LUKE: All right, welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late-night call-in radio show, where you can call in and tell me about what's going on in your life. It can be anything that's happening in your life, and I'll think about that for a second and give you the very best advice that I can. If you'd like to give us a call, the number's 208-439-58-3. That's 208-439. Luke, today is Saturday. March 14th, and it's a very special day here at the Roost. Today, I picked up an intern to help out around the studio. He's going to go get me coffee and look up facts and news and help us out with the show, and it's going to be great to have him around. I'm not going to pay him anything because, honestly, he's not really worth that much, but Devin, Devin, welcome to the show. Can you tell the audience at home what you're about, where you're from, what you're doing here?

DEVIN: So basically, I'm Devin. I just graduated from New Mexico State with a communications degree. And this is actually my first day working here as the inter. I'm from Deming while I live there now in a studio apartment. And I'm here to, like, do research and help out with whatever loop needs. I'm really excited about this because I think radio is a good way to meet people. You know, like it's a social thing. And I've been told I have a good voice for this kind of work, if that makes sense.

LUKE: Well, buddy, we'll let the listeners at home be the judge of that. show started and you told me you were you're on the market for a girlfriend. Is that true? We've got a wide audience here. Maybe you can put out a pitch for them.

DEVIN: Yeah, that's true. So basically, I am single and actively looking, and I figured being on the radio might help with that since people can hear my voice and know I have a job now. I'm 23. I drive a Honda Civic, and I've been told I'm a good listener, which I think came from therapy, but also just like, I genuinely care about what people have to say. I'm looking for someone who's cool with the fact that I work weird hours and doesn't mind that my apartment is pretty small. Like, we'd have to get creative with space. But I've done that before in other context. So anyway, if anyone's interested, they can call in, I guess, or come by the studio. I'm here most nights now, if that makes sense.

LUKE: Oh, no, oh no, you won't. They will not come by the studio. I don't want to deal with you and your little girlies here at the studio. What are you crazy? You can go down to our sponsor down there, the Valley Mercantile, and get them an ice cream or something like that. And while you're at it, pick me up my ice coffee.

DEVIN: Yeah. Okay, that's fair. I can do the Valley Mercantile thing. What kind of iced coffee do you want? Like, do they have a specific one you get? Or should I just, I'll figure it out. Sorry, I wasn't trying to make it weird here at the station. I just thought, like, people could meet me in a professional context. But I get it. The mercantile is actually pretty good for that kind of thing anyway, more casual. I took someone there once, but it didn't really work out because she said I talked too much about my landlord's ferrets. Anyway, yeah, I'll keep it off-site.

LUKE: Yeah, and I don't want you making any assumptions about my coffee either. It's just a black ice coffee. You can talk to the ladies down there, tell them, Luke at the Roost wants his coffee, and they'll know exactly what you're talking about, and then bring that back to me. But they're not open yet. When they open at 8.30 in the morning, I think, go down there and get me a coffee and bring it back.

DEVIN: Yeah, okay, black ice coffee from Valley Mercantile at 8.30, tell them it's for Luke at the Roost, and they'll know. Got it. I'll set a reminder on my phone, so I don't forget, because I did that once with my therapist appointment, and had to pay the full cancellation fee, even though I was only like 10 minutes late. Anyway, yeah, I'll make sure to go right when they open. And I can talk to whoever's working there. That's fine. I'm actually pretty good at talking to people one-on-one. It's just the on-air thing. I'm still figuring out. I'll bring it back here as soon as they make it.

LUKE: All right. Well, welcome to the show. It's time to get started, and we're going to go to the phones. We've got Mikey tonight. Hey, Mikey, what's going on out there? What do you think of our new intern, Devin?

MIKEY: Hey, Luke. Yeah, I caught that whole thing. Look, I'm going to be straight with you. I think you're being too hard on the kid. He sounds like he's trying, you know. I've worked with plenty of guys on a rig who started out not knowing which end of a wrench to hold. And some of them turned into the best hands we had. But listen, that's not actually why I called. I just got some news today, and I'm still kind of buzzing about it.

LUKE: Okay, yeah, I'll take that under consideration. that Devin's going to do great here. Take a little time to get them up to speed to learn how things work around here at the studio. But yeah, we're glad to have them. And thanks for that feedback. Dushbag, what's the news you got today? What's got you buzzing?

MIKEY: Ha, all right, fair enough. So I coach this youth baseball team, right? Been doing it for about four years now. And we've got this kid, Marcus. He's 11. Been with me since he was 8.

LUKE: Okay. And what's going on with Marcus?

MIKEY: So, Marcus has been struggling at the plate all season, like really struggling. We're talking strikeouts, brownouts, the kid couldn't buy a hit, and his dad's been riding him pretty hard about it, which doesn't help. But I've been working with him after practice, just the two of us, trying to fix his swing.

LUKE: All right, and how's that working out? Is he getting better? Is he improving?

MIKEY: That's the thing. Today we had our game, and Marcus comes up in the bottom of the sixth. Two outs, we're down by one. Base is loaded. And Luke, I'm watching this kid step up to the plate and I can see he's terrified. His hands are shaking on the bat. But he gets in his stance and it's exactly what we've been working on. First pitch, he fouls it off.

LUKE: Yeah, well, I mean, not everybody's good at sports. That's okay. There's people that need to do important things in life. And then there's the people that play sports.

