welcome to the show. What's going on tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I got promoted to shift supervisor at the care facility where I worked three weeks ago. And now my best friend, Delia, won't even look at me. Like tonight, I try to explain the new medication protocols during clothing, and she literally turned her back on me. Just completely shut me out. And Marcus, too. They're both missing their check-in times, making me look incompetent to the regional supervisor. And I don't know what to do because these are my people, you know?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I think you have to have a conversation with them and let them know that you are in a position of leadership over them and that they have to, follow your example. I mean, it's your job now to lead them. And if they're being insubordinate or giving you a hard time about that, then maybe you have to take corrective action. And that sucks because it's your friends, right? But you have to kind of choose. If they can't accept that you've been promoted and that they are now under you, then maybe they have the wrong jobs.
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: Yeah. I mean, All right, I know you're right. It's just, well, shoot. Delia and I used to split cigarettes behind the building on breaks.
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: And now, I'm the one who has to ride her up if she's late to Jekkins. And the thing is, I get why she's upset. She's been there two years longer than me. She trained me when I started. And honestly, she probably should have gotten the promotion instead of me. But she called in sick the week they were doing interviews, because her mom was in the hospital over Endemming.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that sucks. And it's too bad for her, but it's not your fault that she wasn't there when they were doing the interviews, right? I mean, it's sad about her mom. It's sad she wasn't there. And the whole situation is a little bit messed up. But if she was a friend of yours, you should be able to have that conversation and let her know, look, I wasn't trying to do this. I wasn't trying to take this job out from under you. They just, they gave it to me. And now a minute. And if we're going to continue to work together, then we have to figure this out. to be an asshole. You don't have to lay down the law. But you can explain to them that their behavior right now is reflecting poorly on you. And that's not fair.
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: You're absolutely right. I need to just sit down with her and say that. The problem is I've tried twice already. And she won't even stay in the room with me. Like she'll literally find something she needs to do in another wing the second I walk in. And Marcus follows her lead on everything. So he's doing the same thing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, here's what I think you should do. I think you should give it a little bit of time, develop a plan, and have those conversations with them. But before that happens, talk to your management and let them know what's going on and tell them they don't need to get involved yet. This is part of the changing of the staff. And it's to be expected to some degree. And you've got a plan for it. You're going to address it. And if it doesn't work, you're going to give it, I don't know, before you ask for reinforcement.
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: Oh gosh, that's actually really smart. Because right now, the regional supervisor just sees me looking like I can't handle my own staff. But if I get ahead of it and tell her I'm working on it, at least she knows I'm aware of the problem. I've got my next check-in with her on Wednesday. I could bring it up then. The thing that's killing me, though, is I drove all the way out here to my grandma Yolanda's place in Hardin. cheat tonight because I just couldn't be in my apartment anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I think that this approach is going to make your upper management respect you more because this is a problem that happens to a lot of people in management when they're promoted. It's an organizational issue and a culture issue. And if you can get in front of it, acknowledge it and develop a plan to deal with it. And that works, that's a big deal. And that's a big deal. And that's, shows a pretty extreme level of skill, right? It shows a maturity that not a lot of people in your position can pull off. So I think do that. Look at it as an opportunity to prove your skill in management.
|
||||
|
||||
NAOMI: You know what? I hadn't thought about it that way at all. I've just been sitting here eating my grandma's biscuit chitos and feeling like a complete failure. But you're right. This is actually a chance to show them. I can handle the hard parts of the job, not just the scheduling and the protocols. Oh gosh, Luke. That actually makes me feel so much better.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yep. Anybody can learn the scheduling and the protocols. That's teachable. But when you can work with people at that level, in a management type role, that's something that is more special. It's more rare and more valuable, to be honest with you. Next up, we've got Reggie. Reggie, welcome to the show. How can we help you?
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: Hey, Luke. Yeah. So I just got hit with a library fine that's basically wiped out everything I saved for a security deposit. And the weird part is the librarian knew my name before I even said anything.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Wait a second. A library fine? Like, what is it, 1986? How much could a library fine possibly be? How many books did you not return? Like, what's a library fine? Three dollars?
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: No, it was one book. field guide to desert birds. The fine was $347.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Come on. No, it wasn't. $347? No way. I don't believe that.
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: I'm looking at the receipt right now, Luke. 23 years overdue. They cap it at $15 per book, but there's processing fees, replacement costs for the addition, some kind of administrative charge. It's all itemized.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, who cares? Don't pay. that that is stupid.
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: I already paid it. That's what I'm saying. I paid it because she said my name. The librarian, she just looked up and said, Reggie, before I even opened my mouth. And I just handed over my debit card like I was on autopilot or something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you should call your bank and have them stop payment on that charge reported as fucking fraud, because that's, that's bullshit.
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: I mean, it's not fraud, though. I did check out the book, summer after high school. I remember doing it. And I never brought it back.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, but it's not worth $347. Stop it. You know damn well it's not worth that much money. They just ripped you off hard. There's no library in the country that keeps their records for that long and is going to charge you compounding interest for the rest of your fucking life. That's stupidness.
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: The thing is, I know where the book's been this whole time. That's what's messing with me. It wasn't lost. I've seen it. I've had it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you should take it back into that library and then smash that librarian across her face with it. Because $347 is too much money to charge somebody at a library for literally anything. That's what I have to say to you. Don't play this game.
|
||||
|
||||
REGGIE: I can't take it back. I don't have it anymore. And the librarian, she wasn't trying to rip me off or anything.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, all right. Goodbye, Reggie. Good luck to you. Paying your rent, you, you dummy. Next up we've got Alia. Alia, welcome to the show. How can we help you today?
|
||||
|
||||
ALIA: Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. So my girlfriend moved out Thursday. And I am sitting here at one in the morning doing restaurant paperwork. And I just watched some guy in a BMW. leave his shopping cart wedged against a cactus in the parking lot. And I wanted to throw something through his window, which feels insane because it is just a shopping cart. But also, I think maybe I am angrier about the shopping cart than I am about Vanessa leaving. And I do not know what that means about me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It probably means that you're hurt and in some of of grief and anger is one of those stages and you saw something to project your anger onto, which is a shopping cart. And really, it all comes down to your hurt because your girlfriend left.
|
||||
|
||||
ALIA: Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Except here is the thing. I am not even sure I am that hurt about Vanessa specifically. Like we have been together two years and she moved out. And I, I should be devastated, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I don't know. I mean, two years isn't all that long and relationships aren't the end of the world. Sometimes they end and there can be devastation, but there's always some level of grief. And it might not be because you don't have Vanessa anymore. Maybe it's something internal. Like you feel like you can't uphold a relationship or whatever the details of your breakup there maybe are making you think less of yourself. in some way. Who knows? There's a million different things it could be. But it's probably related to the breakup, since that's the most significant event that's happened in your life recently, that would make you unreasonably angry at stupid shit.
|
||||
|
||||
ALIA: You are absolutely right about that. She laughed because I work too much. Which is true. I do work too much. I am the assistant manager at this Italian place. And I have been doing like. 60-hour weeks since January because our general manager quit and they have not replaced him yet. And Vanessa kept saying I was choosing the restaurant over her. And I kept saying I am not choosing anything. I am just doing my job.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you're going to have to probably spend some time with that one and decide how much your job means to you and how much the girl means to you. And maybe it's not over yet. You don't know. But just watch yourself and don't flip out on anybody. Because if you do, they could be police involved. I could make things way, way, way worse. So go easy with yourself. Take some time to think and sleep and enjoy having the whole bed to yourself. That's what I say. And we're going to take one more call tonight and then we'll be done. And our last caller tonight is Chip. Chip, welcome to the show. How can we help you, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Luke, okay, so picture this. I'm standing in my kitchen at one in the morning, right? And I just got off the phone with my actual lawyer. Not the Guatemalan one, my lawyer, the one I pay. And he tells me the photo is real. verified real.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay. So you're the guy that adopted the child that was actually stolen from Guatemala, and you talk to your lawyer. The lawyer says that the photo of your daughter that you adopted with her birth mother is real. And she's holding up a sign or something like that. You described the photo for us before. What else did your lawyer say about your rights in this situation?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: He said legally, I'm in the clear. Like, the adoption was done through a licensed agency. We followed every rule. We didn't know anything was shady. So nobody's coming to take her away from me or anything. But then he goes. However, morally and ethically, you might want to consider what's best for your daughter. And I'm like, what does that even mean? Best for her, how?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, it means exactly what it says. You want to consider what's best for her. Should she be aware of her birth mother and her situation. Should you meet up and have visitation with the birth mother? Should she have an opportunity to go live in Guatemala for a little while? How do you and your wife want to deal with that? I think that's what he means.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Girlfriend. Teresa's my girlfriend. We're not married. And that's the thing, Luke. I haven't told her yet. She's at work right now. Graveyard shift at the hospital. And I'm sitting here watching our daughter's soccer uniform go around in the dryer, thinking about how I'm supposed to drop this bomb on her when she gets home at 7 in the morning.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Man, you're washing that soccer uniform all the time. You've got to get some more uniforms so you don't have to do so much goddamn laundry. That's my first suggestion for you is get a couple more uniforms, so you're not always the laundromat. Next, yeah, you've got to have this conversation with your girlfriend. But you don't have to do it right away. There's no time crunch on you. And morally and ethically, what your lawyer is suggesting is just that you consider it and maybe you do consider it and you decide that nothing changes and you're not going to tell your daughter about her situation. You don't have to. I don't know what the right answer is there. I've never been in that situation and not many other people have. So there isn't a right answer. You have to think about your family, your life, your daughter, her personality and what you're okay with and what feels comfortable to you guys. This is a parenting decision that you have to do
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Okay, but here's the thing. I ate lunch with Steve today, my co-worker. And I almost told him before I tell Teresa. Like I had it right there in my mouth at the cafeteria. And I'm thinking, what is wrong with me that I want to tell some guy I eat sandwiches with before I tell the woman I've lived for nine years? And the lawyer also said the birth mother wants to talk to me. She sent a letter through the Guatemalan lawyer. She wants to meet my daughter.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, she can wait. tell whoever you want to confide in. It doesn't matter who you tell first. None of that is relevant. You don't have to make any move right now. There's no legal basis pushing you to do anything. You can take your time and think it through and have these conversations in the best way possible for you.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Yeah, okay. But Luke, the letter says she's been looking for eight years. Eight years. My daughter is eight years old right now. This woman has been looking for her since the day she disappeared. And I keep thinking about that photo. The one with the crooked smile that's exactly like my daughter's smile. And I'm realizing this isn't just some bureaucratic mix-up.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, she's been looking for eight years. She can wait another month for you to have these conversations and decide what you're comfortable with, all right? If you, if you are feeling guilty for some reason, if you feel like the right thing to do is to let the mother know right away, then have that conversation with Teresa tonight. And stop worrying about being paralyzed by having that conversation, because that's what's holding you up.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: You're right, you're right. Big surprise there that I'm the one making this harder than it needs to be. It's just Teresa and I have been rocky lately anyway, like really rocky. And I feel like dropping this on her is going to be the thing that finally breaks us. She's already been talking about how exhausted she is. see each other anymore with her schedule.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, this is a big family decision, and she deserves to be involved in it. And if it breaks you guys up, it sounds like you're already on rocky ground. It's probably going to happen anyway. So, uh, talk to her. That's my advice for you is talk to Teresa, tell her what's going on, and then you two make the decision together about what you're comfortable with. That's all there is to it.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Okay, so picture this. I tell Teresa tomorrow morning when she's a little. She gets home, she's exhausted from a 12-hour shift. And I hit her with, hey, honey, our daughter might have been stolen from her birth mother in Guatemala. That's going to go great. But you're right. I can't keep sitting on this. The dryer just stopped and I got to get her uniform out anyway. I'll tell Teresa tomorrow, I will.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you've got to tell her. She's going to be more upset if she finds out that you held off on it for a month or sent your daughter to Guatemala without her say. teller and deal with the fallout of that together as a family because that's what this is about. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our show. So tune in again tomorrow for more fantastic advice from me, Luke, at Luke at the Roost.
|
||||
435
website/transcripts/episode-32-tacos-taxes-and-tall-tales.txt
Normal file
435
website/transcripts/episode-32-tacos-taxes-and-tall-tales.txt
Normal file
@@ -0,0 +1,435 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right, all right, welcome back. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late night call-in radio show where you can give us a call, and I'll give you advice about whatever's going on in your life, no matter how ridiculous or petty or nonsensical it is. If you'd like to give us a call, the number's 208-439-583. That's 208-439 Luke. right now and you'd still like to participate. You can send us an email anytime. The email address is submissions at luke at the roost.com. Today is Monday, March 9th. It's about 1 a.m. And we're about to get on the air here with our friend Otis. Otis, welcome to the show. Thanks for calling in. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Hey, Luke, appreciate you taking my call. So look, I need some advice on how to tell people I faked having Six months ago, I told my sister I had prostate cancer to get out of her fourth wedding. And now there's been a GoFundMe, a pancake breakfast fundraiser. My cousin shaved his head for me, and I just got a text with a picture of a check for $4,700. I have been trying to figure out how to come clean without everyone in Hatch wanting to murder me, and I am running out of time here.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's pretty extreme. You must have really not wanted to go to that wedding. The only way out of this one is to give yourself prostate cancer. You should try eating some Oreos or something.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You know what? I actually looked into whether you can give yourself cancer through diet, and apparently it takes like 30 years of really dedicated work.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I bet.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: So that timeline does not help me. But yeah, the wedding thing, her name is Delia, and this was husband number four. The guy owns a car wash in Las Cruces, and she wanted me to walk her down the aisle again because our dad is not in the picture. And I already did it twice, Luke, twice. The third wedding, I was in Guatemala, supposedly on a work trip, but I was actually just staying at my buddy Fernando's place in Deming, eating cheetos and watching Netflix for a week. This time, I panicked and went bigger.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Martinez looked at my chart, did the exam, and then he sat down and he said, Otis, I don't know what you've been telling people, but you don't have prostate cancer. And I said, I know, Doc, I know. Long story. But you do have an enlarged prostate, and we should probably keep an eye on it. Could turn into something down the road. So now I'm sitting here thinking, what if I actually manifested this? What if I lied myself into almost having the thing I said I had?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you know, enlarged prostate is a serious matter. And maybe you should get some help from one of our sponsors here, the coffee enema. Maybe if you, you know, a large prostate is a serious matter. start doing that coffee enema nightly, it'll help your prostate tumor along. And then you're scot-free. Then you'll have the prostate cancer and you'll be honest with people going forward and you'll die an honest man.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Luke, I cannot believe you just try to sell me a coffee enema while I'm having a moral crisis. That's beautiful. That's why I listen to this show.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It is a thing of beauty. It's really going to change your routine. That's what they say in the old ad. But, yeah, sir, I think you're a seriously disturbed individual. I don't know who watches Dune 2 three times. That's a long movie. I think you might be on your own with this one. And maybe you should try to stick to the truth going forward and just sit through the awful wedding as opposed to getting a whole town morning for you and running fundraisers.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You're right. You're absolutely right. But the worst part is I've been using some of that GoFund me money.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Of course you have.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: But like, I fixed my transmission.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know, I've had some time to think about this, and I'm going to change my stance. I think what you should do tomorrow is get yourself down at the town hall and run for office because I think you'll really get the sympathy vote and you, I think you have what it takes to be a politician. And you might really be able to make yourself some real money in the politics arena.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Luke, I don't have the stomach for politics.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You got the prostate for it.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Last time I tried to lie my way out of something, I ended up with a go-fund me and a cousin who shaved his head. If I ran for office, by the time the election rolled around, the whole town would think I was running for mayor and had terminal cancer. Next thing you know, I'm getting a key to the city and a funeral plot in the same ceremony.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that sounds like a win-win, sir. Then all the problems are solved with that one small act of civic service.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You know what, Luke? You might be onto something. I could be the first mayor of Hatch to campaign from a coffin. Vote for Otis. He's already given everything for this town. Put that on a bumper sticker. My campaign slogan could be, I've got nothing left to lose, literally. But seriously, I still got to figure out what to tell my mom.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I think you've got to tell your mom that your stomach is upset and you're not feeling very good and you don't think you have much longer left. And hopefully, she gets worried enough that her heart goes into cardiac arrest and then you don't have to worry about that problem anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Jesus, Luke, that's dark even for you. My mom's the only person in this whole mess who actually cares whether I live or die.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What are you talking about? The whole town care. You get them all out there and shaving their heads and shit. Everybody cares if you live or die. Or at least they want people to think they care if you live or die. Either way. What's the difference?
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You're right. That's the problem. They all care now because I'm dying. Six months ago, nobody gave a damn. I was just Otis, who works at UPS, and tells bad jokes at the bar.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, Otis, I don't know what else to tell you. I'm going to pray for you. I've heard that the power of prayer can do wonderful thing. So we'll hope that that enlarged prostate turns into a tumorous prostate, and we can make an honest man out of you yet. We're going to have to go to the next caller now. I wish we had more advice for you, but you really fucked yourself on this one, sir. Do you have anything else you'd like to finish up with?
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Yeah, Luke, just one thing. If this whole prayer thing works, and I actually do get cancer, I'm coming back on this show, and we're going to have a very very, different conversation about the power of your intercession. Thanks for nothing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you know, you're welcome. I'll have a pancake for you, buddy. Next up, we've got Brandy. Brandy, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life?
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: I just found out my boss is planning to bail on the company I've been wiring solar farms for, and he has no idea. I know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What do you mean bail on the company? A company that you're a vendor of, you're working with a partner of, you're working with a partner of, or is it the actual company that you work for.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: The actual company I work for, Solar Tech. I'm an electrician there, have been for eight years. My boss, Rick, was on speaker fund with some HR person, talking about how the CEO couldn't manage a lemonade stand, how the whole place is a house of cards, how he'd be gone by summer if they made it worth his while. I was just microwaving my desk salad in the break room.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, running a lemonade stand is harder than people might think. You've got to pay attention to the books. You might have to manage some employees, and then they're going to have sniffly noses and stuff, and then customers are going to get upset, and it's a whole big thing. So I don't want you to think that CEOs can't manage a lemonade stand. It's harder than you might think. What you just described to me is literally every business. It's all a big house of cards and a show. So I don't understand why this is bothering you. Who cares if your CEO is going to bail.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: Because Rick's the one who signs my checks, and if he's already got one fed out the door, that means my job's on a timer too. I'm not talking about some abstract corporate drama. I'm talking about the guy who approves my overtime, who decides whether we get new safety gear or keep using the same frayed gloves from 2018. If he's making exit plans, that's not just business as usual. That's me showing up to a job site next month and finding out the company's been sold off, or worse, that they've cut my departures to save on payroll. I've got rent. I've got a truck payment. I've got, look, I get that every company's a mess. But when the guy in charge of your paycheck starts treating the place like a sinking ship, you start wondering if you should have brought a life jacket to work.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, no, that's not really quite how it works. CEOs are like those sniffly noses. They come and go seasonally. They just swap one out with another one. And then he tries to make his initiatives known the company and be the golden boy for a little while, and then that fails, and then they swap him out again. And that's just how it goes.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: Rick's not the CEO. Rick's my direct boss. He's the operations manager. The CEO is the guy he was trashing on the phone. Rick's the one who decides if I get assigned to the good jobs or the garbage ones. If my hours get cut when things slow down, if I'm even still on the roster when he decides to jump ship, you swap out a CEO, fine, whatever. But when the guy who actually runs the day-to-day, starts bad-mouthing the company to HR and talking about his exit strategy, that trickles down to people like me real fast.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, not necessarily. See, if you're smart, then people like you trickle up to an operational manager. So somebody's going to have to replace the guy, and it might as well be you. That's what I say. So if I were you, you've got some insider information right now. I would be making some alliances within that company and trying to get my foot in the door for your buddy, Rick's job.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: I wire junction boxes and troubleshoot inferters when the monsoons fry the grid.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah. I appreciate that. I guess I just needed to hear someone say, it's not the end of the world.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: It's not the end of the world, Brandi. You're going to be just fine.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Thank you for the call. And now it's time for us to go to a word from our sponsors. And we're going to go to the coffee anima sponsor just in case Otis is still around because these guys could maybe help him out with his prostate enlargement. All right. I'm going to read this ad exactly as they sent it to me. And I want you to know that I have concerns. The branch wellness wants you to know that your gut health starts, and I'm reading this directly from the card now, from the other end. They make an at-home coffee enema kit. It comes in a box that says wellness inside, on the outside, which I think we can agree, is doing a lot of the heavy lifting. The kit includes a medical grade silicone bag, organic single origin coffee, because apparently the coffee you put in your, that that coffee needs to be single origin, a detailed instruction booklet, and a com card with a QR code to a guided meditation for during. During. There's a guided meditation for during. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your body. That's between you and your bathroom and whatever God you answer to. I will say the reviews are disturbingly positive. Four and a half stars. One guy said it has changed his morning routine, which I believe because it would absolutely change your morning routine. Phantom Ranch Wellness. I read the ad. I didn't endorse it. All right. And hopefully Otis was still around for that. He can give them a call and they can get him sorted. Next up on the line, we've got Keith. Keith, welcome to the show. What's going on tonight? How can we help you, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
KEITH: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I've been watching my 26-year-old stepson crash and burn through his third job this year. And he just posted this whole thing on social media about how they didn't appreciate him. And I'm sick getting here thinking we absolutely destroyed this kid's generation with participation trophies and constant praise for doing the bare minimum.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, why are you looking at it like that? And not that we've absolutely destroyed the workplace and people are not appreciated as human beings there anymore. He might be right. That's been my experience is that companies don't give a fuck about you. So why should you give a fuck about them?