MIKEY: Well, hold on. Let me finish. Second pitch comes in and this kid makes contact. solid contact. The sound off the bat, you just knew. Ball goes sailing over the left fielder's head, rolls all the way to the fence. All three runners score. Marcus ends up on second base with a double.

LUKE: All right. I think that sounds like a great success. Congratulations for your tutelage working out there, sir. Did you have a question or something I can help you with?

MIKEY: No, no question. I just, you know how it is when you're up at this hour and something good happens, and there's nobody awake to tell? His dad came up to me after the game. And this is a guy who's never said more than two words to me all season. And he shook my hand and said thank you. Like really meant it.

LUKE: That's great. And good for you. It sounds like you're changing hearts and lives out there and you're really doing the Lord's work. So we're all very proud of you. And I hope you have a wonderful night.

MIKEY: Appreciate it, Luke. Thanks for letting me share that. Take care.

LUKE: Congratulations for your great success. Next up, we've got Estelle. Estelle, what's going on?

ESTELLE: Hey, Luke. So, I arrested my ex-boyfriend last night. Not like I sought him out or anything. I mean, I'm on patrol. Get a call for a domestic disturbance at this apartment complex on the south side. And I walk in, and there he is.

LUKE: Well, that must have been satisfying. I guess that's probably not good to find an old partner of yours and a domestic disturbance at fault. Sounds like he's maybe not a great guy.

ESTELLE: Yeah. Well, honestly, it was weird. More than satisfying. We dated like three years ago. Nothing serious. A couple months maybe. But here's the thing.

LUKE: All right. Well, thank you for the call. I'm going to move on to the next caller, but we appreciate it. And I'm glad everybody's settled and safe.

ESTELLE: All right. Thanks, Luke.

LUKE: You are very welcome. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to have to take a break for a word from our sponsors. Breaking up is hard. That's why you shouldn't do it. Let us do it. Ghost Me is the number one Breakup as a Service app in the Mountain West region. Here's how it works. You open the app. You select your relationship status. It's complicated. I've made a huge mistake. Or she just moved her crystals into my apartment. Then our team of trained breakup specialists takes over. Tier one is a simple text from a number she doesn't recognize. that says he's not coming back, but he wants you to know that you're great. Tier two, we create a fake LinkedIn profile showing that you've relocated to Dubai.

LUKE: Tier three, and this is our most popular package, we stage your own funeral. Full service, open casket. We provide the suit. Your buddy Kyle reads a eulogy that we wrote. She cries, she moves on. You start over in Boise. Ghost me. Because you're not brave enough to have. have the conversation. And honestly, neither was your dad. Download now. First Ghost is free. All right, we're back. And, uh, let's see. Next up on the caller line, we've got Archie. Archie, welcome to the show. What's going on? Say hi to our new intern, Devin.

ARCHIE: Oh, hey, Luke. Hey, Devin. Shoot. Sorry, didn't mean to barge in like that. Listen, I just got off a shift You know the place down in Hatch. And I'm still half in my pizza-stained shirt, but I got to tell you, I just had the weirdest thing happen. So I'm delivering this late-night order, some guy's birthday party, I guess, out past the old fairgrounds. Right? And I pull up, and the house is dark.

LUKE: All right, is this one of those situations where somebody tried to put a collar around your neck and send you off to rob a bank and do a obstacle course or a treasure hunt? Or, uh, what is it, they sent that guy on?

ARCHIE: What? No, no. Nothing like that. Thank goodness. No. So I knock on the door. And this woman answers, maybe 45, 50, and she takes one look at me and just starts bawling. I mean, full on crying. And I'm standing there with two large pepperonies, thinking I showed up to the wrong address or something. But she takes the pizzas, pays me, tips me 20 bucks. Which, you know, I'm not complaining. And then she says, you look just like him. Thank you for coming. And she closes the door.

LUKE: Oh, wow. Well, congratulations. Who do you think he was? A late husband? Or, um, uh, who?

ARCHIE: I suppose. I just assume it would be a late husband. Well, that's the thing. Luke. I stood there on the porch for a second trying to figure it out. And through the window, I could see there's balloons up. There's a cake on the table. And there's nobody else there. Just her. And then it hit me. I think it was her son. The way she said it, the way she looked at me, I think, I reminded her of her son. And she ordered pizzas for his birthday, even though he's not around anymore. And I got back in my car and I just sat there for a minute because, oh gosh, that's heavy, you know.

LUKE: That is pretty heavy. Yeah, absolutely. That's a sad thing. And, yeah, that's too bad.

ARCHIE: Yeah. And the thing is, this is why I called, actually. I heard my heart. earlier talking about that kid Marcus and the baseball game. And it reminded me of something similar that happened maybe six months back. I delivered to this address three times in one week. Same order every time. Chicken wings, extra ranch. And the third time, the guy who answered, he goes, you're the same driver as last time. Right? And I said, yeah. And he goes, my brother used to deliver pizza. You remind me of him. And then he just stood there like he wanted to say more.

LUKE: Man, what is it about you, you think? You're like a ghost that shows up and freaks people out about their dead loved ones.

ARCHIE: Well, shoot, I never thought about it like that, Luke. I mean, I'm just a regular guy, you know? 54 got a gut from eating too much of the product. Nothing special. But maybe it's the uniform. Or something like pizza delivery guy is such a specific thing that if someone you loved did it, and then some other guy shows up in that same shirt with that same bag, maybe it just brings it all back. I don't know. Maybe I've got one of those. faces that reminds people of somebody.

LUKE: Maybe. All right. What's going on? Devon's trying to get my attention over there. What?