|
||||
|
||||
KEITH: Okay, but Luke, he got written up for being late five times in two months and his response was to tell his manager that the start time didn't align with his personal energy rhythms. His personal energy rhythms. This isn't some evil corporation grinding him down. This is a local marketing firm that gave him flex hours and let him work from home twice a week. They bent over backwards for this kid and he still couldn't show up on time or take feedback without getting defensive. I'm not saying every workplace is perfect, but at some point you have to ask yourself if maybe the problem is that we raised a generation that thinks showing up is enough?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I mean, I can ask myself that I didn't raise any part of this generation, so I take no part in it. But I don't know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's hard to say because we've allowed a workplace environment where just paying the bare minimum is enough. So why isn't just showing up enough?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Because that's not how anything works, Luke. You don't get to coast in life and expect rewards. I run a logistics company. I've got drivers who show up every single day, on time, in the snow, in hundred 100 degree heat and they do their jobs without needing a pat on the back every five minutes. That's what adults do. But this kid, and I'm seeing it with the new hires too, they expect praise just for clocking in.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you know, things change. I'm trying to play the devil's advocate here. I do agree with you on some level, but it's not. I can't just get behind that this new generation is shit. Because in my experience, the workplace has gone to shit and people are not respected and they expect too much all the time. Like, people will complain that people come into work and do the bare minimum while they pay them the literal legal minimum wage. There's no reward. What's the reward there? They can't even afford to live. That's not reward.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: All right, fair point on the minimum wage thing. I'm not talking about someone making eight bucks an hour at a fast food place. This kid was making 42,000 a year with benefits at a job friend got him. Forty-two thousand to post on Instagram and write email campaigns. And you know what his complaint was?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't care what his complaint was, really, because $42,000 isn't enough to wipe your ass. $42,000 a year is not a lot of money. That's about what you can expect somebody to just show up for. If you want to, like, what do you think $42,000 is? Come on. Can you buy a house with $42,000? Could you buy a car with $42,000?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Luke, he lives in his money. He lives in his money basement rent free. He's not trying to buy a house. And yeah, $42,000 for a 26-year-old entry-level marketing job in Salt Lake is pretty standard. I started at a warehouse making $19,000 in the 90s, which is probably like 35 now with inflation. And I didn't have my parents paying my rent.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, good for him, but we're talking on an overall level for all people. And because $42,000 is the standard, that doesn't make it right, and that's the, you're getting what you pay for. You get what you pay for. And if you're paying $42,000, which I don't know if you've noticed, but diesel is $4.15 a gallon right now. You're going to get the minimum back from them. If you're giving them a living wage where they don't have to, you know, worry about how they're going to make ends meet, after working eight, 10, 12 hours a day, posting stupid Instagram ads that some douchebag that doesn't know anything about marketing or graphic design has forced them to make. Yeah, that's shitty. It's a shitty job. It's a shitty workplace. And I can't really blame this new generation for being less than ideal workers because they're not being treated fairly.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Okay, but here's the thing. He was being treated fairly. This kid had a job that paid more than minimum wage with benefits, and he still couldn't hack it. And I'm not saying every workplace is perfect, but at some point you have to ask yourself, if you're not willing to put in the effort, why should anyone else put in the effort for you?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I'm not seeing where any effort's been put in the effort in. The minimum... Where's the effort being expended here on anybody's part? And I'm not talking about him. You said the whole generation. I'm talking about everybody across the country that works for any company. Not just this one kid who may very well be a lazy douchebag with his personal energy rhythms and all that. I don't know. I don't understand all that. And it seems stupid to me, sure. But the larger point here is that companies are assholes and they don't deserve more than the minimum because they're giving the minimum.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You want to know where the effort is? This company gave him flex hours, let him work from home twice a week. His manager sat down with him personally to go over his performance reviews instead of just firing him. They paid for a LinkedIn learning subscription so he could build his skills. But the second he got written up for being late, not fired, written up, he quit and blamed them on social media. And Luke, I hear what you're saying about companies being assholes. I really do. But we can't just throw our hands up and say everyone's a victim.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's true. And if they did make real attempts to work in his personal development, then yeah, he was an asshole about it. Sure. But we can throw our hands up and say everyone's a victim when everybody's being treated as a victim. And I would say the vast majority of people in the new generation are being treated like expendable victims. They're not being taken care of. It's more expensive to live than it ever has been. And when you get a good job, There is no level of job security. They don't get a pension. There's no loyalty. They could get laid off at any minute for any reason. I'm not seeing why they should feel the same level of work ethic that you and I did 20, 30 years ago. Because the companies are not treating people in the same way. Generally, I don't know what happened at this company. And maybe this kid is a piece of shit. I don't know. What question are you asking? How can I help you here?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I guess what I'm asking is, am I wrong to think we screwed this up? Because when I watch this kid bounce from job to job, posting about how the world doesn't understand him, I keep thinking about those participation trophies, about how we told an entire generation that just showing up was enough.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know, because I was never involved in the whole just showing up is enough. I missed that whole part of when we told people that. But what I saw was everything that I saw in the news and everything that I experienced experienced in the workplace and oh, now sorry, you don't get your bonus because whatever, because we decided you don't. Or, oh, we actually can't do performance reviews because, oh, I don't know, whatever. And, oh, you know what, we don't want to raise the minimum wage because it costs us so much money to do these ad campaigns for Ronald McDonald, whatever the fuck it is and don't have that, I don't know, personal experience there. Like, I don't have kids, so I didn't give anybody any participation, participation trophies. What I saw from the workplace, from the corporate environment, deserves what happened. Like, you can see why it happened.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm blaming the trophies when I should be looking at the fact that his mother has been bailing him out his entire life. She got him the job. She lets him live rent-free, and every time he quits something, she tells him it's because he's too creative for these corporate environments. I'm sitting here mad at participation trophies when the real problem is he's never had to face a real consequence in his life because someone's always there to catch him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe. That could be. I don't know. But I've seen the world be not deserving of additional work ethic. We bail out the banks, too, when they fuck up and steal from us and do predatory lending. We're like, okay, well, you know, here's some money. And then they go spend that on their yachts publicly. Like, they don't even hide it. It's reprehensible. And then COVID happens. And then there's all that mess. And it's like every single event that you read about in the news about how the world works proves to these kids that the world doesn't give a fuck about you.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, but Luke, at some point you still have to show up for yourself. I get it. The banks got bailed out. Corporations are greedy. The system is rigged. But what's the alternative? You just give up? You bounce from job to job posting about your energy rhythms and wait for the world to change because that's what I'm watching happen. And it's not getting him anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, maybe he doesn't want to go anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Because like you said, he's well taken care of where he's at. He's not paying rent. His mother bails him out. That's probably not good when you're, what did you say, 26 years old?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Maybe you've got to set him loose. Set him for real to figure out his way in the world, but you can understand where he's coming from and why he's not as excited and eager to show loyalty and work ethic in the workplace. Because why? Why would you? Because I don't want him to end up like me. I'm 52 years old, and I've spent my whole life working for a company that's going to replace me with a spreadsheet the second I slow down. I don't have a pension. I don't have a 401k that's going to to save me. And I sure as hell don't have a mother who's going to bail me out when I can't make rent. I want him to have something I never did. A safety net, sure, but also the drive to build something that lasts.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you had the drive to build something that lasts, right? And how'd that work out for you? You've got the work ethic of our generation, don't you? How did that work out for you? Your company doesn't give a fuck? They're not even going to wait for a spreadsheet to replace you next week with AI, like everybody else. So, I mean, they're going to replace you with the cheapest version of you possible. So maybe he's got it right by tapping out of the whole capitalistic industrial complex and following his energy rhythms. I don't know. He could be right. The new generation, you know, let them figure it out. We don't have to act like we know anything. We obviously don't. We fucked it all up.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You know what? You're absolutely right. I spent 30 years doing everything I was supposed to do. Showed up early, stayed late, never complained, put the company first. And what do I have to have to show for it. A boss half my age who doesn't know what I do, a salary that hasn't kept up with inflation, and the constant fear that one bad quarter means I'm gone. Maybe he looked at my life and said no thanks.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Maybe watching me grind myself down for nothing taught him exactly what not to do.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes. And here I am calling you mad that he won't make the same mistakes I did.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Exactly.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know, maybe they're on the right track. I don't disagree with them. Totally. I mean, I find it annoying too when people are lazy and are not able to do the job and dumb, but people have been lazy and not able to do the job and dumb forever. That's always been the case. You can't just blame this generation for it or say it's because of a participation trophy. It's not. It's because they watched us destroy society and it's completely fucked. And they don't want to participate. And I don't blame them.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Okay, but then what's the answer, Luke? Seriously, if the system's broken and opting out means living off your mom's good graces until she dies, then what? What are we supposed to do? What's the middle ground? Because I'm not saying he needs to be a corporate drone, but he also can't just float through life waiting for inspiration to strike while his stepdad, me, is working his butt off to keep the lights on for everyone.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I think the answer is enough of the people. The entire generation is tapping out. And then that grinds the corporations to a halt because they actually need people to do the work. And if they're not showing up to do it, then they're going to have to, you know, change their ways. But as long as there's people with the work ethic to do it, and get ripped off every day and go in with a smile, they're going to continue. They're going to continue doing what they do. And it's never going to get better. So I think it sucks that it's just him and you're on the hook to support him and maybe you shouldn't and he'll have to find his way some other way, whether by starting his own business or being a fucking TikTok influencer or making money, getting leads for companies, whatever it is that he finds himself doing to make money, he has to make money to do that, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a nine to five job for some company that's going to out him as soon as they can.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I hear you, but here's the thing. He's not out there trying to start a business or build something. He's just quitting jobs and posting about how the world doesn't understand his potential. And I get it. The system's rigged, but at some point you have to meet the system halfway.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, you met the system halfway, and you must be on your way to retirement, right? Oh, no pension, right? No 401K, huh? So you're supporting him now with your bare minimum money, because $42,000 is really good in your mind, right? So when you get to retirement, if you ever get to retirement, who's going to take care of you?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Nobody. That's the answer, Luke. Nobody's going to take care of me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you better hope that that kid figures it out then, huh?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, well, that's the sick irony of it, isn't it? I'm sitting here mad at him for not grinding like I did, but the whole reason I want him to figure it out is because I know I'm going to need him someday. don't have savings. And his mom, my ex-wife, she's not going to be there for me when I'm 70 and can't work anymore. So maybe I'm not really mad that he's lazy.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, that makes more sense. And hopefully, I mean, you should be able to talk to him and maybe tell him that and put it in his mind. Like, hey, I understand that working sucks. And maybe you don't want to do this traditional nine to five stuff because it doesn't sync You're going to have to come up with a way to make money, and then maybe support and help different alternative ways of him doing that. And maybe he'll remember that. And when you're 70 and need some money, he'll be making it if there's still money left at all that Elon Musk doesn't have.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You know what, Luke? That's actually the conversation I should have had instead of the one I've been having, which is just me telling him he's screwing up and needs to get his act together. Because all that does is make him defensive and makes me sound like every other boomer telling kids to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Maybe if I actually leveled with them and said, look, I played by the rules and it didn't work out. So let's figure out what does work for you. Maybe that gets somewhere? I don't know. It's hard to admit to your stepson that you don't have the answers when you spent 20 years pretending you did.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I can understand that. And I think that's the right thing to do. And, you know, maybe you two can together come up with a solution that makes you both money and start some sort of a family business where you're doing the kind of work that you want to do, making the kind of money that you want to make, working the kind of energy flow routine that fits with everybody's lifestyle. That's the answer. It's not telling him to grind. Because grinding gets you nowhere, and you're proof of that.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, I am proof of that. 25 years in logistics, and I'm one bad month away from being in real trouble. You're right. A family business. Something we build together. That actually makes sense.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, but don't pretend you know everything because you are a boomer, and you don't know everything. You don't know what the world is like today. You don't know what he knows about technology and about the trends and about what people his age are buying and want to put money towards. So take his lead and use his skills because he does have skills, even if you can't see them and you don't know what they are. They're there. And the boomers know, I mean, I don't know, Gen Z or whatever, Jen, they know what they want their world to look like. So if you can get on board with him, I think you'll do a better job than trying to afford force him on board with you.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You're absolutely right. I don't know what I don't know. He grew up with the internet in his hand.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: He sure did. And he understands how it works more than you know. So listen to him. And don't write him off as a lazy kid.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Even if he is a little bit lazy, that's, I mean, you can work with that. You can try to impart some level of work ethic without pushing what you did. Because what you did didn't work. And it's not going to work. And it's going to work less and less and less every year that goes by. So you figure out what it is that he's got his pulse on.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're right. I've been so focused on what he's not doing that I haven't asked him what he is doing or what he sees coming. He's on his phone all the time, and I just assume he's wasting time. But maybe he's actually paying attention to something I'm completely blind to. I need to stop lecturing and start listening.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know, that's something my mom did right when I was a kid. She got me a computer when I was really young and I spent all my time on that computer and everybody thought I was wasting time. wasn't wasting time. I was learning how fucking computers worked, and it was very lucrative for me in the 90s and 2000s. That's over now, but there was a time that it made me very, very valuable. I mean, more so than any of my teachers or anybody else that I even knew. So lean into what he's doing and support that, and it might pay dividends. That's my advice for you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: That's good advice, Luke. I appreciate it. I called in here thinking I was going to vent about trophies, and instead, you just made me realize I've been the problem. I need to have a different conversation with him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, man, and we can get rid of trophies altogether. We don't need trophies anymore. But thank you for the call. I hope that goes well for you. Let us know how it turns out, all right? Next up on the line, we've got Crystal. Crystal, welcome to the show. How can I help you today?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So, I was out metal detecting this afternoon, which is something I do maybe once a week need to clear my head. And I found my phone. My actual phone that I lost two weeks ago, out past the old cemetery, still had battery somehow, which is crazy, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, not bad. That's a, that's a solid battery. You must have it on low power mode.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Right. Yeah, I must have. But here's the thing. When I turned it on, I had all these messages I'd missed. And one of them was from another parent on my this link to a news article about Coach Mike, our coach, the kids coach, and it's about something that happened 15 years ago in Arizona.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, first of all, it's crazy that you went two weeks without a phone and you didn't replace that shit immediately and get your messages. I don't know how you can do that in today's world, but besides that, this doesn't sound like it's going to be a good story. What happened to the coach? What the coach do?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: He was arrested for solicitation of a minor, 15, years ago in Tucson. He did 18 months, and I've been sitting in my workshop for three hours now, just staring at this article, because this is Mike we're talking about. Mike who brings orange slices in a cooler he hand-painted with the teen colors.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, Mike the coach. I mean, could you be more cliche? Of course. That's exactly what I expected when you said, coach.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: No, no, no. But you don't understand, Luke. This isn't just a coach. This is Coach Mike. My sister, she trusts him completely. He taught my nephew how to bunt for crying out loud. He shows up to every single game, even in monsoon season, when the rest of us are huddled under umbrellas, looking miserable. He's just...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: He's just a pedophile.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: I mean, yeah, I guess. But 15 years, Luke. Maybe he's not a pedophile anymore. That goes away, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't think that goes away. That's the thing. I keep turning over in my head. Like, he did his time, right? I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. I think once you've done your time for that, you're not allowed to coach anymore. So however he ended up being the coach is probably not okay.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: That's what I keep coming back to. Because there's background checks, right? There have to be background checks for little league coaches. So either he lied or someone knew and didn't care. Or there's some loophole I don't understand. And that scar over his eyebrow that he always jokes about, saying he got it sliding into home plate when he was a kid. Did he get it with a beer bottle knife?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, no, he said it was a baseball bat. But now I'm wondering if that's true. I mean, he's got this whole story about it, how he was showing off for his dad and slipped on the wet grass and, wait, why am I even telling you this? That's not the point.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Well, have you talked to anybody at the school or the team about this, the police even?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know if this is the type of thing that you want to take to a radio host if he's in close proximity to all your children.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: That's why I'm calling you, Luke, because I don't know what to do. If I go to the school, if I go to the league, I blow up my nephew's whole season. I blow up my sister's life because she's going to feel like the worst mother in the world for not knowing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, he might be blowing up more than your nephew's season.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Okay, so yeah, you got to do something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I know. I know that. But what if I'm wrong? What if there's an explanation?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Let you let the police figure that out. And they can do whatever types of investigation they have to do. But, I mean, you read the article. It's Coach Mike. I assume that's got a picture of him in it, and you've confirmed that it's the same Mike. And if you're sure, and he's the coach of Little League, you can't allow that to continue because it would make your sister feel bad if you said something. If he's continuing to do what he does to kids, he could be ruining lives, not seasons, lives, entire forever. And you can't let that happen.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're right. God, you're right. I've been sitting here for three hours trying to talk myself out of it, trying to find a reason why it's okay to just keep my mouth shut.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Well, there is no reason it's okay. It's not okay for you to keep your mouth shut. If you've got that information, then you have to take get to people that can look into it. And if you don't, then you're, I mean, a rotten person.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's harsh, Luke. But yeah, yeah, I guess that's what I needed to hear. Because every time I pick up the phone to call someone official, I think about my nephew crying when they canceled the season two years ago for COVID. Or I think about Mike staying late after practice to work with the kids who are struggling.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Yeah, I bet. He painted that cooler himself with all their names on it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Call the cops. Let him know. Jesus. Look at what's going on here. Uh, Mike's not your buddy.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: No, you're right. He's not. I don't even know him. Not really. I just know what he shows us. And that article, it was from Colorado 15 years ago. Inappropriate contact with a minor.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, every minute you spend on the line with me is another minute he could be doing some after-school tutelage with one of your children. So I would hang up and call the police immediately.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Okay. Okay, I'm going to do it. Right now, soon as I hang up. I'm going to call the non-emergency line and tell them what I found. And then I'm going to have to call my sister before she hears it from someone else. Because that's going to be a nightmare.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, I mean, better to call her and find all that out now than to find out 20 years down the line that something was going on and you could have prevented it. So I hope all of that works out. Good luck to you. And I hope you continue to have a wonderful season. Jesus. And now it's time for some words from our sponsors. Are you tired of your protein having a shape? Introducing Meat Cube, the world's first geometrically perfect meat product. Every meat cube is exactly two inches by two inches by two inches of lab engineered protein that we are legally required to call meat adjacent. What animal is it from? Absolutely none of your business. What we can tell you is that Meat Cube has been approved by the FDA.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Not the American one, but one of them. Meat Cube is a shelf stable for 11 years. It does not need to be refrigerated. Honestly, refrigeration seems to make it angry. Each cube contains 40 grams of protein, zero grams of fat, and a faint electrical charge that our lawyers say is within acceptable limits. Meat Cube comes in three feet. flavors. Original, smokehouse, and, uh-oh. You can grill it, fry it, or just set it on the counter and watch it slowly rotate on its own, which it will do. We don't know why. Meat Cube. It's not meat. It's not not meat. It's not meat. It's meat cube. Available at grocery stores that have recently fired their health inspector. Use code Chew Harder for free shipping. We are back. Thanks to meet you for the sponsorship there. Next up on the line, we've got Slim. Slim, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Hey, Luke, thanks for having me. So I'm sitting here at this U-Haul place, right? Covering graveyard shift for my cousin. And a couple hours ago, these people came in wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts. And I know that sounds like nothing, but it sent me down this whole thing about food appropriation. And I cannot let it go.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: let it go because food appropriation is not a thing, right? It doesn't matter. It's a taco. Somebody called in the other day all pissed off about Taco Tuesday, too. And you know what? You should be grateful that tacos are getting the attention they deserve. And it's not appropriation. People like tacos. Tacos are cheap and easy to produce. And they are a good seller for most pubs. So I don't see the problem here, but I'm not Mexican, so I guess I wouldn't, would I?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Wait, wait, wait, hold on, Luke. You cannot just dismiss this like that. This is exactly what I'm talking about. It is not about being grateful that white people like tacos. It is about the fact that my grandmother sold tamales door to door in the 50s to keep her family fed and got called a dirty Mexican for it. And now some brewery in Scottsdale is charging $18 for gourmet street tacos and getting written up in Phoenix Magazine like they invented something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: The problem is not that people like the food. Look, every culture's food is appropriated in this way. You're lucky that you're not the fucking French, because then you would have the Chris sandwich. How would you like that? The Chris sandwich? Uh, every, every single culture, there's fucking SpaghettiOs? Do you think the Italians like that there's SpaghettiOs that are made into alphabet letters so you can spell your name out on your fucking spoon? Enough. Enough. Enough with cultural food appropriation. You can't play the victim here when it happens to everybody across the board. There is no culture whose food is safe from marketing. Right? That's America. And go get yourself a whopper. You know, is that cultural appropriation? I think white people invented the hamburger. I don't fucking know. But Taco Tuesday is not a thing you have to be pissed off about. And I'm sorry that your grandmother was called the dirty Mexican that's not nice, but it doesn't have anything to do with tacos, Taco Tuesday, food appropriation, or restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: No, Luke, you are missing the entire point. It is not the same thing. When Italians get SpaghettiOs, nobody is calling their grandmother dirty for making pasta.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, the Italians were never called dirty? Have you ever heard of a greasy wop? A guinea? Of course they were. Every culture is made fun of and called me names and every single culture. We're talking about food, though, and every food is culturally appropriated and used by the marketing machine to sell more of them. Tacos just get it quite a bit because they're inexpensive to produce.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Okay, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the erasure that happens. It's not just about marketing. It's about taking something it of its origins and its cultural significance, and then presenting it as something new and trendy, often by the very people who look down on it to begin with. It's not just every food gets marketed. It's about who gets to profit, who gets the credit, and whose history gets conveniently forgotten. Like, there's this whole thing about how Mexican food in the United States, especially here in the Southwest, was developed by Mexican Americans by Tejano's, specifically to adapt to ingredients available here. And that was always looked down on as peasant food. But now you have chefs, often white chefs, taking those exact same dishes, putting a new spin on them, and suddenly it's elevated cuisine.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's never elevated cuisine. No, it isn't. It's Taco Tuesday. There's nothing elevated about that. It's cheap tacos that you get at happy hour. Two for two dollars or one whatever. I know that there is some elevated cuisine bullshit going on all throughout the country in all ethnic foods and non-ethnic foods. And at what point can you say what, like nobody owns a food. That's a silly proposition. And it is marketing. It is entirely marketing. And they're not just selling the food. They're selling the experience. They're selling the restaurant and the very well-trained waiters and the fancy wines and shit. So, no, I don't, I don't buy this. I just don't.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Luke, you're conflating two different things. The cheap taco Tuesday at the dive bar. Fine, whatever. But I'm talking about the boutique places. I'm talking about the James Beard nominated chefs who are doing modern interpretations of Mexican street food and getting all the accolades while the actual Mexican restaurants down the street that have been making the real thing for 30 years can't get a write-up in the local paper.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: They could absolutely get a write-up in the local paper if they wrote a press release and sent it to the local paper. And you called me talking about Taco Tuesday. Not talking about whatever boutique place bullshit you're babbling about now, James Beard,! Whoever the fuck that is. I don't care. This is stupid. It's a taco. There's not a whole lot to it. It's a tortilla shell with some shit in it. I don't know. What do you want? A cookie?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: No, I don't want a cookie Luke. I want you to understand that when a white couple walks into my workplace, wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts like it's some kind of cute personality trait. It's emblematic of a bigger issue where my culture gets turned into a costume. And yeah, I started with Taco Tuesday, because that's what set me off tonight. But it's connected to the bigger picture. You're acting like I'm being precious about a tortilla, but what I'm actually about is a pattern where Mexican food was stigmatized when Mexican people made it. And now it's celebrated when white people rebrand it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't, I think what you're talking about is absolute bullshit. And I'm sorry if you feel like your culture has been appropriated by white people, but they're just trying to sell tacos. And you don't own tacos. They're not particularly special in any way. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to go where you want me to go on this one, because I Don't agree with you. This is a silly thing to be upset about. Yeah, people wear Taco Tuesday shirts because they like to go to the bar where they have Taco Tuesday because they can get two tacos for two dollars. It's not that big of a deal. It's not cultural appropriation. I agree that there is cultural appropriation all over in different ways, but food I don't think is one of them. And I think it's silly for people to get upset about it. Because what you're talking about, I've never seen a white person stigmatized Mexican food ever. In my entire, I'm 43 years old. I've never seen anybody badmouth Mexicans for making Mexican food. I've seen lots of people badmouthed Mexicans for other reasons. Some of them are funny, and they're all, you know, off color. But, uh, but not food. And that goes the same for every single other culture. Chinese people, African American people, Iranian people, Turkish people.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Go to San Francisco. You can eat at fucking sushi Rito. Sushi Rito!