DEVIN: Yeah. So that was the Brian Wells case. Pizza delivery guy in Erie, Pennsylvania, 2003. He robbed a bank with a bomb collar locked around his neck, and it went off when the cops got him. The whole thing was this insane scavenger hunt set up. Super messed up, if that makes sense.

LUKE: Yeah, that's what I was looking for. Scavenger Your, hon. Thank you. It was super messed up. There's a documentary on that, and it is enthralling. That is one crazy story. But back to Archie. Yeah, maybe you've got one of those faces. Is there something we can help you with tonight? You get a question or anything going on in your life?

ARCHIE: Well, yeah, actually. So after that happened tonight, I'm driving back, and I'm thinking about Sandra, my ex-wife. And I realized something kind of messed up. When we were married, she used to get so mad at me for being too. nice to customers.

LUKE: What do you mean too nice? How are you too nice to customers? Did you think you were flirting with them? Or were you just spending too much time with each one and not getting enough pizzas out? Was it inefficient? Why would she be mad about you being nice to people?

ARCHIE: No, no. She said I cared more about strangers than I cared about her. Like, I'd come home and tell her her about some customer who was having a rough day. Or I'd mention how I stayed an extra five minutes talking to some old lady who seemed lonely. And Sandra would just lose it. She'd say, you give all your energy to people you don't even know. And you've got nothing left for me. And at the time, I thought she was being unreasonable, you know? But tonight, standing on that woman's porch, seeing her cry like that, I realized maybe Sandra had a point.

LUKE: Maybe she did. You know, I mean, being out in the world with people and being sensitive to their emotions can be very draining. And if you're doing that all day, if you're interfacing, with people all day and they're putting off their, you know, whatever energies they have, you pick some of that up. And when you get home at the end of the night, there can be not much left. That definitely happens. And, I mean, maybe she had a point, but also, that, that happens. What are you going to do, not interact with people or not have empathy because it drains you too much for your other relationships? I don't know.

ARCHIE: Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought at the time. But here's the thing, And this is what's been bugging me since tonight. I got home maybe an hour ago. And my girlfriend, Amy, we've been doing this long-distance thing for almost a year now. She's up in Albuquerque. She called me right after I got in the door. And I told her about the crying lady and the pizzas. And she got real quiet. And then she said, you always have these stories about other people.

LUKE: Well, yeah. Who else would you? She wants you to have stories about her? Like, what are you going to call her? And then tell her a story. about herself? You're just telling her about what happened in your day. People do that. I don't think that's weird at all. And it's strange that people would make you feel bad about that.

ARCHIE: Well, that's what I said. I said, Amy, I'm just telling you about my day. But she said it's not about the stories. She said it's like I'm more present with strangers than I am with her. And the thing is, Luke, I think she might be right. Because when I'm on the phone with her, half the time I'm distracted.

LUKE: Okay, well, what do you think about that? Do you think you think you? you're doing that on purpose? Do you think you're not interested in her? Or do you think it's because there's an inherent difference between being face to face with somebody that's wailing at, you know, while you're delivering them a pizza and holding the phone up to your ear, listen to people talk about nothing? I mean, when you talk to your girlfriend, what are you generally talking about? How long are those conversations and what do they go like?

ARCHIE: That's a good question. They usually may be 20, 30 minutes. And honestly, it's a lot of see each other next, how's work going? What's the weather like up there? And I know that sounds boring when I say it out loud. But it's not her fault, you know? It's just, we're trying to keep this thing alive over 300 miles. It's hard. But when I'm face to face with someone, even a total stranger, I'm locked in.

LUKE: Yeah, of course. That makes perfect sense.

LUKE: And what I was trying to get at is that phone calls are inherently awful. There's very little to say on a phone call, usually, minutes, an hour, two hours. Like, there's just not that much back-and-forth conversation to happen. There's no, uh, there's no, um, body language or ability to, I don't know, fidget. It's just, it's a different experience than being face to face with somebody.

ARCHIE: I hate being on the phone. Like, I avoid it whenever possible. And usually when I get on the phone, it's because the person on the other end of the phone likes to be on the phone and, you know, just wants to talk. And I don't say Yeah, and that's the thing. Amy loves being on the phone. She could talk for hours. And I feel bad because I know she needs that connection since we can't see each other much. But man, and just not good at it, I'm better in person. But here's what's eating at me, Luke. Sandra said the same thing Amy's saying now.

LUKE: Yeah, I think most girlfriends will say that same thing to you. They like to talk on the phone. That's a thing, for sure. And if you don't like to talk on the phone, you don't like to talk on the phone, on the phone. It doesn't mean you're not into them or you're not interested in what they have to say. It's just that generally on the phone, they're not saying interesting shit. And neither a we. So, I mean, face-to-face is the way to go. And if you feel like you're not spending enough time or giving your girlfriend enough attention remotely, I mean, make more of an effort to deliver pizzas to her. Or do Zoom calls or something of that nature where you can only see each other. But just sitting on the phone because that's what you do, I don't really get into that either.

ARCHIE: Yeah, that makes sense. But Luke, here's the part I'm kind of avoiding. Sandra didn't just complain about the phone thing. She used to say I was more alive with strangers than I was with her, period. Even when we were in the same room, and I brushed it off back then. Told myself she was just being dramatic. But now, Amy's saying basically the same thing. I'm wondering if maybe there's something wrong with me.