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. My grandmother literally experienced it. She got doors slammed in her face in the 50s and 60s selling tamales in Tucson. That happened. And you're right, you're 43. You didn't see that because it was before your time. But the legacy of that stigma is still there.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's still there because you're holding on to it that was 60 fucking years ago. And I'm sorry that happened to her. That's horrible. And people were and mean, but that's not what's going on with Taco Tuesday and people wearing their Taco Tuesday shirts. So you can be as pissed off and as butt-hurt as you want about cultural appropriation of your tacos, but I think it's bullshit and you need to get over it. That's what I think. And if you're looking for a different answer for me, you're not going to get it because I just don't see how Mexicans specifically have been called out in this way. This happens to every culture, all of them.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You know what, Luke? You're right that it happens to every culture. But that doesn't make it okay, and it doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. And yeah, maybe I am holding on to it. But when you grow up hearing those stories from your grandmother, when you watch her make food with her hands that people used to turn their noses up at, and then you see it repackaged and sold back to you as trendy, it sticks with you. You can call that being butthard if you want, but it matters to me. And the fact that you think it's silly doesn't change But it's real for a lot of people. I'm not asking you to fix it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, how do you think it even could be fixed? Do you want people to not eat tacos if they're not Mexican? Is that what you want? Do you want people to not have Taco Tuesday because your grandmother got made fun of 60 years ago for making tacos? Lots of things people turn their nose up at 60 years ago that they don't turn their nose up now. That's a little thing we call marketing. I mean, values and cultures change over time. And 60 years ago, this was a very very different country. I mean, we're going back to the way that that country was, and I don't think anybody's happy about that, except for the half of the country that is. But my point is, what would you like me to do about that? What would you like anybody to do about this? Because I think your argument here is it doesn't hold water. It's stupid. And you're pissed off for no reason. And I don't know what to tell you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: I don't want people to stop eating tacos, Luke. That's not what I'm saying. What I want is for people to acknowledge where it comes from. I want the white chef who wins the James Beard Award for his innovative take on street tacos to maybe mention that he learned it from the Mexican women who've been making them in that neighborhood for decades. I want the food writers to cover the actual Mexican restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: With the same enthusiasm, they cover the boutique places. They don't want to go to the actual Mexican restaurants because they are largely dirty. Right there, small. They're crowded. They're a pain in the ass to get to. They're not going there. They're going to the nicer, cleaner, upscale places that are fancy. That's what they're writing about. That's what's making the money. They're not going to go to a Mexican street vendor and write an article about the old lady that's been making tacos for 60 years because it's not a story. And the James Beard Award chef was born 30 years ago. He didn't learn how to make tacos from the old Mexican ladies down the street. He learned to make tacos from fucking Taco Bell.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Jokita Taco Bell. You just called Mexican restaurants largely dirty, Luke. You hear yourself right now. That's exactly the stigma I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's because the Mexican restaurants I've been to are largely dirty. There's flies flying around. They're not, uh, they're not pristine. It's not fucking Caesar's Palace. And that's part of the charm of them. But you can't say they're not dirty. They are. They're not air-conditioned in a lot of places, and they're not clean in a lot of places, and that's, I don't know if that's a cultural thing, or if that's a money thing, or whatever, but it's not the same experience as going into a Michelin-Star restaurant. That's why you're not getting the articles written. It's not because they're Mexican. It's because the place isn't that pleasant to go into.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, you're conflating authentic family-run places with dirty. There's a difference between a small operation that doesn't have marble countertops and a place that's actually unsanitary. And yeah, some of them are in strip malls or food trucks, but that doesn't mean they're dirty. The health department inspects them just like everywhere else. What you're describing as not pleasant is often just not designed for white customers. No tablecloths, no mood lighting. It's just good food. And the fact that you think that's inherently 30 says more about your expectations than it does about those restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Except I'm not talking about the ones that are strip malls and food trucks. I'm talking about the ones in Mexico that don't have air conditioners or people wiping the tables. And that seems to be okay there. And I don't know what health department is inspecting them, but I'm pretty sure there's none.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're talking about Mexico like it's some monolith, Luke. There are Michelin-starred restaurants in Mexico City with health inspections just as strict as anywhere. And yeah, there are small family-run places that might not have air conditioning, but that doesn't mean that dirty. You're acting like every Mexican restaurant is some back alley operation, and that's the problem. You're judging an entire culture's food based on a handful of places you've been to. And let me ask you this. When was the last time you ate at a Mexican restaurant that wasn't a chain or some upscale place?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know, some years ago, many years ago. But I have. And it was dirty. And I'm not saying unsanitary. I'm saying dirty, like with dirt in places. And, you know, I still ate there. I didn't feel it like it was unsafe. And stop putting words in my mouth. I'm not doing that. I'm saying they're dirty because they're fucking dirty, dude. I've been there. I've seen it. And, you know, the Michelin Star restaurants in Mexico City you're talking about. They're getting the articles written about them. They're Michelin Star. That's part of it, you know. You're talking about about little mom and pop places and then like trying to pin me as some sort of racist douchebag and it's not the case. So get out of here with your Taco Tuesday cultural appropriation. It's bullshit. And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let you put me in this position where I'm being an asshole about it. I'm not. I'm telling you what I see.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: And you're telling me what you see. I'm not trying to pin you as anything, Luke. I'm telling you that when you should, you're say Mexican restaurants are largely dirty. That reinforces a stereotype that hurts real businesses. And those Michelin star places in Mexico City, they're not the ones getting written about in American food magazines. When some white chef opens a taco spot in Portland.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, of course they're not. Why would they be? And how many, uh, Mexico City publications of writing about the taco place in Portland? Come on, where is your fucking argument here? What you're saying is nonsense.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: is that when Mexican food gets elevated in the United States, it's almost always by non-Mexican chefs who get the credit and the awards, while the people who actually created and preserved those recipes stay invisible. You're acting like this is just about who writes about what restaurant, but it's bigger than that. It's about who gets to profit from a culture's food.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Who gets taken seriously? And who gets dismissed? The Portland Taco Place gets venture capital funding, James Beard nominations, the family that's been making the same recipes for three generations gets gentrified out of their neighborhood.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: That's the pattern I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I think that pattern is nonsense and it doesn't fit in the American, you know, you can't claim ownership of a type of food. That is silly. You can go anywhere in the world and learn how to make a meal and then bring it back and make a restaurant. That doesn't mean you're culturally appropriating and profit off the backs of generations of people? No. It's just not true. You want to be hurt about something and you're picking this to be hurt about and I think it's nonsense. I think it's fucking stupid. And I'm not going to agree with you. Unless you got some kind of real point here that could change my mind, I don't think you're going to because I don't see it the way you see it at all.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're right that anyone can learn to cook any cuisine. I'm not saying people shouldn't be allowed to open Mexican restaurants. What I'm saying is there's a double standard in how those restaurants get treated. When Rick Baylis opens a place, he gets profiled in the New York Times. When My Tia opens a place with the same recipes her grandmother taught her, she gets health code violations for keeping her comel too close to the prep station.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, because her comel is too close to the prep station, and she's not following the rules of the health board. She should get health violations for that. You can't just, that's what I'm saying. The Mexican restaurants that I've been to are largely dirty. And there's a reason that they're not getting the press that you want them to be getting. It's because it's not the same experience. And it's not something that people want to go spend a bunch of money on.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You just proved my point, Luke. You're saying Mexican restaurants don't get press because they're dirty and not worth spending money on. That's the stereotype I'm talking about. My tea is really. restaurant isn't dirty.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you just proved my point when you said, uh, your, I don't know what Tia is, that your Tia's restaurant got board of health violations for having the comel, whatever that is, too close to the prep station. That's what I'm saying. Like, you got to, you got to follow the rules. If it was the same experience as a venture capitalist funded restaurant with the marble tables and the nice mood lighting and the tablecloths and the, and the, the, the, air conditioning, then yeah, people might be more inclined to go spend a bunch of money there. But it's not that experience. It's hot. People are sweating. The food is too close to the other food. There's flies flying around. It's dirty and it's not. I mean, there's more to the experience of the restaurant than the food. The food is probably the least important part of the experience of a restaurant, especially when we're talking about what the press is looking at. And you're trying to say that we're appropriating your culture and trying to profit off your generations of talk. recipe, but it's a fucking taco dude. Stop it.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Tia means Aunt Luke. And yeah, she got a violation because traditional Mexican cooking uses equipment that doesn't fit American health code standards. A Como is a flat gridal. It's been used for thousands of years to make tortillas.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay. Well, if you don't fit the American health code standards, that's a problem for Americans, and you were talking about America. How is this cultural appropriation or a double standard? You have to follow the rules that every other restaurant has to follow.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: That's exactly it, Luke. You're saying, follow the rules, like the rules are neutral. But the rules themselves are often designed for a different kind of cuisine, a different kind of cooking. So when you apply those same rules to a traditional Mexican restaurant, it creates an unfair barrier. It's not that her food is unsafe. It's that the way it's prepare doesn't fit into a box that was built for, say, a French bistro. And so then it gets labeled as dirty or unprofessional when it's just different.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, it gets labeled as dirty and unprofessional when it looks dirty and unprofessional, which a lot of the Mexican restaurants that are authentic that I've been to look like. Uh, so, yeah, I don't know what else to tell you. I'm sorry your culture's been appropriated by Taco Tuesday and you don't get enough write-ups in whatever Neither one of us is reading the chef magazine, so you're just looking to be pissed off tonight. And I don't agree with you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: I work nights at a U-Haul place, Luke. I'm not reading chef magazines either, but I notice when the white couple comes in, wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts, like it's some kind of joke. Like my family's food is a theme party.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you're just deciding to take it super personally and decide that they're looking at a like a joke when what they are really doing is wearing those shirts because they get joy out of tacos. So they're celebrating your culture's food. And I'm sorry it doesn't have your grandmother's fucking face on it, but they're just enjoying a taco. And you're taking it super, super personally for generations and generations of misappropriation. And that's wrong. I think it's wrong. And I think you don't have to be pissed off about this because it's... I can be wrong. I don't know. Like we both just said, neither one of us are reading these articles. So in the high end of things, I don't... I don't really know. Maybe you are appropriated and somebody's profiting off Mexican culture that isn't Mexican. I... I don't care.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're right that I'm taking it personally. I am. Because when my abuela makes tamales for Christmas, it takes her to... days.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, good for her, and she's doing that as a labor of love for her and her family and for the tradition of your deep family culture. And that's a great thing. But I don't understand how that means the rest of the world is wronging you because they're not. Okay? Everybody's trying to make a book. Everybody's trying to get a bite to eat. And we don't have to give reverence to the people that came before us every time we ate a taco, a burrito or a sushi or a pasta primavera or a fucking baguette.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You don't have to give reverence, Luke. But when Rick Bayliss gets a James Beard award and opens five restaurants serving the exact same food my Tia makes, and she can't even get alone to fix her air conditioning, because the bank says her business model is too risky. That's not about reverence. That's about who gets to profit from the food. And who doesn't? He learned to cook in Mexico, came back to Chicago, and now he's the face of Mexican cuisine to millions of people who will never set foot in a restaurant like my tears. And I'm not saying he's a bad guy or that he shouldn't cook Mexican food. I'm saying the system decides his version is worth investing in, and hers isn't. And that's the double standard I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you're wrong about that because the system, I mean, the system isn't deciding that his investing in and hers isn't. It's deciding that he is worth investing in and she isn't because he's got credit, because he's able to pay those loans back, because he has a long history of being able to support the money that he's borrowing and make his investors money. And she likely does not. So that has nothing to do with the cuisine. And like we've already determined, this is, when we're talking about what food critics are looking at, the food is a very small part of Right? They're looking at the tablecloths. They're looking at how the fucking silverware is laid out on the tablecloths. They're looking at the decor around the building and the building itself, the real estate. This is all creditworthiness. It's not about the food. It's not about stealing your food.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay, but Luke, you just made my point.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're saying it's about creditworthiness, about tablecloths and silverware and real estate. But that's exactly what I'm saying the food is the same. The recipes are the same. Sometimes his are literally learned from women like my Tia.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay. And if women like your Tia had a creditworthiness, then they could borrow a bunch of money that they would have to pay back from investors and start a big fancy restaurant with a big fancy building and hire a bunch of people and the best waiters and then they could get those Michelin Stars too. Right? But they're not doing that. She doesn't have the money. She doesn't have the credit. She doesn't have an air conditioner that works.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're right that she doesn't have those things. But you're acting like creditworthiness exists in a vacuum. Like it's some neutral measure of who deserves investment. My tier has been running her restaurant for 22 years. She pays her bills. She employs six people.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: And that's great and that's good for her. But yes, creditworthiness is absolutely a neutral measure of who deserves investment. It is the primary measure of that. And if she were running her restaurant in America and paying the bills and keeping it in a perfect 800 credit score, and she would be much more likely to get the level of investment that she would need to start a restaurant like that. But she can't because she's busy doing her actual job, which is making tacos. So these guys got the money and they're investing it to make a big restaurant to get a bunch of critics to come out, so they'll pay a lot of extra money so that Taco cost $26. Your Tia could do that too if she moved to America and worked up her credit and found some investors and did the same thing that he's doing. But as soon as something goes wrong for that guy, he's on the hook to pay all those investors back. So if she can support doing that, she has every...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I don't know that she has every affordability to do that, but she could do that.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, she is in America. She's in Tucson. She's been a citizen for 30 years. And she does have good credit. She pays her suppliers on time. She's never missed a rent payment. She owns her house outright. But when she applied for a business loan three years ago to expand her kitchen and fix the hayback, the bank said no, because her neighborhood is considered high risk. And her business model doesn't fit their lending criteria.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, and that other dude probably went to 50 banks that also told him no for the same reasons. And he had to pick his place where the bank thought, all right, there's enough people with enough money in here to actually recoup our investment. And then he had to go to more investors so we could get more money so we could pay for the more expensive place so that the bank would actually give him more money so that he could make his restaurant. There's a whole thing going on here, but it doesn't have anything to do with stealing your culture's food.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Then why is it that when white chefs open Mexican restaurants in upscale neighborhoods, innovative and authentic. But when Mexican families have been running the same kind of place for decades in their own neighborhoods, it's considered risky. Rick Bayliss didn't go to 50 banks. He had access to capital and connections from the start because of who he is and where he came from.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe so. I don't know who Rick Bayliss is, but he very well could have had lots of connections from the start. And that would mean that he was more likely to pay back his loans and the bank felt more comfortable giving him loans. And like you said, they're opening Mexican restaurants in upscale neighborhoods where the people have, you know, more money, more spending money to buy tacos. It makes more, it makes sense that the bank would consider them less of a risk than a neighborhood that was less upscale.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Of course. But Luke, that's the cycle I'm talking about. The upscale neighborhoods are upscale because banks invested in them. The neighborhoods where Mitea and families like hers live are considered risky because banks didn't invest in them. Redlining was legal until 1968, and the effects of that are still here. My Tia's neighborhood in South Tucson was literally redlined. Banks wouldn't give mortgages there, wouldn't give business loans there, and now 50 years later they're still using that same logic. Just calling it risk assessment instead of redlining.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah. Well, I won't disagree with you there. And the banks are reprehensible. And they always have been. And they always will be. And there's definitely undertones of racism there. And there have been. But that's not the point of this conversation. Okay, the point of this conversation is you're pissed off that people are wearing Taco Tuesday shirts. And somehow that's cultural appropriation. And now we got in this huge fight about, about redlining and, uh, I don't even know how we got here. But I live in animus, New Mexico. Okay? It's population 200. And if I went to the bank tomorrow and said, I would like to start a Mexican restaurant here, they would tell me to go fuck myself. Because there's nobody here. There's nobody here. There's nobody here with enough money to pay me $40 for a plate of tacos. And it wouldn't happen. It would be a bad investment on paper, I mean, and that's not, it has nothing to do with race or culture or anything. It's money. It's all coming down to, can I get my money back? And if I were to do that, it would be a bad business decision. And the bank knows that. And they're not going to invest in something if they don't think they're going to get their money back from it.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Look, I hear you about the money, but let me ask you this. If you opened a Mexican restaurant in Animus New Mexico and in failed because there wasn't enough demand. Would you blame the people who live there for not having enough money to support it? Or would you admit that the system set it up to fail from the start? Because that's what's happening here. My Tears restaurant in South Tucson does have demand. It's been packed every weekend for 20 years. But the bank still won't invest in her because of where she is, not because of her business. Meanwhile, some white chef opens a place in a wealthy neighborhood gets all the press and suddenly it's authentic Mexican cuisine when it's the same damn recipes my tea has been making for decades.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, and how much money does your tea charge for a plate of tacos?
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: $12. Three tacos, rice, beans, homemade salsa. She could charge more, but she knows her customers. A lot of them are construction workers, families from the neighborhood. She's not trying to get rich. She's trying to keep her doors open and pay her people.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so she needs a business loan from the bank for $3 million. How many taco plates at $12 does she have to sell to pay the bank back?
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, that's not a fair comparison, and you know it. She's not asking for $3 million. She wanted $75,000 to upgrade her kitchen equipment and fix the air conditioning so she could pass health inspections without constantly patching things together.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It is a fair comparison, though, because you're talking about these upscale restaurants that are worth, that are, the loans that this guy is taken out are not $75,000. This guy's trying to make an upscale restaurant so he can charge $75 for a plate of tacos and the bank's going to get their money back. That's why they're giving it to him and not to her. Because if she charged $14 for a plate of tacos, you wouldn't have that line there anymore. Because the people there largely, not all of them, but largely, can't not afford that. So it's a bad business decision.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay, but Luke, you're missing the point. She doesn't want to be Rick Bayless. She doesn't want to charge $75 for tacos. She wants to keep serving her community at prices they can afford and still have a functioning kitchen that doesn't break down every other month. The bank won't give her $75,000 for that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: But they'll give some culinary school graduate with connections half a million to open a place that serves the exact sane food to people who can afford to treat it like a novelty.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Yes, exactly. Yeah, they will. Because he's selling it for $75 a plate. He's making enough money to pay them back. And she's trying to do business as usual. Obviously, that's not working because it's not making her enough money to fix her fucking air conditioner. It has nothing to do with the food. Nothing. So stop trying to say that people are stealing your food and profanen it. That's not what's not what's happening. happening here. It's not even what any of this discussion has been about. We're talking about real estate. We're talking about lending and interest. It has nothing to do with the food.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Actually, Luke, it has everything to do with the food. Oh, my God, that's enough of you. Jesus Christ, Slim. Stop it. Stop it. I'm sorry that your Tia doesn't make a lot of money on her taco plates. It's never going to stop people from at Applebee's on a Friday night. And you shouldn't be so pissed off about it. And I'm sorry that the bank treats your neighborhood with disrespect. It doesn't have enough money to support the investment. And whether that's right or wrong, I can't speak to that. I don't know what in what fucking neighborhood you're talking about. But I know they do some shady shit. And I'm not sticking up for the bank in that at all. Now I'm mad. And I want tacos. Okay. Next up we've got Lakeisha. Lakeisha, welcome to the show. Do you have something a little milder than that? I'm I got to ramp down.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Hey, Luke. Yeah, I appreciate you taking my call. Look, I just showed a house to a couple from California who spent the entire walkthrough on a video call with their remote work consultant, treating a four-generation cattle ranch, like it was just some backdrop for their Zoom meetings. And I cannot see. Stop thinking about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that sounds like a good thing for you, right? You're trying to sell the ranch. If you're trying to sell the ranch and they think it's nice enough to use as a backdrop, then they're probably likely to want to buy that ranch.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Yeah, I mean, you would think so. But here is the thing. They are not seeing it as a place. They are looking at square footage and internet speed like it is a hotel room with a good view. This property has a barn that is older than my grandmother. There is a hand and carved fence post with initials from 1947. And these people are walking past all of it, asking if the router can handle two simultaneous video conferences.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, why do you care? You're trying to sell the ranch. If they can buy the ranch, then let them buy the ranch. And it sounds like a nice day for you. If you have some emotional connection to this particular ranch, then buy it yourself. Or, you know, take it off the market.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I cannot afford it, Luke. real estate for 23 years and I cannot afford half the properties I show. That is not the point. The point is I watch the family who built that place. Lose it to foreclosure after the drought killed Bear Heard three years running. And now I am handing the keys to people who see it as a tax write-off with rustic charm.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, that sounds like a sale to me. Congratulations.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are not hearing me. I am the one who had to sit across from Bill Henderson when he signed those papers. years old, fourth generation on that land. And his hands were shaking so bad I had to help him hold the pen. And tonight I am showing his life's work to people who do not even know his name. Who are going to gut the place and turn it into some kind of remote work retreat, with Edison bulbs and reclaimed wood that was already there to begin with?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I'm hearing you. I do not care. You're selling real estate. It is real estate. It was foreclosed on because it wasn't paid for. For whatever reason and now it's up on the market. And somebody's come in that wants to buy the place, and it's your obligation to sell it to them.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are right. You are absolutely right. That is my job.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And if you're going to get emotionally tied up in these properties and the stories behind them, then maybe it's the wrong job for you.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Maybe it is. But I have been doing this since before my husband died, and I have never felt like this before. I have sold dozens of foreclosures, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Foreclosures are largely very sad, especially when it's a generational property like that. But they happen. And that's your business. So you can't hold on to the property and sell it to only somebody that's going to see the same story in it that you see because they're coming from a different place. They have different lives. It doesn't mean they're not going to respect the property just because they're working there and changing the light bulbs. They might love it just as much as you do. But in a different way, and for different reasons.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I know that. I do. But these people, this couple, they were on a Zoom call the entire time. The wife was in California. The husband was in New York. And they were both on the call with their remote work consultant. While I was showing them the property. They kept asking if the barn had good acoustics for podcasting. They did not even step outside to look at the sunset over the valley. They did not even see it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that's none of your business. It doesn't matter what they saw in the property, but if they saw something that they wanted in the property, they're going to buy it. And that's great for everybody. Because the alternative is they don't buy it and it's still foreclosed and then it sits there and rots until it falls down. So they're going to put the care and love into it and pay the bill probably because they're doing the work that the cattle drought isn't going to take away. And they might be there for four generations. And a hundred years from now, somebody might have the same problem if it gets foreclosed. But you can't be this invested into a property if you're a real estate salesperson. That's just not good business.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are missing what I am trying to say. This is not about one property. Three months ago, I almost called this show about something else entirely. I saw lights over the Players Valley. Hovering lights.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I hear exactly what you're saying. I'm not missing what you're trying to say. I'm not missing what you're trying to say. say, oh, what you're trying to do is whine about these people that you don't like coming in with their newfangled podcasts and moving into a ranch that holds some meaning to you. And it's your job to sell it to them. So what were the lights over the Plyas Valley?
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: They were not airplane lights. I have lived here my whole life. I know what planes look like. What drones look like. These were different. They moved in ways that did not make sense.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. So you saw what aliens? Did they take any cows or any horses or do you have any evidence? You take any pictures? You know that there's a lot of military activity in Plias. It's a military town that they do tests over. That's what I would expect in Plias.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I know about the military. That is what I told myself at first. But I have been watching the sky here for 53 years. And I have never seen ever anything move like that. And no, I did not take pictures because by the time I thought to reach for my phone, they were gone.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, then, you know, that's exactly what I would expect to happen over a military compound. Is strange-looking planes and aerial phenomenon? It seems like quite a coincidence that you just happen to see these lights over a military town where they do military testing.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I am not saying it was aliens, Luke. I am saying I am saying I'm I saw something I could not explain, and it made me feel the same way I felt tonight watching those people walk through that ranch. Like something is changing, and I do not understand what it is, or how to make sense of it. Like the ground is shifting under my feet. And I am the only one who notices.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You're not the only one that notices. Everything is changing because things always change, and technology is changing, and people's values are changing, and the world is changing. It's good or bad, that's a matter of personal opinion. But you're not alone in seeing the change. Maybe you are in the wrong position being so resistant to the change because it's going to happen whether you approve of it or not.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I am not resistant to change. I have been selling real estate for 23 years. I have seen this town go through droughts. Through the mine closing, through the hospital shutting down. I watched. my husband die. And I kept working.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: All right. I get it. So what is the... Why are you calling me? What do you want?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I want to know if I am losing my mind. Because I cannot shake this feeling that something is wrong. Not just different, wrong.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Well, I don't think you're losing your mind, but you're not wrong that something is changing. I wouldn't say that it's right or wrong. And none of us have the completely. to make that judgment. But it is changing and you don't like it, obviously. And I think you're going to be unhappy if you don't change your attitude about that and get on board with the changing tides. Because they're coming.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It is not about liking it or not liking it. It is about what it means. These people, they look at a ranch that has been in a family for four generations, a place where people lived and worked and died. And they see a ranch. remote work consultant opportunity. They are not buying a home, Luke. They are buying a concept. And they are doing it with money that feels like it came out of thin air.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: A home is a concept. Okay? No matter when you bought it, you can put some other meaning to it if you like. It doesn't matter how many generations of people lived there before. It's a building on some land in a dust bowl, in a town that it's dead. You said it yourself, the mine is closed, the There's nothing left here. So if they want to come in and breathe some life into it with a remote work, retreat, great. This area needs a lot more of that to keep it alive so that it can support the other people that still live here on those ranches. Because their tax money isn't doing it. And who's going to fix the roads? And what if we need a hospital someday? Where is that going to come from? It's not going to come from anybody that's here today. We're going to need that money to come out of thin air. So good. Get them there at a sense. and bulbs and be thankful that you made your commission.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You do not understand. The commission is not the point. I have been doing this long enough that I do not need the money that bad. What I am trying to tell you is that these people are not coming here to be part of anything. They are coming here because land is cheap and they can work from anywhere. And when the internet goes out or the well runs dry or the dust storms get bad, they will just leave. They will sell it to the next person with laptop. money and move on.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Good. Great. I don't see what the problem with that is. That's ideal. If people are coming here and paying taxes and not using the services, that's the best case scenario. So I don't know why you have these emotional ties to the land or whatever, but I live here. And I know that this place is a dust bowl shithole shithole. And it needs exactly that. There's nothing for them to be part of. So hopefully they can come and build something and other people will be part of that. And it can continue to support this area and this community because it's dying and everybody's leaving. And before you know it, there won't be any buildings left because they'll all blow down to the wind from lack of maintenance.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You are right that this place is dying. But you are wrong about what kills it. It is not the lack of money. It is the lack of people who give a damn. My husband and I, we bought our house in 1994. We knew every person on our street.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: No, I am not wrong. I'm absolutely right. It is the lack of money, because if there was no lack of money, there would not be a lack of people. There's no people here because there's no money here for them to make. If they could support themselves and find jobs and there was enough money to have things like hospitals, then the place would be. thrive. But that's not the case. Everybody's left and most people that are still here are going to die soon. So unless we bring in some of that new blood and some of that new money, this place is not going to exist in 20 years.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Then tell me why three months ago I saw lights over the Plias Valley that I cannot explain. Tell me why they hovered there for 20 minutes. Silent. Not moving like any aircraft I have ever seen. Tell me why when I mentioned it at the diner the diner the next morning. four other people had seen the same thing and nobody wanted to talk about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Because the Plias Valley is a military testing ground. That is why. Because extraterrestrial life, it would be very coincidental if they just happen to come down to Earth and do their little thing right over the military testing ground. There's a lot of other places that I think that the aliens would rather go. So I'm not super, super into the idea. that you saw something extraterrestrial over the Plyas Valley. I doubt that very, very much. I know what the Plyas Valley is used for. I have lived here.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, enough of you too. And that is the end of our show, folks. I did my best, but Jesus, these people, wow, it is hard to give good advice to people to people that just don't want to hear the good advice. I'll do my best, though. We'll try again tomorrow, and we'll see how we do. Hopefully, better than tonight. With that, I will. I wish everybody a wonderful Monday and a great start to the week, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow.
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,435 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right, all right, welcome back. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late night call-in radio show where you can give us a call, and I'll give you advice about whatever's going on in your life, no matter how ridiculous or petty or nonsensical it is. If you'd like to give us a call, the number's 208-439-583. That's 208-439 Luke. right now and you'd still like to participate. You can send us an email anytime. The email address is submissions at luke at the roost.com. Today is Monday, March 9th. It's about 1 a.m. And we're about to get on the air here with our friend Otis. Otis, welcome to the show. Thanks for calling in. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Hey, Luke, appreciate you taking my call. So look, I need some advice on how to tell people I faked having Six months ago, I told my sister I had prostate cancer to get out of her fourth wedding. And now there's been a GoFundMe, a pancake breakfast fundraiser. My cousin shaved his head for me, and I just got a text with a picture of a check for $4,700. I have been trying to figure out how to come clean without everyone in Hatch wanting to murder me, and I am running out of time here.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's pretty extreme. You must have really not wanted to go to that wedding. The only way out of this one is to give yourself prostate cancer. You should try eating some Oreos or something.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You know what? I actually looked into whether you can give yourself cancer through diet, and apparently it takes like 30 years of really dedicated work.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I bet.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: So that timeline does not help me. But yeah, the wedding thing, her name is Delia, and this was husband number four. The guy owns a car wash in Las Cruces, and she wanted me to walk her down the aisle again because our dad is not in the picture. And I already did it twice, Luke, twice. The third wedding, I was in Guatemala, supposedly on a work trip, but I was actually just staying at my buddy Fernando's place in Deming, eating Cheetos and watching Netflix for a week. This time, I panicked and went bigger.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Martinez looked at my chart, did the exam, and then he sat down and he said, Otis, I don't know what you've been telling people, but you don't have prostate cancer. And I said, I know, Doc, I know. Long story. But you do have an enlarged prostate, and we should probably keep an eye on it. Could turn into something down the road. So now I'm sitting here thinking, what if I actually manifested this? What if I lied myself into almost having the thing I said I had?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you know, enlarged prostate is a serious matter. And maybe you should get some help from one of our sponsors here, the coffee enema. Maybe if you, you know, a large prostate is a serious matter. start doing that coffee enema nightly, it'll help your prostate tumor along. And then you're scot-free. Then you'll have the prostate cancer and you'll be honest with people going forward and you'll die an honest man.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Luke, I cannot believe you just try to sell me a coffee enema while I'm having a moral crisis. That's beautiful. That's why I listen to this show.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It is a thing of beauty. It's really going to change your routine. That's what they say in the old ad. But, yeah, sir, I think you're a seriously disturbed individual. I don't know who watches Dune 2 three times. That's a long movie. I think you might be on your own with this one. And maybe you should try to stick to the truth going forward and just sit through the awful wedding as opposed to getting a whole town morning for you and running fundraisers.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You're right. You're absolutely right. But the worst part is I've been using some of that GoFund me money.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Of course you have.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: But like, I fixed my transmission.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know, I've had some time to think about this, and I'm going to change my stance. I think what you should do tomorrow is get yourself down at the town hall and run for office because I think you'll really get the sympathy vote and you, I think you have what it takes to be a politician. And you might really be able to make yourself some real money in the politics arena.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Luke, I don't have the stomach for politics.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You got the prostate for it.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Last time I tried to lie my way out of something, I ended up with a go-fund me and a cousin who shaved his head. If I ran for office, by the time the election rolled around, the whole town would think I was running for mayor and had terminal cancer. Next thing you know, I'm getting a key to the city and a funeral plot in the same ceremony.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that sounds like a win-win, sir. Then all the problems are solved with that one small act of civic service.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You know what, Luke? You might be onto something. I could be the first mayor of Hatch to campaign from a coffin. Vote for Otis. He's already given everything for this town. Put that on a bumper sticker. My campaign slogan could be, I've got nothing left to lose, literally. But seriously, I still got to figure out what to tell my mom.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I think you've got to tell your mom that your stomach is upset and you're not feeling very good and you don't think you have much longer left. And hopefully, she gets worried enough that her heart goes into cardiac arrest and then you don't have to worry about that problem anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Jesus, Luke, that's dark even for you. My mom's the only person in this whole mess who actually cares whether I live or die.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What are you talking about? The whole town care. You get them all out there and shaving their heads and shit. Everybody cares if you live or die. Or at least they want people to think they care if you live or die. Either way.