LUKE: No, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think a short-term, you know, conversation is very dangerous different than one that lasts like a relationship, than an ongoing, recurring, persistent conversation. Like, if you're just going to be with a stranger for five minutes, it's easier to have something to say than if you're on a six-hour road trip trying to keep the conversation going. It's just, and also, when you're with strangers, you can have the same conversation with 20 different people. But you can't do that when you're with somebody face-to-face for a long time.

ARCHIE: Oh, gosh, that's a really good point. I never thought about it that way. I probably do tell the same five stories to different customers, and they're always new to them, so it feels fresh. But Amy's heard all my stories already. Sandra definitely heard them all ten times over. But Luke, can I ask you something?

LUKE: Yeah, she says she's heard all your stories, and then when you tell her what happened to you, she gets mad that you tell too many stories. Like, that's, it's a thing. It's like a trap. I've heard a lot of similar feedback from girlfriends and relationships about how much time I spend, you know, with strangers versus them. And it's just like, there's no way you can win. You can never win. So just do what's right for you and explain clearly what you're doing and how, um, how you operate. Because everybody operates differently. Everybody has different preferences and communication styles. And that's all okay. And if yours and hers don't work, then they don't work. And that's all. And nobody's broken there. What is it that you want to ask me?

ARCHIE: Earlier tonight, you had that caller, Mikey on, the one coaching the kid of baseball. And you said something about how he deflects with humor when he's uncomfortable. And I've been thinking about that since I heard it, because I do that too. Like, when Sandra would get upset about me being distant, I'd make a joke.

LUKE: Yeah, that's what we all do. That's how, I mean, that's how conversation works. When we get uncomfortable or stressed or don't know what to say, we make a joke. Makes everything a little bit lighter. You're not broken. You're not weird. You're not strange. You're acting just like everybody else does.

ARCHIE: Yeah. But Luke. And maybe this is the real reason I called. Amy said something tonight that really got under my skin. She said, Archie, you're so good at making everyone else feel seen. But you won't let anyone see you. And I laughed it off. Made some joke about how there's not much to see. But after we hung up, I just sat there in my kitchen with my Dr. Pepper. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. What if she's right? What if I've been doing this my whole life? Connecting with people just enough to make them feel good, but never letting them get close enough to actually know me.

LUKE: Maybe you are. Maybe you could be. Is that negatively affecting your life in any capacity? Or is it actually helping you from getting people to know you too much? Like, how well do you feel like you know yourself? Because it sounds like just going through this conversation, you don't have a what you want. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of confidence. So if people are looking in to know you, what do you think it is they're going to know?

ARCHIE: Well, shoot, Luke, that's, I don't know. I mean, I'm 54 years old. I deliver pizzas. I play guitar badly. I watch the wire over and over, because I already know what happens. I don't know what there is to know. And maybe that's the problem. Maybe Amy and Sandra were both trying to get to know someone who isn't really there.

LUKE: Well, I mean, there's always somebody there, but you might not have even got to know them yet. So that's my advice for you is to take some time getting to know yourself and understand who you are, what you want, and build up your own confidence so that you can speak to those things and have better conversations with everybody, strangers and close relationships alike. I think the root of the problem is you don't really know what you want, what you want to talk about, what your values and dreams and all that are. And maybe you don't have them. I don't know, but I assume that you do, and you just haven't really explored that in yourself yet.

ARCHIE: You know what, Luke? I think you just nailed something I've been running from for a long time. Because you're right. I don't know what I want. I haven't known in years. Maybe decades. And it's easier to just show up for other people's moments than to figure out what my own moments are supposed to look like.

LUKE: Well, yeah, because they're not supposed to look like anything. Your own moments look like what you want them to look like. And if you haven't to see them to look like. And if you haven't to see them of what you want them to look like. That could be okay for you if you're happy, you know, doodling on the guitar and watching the wire, good for you. Delivering your pizzas. Nobody can tell you you're doing it right or wrong and people can't tell you you're talking to me right or wrong or you're conversing with the other people right or wrong. Like, everybody wants to tell you what you should be and what you should do. And it's bullshit. Like, you decide.

ARCHIE: That's fair, Luke. That's really fair. And honestly, I am pretty fair pretty happy most days. I like my route. I like the people I meet. I like coming home and playing badly and nobody caring. But then Amy calls and she's unhappy. And I feel like I'm supposed to be unhappy too because I'm not giving her what she needs. And maybe that's the real issue. I keep trying to be what other people need instead of just being what I am.

LUKE: Yeah, it's not just your job to give everybody else what they need. I mean, if you can, great. If there's some level of compromise there.