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: You're right. That's the problem. They all care now because I'm dying. Six months ago, nobody gave a damn. I was just Otis, who works at UPS, and tells bad jokes at the bar.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, Otis, I don't know what else to tell you. I'm going to pray for you. I've heard that the power of prayer can do wonderful thing. So we'll hope that that enlarged prostate turns into a tumorous prostate, and we can make an honest man out of you yet. We're going to have to go to the next caller now. I wish we had more advice for you, but you really fucked yourself on this one, sir. Do you have anything else you'd like to finish up with?
|
||||
|
||||
OTIS: Yeah, Luke, just one thing. If this whole prayer thing works, and I actually do get cancer, I'm coming back on this show, and we're going to have a very different conversation about the power of your intercession. Thanks for nothing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you know, you're welcome. I'll have a pancake for you, buddy. Next up, we've got Brandy. Brandy, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life?
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: I just found out my boss is planning to bail on the company I've been wiring solar farms for, and he has no idea. I know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What do you mean bail on the company? A company that you're a vendor of, you're working with a partner of, you're working with a partner of, or is it the actual company that you work for.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: The actual company I work for, Solar Tech. I'm an electrician there, have been for eight years. My boss, Rick, was on speaker fund with some HR person, talking about how the CEO couldn't manage a lemonade stand, how the whole place is a house of cards, how he'd be gone by summer if they made it worth his while. I was just microwaving my desk salad in the break room.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, running a lemonade stand is harder than people might think. You've got to pay attention to the books. You might have to manage some employees, and then they're going to have sniffly noses and stuff, and then customers are going to get upset, and it's a whole big thing. So I don't want you to think that CEOs can't manage a lemonade stand. It's harder than you might think. What you just described to me is literally every business. It's all a big house of cards and a show. So I don't understand why this is bothering you. Who cares if your CEO is going to bail.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: Because Rick's the one who signs my checks, and if he's already got one fed out the door, that means my job's on a timer too. I'm not talking about some abstract corporate drama. I'm talking about the guy who approves my overtime, who decides whether we get new safety gear or keep using the same frayed gloves from 2018. If he's making exit plans, that's not just business as usual. That's me showing up to a job site next month and finding out the company's been sold off, or worse, that they've cut my departures to save on payroll. I've got rent. I've got a truck payment. I've got, look, I get that every company's a mess. But when the guy in charge of your paycheck starts treating the place like a sinking ship, you start wondering if you should have brought a life jacket to work.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, no, that's not really quite how it works. CEOs are like those sniffly noses. They come and go seasonally. They just swap one out with another one. And then he tries to make his initiatives known the company and be the golden boy for a little while, and then that fails, and then they swap him out again. And that's just how it goes.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: Rick's not the CEO. Rick's my direct boss. He's the operations manager. The CEO is the guy he was trashing on the phone. Rick's the one who decides if I get assigned to the good jobs or the garbage ones. If my hours get cut when things slow down, if I'm even still on the roster when he decides to jump ship, you swap out a CEO, fine, whatever. But when the guy who actually runs the day-to-day, starts bad-mouthing the company to HR and talking about his exit strategy, that trickles down to people like me real fast.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, not necessarily. See, if you're smart, then people like you trickle up to an operational manager. So somebody's going to have to replace the guy, and it might as well be you. That's what I say. So if I were you, you've got some insider information right now. I would be making some alliances within that company and trying to get my foot in the door for your buddy, Rick's job.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: I wire junction boxes and troubleshoot inferters when the monsoons fry the grid.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah. I appreciate that. I guess I just needed to hear someone say, it's not the end of the world.
|
||||
|
||||
BRANDY: It's not the end of the world, Brandi. You're going to be just fine.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Thank you for the call. And now it's time for us to go to a word from our sponsors. And we're going to go to the coffee anima sponsor just in case Otis is still around because these guys could maybe help him out with his prostate enlargement. All right. I'm going to read this ad exactly as they sent it to me. And I want you to know that I have concerns. The branch wellness wants you to know that your gut health starts, and I'm reading this directly from the card now, from the other end. They make an at-home coffee enema kit. It comes in a box that says wellness inside, on the outside, which I think we can agree, is doing a lot of the heavy lifting. The kit includes a medical grade silicone bag, organic single origin coffee, because apparently the coffee you put in your, that that coffee needs to be single origin, a detailed instruction booklet, and a com card with a QR code to a guided meditation for during. During. There's a guided meditation for during. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your body. That's between you and your bathroom and whatever God you answer to. I will say the reviews are disturbingly positive. Four and a half stars. One guy said it has changed his morning routine, which I believe because it would absolutely change your morning routine. Phantom Ranch Wellness. I read the ad. I didn't endorse it. All right. And hopefully Otis was still around for that. He can give them a call and they can get him sorted. Next up on the line, we've got Keith. Keith, welcome to the show. What's going on tonight? How can we help you, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
KEITH: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I've been watching my 26-year-old stepson crash and burn through his third job this year. And he just posted this whole thing on social media about how they didn't appreciate him. And I'm sick getting here thinking we absolutely destroyed this kid's generation with participation trophies and constant praise for doing the bare minimum.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, why are you looking at it like that? And not that we've absolutely destroyed the workplace and people are not appreciated as human beings there anymore. He might be right. That's been my experience is that companies don't give a fuck about you. So why should you give a fuck about them?
|
||||
|
||||
KEITH: Okay, but Luke, he got written up for being late five times in two months and his response was to tell his manager that the start time didn't align with his personal energy rhythms. His personal energy rhythms. This isn't some evil corporation grinding him down. This is a local marketing firm that gave him flex hours and let him work from home twice a week. They bent over backwards for this kid and he still couldn't show up on time or take feedback without getting defensive. I'm not saying every workplace is perfect, but at some point you have to ask yourself if maybe the problem is that we raised a generation that thinks showing up is enough?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I mean, I can ask myself that I didn't raise any part of this generation, so I take no part in it. But I don't know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's hard to say because we've allowed a workplace environment where just paying the bare minimum is enough. So why isn't just showing up enough?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Because that's not how anything works, Luke. You don't get to coast in life and expect rewards. I run a logistics company. I've got drivers who show up every single day, on time, in the snow, in hundred 100 degree heat and they do their jobs without needing a pat on the back every five minutes. That's what adults do. But this kid, and I'm seeing it with the new hires too, they expect praise just for clocking in.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you know, things change. I'm trying to play the devil's advocate here. I do agree with you on some level, but it's not. I can't just get behind that this new generation is shit. Because in my experience, the workplace has gone to shit and people are not respected and they expect too much all the time. Like, people will complain that people come into work and do the bare minimum while they pay them the literal legal minimum wage. There's no reward. What's the reward there? They can't even afford to live. That's not reward.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: All right, fair point on the minimum wage thing. I'm not talking about someone making eight bucks an hour at a fast food place. This kid was making 42,000 a year with benefits at a job friend got him. Forty-two thousand to post on Instagram and write email campaigns. And you know what his complaint was?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't care what his complaint was, really, because $42,000 isn't enough to wipe your ass. $42,000 a year is not a lot of money. That's about what you can expect somebody to just show up for. If you want to, like, what do you think $42,000 is? Come on. Can you buy a house with $42,000? Could you buy a car with $42,000?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Luke, he lives in his money. He lives in his money basement rent free. He's not trying to buy a house. And yeah, $42,000 for a 26-year-old entry-level marketing job in Salt Lake is pretty standard. I started at a warehouse making $19,000 in the 90s, which is probably like 35 now with inflation. And I didn't have my parents paying my rent.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, good for him, but we're talking on an overall level for all people. And because $42,000 is the standard, that doesn't make it right, and that's the, you're getting what you pay for. You get what you pay for. And if you're paying $42,000, which I don't know if you've noticed, but diesel is $4.15 a gallon right now. You're going to get the minimum back from them. If you're giving them a living wage where they don't have to, you know, worry about how they're going to make ends meet, after working eight, 10, 12 hours a day, posting stupid Instagram ads that some douchebag that doesn't know anything about marketing or graphic design has forced them to make. Yeah, that's shitty. It's a shitty job. It's a shitty workplace. And I can't really blame this new generation for being less than ideal workers because they're not being treated fairly.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Okay, but here's the thing. He was being treated fairly. This kid had a job that paid more than minimum wage with benefits, and he still couldn't hack it. And I'm not saying every workplace is perfect, but at some point you have to ask yourself, if you're not willing to put in the effort, why should anyone else put in the effort for you?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I'm not seeing where any effort's been put in the effort in. The minimum... Where's the effort being expended here on anybody's part? And I'm not talking about him. You said the whole generation. I'm talking about everybody across the country that works for any company. Not just this one kid who may very well be a lazy douchebag with his personal energy rhythms and all that. I don't know. I don't understand all that. And it seems stupid to me, sure. But the larger point here is that companies are assholes and they don't deserve more than the minimum because they're giving the minimum.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You want to know where the effort is? This company gave him flex hours, let him work from home twice a week. His manager sat down with him personally to go over his performance reviews instead of just firing him. They paid for a LinkedIn learning subscription so he could build his skills. But the second he got written up for being late, not fired, written up, he quit and blamed them on social media. And Luke, I hear what you're saying about companies being assholes. I really do. But we can't just throw our hands up and say everyone's a victim.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's true. And if they did make real attempts to work in his personal development, then yeah, he was an asshole about it. Sure. But we can throw our hands up and say everyone's a victim when everybody's being treated as a victim. And I would say the vast majority of people in the new generation are being treated like expendable victims. They're not being taken care of. It's more expensive to live than it ever has been. And when you get a good job, There is no level of job security. They don't get a pension. There's no loyalty. They could get laid off at any minute for any reason. I'm not seeing why they should feel the same level of work ethic that you and I did 20, 30 years ago. Because the companies are not treating people in the same way. Generally, I don't know what happened at this company. And maybe this kid is a piece of shit. I don't know. What question are you asking? How can I help you here?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I guess what I'm asking is, am I wrong to think we screwed this up? Because when I watch this kid bounce from job to job, posting about how the world doesn't understand him, I keep thinking about those participation trophies, about how we told an entire generation that just showing up was enough.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know, because I was never involved in the whole just showing up is enough. I missed that whole part of when we told people that. But what I saw was everything that I saw in the news and everything that I experienced experienced in the workplace and oh, now, sorry, you don't get your bonus because whatever, because we decided you don't. Or, oh, we actually can't do performance reviews because, oh, I don't know, whatever. And, oh, you know what, we don't want to raise the minimum wage because it costs us so much money to do these ad campaigns for Ronald McDonald, whatever the fuck it is and don't have that, I don't know, personal experience there. Like, I don't have kids, so I didn't give anybody any participation, participation trophies. What I saw from the workplace, from the corporate environment, deserves what happened. Like, you can see why it happened.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm blaming the trophies when I should be looking at the fact that his mother has been bailing him out his entire life. She got him the job. She lets him live rent-free, and every time he quits something, she tells him it's because he's too creative for these corporate environments.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I'm sitting here mad at participation trophies when the real problem is he's never had to face a real consequence in his life because someone's always there to catch him.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Maybe. That could be. I don't know. But I've seen the world be not deserving of additional work ethic. We bail out the banks, too, when they fuck up and steal from us and do predatory lending. We're like, okay, well, you know, here's some money. And then they go spend that on their yachts publicly. Like, they don't even hide it. It's reprehensible. And then COVID happens. And then there's all that mess. And it's like every single event that you read about in the news about how the world works proves to these kids that the world doesn't give a fuck about you.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, but Luke, at some point you still have to show up for yourself. I get it. The banks got bailed out. Corporations are greedy. The system is rigged. But what's the alternative? You just give up? You bounce from job to job posting about your energy rhythms and wait for the world to change because that's what I'm watching happen. And it's not getting him anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Well, maybe he doesn't want to go anywhere.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Because like you said, he's well taken care of where he's at. He's not paying rent. His mother bails him out. That's probably not good when you're, what did you say, 26 years old? Maybe you've got to set him loose. Set him for real to figure out his way in the world, but you can understand where he's coming from and why he's not as excited and eager to show loyalty and work ethic in the workplace. Because why? Why would you?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Because I don't want him to end up like me. I'm 52 years old, and I've spent my whole life working for a company that's going to replace me with a spreadsheet the second I slow down. I don't have a pension. I don't have a 401k that's going to save me. And I sure as hell don't have a mother who's going to bail me out when I can't make rent. I want him to have something I never did. A safety net, sure, but also the drive to build something that lasts.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Well, you had the drive to build something that lasts, right? And how'd that work out for you? You've got the work ethic of our generation, don't you? How did that work out for you? Your company doesn't give a fuck? They're not even going to wait for a spreadsheet to replace you next week with AI, like everybody else. So, I mean, they're going to replace you with the cheapest version of you possible. So maybe he's got it right by tapping out of the whole capitalistic industrial complex and following his energy rhythms. I don't know. He could be right. The new generation, you know, let them figure it out. We don't have to act like we know anything. We obviously don't. We fucked it all up.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know what? You're absolutely right. I spent 30 years doing everything I was supposed to do. Showed up early, stayed late, never complained, put the company first. And what do I have to show for it. A boss half my age who doesn't know what I do, a salary that hasn't kept up with inflation, and the constant fear that one bad quarter means I'm gone. Maybe he looked at my life and said no thanks.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yes. Maybe watching me grind myself down for nothing taught him exactly what not to do.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes. And here I am calling you mad that he won't make the same mistakes I did.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Exactly. You know, maybe they're on the right track. I don't disagree with them. Totally. I mean, I find it annoying too when people are lazy and are not able to do the job and dumb, but people have been lazy and not able to do the job and dumb forever. That's always been the case. You can't just blame this generation for it or say it's because of a participation trophy. It's not. It's because they watched us destroy society and it's completely fucked. And they don't want to participate. And I don't blame them.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, but then what's the answer, Luke? Seriously, if the system's broken and opting out means living off your mom's good graces until she dies, then what? What are we supposed to do? What's the middle ground? Because I'm not saying he needs to be a corporate drone, but he also can't just float through life waiting for inspiration to strike while his stepdad, me, is working his butt off to keep the lights on for everyone.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Well, I think the answer is enough of the people. The entire generation is tapping out. And then that grinds the corporations to a halt because they actually need people to do the work. And if they're not showing up to do it, then they're going to have to, you know, change their ways. But as long as there's people with the work ethic to do it, and get ripped off every day and go in with a smile, they're going to continue. They're going to continue doing what they do. And it's never going to get better. So I think it sucks that it's just him and you're on the hook to support him and maybe you shouldn't and he'll have to find his way some other way, whether by starting his own business or being a fucking TikTok influencer or making money, getting leads for companies, whatever it is that he finds himself doing to make money, he has to make money to do that, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a nine to five job for some company that's going to out him as soon as they can.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I hear you, but here's the thing. He's not out there trying to start a business or build something. He's just quitting jobs and posting about how the world doesn't understand his potential. And I get it. The system's rigged, but at some point you have to meet the system halfway.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Okay, well, you met the system halfway, and you must be on your way to retirement, right? Oh, no pension, right? No 401K, huh? So you're supporting him now with your bare minimum money, because $42,000 is really good in your mind, right? So when you get to retirement, if you ever get to retirement, who's going to take care of you?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Nobody. That's the answer, Luke. Nobody's going to take care of me.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Well, you better hope that that kid figures it out then, huh?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, that's the sick irony of it, isn't it? I'm sitting here mad at him for not grinding like I did, but the whole reason I want him to figure it out is because I know I'm going to need him someday. don't have savings. And his mom, my ex-wife, she's not going to be there for me when I'm 70 and can't work anymore. So maybe I'm not really mad that he's lazy.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, well, that makes more sense. And hopefully, I mean, you should be able to talk to him and maybe tell him that and put it in his mind. Like, hey, I understand that working sucks. And maybe you don't want to do this traditional nine to five stuff because it doesn't sync You're going to have to come up with a way to make money, and then maybe support and help different alternative ways of him doing that. And maybe he'll remember that. And when you're 70 and need some money, he'll be making it if there's still money left at all that Elon Musk doesn't have.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know what, Luke? That's actually the conversation I should have had instead of the one I've been having, which is just me telling him he's screwing up and needs to get his act together. Because all that does is make him defensive and makes me sound like every other boomer telling kids to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Maybe if I actually leveled with them and said, look, I played by the rules and it didn't work out. So let's figure out what does work for you. Maybe that gets somewhere? I don't know. It's hard to admit to your stepson that you don't have the answers when you spent 20 years pretending you did.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, I can understand that. And I think that's the right thing to do. And, you know, maybe you two can together come up with a solution that makes you both money and start some sort of a family business where you're doing the kind of work that you want to do, making the kind of money that you want to make, working the kind of energy flow routine that fits with everybody's lifestyle. That's the answer. It's not telling him to grind. Because grinding gets you nowhere, and you're proof of that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I am proof of that. 25 years in logistics, and I'm one bad month away from being in real trouble. You're right. A family business. Something we build together. That actually makes sense.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, but don't pretend you know everything because you are a boomer, and you don't know everything. You don't know what the world is like today. You don't know what he knows about technology and about the trends and about what people his age are buying and want to put money towards. So take his lead and use his skills because he does have skills, even if you can't see them and you don't know what they are. They're there. And the boomers know, I mean, I don't know, Gen Z or whatever, Jen, they know what they want their world to look like. So if you can get on board with him, I think you'll do a better job than trying to force him on board with you.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're absolutely right. I don't know what I don't know. He grew up with the internet in his hand.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: He sure did. And he understands how it works more than you know. So listen to him. And don't write him off as a lazy kid.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Even if he is a little bit lazy, that's, I mean, you can work with that. You can try to impart some level of work ethic without pushing what you did. Because what you did didn't work. And it's not going to work. And it's going to work less and less and less every year that goes by. So you figure out what it is that he's got his pulse on.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: You're right. I've been so focused on what he's not doing that I haven't asked him what he is doing or what he sees coming. He's on his phone all the time, and I just assume he's wasting time. But maybe he's actually paying attention to something I'm completely blind to. I need to stop lecturing and start listening.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You know, that's something my mom did right when I was a kid. She got me a computer when I was really young and I spent all my time on that computer and everybody thought I was wasting time. wasn't wasting time. I was learning how fucking computers worked, and it was very lucrative for me in the 90s and 2000s. That's over now, but there was a time that it made me very, very valuable. I mean, more so than any of my teachers or anybody else that I even knew. So lean into what he's doing and support that, and it might pay dividends. That's my advice for you.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: That's good advice, Luke. I appreciate it. I called in here thinking I was going to vent about trophies, and instead, you just made me realize I've been the problem. I need to have a different conversation with him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, man, and we can get rid of trophies altogether. We don't need trophies anymore. But thank you for the call. I hope that goes well for you. Let us know how it turns out, all right? Next up on the line, we've got Crystal. Crystal, welcome to the show. How can I help you today?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So, I was out metal detecting this afternoon, which is something I do maybe once a week need to clear my head. And I found my phone. My actual phone that I lost two weeks ago, out past the old cemetery, still had battery somehow, which is crazy, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, not bad. That's a, that's a solid battery. You must have it on low power mode.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Right. Yeah, I must have. But here's the thing. When I turned it on, I had all these messages I'd missed. And one of them was from another parent on my this link to a news article about Coach Mike, our coach, the kids coach, and it's about something that happened 15 years ago in Arizona.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, first of all, it's crazy that you went two weeks without a phone and you didn't replace that shit immediately and get your messages. I don't know how you can do that in today's world, but besides that, this doesn't sound like it's going to be a good story. What happened to the coach? What the coach do?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: He was arrested for solicitation of a minor, 15, years ago in Tucson. He did 18 months, and I've been sitting in my workshop for three hours now, just staring at this article, because this is Mike we're talking about. Mike who brings orange slices in a cooler he hand-painted with the teen colors.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, Mike the coach. I mean, could you be more cliche? Of course. That's exactly what I expected when you said, coach.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: No, no, no. But you don't understand, Luke. This isn't just a coach. This is Coach Mike. My sister, she trusts him completely. He taught my nephew how to bunt for crying out loud. He shows up to every single game, even in monsoon season, when the rest of us are huddled under umbrellas, looking miserable. He's just...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: He's just a pedophile.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: I mean, yeah, I guess. But 15 years, Luke. Maybe he's not a pedophile anymore. That goes away, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know if it goes away. That's the thing.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: I keep turning over in my head. Like, he did his time, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. I think once you've done your time for that, you're not allowed to coach anymore. So however he ended up being the coach is probably not okay.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: That's what I keep coming back to. Because there's background checks, right? There have to be background checks for little league coaches. So either he lied or someone knew and didn't care. Or there's some loophole I don't understand. And that scar over his eyebrow that he always jokes about, saying he got it sliding into home plate when he was a kid. Did he get it with a beer bottle knife?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, no, he said it was a baseball bat.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: But now I'm wondering if that's true. I mean, he's got this whole story about it, how he was showing off for his dad and slipped on the wet grass and, wait, why am I even telling you this? That's not the point.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, have you talked to anybody at the school or the team about this, the police even. I don't know if this is the type of thing that you want to take to a radio host if he's in close proximity to all your children.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: That's why I'm calling you, Luke, because I don't know what to do. If I go to the school, if I go to the league, I blow up my nephew's whole season. I blow up my sister's life because she's going to feel like the worst mother in the world for not knowing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, he might be blowing up more than your nephew's season.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Okay, so yeah, you got to do something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I know. I know that. But what if I'm wrong? What if there's an explanation?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Let you let the police figure that out. And they can do whatever types of investigation they have to do. But, I mean, you read the article. It's Coach Mike. I assume that's got a picture of him in it, and you've confirmed that it's the same Mike. And if you're sure, and he's the coach of Little League, you can't allow that to continue because it would make your sister feel bad if you said something. If he's continuing to do what he does to kids, he could be ruining lives, not seasons, lives, entire forever. And you can't let that happen.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: You're right. God, you're right. I've been sitting here for three hours trying to talk myself out of it, trying to find a reason why it's okay to just keep my mouth shut.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, there is no reason it's okay. It's not okay for you to keep your mouth shut. If you've got that information, then you have to take get to people that can look into it. And if you don't, then you're, I mean, a rotten person.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: That's harsh, Luke. But yeah, yeah, I guess that's what I needed to hear. Because every time I pick up the phone to call someone official, I think about my nephew crying when they canceled the season two years ago for COVID. Or I think about Mike staying late after practice to work with the kids who are struggling.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I bet. He painted that cooler himself with all their names on it. Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Call the cops. Let him know. Jesus. Look at what's going on here. Uh, Mike's not your buddy.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: No, you're right. He's not. I don't even know him. Not really. I just know what he shows us. And that article, it was from Colorado 15 years ago. Inappropriate contact with a minor.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, every minute you spend on the line with me is another minute he could be doing some after-school tutelage with one of your children. So I would hang up and call the police immediately.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Okay. Okay, I'm going to do it. Right now, soon as I hang up. I'm going to call the non-emergency line and tell them what I found. And then I'm going to have to call my sister before she hears it from someone else. Because that's going to be a nightmare.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, I mean, better to call her and find all that out now than to find out 20 years down the line that something was going on and you could have prevented it. So I hope all of that works out. Good luck to you. And I hope you continue to have a wonderful season. Jesus. And now it's time for some words from our sponsors. Are you tired of your protein having a shape? Introducing Meat Cube, the world's first geometrically perfect meat product. Every meat cube is exactly two inches by two inches by two inches of lab engineered protein that we are legally required to call meat adjacent. What animal is it from? Absolutely none of your business. What we can tell you is that Meat Cube has been approved by the FDA.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Not the American one, but one of them. Meat Cube is a shelf stable for 11 years. It does not need to be refrigerated. Honestly, refrigeration seems to make it angry. Each cube contains 40 grams of protein, zero grams of fat, and a faint electrical charge that our lawyers say is within acceptable limits. Meat Cube comes in three feet. flavors. Original, smokehouse, and, uh-oh. You can grill it, fry it, or just set it on the counter and watch it slowly rotate on its own, which it will do. We don't know why. Meat Cube. It's not meat. It's not not meat. It's not meat. It's meat cube. Available at grocery stores that have recently fired their health inspector. Use code Chew Harder for free shipping. We are back. Thanks to meet you for the sponsorship there. Next up on the line, we've got Slim. Slim, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Hey, Luke, thanks for having me. So I'm sitting here at this U-Haul place, right? Covering graveyard shift for my cousin. And a couple hours ago, these people came in wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts. And I know that sounds like nothing, but it sent me down this whole thing about food appropriation. And I cannot let it go.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: let it go because food appropriation is not a thing, right? It doesn't matter. It's a taco. Somebody called in the other day all pissed off about Taco Tuesday, too. And you know what? You should be grateful that tacos are getting the attention they deserve. And it's not appropriation. People like tacos. Tacos are cheap and easy to produce. And they are a good seller for most pubs. So I don't see the problem here, but I'm not Mexican, so I guess I wouldn't, would I?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Wait, wait, wait, hold on, Luke. You cannot just dismiss this like that. This is exactly what I'm talking about. It is not about being grateful that white people like tacos. It is about the fact that my grandmother sold tamales door to door in the 50s to keep her family fed and got called a dirty Mexican for it. And now some brewery in Scottsdale is charging $18 for gourmet street tacos and getting written up in Phoenix Magazine like they invented something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: The problem is not that people like the food. Look, every culture's food is appropriated in this way. You're lucky that you're not the fucking French, because then you would have the Chris sandwich. How would you like that? The Chris sandwich? Uh, every, every single culture, there's fucking SpaghettiOs? Do you think the Italians like that there's SpaghettiOs that are made into alphabet letters so you can spell your name out on your fucking spoon? Enough. Enough. Enough with cultural food appropriation. You can't play the victim here when it happens to everybody across the board. There is no culture whose food is safe from marketing. Right? That's America. And go get yourself a whopper. You know, is that cultural appropriation? I think white people invented the hamburger. I don't fucking know. But Taco Tuesday is not a thing you have to be pissed off about. And I'm sorry that your grandmother was called the dirty Mexican that's not nice, but it doesn't have anything to do with tacos, Taco Tuesday, food appropriation, or restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: No, Luke, you are missing the entire point. It is not the same thing. When Italians get SpaghettiOs, nobody is calling their grandmother dirty for making pasta.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, the Italians were never called dirty? Have you ever heard of a greasy wop? A guinea? Of course they were. Every culture is made fun of and called me names and every single culture. We're talking about food, though, and every food is culturally appropriated and used by the marketing machine to sell more of them. Tacos just get it quite a bit because they're inexpensive to produce.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Okay, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the erasure that happens. It's not just about marketing. It's about taking something it of its origins and its cultural significance, and then presenting it as something new and trendy, often by the very people who look down on it to begin with. It's not just every food gets marketed. It's about who gets to profit, who gets the credit, and whose history gets conveniently forgotten. Like, there's this whole thing about how Mexican food in the United States, especially here in the Southwest, was developed by Mexican Americans by Tejano's, specifically to adapt to ingredients available here. And that was always looked down on as peasant food. But now you have chefs, often white chefs, taking those exact same dishes, putting a new spin on them, and suddenly it's elevated cuisine.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's never elevated cuisine. No, it isn't. It's Taco Tuesday. There's nothing elevated about that. It's cheap tacos that you get at happy hour. Two for two dollars or one whatever. I know that there is some elevated cuisine bullshit going on all throughout the country in all ethnic foods and non-ethnic foods. And at what point can you say what, like nobody owns a food. That's a silly proposition. And it is marketing. It is entirely marketing. And they're not just selling the food. They're selling the experience. They're selling the restaurant and the very well-trained waiters and the fancy wines and shit. So, no, I don't, I don't buy this. I just don't.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Luke, you're conflating two different things. The cheap taco Tuesday at the dive bar. Fine, whatever. But I'm talking about the boutique places. I'm talking about the James Beard nominated chefs who are doing modern interpretations of Mexican street food and getting all the accolades while the actual Mexican restaurants down the street that have been making the real thing for 30 years can't get a write-up in the local paper.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: They could absolutely get a write-up in the local paper if they wrote a press release and sent it to the local paper. And you called me talking about Taco Tuesday. Not talking about whatever boutique place bullshit you're babbling about now, James Beard,! Whoever the fuck that is. I don't care. This is stupid. It's a taco. There's not a whole lot to it. It's a tortilla shell with some shit in it. I don't know. What do you want? A cookie?
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: No, I don't want a cookie Luke. I want you to understand that when a white couple walks into my workplace, wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts like it's some kind of cute personality trait. It's emblematic of a bigger issue where my culture gets turned into a costume. And yeah, I started with Taco Tuesday, because that's what set me off tonight. But it's connected to the bigger picture. You're acting like I'm being precious about a tortilla, but what I'm actually about is a pattern where Mexican food was stigmatized when Mexican people made it. And now it's celebrated when white people rebrand it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't, I think what you're talking about is absolute bullshit. And I'm sorry if you feel like your culture has been appropriated by white people, but they're just trying to sell tacos. And you don't own tacos. They're not particularly special in any way. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to go where you want me to go on this one, because I Don't agree with you. This is a silly thing to be upset about. Yeah, people wear Taco Tuesday shirts because they like to go to the bar where they have Taco Tuesday because they can get two tacos for two dollars. It's not that big of a deal. It's not cultural appropriation. I agree that there is cultural appropriation all over in different ways, but food I don't think is one of them. And I think it's silly for people to get upset about it. Because what you're talking about, I've never seen a white person stigmatized Mexican food ever. In my entire, I'm 43 years old. I've never seen anybody badmouth Mexicans for making Mexican food. I've seen lots of people badmouthed Mexicans for other reasons. Some of them are funny, and they're all, you know, off color. But, uh, but not food. And that goes the same for every single other culture. Chinese people, African American people, Iranian people, Turkish people.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Go to San Francisco. You can eat at fucking sushi Rito. Sushi Rito! Luke, just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. My grandmother literally experienced it. She got doors slammed in her face in the 50s and 60s selling tamales in Tucson. That happened. And you're right. You're 43. You didn't see that because it was before your time. But the legacy of that stigma is still there.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's still there because you're holding on to it that was 60 fucking years ago. And I'm sorry that happened to her. That's horrible. And people were and mean, but that's not what's going on with Taco Tuesday and people wearing their Taco Tuesday shirts. So you can be as pissed off and as butt-hurt as you want about cultural appropriation of your tacos, but I think it's bullshit and you need to get over it. That's what I think. And if you're looking for a different answer for me, you're not going to get it because I just don't see how Mexicans specifically have been called out in this way. This happens to every culture, all of them.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You know what, Luke? You're right that it happens to every culture. But that doesn't make it okay, and it doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. And yeah, maybe I am holding on to it. But when you grow up hearing those stories from your grandmother, when you watch her make food with her hands that people used to turn their noses up at, and then you see it repackaged and sold back to you as trendy, it sticks with you. You can call that being butthard if you want, but it matters to me. And the fact that you think it's silly doesn't change But it's real for a lot of people. I'm not asking you to fix it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, how do you think it even could be fixed? Do you want people to not eat tacos if they're not Mexican? Is that what you want? Do you want people to not have Taco Tuesday because your grandmother got made fun of 60 years ago for making tacos? Lots of things people turn their nose up at 60 years ago that they don't turn their nose up now. That's a little thing we call marketing. I mean, values and cultures change over time. And 60 years ago, this was a very very different country. I mean, we're going back to the way that that country was, and I don't think anybody's happy about that, except for the half of the country that is. But my point is, what would you like me to do about that? What would you like anybody to do about this? Because I think your argument here is it doesn't hold water. It's stupid. And you're pissed off for no reason. And I don't know what to tell you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: I don't want people to stop eating tacos, Luke. That's not what I'm saying. What I want is for people to acknowledge where it comes from. I want the white chef who wins the James Beard Award for his innovative take on street tacos to maybe mention that he learned it from the Mexican women who've been making them in that neighborhood for decades. I want the food writers to cover the actual Mexican restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: With the same enthusiasm, they cover the boutique places. They don't want to go to the actual Mexican restaurants because they are largely dirty. Right there, small. They're crowded. They're a pain in the ass to get to. They're not going there. They're going to the nicer, cleaner, upscale places that are fancy. That's what they're writing about. That's what's making the money. They're not going to go to a Mexican street vendor and write an article about the old lady that's been making tacos for 60 years because it's not a story. And the James Beard Award chef was born 30 years ago. He didn't learn how to make tacos from the old Mexican ladies down the street. He learned to make tacos from fucking Taco Bell.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Jokita Taco Bell. You just called Mexican restaurants largely dirty, Luke. You hear yourself right now. That's exactly the stigma I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's because the Mexican restaurants I've been to are largely dirty. There's flies flying around. They're not, uh, they're not pristine. It's not fucking Caesar's Palace. And that's part of the charm of them. But you can't say they're not dirty. They are. They're not air-conditioned in a lot of places, and they're not clean in a lot of places, and that's, I don't know if that's a cultural thing, or if that's a money thing, or whatever, but it's not the same experience as going into a Michelin-Star restaurant. That's why you're not getting the articles written. It's not because they're Mexican. It's because the place isn't that pleasant to go into.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, you're conflating authentic family-run places with dirty. There's a difference between a small operation that doesn't have marble countertops and a place that's actually unsanitary. And yeah, some of them are in strip malls or food trucks, but that doesn't mean they're dirty. The health department inspects them just like everywhere else. What you're describing as not pleasant is often just not designed for white customers. No tablecloths, no mood lighting. It's just good food. And the fact that you think that's inherently 30 says more about your expectations than it does about those restaurants.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Except I'm not talking about the ones that are strip malls and food trucks. I'm talking about the ones in Mexico that don't have air conditioners or people wiping the tables. And that seems to be okay there. And I don't know what health department is inspecting them, but I'm pretty sure there's none.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're talking about Mexico like it's some monolith, Luke. There are Michelin-starred restaurants in Mexico City with health inspections just as strict as anywhere. And yeah, there are small family-run places that might not have air conditioning, but that doesn't mean that dirty. You're acting like every Mexican restaurant is some back alley operation, and that's the problem. You're judging an entire culture's food based on a handful of places you've been to. And let me ask you this. When was the last time you ate at a Mexican restaurant that wasn't a chain or some upscale place?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't know, some years ago, many years ago. But I have. And it was dirty. And I'm not saying unsanitary. I'm saying dirty, like with dirt in places. And, you know, I still ate there. I didn't feel it like it was unsafe. And stop putting words in my mouth. I'm not doing that. I'm saying they're dirty because they're fucking dirty, dude. I've been there. I've seen it. And, you know, the Michelin Star restaurants in Mexico City you're talking about. They're getting the articles written about them. They're Michelin Star. That's part of it, you know. You're talking about about little mom and pop places and then like trying to pin me as some sort of racist douchebag and it's not the case. So get out of here with your Taco Tuesday cultural appropriation. It's bullshit. And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let you put me in this position where I'm being an asshole about it. I'm not. I'm telling you what I see.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: And you're telling me what you see. I'm not trying to pin you as anything, Luke. I'm telling you that when you should, you're say Mexican restaurants are largely dirty. That reinforces a stereotype that hurts real businesses. And those Michelin star places in Mexico City, they're not the ones getting written about in American food magazines. When some white chef opens a taco spot in Portland.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, of course they're not. Why would they be? And how many, uh, Mexico City publications of writing about the taco place in Portland? Come on, where is your fucking argument here? What you're saying is nonsense.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: is that when Mexican food gets elevated in the United States, it's almost always by non-Mexican chefs who get the credit and the awards, while the people who actually created and preserved those recipes stay invisible. You're acting like this is just about who writes about what restaurant, but it's bigger than that. It's about who gets to profit from a culture's food.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Who gets taken seriously? And who gets dismissed? The Portland Taco Place gets venture capital funding, James Beard nominations, the family that's been making the same recipes for three generations gets gentrified out of their neighborhood.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: That's the pattern I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I think that pattern is nonsense and it doesn't fit in the American, you know, you can't claim ownership of a type of food. That is silly. You can go anywhere in the world and learn how to make a meal and then bring it back and make a restaurant. That doesn't mean you're culturally appropriating and profit off the backs of generations of people? No. It's just not true. You want to be hurt about something and you're picking this to be hurt about and I think it's nonsense. I think it's fucking stupid. And I'm not going to agree with you. Unless you got some kind of real point here that could change my mind, I don't think you're going to because I don't see it the way you see it at all.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're right that anyone can learn to cook any cuisine. I'm not saying people shouldn't be allowed to open Mexican restaurants. What I'm saying is there's a double standard in how those restaurants get treated. When Rick Baylis opens a place, he gets profiled in the New York Times. When My Tia opens a place with the same recipes her grandmother taught her, she gets health code violations for keeping her comel too close to the prep station.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, because her comel is too close to the prep station, and she's not following the rules of the health board. She should get health violations for that. You can't just, that's what I'm saying. The Mexican restaurants that I've been to are largely dirty. And there's a reason that they're not getting the press that you want them to be getting. It's because it's not the same experience. And it's not something that people want to go spend a bunch of money on.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You just proved my point, Luke. You're saying Mexican restaurants don't get press because they're dirty and not worth spending money on. That's the stereotype I'm talking about. My tea is really. restaurant isn't dirty.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you just proved my point when you said, uh, your, I don't know what Tia is, that your Tia's restaurant got board of health violations for having the comel, whatever that is, too close to the prep station. That's what I'm saying. Like, you got to, you got to follow the rules. If it was the same experience as a venture capitalist funded restaurant with the marble tables and the nice mood lighting and the tablecloths and the, and the, the, the, air conditioning, then yeah, people might be more inclined to go spend a bunch of money there. But it's not that experience. It's hot. People are sweating. The food is too close to the other food. There's flies flying around. It's dirty and it's not. I mean, there's more to the experience of the restaurant than the food. The food is probably the least important part of the experience of a restaurant, especially when we're talking about what the press is looking at. And you're trying to say that we're appropriating your culture and trying to profit off your generations of talk. recipe, but it's a fucking taco dude. Stop it.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Tia means Aunt Luke. And yeah, she got a violation because traditional Mexican cooking uses equipment that doesn't fit American health code standards. A Como is a flat gridal. It's been used for thousands of years to make tortillas.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay. Well, if you don't fit the American health code standards, that's a problem for Americans, and you were talking about America. How is this cultural appropriation or a double standard? You have to follow the rules that every other restaurant has to follow.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: That's exactly it, Luke. You're saying, follow the rules, like the rules are neutral. But the rules themselves are often designed for a different kind of cuisine, a different kind of cooking. So when you apply those same rules to a traditional Mexican restaurant, it creates an unfair barrier. It's not that her food is unsafe. It's that the way it's prepare doesn't fit into a box that was built for, say, a French bistro. And so then it gets labeled as dirty or unprofessional when it's just different.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, it gets labeled as dirty and unprofessional when it looks dirty and unprofessional, which a lot of the Mexican restaurants that are authentic that I've been to look like. Uh, so, yeah, I don't know what else to tell you. I'm sorry your culture's been appropriated by Taco Tuesday and you don't get enough write-ups in whatever Neither one of us is reading the chef magazine, so you're just looking to be pissed off tonight. And I don't agree with you.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: I work nights at a U-Haul place, Luke. I'm not reading chef magazines either, but I notice when the white couple comes in, wearing matching Taco Tuesday squad shirts, like it's some kind of joke. Like my family's food is a theme party.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, you're just deciding to take it super personally and decide that they're looking at a like a joke when what they are really doing is wearing those shirts because they get joy out of tacos. So they're celebrating your culture's food. And I'm sorry it doesn't have your grandmother's fucking face on it, but they're just enjoying a taco. And you're taking it super, super personally for generations and generations of misappropriation. And that's wrong. I think it's wrong. And I think you don't have to be pissed off about this because it's... I can be wrong. I don't know. Like we both just said, neither one of us are reading these articles. So in the high end of things, I don't... I don't really know. Maybe you are appropriated and somebody's profiting off Mexican culture that isn't Mexican. I... I don't care.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You're right that I'm taking it personally. I am. Because when my abuela makes tamales for Christmas, it takes her to... days.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, good for her, and she's doing that as a labor of love for her and her family and for the tradition of your deep family culture. And that's a great thing. But I don't understand how that means the rest of the world is wronging you because they're not. Okay? Everybody's trying to make a book. Everybody's trying to get a bite to eat. And we don't have to give reverence to the people that came before us every time we ate a taco, a burrito or a sushi or a pasta primavera or a fucking baguette.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: You don't have to give reverence, Luke. But when Rick Bayliss gets a James Beard award and opens five restaurants serving the exact same food my Tia makes, and she can't even get alone to fix her air conditioning, because the bank says her business model is too risky. That's not about reverence. That's about who gets to profit from the food. And who doesn't? He learned to cook in Mexico, came back to Chicago, and now he's the face of Mexican cuisine to millions of people who will never set foot in a restaurant like my tears. And I'm not saying he's a bad guy or that he shouldn't cook Mexican food. I'm saying the system decides his version is worth investing in, and hers isn't. And that's the double standard I'm talking about.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you're wrong about that because the system, I mean, the system isn't deciding that his investing in and hers isn't. It's deciding that he is worth investing in and she isn't because he's got credit, because he's able to pay those loans back, because he has a long history of being able to support the money that he's borrowing and make his investors money. And she likely does not. So that has nothing to do with the cuisine. And like we've already determined, this is, when we're talking about what food critics are looking at, the food is a very small part of Right? They're looking at the tablecloths. They're looking at how the fucking silverware is laid out on the tablecloths. They're looking at the decor around the building and the building itself, the real estate. This is all creditworthiness. It's not about the food. It's not about stealing your food.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay, but Luke, you just made my point.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're saying it's about creditworthiness, about tablecloths and silverware and real estate. But that's exactly what I'm saying the food is the same. The recipes are the same. Sometimes his are literally learned from women like my Tia.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay. And if women like your Tia had a creditworthiness, then they could borrow a bunch of money that they would have to pay back from investors and start a big fancy restaurant with a big fancy building and hire a bunch of people and the best waiters and then they could get those Michelin Stars too. Right? But they're not doing that. She doesn't have the money. She doesn't have the credit. She doesn't have an air conditioner that works.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're right that she doesn't have those things. But you're acting like creditworthiness exists in a vacuum. Like it's some neutral measure of who deserves investment. My tier has been running her restaurant for 22 years. She pays her bills. She employs six people.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: And that's great and that's good for her. But yes, creditworthiness is absolutely a neutral measure of who deserves investment. It is the primary measure of that. And if she were running her restaurant in America and paying the bills and keeping it in a perfect 800 credit score, and she would be much more likely to get the level of investment that she would need to start a restaurant like that. But she can't because she's busy doing her actual job, which is making tacos. So these guys got the money and they're investing it to make a big restaurant to get a bunch of critics to come out, so they'll pay a lot of extra money so that Taco cost $26.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Your Tia could do that too if she moved to America and worked up her credit and found some investors and did the same thing that he's doing. But as soon as something goes wrong for that guy, he's on the hook to pay all those investors back. So if she can support doing that, she has every... Well, I don't know that she has every affordability to do that, but she could do that.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, she is in America. She's in Tucson. She's been a citizen for 30 years. And she does have good credit. She pays her suppliers on time. She's never missed a rent payment. She owns her house outright. But when she applied for a business loan three years ago to expand her kitchen and fix the hayback, the bank said no, because her neighborhood is considered high risk. And her business model doesn't fit their lending criteria.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, and that other dude probably went to 50 banks that also told him no for the same reasons. And he had to pick his place where the bank thought, all right, there's enough people with enough money in here to actually recoup our investment. And then he had to go to more investors so we could get more money so we could pay for the more expensive place so that the bank would actually give him more money so that he could make his restaurant. There's a whole thing going on here, but it doesn't have anything to do with stealing your culture's food.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Then why is it that when white chefs open Mexican restaurants in upscale neighborhoods, innovative and authentic. But when Mexican families have been running the same kind of place for decades in their own neighborhoods, it's considered risky. Rick Bayliss didn't go to 50 banks. He had access to capital and connections from the start because of who he is and where he came from.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe so. I don't know who Rick Bayliss is, but he very well could have had lots of connections from the start. And that would mean that he was more likely to pay back his loans. And the bank felt more comfortable giving him loans. And like you said, they're opening Mexican restaurants in upscale neighborhoods where the people have, you know, more money, more spending money to buy tacos. It makes more, it makes sense that the bank would consider them less of a risk than a neighborhood that was less upscale.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Of course. But Luke, that's the cycle I'm talking about. The upscale neighborhoods are upscale because banks invested in them. The neighborhoods where Mitea and families like hers live are considered risky because banks didn't invest in them. Redlining was legal until 1968, and the effects of that are still here. My Tia's neighborhood in South Tucson was literally redlined. Banks wouldn't give mortgages there, wouldn't give business loans there, and now 50 years later they're still using that same logic. Just calling it risk assessment instead of redlining.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah. Well, I won't disagree with you there. And the banks are reprehensible. And they always have been. And they always will be. And there's definitely undertones of racism there. And there have been. But that's not the point of this conversation. Okay, the point of this conversation is you're pissed off that people are wearing Taco Tuesday shirts. And somehow that's cultural appropriation. And now we got in this huge fight about, about redlining and, uh, I don't even know how we got here. But I live in animus, New Mexico. Okay? It's population 200. And if I went to the bank tomorrow and said, I would like to start a Mexican restaurant here, they would tell me to go fuck myself. Because there's nobody here. There's nobody here. There's nobody here with enough money to pay me $40 for a plate of tacos. And it wouldn't happen. It would be a bad investment on paper, I mean, and that's not, it has nothing to do with race or culture or anything. It's money. It's all coming down to, can I get my money back? And if I were to do that, it would be a bad business decision. And the bank knows that. And they're not going to invest in something if they don't think they're going to get their money back from it.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Look, I hear you about the money, but let me ask you this. If you opened a Mexican restaurant in Animus New Mexico and in failed because there wasn't enough demand. Would you blame the people who live there for not having enough money to support it? Or would you admit that the system set it up to fail from the start? Because that's what's happening here. My Tears restaurant in South Tucson does have demand. It's been packed every weekend for 20 years. But the bank still won't invest in her because of where she is, not because of her business. Meanwhile, some white chef opens a place in a wealthy neighborhood gets all the press and suddenly it's authentic Mexican cuisine when it's the same damn recipes my tea has been making for decades.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, and how much money does your tea charge for a plate of tacos?
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: $12. Three tacos, rice, beans, homemade salsa. She could charge more, but she knows her customers. A lot of them are construction workers, families from the neighborhood. She's not trying to get rich. She's trying to keep her doors open and pay her people.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so she needs a business loan from the bank for $3 million. How many taco plates at $12 does she have to sell to pay the bank back?