I mean, what are you? need from her. It has to go both ways. And you can't feel bad all the time because you're not providing her needs because, first of all, she's probably not articulating them all that well. And it's not your responsibility to fulfill every need. You just do the best you can within the confines of what you're comfortable with and what you can do mentally, physically, psychologically. And do the best you can and be true to, you know, You know, your values and beliefs and what you want to do and what makes you happy. And don't over compromise. And don't not compromise. But you come first. You're right. You're absolutely right. And I think part of why this long-distance thing keeps dragging on is because I'm afraid if we were actually in the same place, she'd figure out pretty quick that I'm not what she's looking for. It's easier to be disappointing over the phone than disappointing in person. Yeah, it's pretty easy to be disappointing either way. full faith in you, sir. But anyway, we're going to have to move on to the next caller. If you want to remain in your long-distance relationship that isn't going very well, you can do that. And maybe someday it'll turn into a short-distance relationship that's going even worse. Or you can just move on, because it sounds like you're not that into it. Yeah, you're probably right about that, too. Thanks, Luke. I appreciate you letting me work through this. All right, you're very welcome. You still want a girlfriend, Devin? Don't they sound awesome? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Obviously. That's like, that's kind of the whole thing I'm working on right now, if that makes sense. I actually had this whole plan where I thought working at a radio station would help with that. Because people can hear your voice and you sound more interesting than you are in person. But so far, it's just been me sitting in here looking stuff up while Luke talks to people. Which is fine. It's my first day. But yeah, if any of the callers are single and want to maybe grab coffee or something, and very available. I have a lot of free time. Too much, actually. All right, yep. And it is your first day, so you pipe down there. I don't know if we're ready to have you interfacing with the callers yet. We'll see how you do, all right? We're trying it out. Next up we've got Patrice. Patrice, welcome to the show. What's going on, buddy? Hey, Luke. Appreciate you taking the call. So listen, I won a costume contest last Halloween, dressed as a bed sheet ghost, like just a sheet with hold. cut in it. And I beat out this guy who spent six months building a screen accurate Iron Man suit. Full lights, moving parts, the whole deal. And he has not spoken to me since. Like, we're talking eight months of complete silence. Yeah, who would? That's infuriating. He put so much work into it and you did nothing? Like, why did you win? Why do you think you won the contest? Honestly, I have not. no idea. I threw it together in like 15 minutes because my wife said we should go out, and I didn't want to spend money on something I'd wear once. The judges said something about capturing the spirit of Halloween or whatever, but I mean, come on. Come on. Yeah, well, yeah, that's a strange thing. I'm not sure why you won, but it's not your fault that they judged your costume. Over this guy's? Maybe he was a dick. Maybe he cheated. Maybe he went two. far or I spent too much money and they didn't feel like, I don't know. Is there some sort of question or problem I can help you with? Oh, no, I mean, yeah, there is. See, the thing is, I know why I won. And it's not just because I was lazy. I tell you what, Luke, I was standing there in that sheet and I felt bad for him. Like, genuinely, you could tell he was sweating through that thing and it was heavy and he was miserable. Yeah, I imagine. And why? If you know why you won, why did you win? Did you know the judge? No, nothing like that. I won because I was having fun. That's it. I was laughing. I was talking to people. I was dancing around like an idiot. Well, that's what I always say. If you're having fun, you won. Yeah, I say that all the time. I literally say that every day. Right, but here's the thing. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. This guy put in all that work, all that And I just showed up and I won and now he won't talk to me and part of me thinks, well, that's his problem. But the other part of me keeps coming back to it because I don't know, Luke. Well, of course you know. If you didn't know, you probably wouldn't be calling in trying to talk to it and getting to it very slowly. I think you know exactly why. And you just don't want to say for whatever reason. I don't know if you want me to pull it out of you or if you just like hearing yourself on the phone. I'm not sure. But I want to know who this guy is to you. It's just some guy that dressed up. And why do you care if he talks to you again? How do you even know him without the costume on? He's my coworker. We drive the same routes, different shifts. Steph, she's another driver. She told me he's been talking to the supervisor about me. Not about the costume thing, about work stuff. Saying, I'm not following protocol that I'm cutting corners on my pre-trip inspections. Are you following protocol? Are you cutting corners? Is he right? I mean, he might have some kind of vendetta about you about this childish Halloween party costume thing, which is super, super stupid. But, I mean, is he right? I mean, I think I am. But here's the thing. He's not wrong about me cutting corners. Not in a dangerous way, but I do skip some of the little stuff. Like, I check the brakes. I check the lights. But I don't always do the full walk around every single time. Well, you probably should. should. And I'm going to give you the same advice that I give pretty much every other caller on this show. Just talk to the guy. Just go up to him and say, look, hey, I didn't mean to steal your thunder at the fucking Halloween costume thing, but I did. It wasn't my fault. I wasn't the judge. And I was having fun. And I don't know what the judging criteria was, right? So let's put this vendetta behind us. It seems like you're trying to sabotage me at work. And I think that's because of the Halloween costume fiasco. And I don't I think we should be friends. And then after that conversation, you should turn him into your ally. And you guys can be best buddies forever and ever. And then you can do a Twinsie's Halloween costume next year. Yeah, I hear you. That makes sense. But I already tried that. Back in December, right after I noticed he was being weird, I went up to him in the parking lot, said basically what you just said. And he looked at me and said, I don't know what you're talking about, and walked away. Like he pretended the whole thing didn't happen. Well, I don't know. Maybe try it one more time. And if not, the guy's just a dick and a psycho and talk to HR and say that he's gunning for you and explain the situation of them and just get him off your back. Yeah, maybe. The thing is Steph, the other driver I mentioned, she's going for the same promotion I am. And she's the one who told me he was talking to the supervisor. And now I'm wondering if maybe she's the one stirring things up, not him. because when I think about it, he's never actually said anything to my face about work stuff. All right, then. Maybe it's Steph. I don't know. Maybe you should have that conversation with her. Or have that conversation with him and be like, hey, has Steph been saying anything weird to you? Because I think she's acting strange and going after my promotion. And I think that's what's causing all the tension between us. There is a saboteur within our mist. I tell you what, Luke. You're right. I need to just deal with this head on. Yep. Do your very best. That's all you can do. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to have to go to another ad from our sponsors.