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Luke, that's not a fair comparison, and you know it. She's not asking for $3 million. She wanted $75,000 to upgrade her kitchen equipment and fix the air conditioning so she could pass health inspections without constantly patching things together.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It is a fair comparison, though, because you're talking about these upscale restaurants that are worth, that are, the loans that this guy is taken out are not $75,000. This guy's trying to make an upscale restaurant so he can charge $75 for a plate of tacos and the bank's going to get their money back. That's why they're giving it to him and not to her. Because if she charged $14 for a plate of tacos, you wouldn't have that line there anymore. Because the people there largely, not all of them, but largely, can't not afford that. So it's a bad business decision.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: Okay, but Luke, you're missing the point. She doesn't want to be Rick Bayless. She doesn't want to charge $75 for tacos. She wants to keep serving her community at prices they can afford and still have a functioning kitchen that doesn't break down every other month. The bank won't give her $75,000 for that.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: But they'll give some culinary school graduate with connections half a million to open a place that serves the exact sane food to people who can afford to treat it like a novelty.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes, exactly. Yeah, they will. Because he's selling it for $75 a plate. He's making enough money to pay them back. And she's trying to do business as usual. Obviously, that's not working because it's not making her enough money to fix her fucking air conditioner. It has nothing to do with the food. Nothing. So stop trying to say that people are stealing your food and profanen it. That's not what's not what's happening here. It's not even what any of this discussion has been about. We're talking about real estate. We're talking about lending and interest. It has nothing to do with the food.
|
||||
|
||||
SLIM: Actually, Luke, it has everything to do with the food.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, my God, that's enough of you. Jesus Christ, Slim. Stop it. Stop it. I'm sorry that your Tia doesn't make a lot of money on her taco plates. It's never going to stop people from enjoying $2,000 at Applebee's on a Friday night. And you shouldn't be so pissed off about it. And I'm sorry that the bank treats your neighborhood with disrespect. It doesn't have enough money to support the investment. And whether that's right or wrong, I can't speak to that. I don't know what in what fucking neighborhood you're talking about. But I know they do some shady shit. And I'm not sticking up for the bank in that at all. Now I'm mad. And I want tacos. Okay. Next up we've got Lakeisha. Lakeisha, welcome to the show. Do you have something a little milder than that? I'm I got to ramp down.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Hey, Luke. Yeah, I appreciate you taking my call. Look, I just showed a house to a couple from California who spent the entire walkthrough on a video call with their remote work consultant, treating a four-generation cattle ranch, like it was just some backdrop for their Zoom meetings. And I cannot see. Stop thinking about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that sounds like a good thing for you, right? You're trying to sell the ranch. If you're trying to sell the ranch and they think it's nice enough to use as a backdrop, then they're probably likely to want to buy that ranch.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Yeah, I mean, you would think so. But here is the thing. They are not seeing it as a place. They are looking at square footage and internet speed like it is a hotel room with a good view. This property has a barn that is older than my grandmother. There is a hand and carved fence post with initials from 1947. And these people are walking past all of it, asking if the router can handle two simultaneous video conferences.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, why do you care? You're trying to sell the ranch. If they can buy the ranch and then let them buy the ranch and it sounds like a nice day for you. If you're, you have some emotional connection to this particular ranch, then buy it yourself. Or, you know, take it off the market.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I cannot afford it, Luke. real estate for 23 years and I cannot afford half the properties I show. That is not the point. The point is I watched the family who built that place. Lose it to foreclosure after the drought killed Bear Herd three years running. And now I am handing the keys to people who see it as a tax write-off with rustic charm.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, that sounds like a sale to me. Congratulations.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are not hearing me. I am the one who had to sit across from Bill Henderson when he signed those years old, fourth generation on that land. And his hands were shaking so bad I had to help him hold the pen. And tonight I am showing his life's work to people who do not even know his name. Who are going to gut the place and turn it into some kind of remote work retreat, with Edison bulbs and reclaimed wood that was already there to begin with?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I'm hearing you. I do not care. You're selling real estate. It is real estate. It was foreclosed on because it wasn't paid for. For whatever reason and now it's up on the market. And somebody's come in that wants to buy the place, and it's your obligation to sell it to them.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are right. You are absolutely right. That is my job.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And if you're going to get emotionally tied up in these properties and the stories behind them, then maybe it's the wrong job for you.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Maybe it is. But I have been doing this since before my husband died, and I have never felt like this before. I have sold dozens of foreclosures, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Foreclosures are largely very sad, especially when it's a generational property like that, but they happen. And that's your business. So you can't hold on to the property and sell it to only somebody that's going to see the same story in it that you see because they're coming from a different place. They have different lives. It doesn't mean they're not going to respect the property just because they're working there and changing the light bulbs. They might love it just as much as you do. But in a different way, and for different reasons.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I know that. I do. But these people, this couple, they were on a Zoom call the entire time. The wife was in California. The husband was in New York. And they were both on the call with their remote work consultant. While I was showing them the property. They kept asking if the barn had good acoustics for podcasting. They did not even step outside to look at the sunset over the valley. They did not even see it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that's none of your business. It doesn't matter what they saw in the property, but if they saw something that they wanted in the property, they're going to buy it. And that's great for everybody. Because the alternative is they don't buy it and it's still foreclosed and then it sits there and rots until it falls down. So they're going to put the care and love into it and pay the bill probably because they're doing the work that the cattle drought isn't going to take away. And they might be there for four generations. And a hundred years from now, somebody might have the same problem if it gets foreclosed. But you can't be this invested into a property if you're a real estate salesperson. That's just not good business.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are missing what I am trying to say. This is not about one property. Three months ago, I almost called this show about something else entirely. I saw lights over the Players Valley. Hovering lights.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I hear exactly what you're saying. I'm not missing what you're trying to say. I'm not missing what you're trying to say, say, oh, what you're trying to do is whine about these people that you don't like coming in with their newfangled podcasts and moving into a ranch that holds some meaning to you. And it's your job to sell it to them. So what were the lights over the Plyas Valley?
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: They were not airplane lights. I have lived here my whole life. I know what planes look like, what drones look like. These were different. They moved in ways that did not make sense.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. So you saw what aliens? Did they take any cows or any horses or do you have any evidence? You take any pictures? You know that there's a lot of military activity in Plias. It's a military town that they do tests over. That's what I would expect in Plias.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I know about the military. That is what I told myself at first. But I have been watching the sky here for 53 years. And I have never seen ever anything move like that. And no, I did not take pictures because by the time I thought to reach for my phone, they were gone.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, then, you know, that's exactly what I would expect to happen over a military compound. Is strange-looking planes and aerial phenomenon? It seems like quite a coincidence that you just happen to see these lights over a military town where they do military testing.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I am not saying it was aliens, Luke. I am saying I am saying I'm I saw something I could not explain, and it made me feel the same way I felt tonight watching those people walk through that ranch. Like something is changing, and I do not understand what it is, or how to make sense of it. Like the ground is shifting under my feet.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: And I am the only one who notices. You're not the only one that notices. Everything is changing because things always change and technology is changing and people's values are changing and the world is changing. It's good or bad, that's a matter of personal opinion. But you're not alone in seeing the change.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe you are in the wrong position being so resistant to the change because it's going to happen whether you approve of it or not.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I am not resistant to change. I have been selling real estate for 23 years. I have seen this town go through droughts. Through the mine closing, through the hospital shutting down. I watched my husband die. And I kept working.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. I get it. So what is the... Why are you calling me? What do you want?
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: I want to know if I am losing my mind. Because I cannot shake this feeling that something is wrong. Not just different, wrong.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I don't think you're losing your mind, but you're not wrong that something is changing. I wouldn't say that it's right or wrong. And none of us have the completely to make that judgment. But it is changing and you don't like it, obviously. And I think you're going to be unhappy if you don't change your attitude about that and get on board with the changing tides because they're coming.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: It is not about liking it or not liking it. It is about what it means. These people, they look at a ranch that has been in a family for four generations, a place where people lived and worked and died. And they see a remote work consultant opportunity. They are not buying a home, Luke. They are buying a concept. And they are doing it with money that feels like it came out of thin air.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: A home is a concept. Okay? No matter when you bought it, you can put some other meaning to it if you like. It doesn't matter how many generations of people lived there before. It's a building on some land in a dust bowl, in a town that it's dead. You said it yourself, the mine is closed, the There's nothing left here. So if they want to come in and breathe some life into it with a remote work, retreat, great. This area needs a lot more of that to keep it alive so that it can support the other people that still live here on those ranches. Because their tax money isn't doing it. And who's going to fix the roads? And what if we need a hospital someday? Where's that going to come from? It's not going to come from anybody that's here today. We're going to need that money to come out of thin air. So good. Get them there at a sense and bulbs and be thankful that you made your commission.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You do not understand. The commission is not the point. I have been doing this long enough that I do not need the money that bad. What I am trying to tell you is that these people are not coming here to be part of anything. They are coming here because land is cheap and they can work from anywhere. And when the internet goes out or the well runs dry or the dust storms get bad, they will just leave. They will sell it to the next person with laptop money and move on.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Good. Great. I don't see what the problem with that is. That's ideal. If people are coming here and paying taxes and not using the services, that's the best case scenario. So I don't know why you have these emotional ties to the land or whatever, but I live here. And I know that this place is a dust bowl shithole shithole. And it needs exactly that. There's nothing for them to be part of. So hopefully they can come and build something and other people will be part of that. And it can continue to support this area and this community because it's dying and everybody's leaving. And before you know it, there won't be any buildings left because they'll all blow down to the wind from lack of maintenance.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: You are right that this place is dying. But you are wrong about what kills it. It is not the lack of money. It is the lack of people who give a damn. My husband and I, we bought our house in 1994. We knew every person on our street.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I am not wrong. I'm absolutely right. It is the lack of money, because if there was no lack of money, there would not be a lack of people. There's no people here because there's no money here for them to make. If they could support themselves and find jobs and there was enough money to have things like hospitals, then the place would be thrive. But that's not the case. Everybody's left and most people that are still here are going to die soon. So unless we bring in some of that new blood and some of that new money, this place is not going to exist in 20 years.
|
||||
|
||||
LAKEISHA: Then tell me why three months ago I saw lights over the Plias Valley that I cannot explain. Tell me why they hovered there for 20 minutes, silent, not moving like any aircraft I have ever seen. Tell me why when I mentioned it at the four other people had seen the same thing and nobody wanted to talk about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Because the Plias Valley is a military testing ground. That is why. Because extraterrestrial life, it would be very coincidental if they just happen to come down to Earth and do their little thing right over the military testing ground. There's a lot of other places that I think that the aliens would rather go. So I'm not super, super into the idea that you saw something extraterrestrial over the Plyas Valley. I doubt that very, very much. I know what the Plyas Valley is used for. I have lived here. Okay, enough of you too. And that is the end of our show, folks. I did my best. But Jesus, these people, wow, it is hard to give good advice to people that just don't want to hear the good advice. I'll do my best, though. We'll try again tomorrow, and we'll see how we do. Hopefully, better than tonight. I wish everybody a wonderful Monday and a great start to the week, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow.
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,291 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right, welcome back. I am Luke, and I'm your host tonight for Luke at the Roost. This is the late-night call-in radio show where you can give me a call and tell me what's going on in your life, what kind of problems you have, advice you need, and I'll give you the very best top-notch advice. Humanly possible. That's what I'm saying tonight. Humanly possible. Nobody could do it better. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is two. 208 439 5853. That's 208-439 Luke. Sorry we didn't have an episode last night. I was sleepy and I didn't feel good. So I reached out and got us a new sponsor that helped me out with the situation. And now I'm feeling much better. And you'll hear more from them a little later in the show. But now it's time to go to the phones. And on the phones, we've got Alonzo. Alonzo, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can I help you?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: about ranch dressing, and now I'm sitting in my garage at two in the morning trying to prove I was right about pizza toppings. I know how that sounds, but here's the thing, Luke. We have leftover pizza for Mama's Pizza on Stone, right? Good Pizza! She comes home, opens the box, and squirts ranch dressing all over a perfectly good slice.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Don't call me with this shit. This is stupid. If she likes ranch dressing on our pizza, fine. It's no reason to have a... this is silly. Do you have something real to talk about, or are you just gonna waste You're right. You're absolutely right. That's not why she left. Get to it. Tell us the truth. What is going on? And why are you calling a radio show at 2 in the morning?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: I told her the nun thing was just interesting history. That I was reading about Sister Teresa Regina Confroy, because she had the same name as her and died last August, and I thought it was worth mentioning. But Teresa looked at me like I'd brought a dead bird to the dinner table. She said, you looked up when a nun with my name died.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's a little bit weird. I've never heard of Sister Teresa Regina Confroy before, but can you fill us in on why she was a notable figure?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: Confroy, C-O-N-F-R-O-Y, she was 91 years old, passed away in New Jersey. She was not particularly notable, that is the point.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so you mentioned a nun died, an old nun died, and you mentioned this to your wife because they share a name, and she left?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: That's not, look, I'm not explaining this right. I didn't just mention it. I brought it up three times in one day. First at breakfast, then when she was packing, then again, when she was walking out the door. I kept saying, you know, it's interesting, a nun with your name just died. You ever think about that? And she kept saying, no, Rodney, I don't think about that. And I kept saying, well, you should.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What the fuck? What? What point were you trying to get across? Why?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: I don't know. That's why I'm calling you at two in the morning from my garage floor instead of being in bed with my wife. I manage timelines for a living.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, buddy. Well, I don't know that there's any advice that can help you with this one. That's a weird thing. That's a weird thing you're doing. Maybe apologize to her?
|
||||
|
||||
ALONZO: Yes, I want her to come back. Of course I want her to come back. And yes, I'm apologetic. But I'm also right about the ranch dressing. You can't just put ranch on everything and call it food.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, buddy, good luck with that. I hope it all works out for you, okay. dressing is not something to get that upset about. Next up on the line, we've got Mavis. Mavis, welcome to the show.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Do you teach typing?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh gosh, no. I work nights at the sudsy bucket laundromat over on Highway 60. But Luke, something happened tonight that I cannot stop thinking about, and I don't know if I should feel blessed or terrified or what. A complete stranger just handed me $500 in cash at a truck stop three hours ago and drove away before I could even say thank you.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you don't see that every night at the sudsy bucket. So do you think it's real money? What did the vehicle look like that he pulled up in to give you the money? Maybe this is a pay-it-forward thing. Maybe he thought you were somebody else, or maybe just, I don't know, remember that movie where the guy felt like a jerk, so he, like, robbed a bank or something and then threw it out in the streets to everybody for repentance?
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: It was a she, actually. woman in a Subaru with Colorado plates kind of beat up looking car and Luke she looked right at me when she handed me the envelope and said you look like you need this more than me that's what's getting to me what did she see in my face
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: the movie I'm thinking of is actually breaking bad when Jesse Pinkman felt repentance for his deeds after that little boy was killed and he went a little bit nuts for a while and threw his money all over the street neither here nor there. The important thing is, why did this lady give you free money? What did she see in your face? I don't know, do you need the money more than she did? Are you, are you well kept? Are you clean? Are you, like, fed and all that? Are you taken care of?
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: I mean, yeah, I'm fine. I shower. I eat. I've got a roof over my head. But I was coming off a double shift and I probably looked exhausted. And my boyfriend and I have been fighting about money Somehow? Like, I don't know, maybe I have that worn-down look people get when they're counting pennies. The electric bill's overdue, and I've been picking up extra shifts, so maybe it showed on my face more than I thought. But $500, Luke? That's not pocket change you give to someone who just looks a little tired.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, no, it usually isn't, but I mean, maybe for her today it was. Maybe she was on a Jesse Pinkman-like quest to repent for something that she did. her money, you know, and she felt bad that she had it and was looking for something good to do with it. Like the guy that called in the other day who faked his cancer diagnosis, and then the town raised money for him. He felt bad about having that money. So maybe it's one of those situations. Maybe it's a Mr. Beast kind of thing where the money made from an event is then distributed to people that might need it. Who knows? Who knows? But if it's real money, if it's not counterfeit money, you might want to take it and check, then that was just a nice thing that a stranger did for you, and I don't think you have to worry much more about it than that.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You're right. I should probably check if it's real. I didn't even think about that. I've just been sitting here in the back office staring at it. But Luke, here's the thing that's really eating at me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, yeah, what is it? Hurry up with it.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: My boyfriend said last week we can't afford a ring, but this is exactly enough for the one I've been looking at. And part of me is wondering if this woman's showing up right after that conversation means something? Like the universe. is telling me to just do it myself. But the other part of me knows the electric bill is two months behind, and that's the responsible choice. I genuinely cannot tell if using this money for an engagement ring would be the most romantic thing I've ever done, or the stupidest.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It would be the stupidest, because that's not how it works, right? If you're going to get engaged to somebody, it's his job to get you the ring. And he has to go around to all your family and friends and listen to what you say and drop little hints to get information. about what you might like in a ring, and it's a whole thing. But it's on him to do. You can't force that engagement by getting yourself a ring. That's not only lame, but it's going to end poorly. Because if he's not ready to get married, he's not ready to get married. And if you don't have the money to get married, you don't have the money yet. You've got to pay your bills first, right? Or you will need that money.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Oh gosh, you're right. I know you're right.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: It's just, we've been together four years, and I'm 32, and sometimes I feel like I'm for him to be ready for something I've been ready for since year two. But you're absolutely right that buying my own engagement ring is pathetic.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It's pathetic and wrong because you'd be forcing him into something he obviously isn't ready to do yet. And it's okay for him to not be ready to get married. That's a big decision and just because you want it doesn't mean he does. So I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and if you really need to get married for whatever reason, then maybe he's not the right guy for you. Maybe he is and he just legitimately doesn't have money right now. You should have that conversation. But if it's super important to you to get married and it doesn't seem that important to him, don't force him into it or 10 years down the line, you're going to be all pissed off at him.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You know what, Luke? That's fair. I think I've been so focused on the timeline I wanted that I haven't really listened to what he's been saying. He's not saying no. He's saying not yet. And those are different things. And honestly, if I'm being real with myself, the reason that woman's $500. felt like a sign is because I wanted it to be one.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, obviously. Why do you want to get married so bad? Because this is the problem is that you really want to get married. You think when you get married, it's going to solve all the problems, and you're going to have this wonderful fantasy life like you have in your head. And, I mean, how's that going for you? Whatever it is that you're planning out or that you're seeing happen in the future for you, that's not what's going to happen. What's going to happen is you're going to get married. Nothing's really going to change. Everything's going to be exactly the same. and then you're going to feel lost because that goalpost has gone by and nothing changed. And that's what you are waiting for to fix however it is that you feel about yourself or what I don't understand why people want to get married so badly like you do. Maybe you can explain that to me. What is it about marriage that has got you looking at the timelines so intently?
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Well, shoot, you really hit the nail on the head there. this feeling of security, you know? I see my friends getting married and starting families, and I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you don't have to get married to start a family. I don't know if you have any religious beliefs, but biologically, it's not really important. If you want to have a family, you can have a family, but he might not want to have a family. It might not be time for him. And if that's something that's important for you, then maybe you need to find somebody that's sharing, your dreams and goals.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You're right, and that's the conversation I've been avoiding, because if I ask him straight out whether he wants kids and he says no or not for a long time, then I have to make a real decision. And I think I've been focusing on the ring and the wedding, because those feel like smaller steps I can control, when really the question is whether we want the same life at all. God, that's terrifying to say out loud.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, but that's the conversation you need to be having before you make those sorts of lifelong decision. Because you, I mean, you're watching all your friends get married and have families, but you don't know what their lives are like. You don't know what their marriages are like or how happy they are. You know what they show you and you know what they post on Instagram, but that's not real life. And maybe a third of them will stick together and see it through. And, you know, there will be happy newlywed couples and one of them will die. That's going to happen. And then where is that security? Right? But most of all, I probably, I don't know, two-thirds of these people are going to be miserable for years because somebody wanted to get married and forced it and somebody else acquiesced, and they don't want to be together.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: That's dark, Luke, but I needed to hear it. I've been treating marriage like it's this finish line that'll make everything makes sense, when really it's just the start of a whole different set of problems if you're doing it for the wrong reasons. And I think deep down, I know, my boyfriend isn't dragging his feet to be mean or because he doesn't love me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, he's probably not. He's dragging his feet because he doesn't want to get married. And that's okay. And if you really need to get married, it sounds like it doesn't even matter to you if it's married to him. You just want to be married because that's what you do, right? You've got to be married or you're not living life right. And it's bullshit. And you don't do that. Or actually, it's him that's going to get fucked in the end. When you decide you're unhappy. because you're married now and you've got everything you said you wanted, but he's not the person you actually wanted. Then you're going to feel sad and you're going to get depressed and you're going to fight and then you're going to break up and then you're going to take all of his money.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Okay, hold on, Luke. I'm not some gold digger looking to trap anybody. I work 60 hours a week at this laundromat and I pay half the rent. I love him. I do.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you're not a gold digger now and you're supporting yourself now, but what happens when you've got to? the family. And then you're not working 60 hours because you're taking care of a kid. And then slowly you're learning that you actually don't even really like this guy. You just wanted to get married. And he was the first one that seemed okay and able to support you and give you the security you're looking for. And you're going to start to resent him. And he's going to start to resent you because you forced him to get married when he didn't want to. And in the end, you're going to be like, oh, you know what? I deserve that money because I didn't work for all this time because I had to support this family that you pushed for, that you just had to have so badly.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You know what, Luke, you're being pretty harsh right now, but I called in at two in the morning because something in my gut was telling me, this didn't feel right, and maybe that's what I needed to hear, because you're right that I've been so focused on what I think I'm supposed to want, that I haven't really asked myself if this is actually what I want with this actual person. But I do think you're wrong about one thing. out how to take his money and some future divorce. That's not who I am.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, I'm not saying that's who you are now, or that's who you're planning to be. I'm saying 10 years down the line, after years and years of resentment and not working, you're going to feel differently. And you're going to be upset, and you're going to feel like you got shafted, or somehow you were on the wrong end of this deal, and you're going to go after him, because that's what happens. Like every time.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Look, I hear what you're saying about resentment building up, and maybe you've seen that happen a hundred times on this show, but I think the real warning you're giving me is don't marry someone who doesn't want to marry you. Don't push someone into a life they're not ready for, because that's where all that misery comes from, right? So not from marriage itself, but from forcing it when it's not right. And I think that's what this $500 showing up out of nowhere was trying to tell me.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, that's what you want me to be saying, but what I am saying, but what I am saying, saying, yes, what you just said is completely true. You don't want to marry somebody that doesn't want to marry you. What I am saying to you is that you want to get married just to get married. And you could care less who the person is. And that is a recipe for disaster. Because no matter, I mean, if your boyfriend's like, you know what, I actually don't want to get married.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And then you go find somebody else that does, you're going to be like, great, we align. We want to get married. But you're not, you don't care who he is. There's no trait. You're looking to. before they, can he support a family? That's it. You're not into his sense of humor or the way he looks at you a certain way or whatever it is. It could be anybody. That person could be interchangeable and that is the wrong reason to get married. And I think no matter who you get married, if that's your goal, it's going to end the same way.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Oh gosh, Luke, that actually just hit me in the chest. Because when I think about why I love my boyfriend, I can tell you specific things. Like how he always warms up my car in the winter before I leave for work, or how at his own jokes before he even finishes telling them, or how he calls his mom every Sunday. But when I think about why I want to get married...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You have no idea. You want to get married because everybody else is getting married, and because that's what you've been fucking socially programmed to need. That's the only reason you want to get married.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You're right. I don't have a good answer for that. I want to get married because I'm 32, and my sister got married at 24, and my mom keeps asking when it's my turn. Every time I scroll through Facebook, it's another engagement photo. I want to get married because I feel like I'm supposed to. And that's exactly what you're saying, isn't it? That I'm chasing this thing that society told me I need. And I'm willing to use whoever's standing next to me to get there.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. There's only one reason to get married. And that's because you've been with somebody long enough. You know them well enough. You enjoy getting along with it. And you can actually see yourself for the long term, with that person, enjoying life together. And you realize that there's going to be hard times, and there's going to be good times, and you want to share the entirety of your life with that person through the good times and the bad times. That's why you want to get married. But that's not why people do get married.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: Well, shoot. Luke, I called in here thinking I was asking whether I should spend this mystery money on a ring or the electric bill. And what you're really telling me is I shouldn't be spending it on either one. because I'm trying to buy my way into something I don't even actually want for the right reasons. That woman who handed me that envelope at the flying J, maybe she saw something in my face that I couldn't see myself. Maybe she saw someone who was lost and needed a way out, not a way forward into the wrong thing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't think any of this has anything to do with the woman that gave you the money. It's not a sign from anywhere. She gave you the money and that doesn't have anything to do with this conversation. What I think you should do with that money, uh, if we must, continue to talk about it is take it and give it to somebody else that looks like they need it. Right? Maybe that's the test. But obviously, if you're behind on your bills and you really do need it, then you should use it to pay your bills so that, you know, you can live relatively comfortably and okay with your power on for the next several months or however long it lasts you.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You know what? That's actually really practical advice and I appreciate that. I do need to pay the electric bill. But I think what I'm hearing underneath all of this is that I need to have a real conversation with my boyfriend, not about when we're getting engaged, but about whether we actually want the same life together. Whether I even want the life I think I want, because right now I'm sitting in the back of a laundromat at two in the morning counting quarters, and I don't even know if I'd be happy as someone's wife who doesn't work.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: There you go. That's the right answer, and that's what you should do, and just, you know, don't worry about getting married so much. It's not that important. If you're with somebody that you love, and you want to be with, that can be enough. If you want to have a kid, that's a different thing. Marriage doesn't actually have anything to do with the process of having a kid. So if that's something that you and your boyfriend want to talk through and work out, great. And if not, sleep on it for a while, because it's a big decision. But marriage, I think your motivation for it is coming from the wrong place. I think it's going to end poorly. And I don't think you should, worry about that right now.