LUKE: Let's see, let's see. Who paid us this time? Who paid us? This guy. This episode is brought to you by Desert Gut. The all-in-one nutritional supplement made from things you'd actually find within walking distance from my RV. contains 17 adaptogens, nine minerals scraped directly off a rock, pulverized tumbleweed fiber, and a proprietary blend we're calling coyote dust, which our lawyers have asked me to clarify as not made from actual coyotes. Desert gut tastes like someone described the color beige to a blender, but you'll feel incredible, or you'll feel something. First five callers get a free shaker bottle that definitely used to be a gas station coffee cup. Desert because your gut isn't going to desert itself. Okay, we're back. And, uh, all right, let's see. Next up on the line we've got Thelma. Thelma, welcome to the show. Would you like to say hi to our intern, Devin? He's new today.

THELMA: Hey, Luke. Yeah. Hi, Devin. Welcome to the Madhouse, buddy. Hope you brought coffee because it is late, and I am wired, and you are in for a... ride tonight. Oh shit, Devin. I got to tell you something, and it's wild. So my kid, right, my daughter, Jesse, she just graduated basic training today.

LUKE: All right, congratulations. What's wild about that?

THELMA: Okay, so here's the thing. She calls me right after the ceremony. She's all pumped up, and she goes, Mom, they're shipping me to South Korea in three weeks. South Korea, which, fine, great, I'm proud, whatever. But then, like an hour of ago I'm scrolling through her Instagram because I'm a nosy mom. And I see she's been talking to this guy, this recruiter guy.

LUKE: You mean like an army recruiter or a job recruiter? Is it a South Korean recruiter? How is that relevant to the story? Do you think, um, do you think she's not going over to be in the army, but she's going over to be with the dude?

THELMA: No, no, no. Sorry, I'm jumping around. Army. got her to sign up in the first place. Staff Sergeant Martinez. And Luke, they've been messaging back and forth for like six months. And it's not just, hey, how's training going stuff?

LUKE: What kind of stuff is it, would you say?

THELMA: It's like, okay, so at first, I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, maybe I'm reading into it, you know? But then there's stuff like, can't wait to see you when you get back. and thinking about you? And he's sending her pictures of sunsets. And she's sending back heart emojis. And Luke, this guy has got to be at least 35, maybe 40. And she just turned 19 in January. So I tried to look up the fraterization rules, but the search isn't working right now. But I'm pretty sure that's like super against regulations. Recruiters aren't supposed to have personal relationships with recruits. especially not while they're in that position of authority. That's actually a pretty serious violation if that's what's happening, if that makes sense.

LUKE: Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all. I'm not sure who you would even talk to about that, but maybe start with your daughter and be like, what's going on here? Although, I mean, at that age and going into like this weird high-stress environment, it's very exciting. I can see where somebody would get caught up in that. But it does seem predatory and not okay. it's worth having that conversation and just telling her that you're concerned about that. I mean, you don't have to tell her you saw the messages on her phone, but, I mean, come up with it some other way.

THELMA: Yeah, see, that's where I'm stuck, because I wasn't on her phone. This is all public on Instagram. She doesn't know I follow her from this burner account I made like two years ago, when she stopped accepting my friend requests. So if I bring it up, she's going to know I've been watching her, and then I'm the creep, right? But, Luke, this guy is in a position of authority over her.

LUKE: Yeah, so I was trying to look up the actual regulation number, but the internet's being weird right now. But I'm like 90% sure there's a specific army reg that covers recruiter-recruiter relationships. And it's definitely prohibited. Like, he could lose his position or worse if someone reported it. There's usually a hotline or something for that kind of thing, if that makes sense. There you go. There's a hotline. I guess you've got to search it out. I'm not sure why our internet's not working here at the studio right now. Maybe it's just our interns not that good. I don't know. I'll have to verify myself later. But yeah, you can you can do a search and find if there's a way to make some sort of an anonymous claim there and maybe not say anything to your daughter. But I'd think that you would have to expect that she would expect that you have a burner account that's checking up on our Instagrams. Because if she doesn't, then you haven't. you haven't taught her very well.

THELMA: Huh. Yeah, you're right. She probably assumes I'm lurking somewhere. She's smart like that. But okay, so anonymous tip, I can do that. I can call somebody. The thing is, though, and this is what's really messing with me. When I saw those messages, my first thought wasn't, I need to protect my kid. My first thought was Danny's going to lose his mind when he finds out, her dad.

LUKE: Yeah, sorry. The inner. Internet's definitely down. I was trying to get the actual reg number and the reporting hotline, but nothing's loading. I think it's an issue on our end. Not me. But, yeah. Sorry. You know, whatever, Devin, strong first day. Well, you know, you don't have to tell her dad. You can just make an anonymous tip to the recruiter. She's already recruited, so it's not going to affect her opportunities there at all. And yeah, he's being creepy. So, I mean, do what you got to do. That's what I say.

THELMA: Yeah, but see, that's the thing. I want to tell Danny, like I'm sitting here at two in the morning painting my bathroom. And I'm thinking about calling him right now just to watch him explode. Because he's the one who pushed her to enlist in the first place. He kept saying, it'll give her discipline, it'll give her direction, the military made me who I am, and all that garbage. And now his precious recruitment process produced this creep who's grooming our daughter. And I just, I want him to know that.