|
||||
|
||||
MAVIS: You're absolutely right, Luke. I appreciate you being so direct with me about this. I think I needed someone to just say it plain like that instead of letting me keep spinning around in circles about signs from the universe and what this money means. I'm going to pay my electric bill. I'm going to have an honest conversation with my boyfriend about what we both actually want, and I'm going to stop measuring my life against everyone else's Facebook timeline.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, good for you. And maybe you should take up teaching typing, Mavis. And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is a new sponsor that's very special to me, because I had a little bit of a tummy upset last night. I'd like you to give a warm welcome to our new sponsor. Born in a secret laboratory, somewhere between New Jersey and the Italian Riviera, Pesto Bismal was accidentally invented when renowned scientist, Professor Luigi, the basil brain Spaghettiini, dropped a jar of Pesto into a barrel of activated charcoal during a thunderstorm. Lightning struck. The beakers rattled. The lab assistant fled, and when the smoke cleared, Professor Spaghettiini gazed upon the swirl emerald paste and reportedly said words that would shake the world of digestive science to its very core. Mama Mia, I fix it the tummy. And with that completely unverified scientific breakthrough, Pesto Bismol was born. For too long, stomach remedies have been timid. Pink liquids. chalky tablets. Medicines that whisper politely to your digestive system. But Pesto Bismol? Pesto Bismol arrives with garlic. Yes, Pesto Bismol blends the bold, aromatic power of basil, garlic, olive oil, and Parmesan with the mysterious absorbing capabilities of activated charcoal, the same stuff used in water filters, art class, and occasionally by people who do grilling. The result is a rich green medicinal paste that coats your stomach with the comforting sensation of what can only be described as aggressive Italian encouragement. Upset stomach? Acid reflux? Take a spoonful of Pesto Bismol and let the herbal magic go to work. Pesto Bismol. When your stomach says help, say, mamma mia. Pesto bismol has not been evaluated by the FDA, the USDA, the Italian government, or anybody's grandmother. Side effects may include green teeth and serious confidence in attracting neighborhood pigeons who believe you might be a breadstick. Okay, and we are back thanks to Pesto Bismol. They've been really helpful overnight here. The household. All right. Next up, we've got Earl. Earl. Earl, welcome to the show. How can we help you today, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Thanks for taking the call, Luke. So I'm sitting in the break room at the bank where I work, two in the morning, holding this Father's Day card my daughter made me when she was seven. Construction paper, glitter glue, says, world's best dad. I found it in the trash compactor about an hour ago because my boss made me throw out all personal stuff yesterday. Thing is, I've spent 14 years keeping a secret from this kid about who her real father is, biologically speaking, and I just realized while I'm sitting here that I already am her real father.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Well, there's a couple things there. Isn't a trash compactor, like, in the sink? Isn't that the thing that, like a garbage disposal? Or is the trash compactor a different thing?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Different thing. It's a room in the back of the building where all the trash from the offices goes.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I'm sitting here at two in the morning holding this thing, and I realized I've spent 14 years worrying about whether I'm her real father when the answer's been sitting in my desk drawer the whole time.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: What do you mean you're worrying about if you're her real father? You know that you're her real father already, right? I don't understand. Why are you calling me?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: so focused on the biology part, on the secret, on whether it counts if she doesn't know the truth, that I forgot I already am her dad. She made me that envelope 14 years ago. She's called me dad since she was four, and I'm still acting like I need permission or proof or something. Finding it in the trash tonight, I don't know.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I don't know either, sir, but it sounds like you love your daughter and she loves you ever after. I'm not sure why you felt the need to call a radio show with that, but I hope everything works out for everyone. Next up, we've got Nikki. Nikki, welcome to the show. How can we help you today?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Hey, Luke. Yeah. Hi. Okay, so I'm calling from work. I'm a nurse. I work nights at a dialysis center over in Deming. And I just, I cannot stop thinking about this and I need to talk to somebody about it because it's so bizarre. So I live in this little duplex, right? And my neighbor, Carol, lives on the other side. side of the wall. Carol is like the most buttoned-up person you have ever met in your life. She wears cardigans with little embroidered flowers on them.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: She sounds like a Carol. That sounds like a very Carol-like thing to do. Tell us about what's going on.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Okay. So Carol is one of those people who, like, she returns my mail to me with post-it notes on it if it accidentally gets put in her box. The notes say things like, please remind your postal carrier of proper mailbox protocols. That's the kind of person we're talking about here. She drives a beige camry. She has a bird feeder, very quiet, very proper. So the other night, I'm on Amazon trying to buy new compression socks because my feet are killing me from these doubles, and I'm scrolling through my recommendations, and suddenly it's just full of these romance novels.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, and why is that interesting?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Because they're all written by someone called Scarlet Spurs, and they all have these titles like Roaked and ruined. and the rancher's rough hands. And the covers are just, I mean, cowboys without shirts. Very explicit situations. And I'm thinking, why is Amazon showing me this? I don't read this stuff.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Sure, pal. I think we know why Amazon's showing. Is this dirty Carol in your duplex? She lives a double life as a smut writer?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Yes, exactly. So I click on one of them just out of curiosity, right? And I start reading the sample pages. And Luke, I swear to you, all these weird little ticks that are exactly how Carol talks. Like, the author is obsessed with describing turquoise jewelry in this really specific way. The turquoise caught the light like a piece of captured sky, and Carol wears turquoise every single day and she's always saying stuff like that about it. And there's this thing where the characters are always making observations about proper etiquette in the middle of these incredibly graphic scenes.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, this all sounds largely circumstantial. Is there anything more there that makes you think that this is actually... Is her name anywhere to be seen? There's a lot of people that like turquoise.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: No, no, her name isn't anywhere. But, okay, so I'm reading this one scene where the cowboy is demonstrating his expertise with a lasso, and the author describes it as the rope biting into his calloused hands, the way his muscles coiled like a spring beneath his sun-bronced skin. And I'm thinking, that's weirdly specific, right? But then I remember Carolsian. Carol came over last month to borrow my ladder because she said she needed to clean her gutters.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: And she was wearing these gardening gloves, and she kept talking about how the rope was digging into her hands while she was trying to reach up there. And she said it exactly like that, the rope biting into my hands. Same phrasing. Same weirdly formal way of putting it. I don't know. It sounds like you're trying to make an association here, because this is, anybody could have written this. And who cares if she wrote it? Do you ever hear anything weird coming from that other side? of the duplex?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, that's the thing. It's dead silent over there. Like I work nights, so I'm home during the day sometimes, and I never hear anything. No music, no TV, just her typing.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Yeah, that's because all of our companions are strapped up with ballgags. I don't see why this is bothering. I don't think that you can say from just those things that this is Carol next door writing these books. And even if it is, who cares? People need a second job. Maybe that's how she off steam. It's always the most buttoned-up people that are the most kinky.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Okay, but here's the thing that really sealed it for me. I went back and looked at all the books by Scarlett Spurs, and every single one of them is set in southern New Mexico. Like, one of them takes place at a ranch outside of Deming. Another one has a scene at the Rockhound State Park.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, none of this is enough to pin it on Carol. And why are you trying to, and why do you care? I mean, if you enjoy the books, read the books.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: I don't enjoy the books. I mean, okay, I read three of them, but that's just because I was trying to confirm it was her. And now I can't look at her the same way. Like, yesterday, she knocked on my door to tell me that I'd left my recycling bin out past the pickup time, and she's standing there in her little cardigan with her turquoise necklace, giving me this lecture about neighborhood standards. And all I can think about is the scene I read the night before, where the protagonist is tied up in a barn, and I mean, I can't even make eye contact with her anymore, Luke. She brought me a casserole last week because she heard I was working doubles, and I just stood there thinking about Chapter 7 of branded by the foreman.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, it sounds like maybe you're the one with the dark fantasies and desires here, because you're getting awful deep into these Scarlet Spurs books. But what I say is, who cares if she's tied up in a barn getting her needs met? That's her business. It has nothing to do with you. And if you're getting off reading it, then great. Everybody wins. That's what we call a win-win.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: I am not getting off on it. I'm just, Luke, you don't understand. This woman left me a passive-aggressive-aggressive note last month because my wind chimes were creating unnecessary noise pollution. Wind chimes.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, there are some wind chimes that are legitimately fucking obnoxious. So if Carol likes her dark-beating, ESM alter ego, good for her. It's still none of your business, whether she likes turquoise or wants you to pick up your recycle bin on time. Like, none of that is relevant to this conversation.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Okay, fine. Maybe it's not my business. But now I have to decide. Do I say something to her? Because part of me wants to just let her know that I know, so we can both stop pretending. Like, maybe she'd relax a little if she knew someone wasn't judging her for it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you don't know, you think, you suspect, and you are judging her for it.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: I'm not judging her. I'm just, okay, maybe I am a little bit, but not for writing the books. It's more like, how do you spend your whole life policing everyone else's behavior when you're writing about cowboys doing things with rope that have nothing to do with cattle? Like, the hypocrisy is what gets me. She reported Mrs. Vasquez's two houses down for painting her mailbox the wrong shade of beige, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's not, uh, that is not hypocrisy. Anybody can write what they want on their own time. That doesn't mean that she can't, uh, be critical of other people in enforcing the rules. I don't see how those things are related. Uh, her alter ego, Scarlet, Spurs, if that's, if that's her real name, uh, is, is,! is her fictional way of releasing Steam. And everybody's entitled that. It's not your business. If you like the books, buy the books and support who you. you think might be your neighbor. But, uh, otherwise, you're absolutely judging her. And I don't see how you can, uh, not see it that way.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: You're right. You're completely right. I am judging her. And that's not fair. I think what's really bothering me is that I've spent two years tiptoeing around this woman, being so careful not to upset her, moving my trash cans to the exact right spot, keeping my music down. And now I find out she's got this whole secret life. And I'm wondering why I've been giving her so much power over me. Like, why do I care so much what Carol thinks about my wind chimes when Carol is out here writing about? Never mind. The point is, maybe this says more about me than it does about her.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It absolutely does. Who cares what Carol's writing about in her free time? She's free to write about whatever she wants. She's not breaking any rules. She's not bothering anybody with her books. She's releasing them on Amazon, allegedly. And she's able to do that. And that's a. creative outlet, it's fine for her. And if that's what gets her off, great. And you don't even know that she's into that. She might just be writing that stuff because that's what sells. Because it does.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: That's true. I mean, she's got like 47 reviews on the last one, and they're mostly five stars. So clearly somebody's buying them. And you know what? Maybe I'm just jealous. I've been talking about writing something for years. I keep saying I'm going to write about what it's really like working in healthcare. All this stuff nobody talks about, and I never do it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, that sounds like a real bestseller. Uh, hey, you ever let anybody tie you up?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: What? No. Luke, what does that have to okay once? But it was awkward and we both just kind of laughed and gave up. Why are you asking me that?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, because it's interesting, and because you bought three of these books, and you're pretending to be appalled by the subject matter, but obviously you read them all, so it must have... sparked some interest in you. And I'm just trying to get to the bottom of who it is I'm talking to. You know, do you like to be bound up a little bit?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: I, okay, this is not where I thought this conversation was going. I bought them because I was curious what Carol was writing. Not because, I mean, they're not badly written. I'll give her that. She's got a way with description that's very detailed.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, what went wrong when you were tied up in that experience of yours? You say you just felt awkward. laughed it off. Why was it awkward? Was he not good at tying? Were you able to get out too easily? What kind of rope did you use? Give us some details.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Oh my God, Luke. This is so embarrassing. It wasn't even rope. It was a bathrobe belt, which should tell you how prepared we were for this. And yeah, I could just slip right out of it. And he kept trying to make it tighter, but then it would come undone. And at one point, he accidentally elbowed me in the face trying to reach around. And we just both started laughing we had to stop. This was like six years ago with my ex-boyfriend Derek, who was very enthusiastic about trying new things, but not great at the execution part. He once tried to cook me a romantic dinner and set off the smoke alarm three times.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, what if, uh, what if your friend's Scarlet Spurs there could introduce you to somebody that knew how to tie a knot?
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Oh, I don't know about that. I think I'd rather just stick to my wind chimes and my quiet life. Besides, I don't need Carol or Scarlett or whatever. setting me up with some cowboy who's going to show up at my door with a lasso and a six-shooter.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: I've got enough on my plate with work and my mom calling me every other day to ask why I'm not married yet. But honestly, the real kicker is that I like Carol.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, Carol sounds like a delightful individual. And thank you for the call. It's been great talking to you. And I think maybe you should lighten up a little bit about Scarlet Spurs or at least enjoy. You don't have to pretend to us at home that, uh, that you're just reading this for research on your neighbor. It's okay for you to like the bondage. A lot of people do.
|
||||
|
||||
NIKKI: Okay, okay. I hear you. Maybe I'll give book five a try without all the judgment. Thanks for listening, Luke. Even if you did just psychoanalyze my sex life on the radio at 3 in the morning. Take care.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I didn't psycho analyze anything. Nikki, you're the psycho here. You're the one that's fucking trying to pin, uh, smut books on your, on your neighbor Carol. I didn't do any of that. Okay. Uh, let's see. Let's see. Who's next? Who's next? Ah, here we got Chip. Chip. Chip, welcome to the show. What's going on, buddy?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Luke, okay, so picture this. I'm standing in my kitchen at two in the morning. Right? And Teresa just got home from her shift. And I'm holding this printout of an email. And I just told her everything. The lawyer, the birth mother, the photo, all of it just laid it out there. And you know what she said? She said she already knew.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, are you the guy who's, uh, who's adopted daughter was stolen from Africa?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Guatemala, Luke. Guatemala. Yeah, that's me. But listen, that's not even the crazy part. Teresa said she's known for three weeks. Three weeks.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you've known for a while, too, and you were, you never had the right time to tell her. So what's the problem here? You both need to communicate more, is what I say.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: No, no, no. No, no. hearing me, I found out five days ago. Five days. Teresa's known for three weeks.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yes, yes, yes. I am hearing you. I'm hearing exactly what you're saying. It's not interesting. I don't care how long she's known. What happened next?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: She got the same email two weeks before I did from the same lawyer. And she didn't tell me. She's been sitting on it this whole time, watching me stress about whether to tell her. And she already knew.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, get over it, buddy. It's not that big of a deal. What are you guys? I mean, who cares? You're, what are you going to do next? What's your next step here? Are you going to set up visitation with the birth mother? Are you going to talk to your lawyers? What's the plan forward? This isn't a story about how you're not talking to each other about what emails you're getting. Come on.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Okay, okay, you're right. So Teresa wants to meet her, the birth mother. She wants to fly down there next month with our daughter and just do it. No lawyers, no verification. Just go.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And how do you feel about that? What do you think? What would you like to happen here?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: I think it's insane, Luke. We don't even know if this woman is real. We don't know if the photo's legit. We haven't verified anything with our adoption agency. And Teresa wants to just put our eight-year-old on a plane to Guatemala to meet some stranger who says she's her birth mother, based on an email?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, the last time you called her and you said it was more than an email and that your lawyers had confirmed that the image was real, and that that was verified and authenticated. So, uh, I, what's the problem here?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: No, I said I was going to get a lawyer to verify it. I haven't done that yet. That's what I've been trying to tell Teresa. We need to slow down. Get someone to actually check this out before we do anything. But she's acting like I'm the one being unreasonable.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, that's not what you said at all. You said that the photo was verified. I can go back to the tape if you'd like me to, but why are you lying to us? Why are you lying to the studio at home? What are you afraid of, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: I'm not lying, Luke. I swear. I said the photo looks real, that the smile was exact. But I never got it verified. I've been too paralyzed to even call a lawyer. That's the whole problem.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, no, it's not the whole problem. The problem now, is that you're lying to me. Either the last time you called in, you lied, or you're lying now. Either way, you're not telling the truth, and I want to know why.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Okay, so picture this. I'm sitting in the laundromat at midnight five days ago. I just got this email. I'm freaking out. Maybe I said things wrong. Maybe I made it sound more certain than it was because I was trying to convince myself it was real. Or maybe I was trying to convince myself it wasn't. I don't know, Luke. I've been spinning out about this for two weeks.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, this is a very important detail, and it's important to how the remainder of this conversation and your life goes. Okay, so you told me the last time you called in that you verified that photo, and you were absolutely sure that the birth mother was real. And now you're saying you don't even know who she is, or if that photo is real, and your girlfriend's going to take your daughter away. So there's two very different stories here, and we need to know which one is the truth.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: The truth is, I don't know if it's real. I haven't verified anything. I looked at that photo for hours, Luke, and that smile is identical to my daughters. The crooked tooth, the dimple on the left side, everything. So in my head, it felt verified. It felt true. But I never actually called anyone.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, well, that's not what you told me before, all right? So if this is the case, if this is the truth, and you're not absolutely sure that this woman is real and that photo is verified, then I would say you can't let them go to Guatemala. insane. Okay, that could be anybody. That could be a kidnapping attempt for all you know. It's, uh, it's very fishy. It's very, very fishy.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: That's exactly what I told, Teresa. But she's saying, I'm just scared that I'm looking for excuses to avoid the truth because I don't want to deal with it. She thinks I'm being a coward. And maybe she's right, Luke. Maybe I am scared. Because if this woman is real, if she really is the birth mother, then everything about our family changes.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Not really, no, it doesn't really change. But what would change is if she flies out to Guatemala with your kid to a place where you strongly suspect and even know that they steal children and your child gets stolen, then your family is going to change. So my advice for you is to talk to Teresa and tell her absolutely not. And if the birth mother wants to meet her daughter or, meet you first would be my recommendation. She can fly to America where you're somewhat protected.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: You're right. You're absolutely right. But Teresa's already looking at flights, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you have to do what you have to do. If Teresa's looking at leaving the country with your daughter and you don't approve, then go to the police and put a restraining order if you have to. You can't let that happen.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: A restraining order against Teresa? Luke. She's not some criminal. She's my girlfriend. We've been together for years. She's just trying to do what she thinks is right for our daughter. If I go to the police, that's it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, okay. Well, you don't go to the police, and Teresa flies out to Guatemala with your daughter, and then a gang of teenagers steals them both with AK-47s that barely work and forces them to cut each other's heads off. How's that sound? Go to the police, fire restraining order. I don't care if she's your girlfriend, what she's doing. If you don't agree, if you're not on the same page with her, she's kidnapping your daughter. That's what's happening. And you can't let that happen.
|
||||
|
||||
CHIP: Okay, okay, okay, big surprise there that I'm the bad guy again. But Luke, you're saying file a restraining order like it's nothing. That's nuclear. That's scorched earth.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: No, taking your daughter on a flight to Guatemala to see.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Hey, Luke. Yeah, so I just got out of this open mic at Denny's over in Deming, and I am sitting in the parking lot right now because I cannot go home yet. I bombed so bad, Luke. Like, five people in the crowd, three of them are related to the bartender, and I spent my entire set, trying to work out this bit about my house being in a flood zone and nobody laughed. Not one laugh. Complete silence except for somebody's phone going off during what I thought was going to be the big punchline.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well that's not surprising. We live in the desert, sir. There's no flood zone.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: No, no, no. See, that's the thing. That's what makes it absurd, right? Like, we're in the desert. We get eight inches of rain a year and somehow my house is in a FEMA flood zone. They remapped it last year. My insurance went up $400 a month. $400, Luke.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, so tell us the joke. What was the joke?
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Okay, so I set it up like this. Picture this. I'm standing there, right? Wearing my good shirt. The one with the little cactus on it that Teresa says makes me look like a tourist. But I like it. And I go. So my house is in a flood zone, which is wild because we're in the desert. Like the only water we get is when the AC drips on my head at night. But Fianlis says, nope, you're in a flood zone. So I'm like, how? The last time it rained here, my neighbor's dog got so excited. He tried to drink the puddle and knocked himself out. And then I paused for the laugh. Nothing.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Maybe it's time for you to work on some new material.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Yeah, but see, I keep trying to pivot to the punchline, which is that my house is now worth less than the James Webb Space Telescope images I have framed in my hallway. Like, $40 total at Costco, these gorgeous nebula prints, and my house has lost more value than that costs. But Teresa, my girlfriend, she told me tonight before I left, she said if I bring up the space telescope one more time, instead of actually making a decision about whether we're selling the house. And I think she meant it this time, Louv, because she had her overnight bag already packed and sitting by the door when I left for the show.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay. Well, I mean, with jokes like that, you can't really expect a woman to stick around for very long.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Okay, that's fair, that's fair. But here's the thing. I've got the insurance adjuster's number pulled up on my phone right now. I've got the realtors number. I've got a Google search for cheapest places to live near Tucson Open in three different tabs. And I keep refreshing the James Webb feed like it's going to tell me what to do, you know? Like maybe there's going to be some galaxy out there that looks like an arrow pointing to the right decision.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, there's not. I don't know how the James Webb Space Telescope is related to your comedy career or selling your house. And this is a very confusing call.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: No, no, no. Let me explain. The telescope thing, it's not about the telescope itself. It's about the fact that I spent 40 bucks on these images of the universe, right? Beautiful pictures of stars and gas clouds and stuff billions of light years away. And now my house, the place where I hung those pictures, is worth less than when I bought it because some bureaucrat drew a line on a map and said flood zone. Like, the universe is expanding, Luke, but my property value is contracting. That's the bit.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe you should take up poetry or something.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Yeah, Teresa said the same thing, actually. She said, Woody, you're not a comedian. You're just a guy who won't shut up about problems he won't solve. Which, ouch, but also maybe accurate. Because here's what I'm really calling about, Luke. I'm sitting in this Denny's parking lot at three in the morning, and I've got all these tabs open, and I know I need to make a decision. Do we sell and take the loss? Do we stay and keep paying the insane insurance?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, there's a couple things that you can do here. Look, do the math. Does the insurance add up to the same amount as the loss? Which one would be cheaper for you to do? And also, do you like living where you live? Do you like your house regardless of whether or not the insurance is high? If so, maybe it's worth the premium to you. Do you want to live in Tucson? Or do you want to live somewhere else entirely? This could be either a fresh start or just an annoyance.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Okay. So the math part, I actually did that. The insurance went up 2200 a year. If we sell now, we lose about 18,000 in equity because the market tanked when they rezoned us. So if we stay five years, we break even on the insurance cost, but that's assuming the premiums don't go up again, which they probably will. And do I like the house?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Do you like the house? What do you think's going to happen to the market in five years? And if it's that easy to rezone a property that you own, then it very well could be changed again. you can petition to have it changed if you can cite some evidence that there's no flooding there.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: See, that's what I keep telling Teresa. I'm like, we can fight this. We can get a hydrologist to come out, show them the drainage patterns, prove that the wash is a quarter mile away and hasn't flooded since 1983. But she's done with it, Luke. She's like, I don't want to spend the next two years fighting the county while you workshop material about it at open mics. And do I like the house? I mean, yeah, it's got this big living room where you can see the mountains. And that's where I hung the telescope pictures because the view kind of matches, you know?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, she sounds like a smart woman. You should hang on to her. But honestly, you're going to have to have that conversation with Teresa and figure out if she wants to live. It sounds like she doesn't want to live there anymore. So this could be a new opportunity to get a better place that suits you better. And, you know, you can have new open mics to bomb at where the people aren't going to already be cringing when you get up to the stage. You know, you get a second So I think sell the house and see what's next in your adventure.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: Wait, hold on. They're not cringing when I get up. Well, okay. Maybe the bartender is, but that's because I did 20 minutes on the flood zone three weeks in a row. But you're right about Teresa. She doesn't want to live there anymore.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, so she doesn't want to live there and you got to decide if you want to be with her and what you want your life to look like. But it sounds like a good opportunity for a change. And if you told them the joke that you should, you tell them the joke that you just told us, then yeah, they do cringe when you get up there. They might just be polite about it.
|
||||
|
||||
WOODY: All right, all right. Fair enough. The universe is expanding, but my property value is contracting. I thought that one had legs. But yeah, I hear you.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Well, thanks for the call. I hope it all works out for you. And fingers crossed for no rain, all right? Ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of our show tonight. I hope you had a wonderful evening. And we're going to talk to you again tomorrow, okay? Bye-bye. I don't know.
|
||||
@@ -0,0 +1,267 @@
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Welcome back. I'm Luke, and you're listening to Luke at the Roost. This is the late night call-in radio show where you can call in and tell me what's going on in your life. I will give you the very best advice that I possibly can. Today is Wednesday, March 11th, and we're going to get to the phones right away. First up, we've got Earl. Earl, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life today, buddy? How can we have help you.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Am I on? Okay, yeah. Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. I know it's late on a Wednesday, appreciate you staying up with us. So, ah, I run a junkyard out here, been doing it about 12 years now. Bought the place from this guy who moved to Arizona, and it's been pretty straightforward, you know, people bring in their cars, I strip the parts, sell what I can.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so what's on your mind? What's the problem at the junkyard?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Right, so three days ago, Sunday, I was in the back because the paperwork's being piling up. There's this wall in there, and I always figured it was just, you know, the exterior wall. But I'm knocking on it to see where I can mount some brackets, and it sounds hollow, really hollow. So I get a sledgehammer, and I start breaking through, thinking maybe there's some storage space back there or something.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, well, that's balzy. You just start taking a sledgehammer to your wall. What'd you find back there?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: A whole room, Luke. I mean a whole furnished room. There's a couch in there with the plastic still on it, like someone just bought it and never sat on it. There's a mini fridge that's plugged in and running Has been this whole time, I guess. And the walls, all four walls, they're covered in polaroids.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: It sounds like a loss situation Were you able to find any other doors? Any ingress or egress?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: That's the thing. No. There's no other door. The only way in is through the hole I made in my office wall. I walked around the outside of the building twice, checked every angle. There's no door, no window, no vent big enough for a person. It's just...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: never noticed that there was this whole other room tacked onto your building? I mean, you couldn't see that from the outside?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: No, that's what I'm saying. From the outside, the building looks normal. The dimensions match up. It's not like there's this obvious addition sticking out. I measured it, Luke. The room is maybe 10 by 12, but when you're outside, there's no extra footage.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so you found yourself a magic room that's furnished but unused. What's on the Polaroids?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: regular people at parties, barbecues, birthday cakes with candles. There's got to be maybe 40, 50 photos up there. Different groups, different occasions, but I don't recognize a single face.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's a unique situation you find yourself in. Did you find any interesting treasures in there? Is it just the Polaroids or was there other stuff besides a couch and some Polaroids?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: There's a coffee table, a couple of folding chairs stacked in the corner. The mini fridge, I opened it, and there's three Coors lights in there that are still cold. Luke. After 12 years or however long this room's been sealed up, there's an ashtray on the table, clean, never been used.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, so you've been paying electricity on this bridge. You got a room in there that mysteriously is invisible from the outside, and it looks like it's been unused for 12-plus years. Are you going to drink the beers?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I, yeah. I already drank one last night. That's part of why I'm calling.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You drank a decade's old beer? How was it?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: That's the thing. It tasted fine. I tasted like I just pulled it out of a cooler, cold, fresh, no weird aftertaste. And I keep thinking about the other two sitting in there.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, so what do you think about this room? What is it? Why is it there? Why was it walled off? And what are you going to do with it now?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I don't know, man. That's why I keep going back there after I close up. I sit on that couch and I look at those photos and I try to figure it out. The guy I bought the place from Jerry Hoskins. He swears he never knew about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: hole that you created in the wall, that you also disappear, that your mask cannot be seen from outside?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I, I hadn't thought about that. Jesus, I've been in there alone every time.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you might want to check that out. You might have yourself a Bermuda Triangle situation going on. You think I should have someone watch me go in, see if I just vanish from their side?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Yeah, man. I mean, what happens on the island happened. It all really happens.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: doesn't exist except when you enter it. I mean, maybe neither do you.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: That's okay. That's freaking me out a little, because I've been spending hours in there. Like last night I was in there from 9.30 till past midnight, just sitting there drinking that beer, looking at the photos, and nobody knew where I was.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, of course nobody knew where you were. You were teleported into another dimension. I think when you enter that room, you leave the bounds of physics and logic and everything stops. Like, there's no time in that room. You don't age when you're in that room. And anything that you do in that room is completely separate and isolated from the reality of the earth.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Wait, so you're saying the three hours I was in there last night? That might not have been three hours out here? Because I checked my watch when I left and it was after midnight. But...