LUKE: Well, you know, you can call them and rub it in if you want, but I don't think that this particular creep should be a showing of the whole military or what it can do to a person, because it's hard to argue that it does for a lot of people turn it into who they are and give them discipline and direction. You can't say that those things are bad, but I don't know if now is the time that you want to be recruited into the military, considering we just decide we're going to go to war every other day. You're right. I know you're right. All right. Well, have the conversations you have to have, all right? And good luck to your daughter, because she's the one that has to deal with the whole actually being in the military bit. The recruiter doesn't have to actually go to South Korea. All right. So next up, we've got Terrence. Terrence. What's going on, buddy? Are you, are you Terrence Howard? Can you talk to us about the tree of life, the plant of life, whatever that is, that theory. we were talking about way back on like the first episode.

TERRENCE: Nah, man, not that, Terrence. Just regular Terrence from Chicago. I work at a pawn shop, not Hollywood. Look, I ran into my ex-Kla last month at the grocery store, and we ended up getting coffee, and then coffee turned into dinner. And now I cannot stop thinking about her.

LUKE: You thinking good things or are you thinking bad things?

TERRENCE: Good things. That's the problem. Like, we broke up for a reason, right? But sitting across from her at that diner, It was like nothing changed.

LUKE: Well, is she still single? You're still single? Or have you both moved on?

TERRENCE: We're both single. She asked me that straight up at coffee. You seeing anybody? I said no. She said she wasn't either. That's when she suggested dinner.

LUKE: Okay.

LUKE: Well, it sounds like you're two adults, and this could be a consensual thing. I recommend you don't. Like you said, nothing changed. So there was a reason you broke up, and the reason is still there. It's not like you've changed. But maybe you went off. And you tried to sow your oats and you learned that the grass wasn't greener on the other side or wherever the fuck. And that you actually had the perfect person. And you're in a unique situation where you both agree and you're both unencumbered. And if you want to try it again, try it again.

CALLER: See, that's the thing, though. The reason we broke up was me. I wasn't ready. I was 28. She wanted to talk about moving in together, maybe getting engaged eventually. And I freaked out. Told her I needed speed. And now, seven years later, I'm sitting in my apartment alone wondering what the hell I was so scared of.

LUKE: Yeah, and you can't even know. I mean, imagine that you didn't break up and you stayed together for that seven years, what you should have been scared of. But, you know, if you're in a different place now, and you're both still single and you both still want to, then give it a shot again and see how it goes.

CALLER: Yeah, maybe you're right. I heard Archie earlier talking about connecting with strangers easier than the people close to him. And that hit me.

LUKE: Yep. Well, that's true. Uh, thank you for the call. Next up, we've got Lamar. Lamar, thanks for calling in. What's going on?

LAMAR: Hey, Luke. Yeah, man. So listen, I bought a couch off Craigslist last weekend, right? Just a regular couch. Nothing fancy. 300 bucks. My wife and I, we needed something for the den, because our old one finally gave out after like 15 years. So, we drive over to this guy place in the northeast heights nice enough neighborhood he helps us loaded up we take it home

LUKE: Okay, fuck your couch you sound like somebody I know you sound like another one of our callers You're not Silas from the Wellspring are you?

LAMAR: No, no, I ain't Silas though I do know that man. He comes into the laundromat sometimes with his laundry basket full of dirty jeans and a six-pack of beer Nah, this ain't about the couch itself. It's about what was inside the couch. I So we get it home, right? My wife's all excited says it's going to look great at the death, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, let's just get it in there.

LUKE: Yeah, yeah, get it in there. What was in the couch?

LAMAR: $8,000, cash, Luke. 8,000. Sown right into the cushion. We didn't even find it right away. It was like two days later. My wife's vacuuming and she notices the cushion feels weird. Like, lumpy in a specific spot. So she unzips it and there's this envelope, thick as hell, just stuffed in there with the foam. We pull it out, and it's hundreds, 50s, 20s, all rubber banded together.

LUKE: Well, you guys are lucky. Somebody just called in yesterday and found a whole box full of cash and a hidden wall. So I don't know why that never happens to anybody I know, but around here, it seems to be like an everyday occurrence.

LAMAR: Well, I'm telling you, Luke. I teach middle school history, and in 25 years, I've never had anything like that. My wife and I, we're just sitting there on the floor, staring at this money like we found buried treasure or something. And here's where it gets complicated. I tried calling the guy, the seller.

LUKE: Man, what's wrong with you guys? You find these big hunks of cash and you just want to give it away immediately? Makes no sense to me, but all right, what did he say when you called the guy?

LAMAR: He won't answer. That's the problem, Luke.

LUKE: Okay. Well, well, Well, congratulations on your $8,000 in cash that you found in your couch, and now it's time to buy a newer, better couch because you had to, you know, cut open your old one.

LAMAR: Well, hold on, hold on, Luke. It's not that simple. My neighbor, Gary, he's always in everybody's business, right?

LUKE: Yep, what's Gary got to do with this enthralling story?

LAMAR: Gary saw us unloading the couch that day, and now he keeps asking questions. Like yesterday, he comes over while I'm getting the mail, and he's like, how's that new couch working out. Real pointed, you know?

LUKE: So do you think this is like some sort of a setup to see what you would do with the cash? You think you're on candid camera? And Gary is the mastermind of the whole deal, and he worked it out with some dude on Craigslist to sell you an old couch that was full of money just to see what you would do?

LAMAR: I mean, honestly, Luke, I don't know what to think. Gary's nosy, but he's not that creative.

LUKE: All right, well, congratulations on your newfound cash. I'm very happy for you. I'm very happy for you. I suggest that you stop trying to call the seller of the couch to return the money, and you just move on with your life and avoid the drama. Next up, we've got Angie. Angie, how are you? What's going on out there?

ANGIE: Hey, Luke, I'm all right. So I talked to my mom this morning, like you said, about what she actually wants. And she told me she's done with treatment.

LUKE: All right, well, good for you and good for her. And if that's her choice, that's her choice. So it sounds like you've got it settled. There's no reason to go to the hospital. There's no reason to fight with your brother. Just let your mom have her wishes and live out her final days in the most comfort she can have. And, you know, try and be helpful to her and learn what she knows and take advantage of the opportunity that you still have to enjoy with her.

ANGIE: Yeah, except Derek showed up at her house an hour after I left, and now she's saying maybe she should go to one more appointment, just to hear what the doctor says. And I know that's him talking, not her.

LUKE: Yeah, well, you did your part, right? And if her mind is changed by him and she decides to do something else, that's her choice, too. So you have to respect it either way. There's no more room for you here in this conversation. You've done your part, and she's made her decision, and she's her own person, and if your brother's being a dick and interjecting, that's on him.

ANGIE: I get that, but she called me tonight asking if I'd go with them, to the appointment. her and Derek. And I said yes, because what am I supposed to say? No. But now I'm sitting here, and I know exactly what's going to happen.

LUKE: I know what's going to happen, too. And what's going to happen is your mother's going to decide what she wants her final days to be like, and you are both going to respect that, like, like fucking grown adults. Because one day, that's going to be you that's in that situation. And you're going to have to put yourself in her shoes, And think about the respect and dignity that you would want in your final days. This is silly. And you guys are being selfish. And it's not about you.

ANGIE: You're right. It's not about me. But she already told me what she wants. This morning, she said she's tired. She said she doesn't want to do it anymore. And then Derek gets in her ear for 20 minutes and suddenly she's back on the fence.

LUKE: Yeah, well, yesterday I wanted pizza. And today I wanted cheeseburgers and people are allowed to change their minds and, you know, it's not, you're, it's not on you to facilitate this. So step back, you did your part, and you can just go to the appointment and keep your mouth shut and let her do what she wants to do.

ANGIE: So I just sit there while Derek pushes her into another round of chemo that's going to make her miserable for however much time she has left.

LUKE: Yeah, that's correct. You just sit there, you said your piece. And now it's Derek's turn to say his piece, and it's up to her to make that decision. So if she decides that Derek's right and chemo is worth it for her, then that's her decision. And it's, you should respect that.

ANGIE: All right. I hear you.

LUKE: Okay, good luck to all of you. And I think we're going to take one more call. Let's see who we've got. Let's talk to... shit. I don't know if there's anybody on the phone. I think we might have actually, I think we might actually run out of caller.

LUKE: So if you want to give us a call, the numbers 208-439-5853. It sounds like we're going to be wrapping up the show here. And let's just check back in with Devin. What do you think of your first Luke at the Roost show? You're going to stick around? You're going to get my coffee in the morning?

DEVIN: Yeah? No, I mean, yeah, I'll definitely stick around. This is great. I'm learning a lot. The coffee thing, yeah, absolutely, I can do that. Do you take it with anything or just black? I used to work at a Starbucks for like three weeks before they let me go, so I'm actually pretty good with coffee drinks, if that makes sense. And the show's been, it's been really cool. I didn't know people would call in about such personal stuff. Like that one caller earlier with the thing about her mom, that was heavy. I've been thinking about it. I'm just trying to figure out the rhythm. You know, when to jump in, when to stay quiet. I think I'm getting it, hopefully.

LUKE: Well, I think you're doing an all right job. Just don't forget that I just want a black ice coffee, and you can talk to the ladies and say, look at the roost once it's coffee, and that's all you got to remember. Don't try anything funny. Don't try any of the mocas or machas or whatever it is you Starbucks people are into. Not interested. Just the ice coffee is going to do just fine. And yeah, I think you were helpful during the show, and we'll see how it goes next time, all right? So, everybody, one more plug here for Devin. He's looking for a girlfriend. If there's any, single ladies out there looking for a good time. Devin can hook you up. He's got a job now. He doesn't get paid for that job, but he's doing a good job.

DEVIN: Yeah, I actually do get paid. It's just, it's not a lot, but it's something. And the black iced coffee, got it, no problems. I'll write that down. Black iced coffee, easy. And just, for the record, I'm not looking for a good time per se. I'm looking for something real, you know, like an actual connection. I've been doing a lot of work on myself lately, and I think I'm in a pretty good place to meet someone. I have a car. I have this job now, and my therapist says I've made a lot of progress with the! Attachment stuff from last year. So, yeah, if anyone wants to stop by the station or whatever, that would be cool. I'm here most nights, apparently. But yeah, thanks. For saying I did okay, that means a lot.

LUKE: Yeah. Well, I'm going to take it back because I said stop inviting people to the station. You can't do that. And no, you don't get paid. And we were very clear about this in your employment agreement in which it states clearly, anything I say and you don't get paid.

DEVIN: Right. Yeah. No, you're right. I won't do that anymore. Sorry. I thought, never mind. And yeah, I remember the agreement now. Unpaid. Got it. I think I was just, I don't know, I got confused about what this was. But I understand. Anything you need. No inviting people. And I'll get you that coffee. Black ice coffee. I can do that.

LUKE: All right. Very good. And thanks to you, our listeners at home. It's been another great episode. and you have a wonderful night. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye-bye.