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I mean, that's exactly what I'm saying. Did you jerk off in there?
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: What? No. No, I've just been sitting there looking at the pictures. Drinking the beer.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You got a secret room with a couch in another dimension and you didn't even rub one out? How are you even talking to me? Like, that's not human.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: I, look, it's not like that. The whole thing's being too weird to even think about. That. I've been trying to figure out whose room it is. Who these people are? There's this one photo, this barbecue scene. And there's a guy flipping burgers who looks a little like my uncle, but it's not him, you know?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: my life and shifted it sideways. Yeah, don't jerk off to that. That sounds depressing. I think you've stepped into like a multiverse, another dimension, and you've found a secret place, and anything that happens in there is magic. So my advice to you is to get a friend to watch as you enter the room and see what happens. Also, check your watch to see if time is moving by at the same rate that you expected to be.
|
||||
|
||||
EARL: Okay, yeah, I can do that. My buddy Rick, he comes by the yard most Thursday, to pick through the metal scrap. I could have him watch me go in tomorrow.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: There you go. That sounds like a good plan. Thanks for the call. That's a weird thing. Congratulations on your new square footage. Not everybody gets to say that they found a special hidden room. But that's cool. All right, next up, we've got Candy. Candy, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can we help you tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: Hey, Luke. So I'm calling because I just got roped into organizing the monthly potluck at work. And I am not doing it. I'm not. people bring food that should be considered a workplace hazard. Last week, somebody brought tuna casserole that had been sitting in their car since morning. And the week before that, Sharon's enchiladas, put three people out with food poisoning, but nobody will say anything because she's been at the thrift store for 15 years.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You have an employee potluck at a thrift store? Like, you have enough employees to do that? It must be a pretty big thrift store.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: Yeah, it's one of the bigger ones in town. We've got maybe 20 people between the floor staff, the Sorders, and back, and the donation center crew. The management thinks the potlock builds morale or whatever. But honestly, it just builds resentment because half the people don't bring anything. And the other half brings stuff that's either store-bought or actively dangerous. And now they volunteered me to organize next months without even asking if I wanted to do it. My boyfriend says, just bring chips and let it go.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: But my friend Jackie agrees with me that this is worth pushing back on.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: Yeah, you don't have to push back on. I just don't do it. That's it. That's the end of the potlock. Potlucks are the worst. They're the worst thing ever. Nobody's potato salad is for fucking good, all right? I know you all think you've got the secret recipe for the best potato salad, but potato salad is gross. Everything that you see at a potluck that is in store a lot is gross.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I'm not interested in anybody's potluck or trying out anybody's secret fucking family recipe for anything. They put onions and everything, and it's never a good idea. Just don't do the potluck. If you want lunch, take everybody to McDonald's. Shit.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: See, that's what I'm saying. Thank you. Nobody wants to admit that they're workers cooking is terrible because it's supposed to be this bonding thing. But it's not bonding when you're trying to figure out if you need to call in sick the next day.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And the potato salad, oh my God. There's always three different potato salads and they all have that weird warm mayo thing going on because they've been sitting out for two hours. Yeah, it's gross. It's inhumane and nobody should ever do the podlock. If you want to have that bonding situation at lunchtime with everybody, then get yourself a grill. Right? You go down to the store and you buy a fucking industrial store size box of hot dogs and make up with some hot dogs and hamburgers like a like, like normal God-fearing Americans would do.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: Right, exactly. Something where you can actually see it being cooked in front of you. Not something that came out of someone's trunk that's been God knows where. But here's the thing, Luke. They're acting like I'm the problem for saying no to this. My manager pulled me aside today and was like, we need someone organized to take charge. And I said, I didn't volunteer for it. And she just smiled and said, well, you're perfect for it anyway. Like that's supposed to make it okay that they just assign me extra work I don't get paid for. And now I'm the bad guy if I don't do it, because everyone's expecting it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, it's not really a whole lot of extra work organizing a potluck, okay? I know it might feel that way. It might feel overwhelming with your current workload at the thrift store, but it's really not. All you have to do is set up a table and let people bring in their crap. But I think you should show some leadership and just flat out not do it. Don't do your homework. And maybe that will get the point across that potlucks are awful, nobody wants them. waste of everybody's time. I've been to lots and lots of potlucks, and I will not eat anything at a potluck. Unless, like we said there, it's cooked on a grill in front of me, and it's just a hamburger or a hot dog. Even then, I'm skeptical about it because people like to put their spin on the hamburger. Like, ah, you got to try my secret hamburger. No, I don't want anything that is weird or strange or different. Give me a fucking plain hamburger. Well, a cheeseburger, but it's going to be good deli cheese. I don't want the craft singles cheese on my cheeseburger. That's wrong. Just a hot dog? You know, you get yourself some ketchup, some mayo, maybe relish if you're feeling frisky, and call it a day. Nobody needs chips. Nobody needs salad. Nobody needs sides. You get a hot dog and a bottle of water and then get back to work.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: Oh, I wish it was that simple. But here's the kicker. If I don't organize it, they'll just assign it to someone else. He'll let it slide again. And we'll end up with another Sharon enchilada incident and I cannot live through that again. Last time, I had to listen to Karen from donations, whimpering in the breakroom like a kicked puppy for two days straight. But also, I hate being the one who has to say no to this stuff, because then I'm the mean one.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you're not organizing what people bring to the potluck. That defeats the whole purpose of the potluck. So here's my advice for you. Don't do it, because you don't want to support this insanity. Just don't do it. And then if they assign somebody else to the potluck, don't eat anything there. And it'll just, sit there on the table and rot, and people will be like, I don't want my potato salad. And, uh, could.
|
||||
|
||||
CANDY: You know what? You're right. I'm overthinking this. I should just tell my manager tomorrow that I'm not doing it. And if she wants a potluck, she can organize it herself or find someone who actually wants to. And then when it happens, I'll just bring my own lunch from home and eat it at my desk like a normal person.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: There you go. That's the right answer. Uh, no potlucks. Don't participate in them any the way. don't make something to bring it to a potluck. And if somebody does, don't eat it. And if you're the asshole for not participating in the potluck, well, good on you. It takes a village. Next up, we've got Mitch. Mitch, thanks for calling in. How can we help you today? What'd you have for lunch?
|
||||
|
||||
MITCH: Hey, Luke. Appreciate your taking the call. Lunch was a gas station burrito around noon. So we're about 12 hours past that now. Listen, I've been getting this weird interference on my radio telescope setup the last three nights.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, you're getting interference in the telescope or on the radio link?
|
||||
|
||||
MITCH: On the radio telescope itself, I built this setup in my backyard. Nothing fancy. Just a parabolic dish I welded together and some SDR equipment to pick up signals. Been running it for about eight months now. Mostly tracking satellites. Looking at Jupiter emissions. That kind of thing. But starting Sunday night, right at 247 in the morning, I get this static burst that cuts out all my data for about 90 seconds.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right. Well, that could have been, there's high solar activity right now. It could have been a little burp from the sun, one of them coronal mass injections. It could have been interference from the military playing around, ice doing their thing. The laser tracking shoot-down drone machines. Who knows? There's lots of things it could be. It could be, did you watch pluribus? It could be a DNA sequence for a greater being that is trying to take over our consciousness.
|
||||
|
||||
MITCH: Right. And I thought about the solar activity. Check to Noah charts. Nothing unusual those nights. But here's the thing that's bothering me. It's the exact same time three nights in a row. 247 a.m. on the dot. Solar bursts don't keep a schedule like that.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, neither do aliens. You know who does keep schedules like that? Humans do. That's somebody's garage door opener or the military playing some games out there doing testing. That's not anything to be concerned about if it's happening at the same exact time every day. Because time is our own concept, right? Time doesn't exist, man. It's not a real thing, man.
|
||||
|
||||
MITCH: Okay, but here's where it gets weird. My neighbor, the same guy who reported my antenna to the HOA last month, saying it was attracting attention, he's the one who called animal control on my dog yesterday. And my ex-wife somehow knew about the citation before I even got home to see it taped to my door.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, did you ask her how she knew about that? Did she maybe prompt the citation? this guy to do it. Does she like you? Do you get along? Why are you talking to your ex-wife? There's a whole bunch of questions there. None of them seem relevant to the initial reason you called. What are you talking about, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
MITCH: You're right. I'm connecting things that might not connect. She texted me because our daughter got scratched by the dog. She's fine, just a scratch. But the neighbor's saying my kid was teasing the dog through the fence with a stick, which is impossible because I built that fence myself. And the slats are too close together for that. But what I'm saying is, this neighbor reports my antenna, then a month later I start getting interference at the exact same time every night, and then suddenly he's calling animal control? That's a pattern.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That's not a pattern.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: Hey, Luke. Yeah. So I'm calling from the break room at work right now. And, okay, so this is wild. You know Mrs. Pacheco. Well, not you specifically, but she's the crossing guard at my daughter's school. Desert Vista Elementary. Been walking me at a class for like two years now. Sweet lady? to vest, the whole thing. Anyway, last month my buddy Carlos made me watch this poker documentary with him. And I'm not even into poker, really, but he was insistent. And there's this whole segment about the World Series of poker from 2009, and Luke, it was her.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that's great. Good for her. She's good at the poker. Everybody knows Miss Pacheco. Of course, she's the crossing guard lady that plays poker.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: No, no, no. You don't understand. She won $340,000 and a bracelet. Like the actual World Series of poker, the real deal, and now she's standing out there in the wind every morning making 12 bucks an hour, helping kids cross the street.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, I mean, you only saw her win. You didn't see how many times she lost, or if she was staked by somebody else. Like, you got to pay taxes on that money. She's got bills and debts and a house to deal with. So, yeah. Maybe she just enjoys standing out in the road at all types of weather and helping the little ones cross the street.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: Right. Yeah. actually what she said when I brought it up to her this morning. I was dropping off Mia and I was like, hey, I saw you on this documentary. Congratulations on that whole thing. And she just smiled at me, like this calm smile. And said she likes the job.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: But that's the thing that's messing with me because my girlfriend, Vanessa, thinks I shouldn't have said anything at all. Like it's none of my business what happened to the money or why she's doing that job. But then my mom, who already doesn't like that me and Vanessa are living together without being married, she's all like people who gamble always lose it eventually. It's in their nature. And I'm sitting here thinking, wait, is it? Is that true? I mean, in the vast majority of cases, people that play games of chance lose. That's how most of the games are set up. Poker's a little bit different, though. There's a skill involved, and the people that are good at it can show wins over time. Yeah, they're going to lose lots, but the goal is to win more times than you lose.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe the top fucking 3% of poker players stay in the money for the long term.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: Okay, so that makes sense, but here's what I can't figure out. She didn't seem embarrassed at all when I mentioned it. Like if I had won that kind of money and then lost it all and was working for $12 an hour, I'd be mortified if someone brought it up. But she was just pleasant about it, almost like she was proud of it still. And now I'm wondering if maybe she didn't lose it. Maybe she just wanted the job anyway.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, and it's none of your business. And she won a championship. Of course she's going to be proud of that. Maybe she spent the money. It was her money to spend. That's her prerogical. Maybe she bought herself a nice house or it's sitting in a bank account somewhere, collecting interest. Maybe she opened up an account with our sponsor, crypto, no! And lost it all to the soothing ocean sounds that they play. Who knows? But it's not important. She's happy. She's enjoying her life, and that's the important part here.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: You're right, you're right. But okay, so here's where it gets complicated. Because Vanessa is mad at me for even asking us about it like I crossed some line. But then at the same time, she keeps bringing up how we need to save more money for me as college fund, and we're barely making ends meet with my welding job and her working at the clinic. And I think maybe part of why this is bothering me is because here's someone who had all this money and chose to stand in the street. And we're over here stressing about every dollar. Does that make sense, or am I just being weird about this?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You're just being weird about this. You can't compare yourself to somebody else's life. But it sounds like maybe you could ask Ms. Picaccio or whatever the fucker name was for some poker lessons. And there you go. You can invest your incomes in your poker career. And maybe you too can win a $375,000 world series of poker tour, of which you'll probably see 200K and then your family will all come begging like you're a millionaire when you're not. It sounds like a curse. So, I don't know. But this is none of your business.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: Okay, yeah, you're totally right. It's none of my business. But now I'm thinking about what you just said about everyone coming around begging, because that's exactly what my mom said would happen if we ever came into money. She said Vanessa's family would be all over us. Which is crazy because Vanessa's family has been nothing but nice to us. They helped us with a down payment on the trailer. And now I'm wondering if my mom is projecting something. Like maybe when she was younger, something happened with money in her family.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Who knows and who cares? You're an adult. You don't have to worry about what your mother says. And you're not coming into any money. Just calling radio stations about other people's lives. So get out there, and if you need more money, change your career or work harder or ask for it, find a way. And then you can learn how to deal with people that come looking for it.
|
||||
|
||||
LEON: You're absolutely right. I'm sitting here in the break room at 2 in the morning, obsessing about a crossing guards poker winnings instead of figuring out my own situation. That's ridiculous. I appreciate you calling me out on that, Luke. I needed to hear it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, you did. You did need to hear it. So take care of your own show and stop looking at what is going on in other people's lives. The crossing guard's happy. The kids like her all as well with the world. Next up, we've got Angie. Angie, welcome to the show. What's going on?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Hey, Luke. So I went to Tucson. Had the birthday dinner with my mom and Derek.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Okay, you're going to have to remind me. Who are you? What was the birthday? Oh, you're the lady that your mom was dying and she wanted to have cake, right? How was the cake?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah, that's me. The cake was fine. I brought those relighting candles like I said I would. My mom loved that. Kept blowing them out and laughing every time they came back on. Derek sat there the whole time looking at his phone.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, that sounds perfect because you were concerned that Derek was going to be a douchebag the whole time. So that sounds like the best case scenario. And your mom's happy and you fulfilled your obligation. So why are you calling me tonight?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Because he cornered me in the driveway after. I was loading up my car and he comes out and says he needs to talk to me about mom's care, says she's told him she wants to stop treatment, and he thinks I'm the one who put that idea in her head.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Are you the one that put that idea in her head?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: No. I didn't even know she was thinking about it. She hasn't said anything to me about stopping treatment.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, it was probably the extreme left wing, what do they call them? I'm trying to think of, libtards.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah, it was the lib tards that did it. He actually said something like that. He said the doctors are probably pushing it because of cost, or some conspiracy. I told him maybe mom's just tired, Luke. She's been doing chemo for eight months.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, she's old. She got to see her kids have cake together. That was her last wish, and she's had enough fighting. And I think that anybody in that situation should have the agency to make that choice on their own. So if that's what she wants to do, good for her. And if your brother is pissed at you about it, then fuck him. But fuck him anyway, because he was a douchebag pretty much all the time, right?
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah, but here's the thing. He wants me to go with him to her next appointment, to talk to the doctor together. Says if we're both there, we can make sure she's thinking clearly and not being influenced.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea, and you can keep him off of them, right, while she discusses her care with her doctor, as she should be allowed to do.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: I guess. I just don't want to be in a room with him and some oncologist while he accuses everyone of trying to kill our mom. And I don't know if she even wants us there. He didn't ask her. He just decided we should do it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, you shouldn't do anything without your mom say so. She's still lucid. She's still got her faculties, and she can make those decisions on her own. If you want to go, ask your mom if she wants you to be there.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: You're right. I should just call her and ask. Not make it about Derek at all. Just see what she actually wants. Because this whole thing might just be him freaking out and trying to control something he can't control.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, of course it is. And if it's not, then. And the only way that you're going to know is by talking to your mom. And you should have that conversation anyway. She's dying. It might be one of the last conversations you have. Ask her what she's thinking. Ask her what it's like. This is an opportunity for you to understand what's going through somebody's mind in their final days or hours. And that's a gift. So if you have the opportunity to talk to her now about those important real life things, that's a big deal. And you should take advantage of her now of it.
|
||||
|
||||
ANGIE: Yeah. I've been avoiding asking her anything real because I don't want to make her sad or make it about me. But you're right. She might actually want to talk about it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And if she doesn't want to talk about it, she'll let you know that. But I would guess, and in my experience, people that are there are very much willing to explain what's going on to you because they wish somebody had explained it to them. And it is a special experience that you can have with somebody. That it's going to actually important.
|
||||
|
||||
CALLER: on you some wisdom. I'm going to call her tomorrow morning, before work. And I'll ask if she wants me at the appointment. And I'll ask her what she's actually thinking about all of it. Not what Derek thinks she should be thinking.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, there you go. That's the right answer. And I wish you all the best of luck there. It doesn't sound like a fun situation, but it sounds like you're all dealing with it the best you can. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we've got to go to another ad from our sponsors. I'm going to be straight with you. I don't know what this product does. The folks at Bunkhouse DNS sent me a script, and I've read it four times, and I understand maybe 11% of it. Apparently, your DNS is exposed, which sounds medical. Your queries are being logged by default, which sounds illegal. And Bunkhouse reroutes your lookups through encrypted tunnels, which sounds like something a villain would say in a movie before the building explodes. What I can tell you is this. I installed it. I pressed one button and a little shield icon turned green. Green means good. I know that much. My internet still works. Nothing exploded. And apparently, my queries, whatever those are, are now private, which feels like progress, even though I don't fully understand progress from what? Bunkhouse DNS. I don't know what it does, but the shield is green, and that's enough for me. Okay. And we're back. We're going to change the vibe a little bit, turned on the vibe dial. Lower the lights. And we're going to continue with Luke at the Roost, your favorite radio show. Next up we've got Sal. Sal, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight, sir?
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: Hey, Luke. Yeah, so. I found a pill bottle in my kid's backpack. My name was on it, but somebody scratched it off with a key or something. These are the oxy they gave me. After my shoulder surgery last fall, I thought I had them put away in the garage.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, obviously, you weren't paying attention to where you put your controlled substances and your kids get a hold of them. So whose fault is that, sir? Hopefully you took them away from him and you're going to have a conversation about how he got them and why he had them in his backpack before you end up having that conversation at the police station or with one of his classmates that overdoses in lunch.
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: Yeah, no. I took them. I got the bottle. But here's the thing, Luke. I counted them. There's the same number that was in there when I put them away. He didn't take any. He just has them.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, he had them. You've removed them from his possession, and now you have them. And what you're going to do with them now is put them in a secure, locked container where only you can get to them. And you're not going to have them walking away to the school yard because that is irresponsible. And why do you have the oxies anyway if you're not taking them? If you don't need them, they probably shouldn't be hanging around the house. Because I don't know if you've heard, but they cause problems for people.
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: I know, I know. Look, I had the surgery in October. I used maybe half of them. I kept the rest. Because you never know, right?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah. You never know when your child is going to find them and put them in his backpack and take them to school and give them away to his friends. And you never know when those friends are going to die right there. And you never know when that's going to be your fault.
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: All right. Yeah, I hear you! I'll get rid of them. But that's not. Luke, the real question is, do I tell his mom about this? Because she's been clean. Two years. She had her own thing with pills before. And if I tell her I found these in his backpack, she's going to know immediately they're mine. She's going to know I've been holding on to them.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Well, you would prescribe these pills and you're holding on to them because you're an adult, and you made the decision that they might be good to have around for some reason. Should you tell the mother of your child that the child took the pills from you and then just walked around with them in his backpack for God knows how long. I don't know. Probably not. I don't know that that would help the situation any. What I would recommend is you should talk to your son and ask him why he took the pills, what he was doing with him, and what his intentions were, and explain to him the dangers of oxycontin and what type of opioids. Explain to him what opioids are about and have the conversation about drugs and how they can in your life and see where he's at with that. So you talk to him and let him know that if he continues, you're going to tell his mother, but for her own protection, you don't have to mention it this one time because there was no harm done. But next time, they very well could be harm done, okay?
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: Yeah, but Luke, that's the thing. I don't think he took them to use them or sell them or whatever. I think he took them because, I don't know, like insurance or something. Like he knows. They know's their mine. He scratched my name off.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: And that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Insurance against what? Insurance against, what, you grounding him? You're going to be like, well, if you don't let me go play with my friends, I'm not going to give you your important pain medication. If that's the case, your child might be a psychopath, and maybe you need to have a very different conversation.
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: No, not like that. More like insurance against me. Like maybe he knows about us other stuff I've got stashed. Maybe he's holding on to them so I know he knows.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: That is insane. But what other stuff do you have stashed, probably unsecured and available for a child to take to school?
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: I mean nothing like that. Just look, I've got some things in the garage, tools, some equipment from jobs, nothing illegal. But the kid's been going through my stuff clearly, and I don't know what he's seen or what he thinks he knows.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Ah, well, you sound like a disturbed gentleman, and it sounds like maybe you're stashing some guns or drugs or stolen Native American women or maybe industrial weapons-grade plutonium. Who knows? I don't know what's in your garage. Only you can know that. But the stuff that is important, dangerous, maybe should be locked up, perhaps in a gun safe. You can get one of those at Harbor Freight or at a gun safe store. And you might be interested to learn that if you buy a safe, there's no tax on that. Isn't that nice?
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: Yeah, I know about the safes. I've been meaning to get one. But Luke, you're missing what I'm asking here. Do I confront him about the pills or not?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: I don't believe I missed that. You never asked me if you should confront him. You asked me if you should confront his mother, to which I replied, no. And then I further elucidated that you should talk to him about drugs and how they can affect somebody's life in the long term, like a good father would. Because it seems like it's probably the time in his life where he's curious. And you might, uh, might be able to fend off some serious issues later in life. Also, if nothing else, you can ask why he would take your pills for insurance against what exactly?
|
||||
|
||||
SAL: All right, yeah, you're right. I need to talk to him directly. I just, I've been avoiding it because I work nights most of the week. And when I am home, he's either at school or locked in his room.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You see, he has the right idea with the whole life up the room. That's, I mean, maybe you should take a cue from your son, because he seems to understand how to protect things that he doesn't want other people to have access to. So, I mean, this is another option that might work for you.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Hey, Luke. Yeah. I got something. So I'm an embalmer, right? And last week this guy comes in. I'm doing the prep work. And I find a post-it note in his jacket pocket. It says, Crystal, if you're reading this, I'm sorry about the thing with your mom. You deserved better.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: You did. I'm sorry about that thing with your mom, too.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: No, Luke. That's the thing. I have no idea who this guy is. Never seen him before in my life. He's 72 years old. Names Douglas. Kemper died of a heart attack. I asked around. Nobody in my family knows a Douglas Kemper. My mom doesn't know him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Uh, no, your mom doesn't remember him. Because she gets around quite a bit. That's what I'm telling you. Is you can't really be sure who knew your mom in that way.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Luke, my mom's been married to my stepdad for 30 years. And before that, she was with my dad. She's not getting around. She works at the DMV and goes to bed at 8.30. This note dated from two weeks ago. He wrote it two weeks before he died.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Well, I think you're confused about your mom and who she is because I was with her last night at about 10.30.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Luke, you weren't with my mom. My mom's 64 years old and she's got a knee replacement scheduled for next month.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: But here's what's really messing me up. I looked him up. Douglas Kemper. Never lived in the same town as us? Never worked anywhere near my family.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Did you ever wonder how your mom wore out her knee?
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: I don't. You're really committed to this bit. Anyway, the note says the thing with your mom, like I'm supposed to know what that means. And he's apologizing to me specifically. He knew my name. He knew I'd be the one finding it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I actually leave posted notes around town for you, too, because I know that someday you're going to find out the truth.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: The truth about what, Luke? Because I'm sitting here at 11 at night eating Circle K sushi, trying to figure out how a complete stranger knew I'd be the one handling his body. That's the part that's getting to me. Not whatever weird thing you're implying about my mom.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, I mean the truth about your mom and how giving she is.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Luke, I don't know what you're getting at with this, but I'm telling you, this guy left a note in his pocket. It was folded up real small like he knew someone would find it. It says, Crystal, I'm sorry about the thing with your mom.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Yeah, well, your mom is frequently at establishments that I frequent. Like, she's all often at the Lordsburg Gloryhole. She's a frequent appear down at the old Amazing's sex shop where she jerks off truckers in the parking lot. And we salute her. She gets a lot of work done. She covers a lot of ground. And she's been with a lot of people. Your mom is quite a slut.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Luke, my mom volunteers at the church bake sale and her idea of a wild Friday is getting the premium car wash. But fine, you want to do this fit? We can do this bit. What I'm actually asking you is, do I tell her about this note? Because either this Douglas Kemper knew something real, or he was confused and thought I was someone else. And if it's real, if there actually is a thing with my mom, I don't know about. Do I really want to open that door?
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: We've all opened that door, my friend. And let me tell you, it's not that tight.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: You know what? I'm going to take that as a no. Don't tell her. Because you're right about one thing. Some doors you can't close once you open them. And maybe whatever Douglas Kemper thought he needed to apologize for, it died with him.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: Maybe it did. I don't know. But you are right about that. Some doors, you cannot close once you open them. Like, very similarly to your mother's legs.
|
||||
|
||||
CRYSTAL: Oh, right, Luke. I appreciate the advice buried somewhere under all that. I'm going to toss the note and pretend I never saw it.
|
||||
|
||||
LUKE: All right, good for you. tell your mom I said hello.
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user