LUKE: All right, welcome back. I'm Luke. I'm your host of tonight's show, Luke at the Roost. This is the call-in talk show where you can call in with whatever's going on in your world, and I'll give you the best advice that I can, which will probably be horrible advice. If you'd like to give us a call, the number's 208-439-583. That's 208-439 Luke. If you're not near your phone and you'd like to participate in the show, you can send us an email at any time. The email address is submissions at luke at the roost.com. Now we're starting the show a little bit early today because I can, and our phones are already lighting up. So we're going to go to the phones and see what's going on. First up, we have Donnie. Donnie, welcome to the show. What's happened? What can we help you with today?

DONNIE: Hey, yeah, Luke. Thanks for taking the call. So I was reading about this thing called the Great Oxygenation Event. It happened like two and a half billion years ago. All these bacteria started making oxygen, and it killed almost everything on the planet just wiped it out too much oxygen

LUKE: i mean don't most things on the planet need oxygen to survive

DONNIE: well yeah now they do but back then nothing needed it it was poisoned to them all the like that existed the oxygen just it killed them

LUKE: well that's interesting do you think that's part of what uh helped spur growth as we know it today life on this planet and it was the great oxygenation from the bacteria

DONNIE: that's the thing yeah that's exactly it the catastrophe made everything else possible like us sitting here talking right now that only happens because billions of years ago everything died the poison became the thing we need i don't know

LUKE: well that's interesting the poison is the thing we need that should be the name of this episode the poison is the thing we need uh so the bacteria created a bunch of oxygen it killed off everything that was on the planet which would have been what before before oxygenated Was there just other bacteria?

DONNIE: Yeah, anaerobic bacteria. They lived without oxygen. And then the cyanobacteria show up and start photosynthesizing. And just pump all this oxygen into the atmosphere and the ocean, and it's toxic to everything else. It took millions of years, but it basically ended that world. And then after, you know, after everything's gone, that's when the new stuff can start, the stuff that uses oxygen.

LUKE: Okay, so when do you think we're due for a new? new great oxygenation or carbon dioxide nation. What are you think is going to take out life as we know it on the planet now so that the next version of life can materialize?

DONNIE: I don't know if it works like that. I mean, maybe it does. I was just thinking about how you can't always tell when you're in the middle of it.

LUKE: Well, I guess we wouldn't be able to tell because we'd be dying. But that's an interesting story. Do you have anything else to add?

DONNIE: No. I just. I've been thinking about it a lot this week, how the worst thing that ever happened was also the best thing. And you can't have one without the other.

LUKE: No, sir, you can't have one without the other. Just like, what do they say? Love and marriage. Love and... All right. Next up, we have Rochelle. Rochelle is a returning caller. Welcome back to the show.

ROCHELLE: Hey, Luke. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe my own eyes when I saw Donnie was on earlier. I was in the kitchen doing dishes and I literally had to stop because I was laughing so hard. The oxygen thing, killing everything off to save everything, that was beautiful, man.

LUKE: Ah, yeah, killing everything off to save everything. It's hilarious. I understand. What are you calling in for today, Rochelle?

ROCHELLE: Okay, so I did it. I broke up with Marcus like two weeks ago. And I've been doing the whole single thing, right? Like really trying to sit with myself, not jump into anything. I even deleted the dating apps.

LUKE: Okay, and how's that working out for you? What are you filling your time with, and if it's not random men?

ROCHELLE: Well, that's the thing, though. I've been filling it with, I mean, I've been good. I've been taking the kids to this new trampoline park over in Rio Rancho on weekends. Been helping Rosa with her garden, which is actually really nice.

LUKE: Well, congratulations. Good for you. Did you have a problem or an issue that you wanted to talk through on the show, or you're just calling to give us an update about your relationship status?

ROCHELLE: No, there's definitely something. So David texted me last Thursday, my ex-husband, first time since I turned off the location sharing thing. And he said he wanted to drop off some boxes of my stuff he found in his storage unit.

LUKE: All right, do you know what's in the boxes? Obviously, you're missing the stuff, so have you identified which of your own stuff you're missing?

ROCHELLE: That's what I asked him. I was like, what stuff? Because when we split everything up, I was so careful. I made spreadsheets, Luke. I had a whole system.

LUKE: What's in the box? Do you think it's maybe a severed head or just an excuse for David to come talk to you again?

ROCHELLE: Oh, it's definitely an excuse. I know that. He told me it was like old photo albums and some kitchen stuff. But when he brought them over on Saturday, it was just, it was my old college textbooks.

LUKE: Oh, so he already brought the boxes over. All right. So what did he have to say for himself?

ROCHELLE: He stood on my porch for like 40 minutes, just talking. Started with the boxes. Then he's asking about the kids. how he joined this hiking group, and they went up to the Sandia's last weekend. And the whole time I'm just standing there in my doorway, and I couldn't believe my own eyes, because he looked. Good, you know?

LUKE: So obviously you're really taking this single thing to heart, huh?

ROCHELLE: Okay, yeah, I hear how that sounds. But I didn't invite him in or anything. I kept it on the porch. And then yesterday, Angie, my cousin, she calls me and says she saw David at Trader Joe's, and he was buying all this fancy cheese and wine, like date night stuff.

LUKE: Well, I don't drink wine, but I sometimes enjoy a fancy pepperjack. So maybe he just enjoys wine and cheese, and that's what he was doing. I mean, I don't think you need to concern yourself with what David's doing. You're a single woman, and you're refinding yourself right now. So stop worrying about David and other dudes, and keep working on your garden and finding ways to move forward in your own life.

ROCHELLE: You're right. You're completely right. The thing is, is, though, I looked at the app again after he left, just to see. And I know I turned off sharing my location with him, but I can still see his if I want to. And he never turned his off for me.

LUKE: All right, well, you're being a little bit crazy now, and I think you should just get rid of that app. You told me already you deleted the apps, and obviously you haven't. So you're lying to me, you're lying to yourself. And if you want to move forward with your life, then move forward with your life. And if you want to, you know, rekindle whatever relationship you have with this dude, do that. But But it's not very interesting for this show. You're back and forth here.

ROCHELLE: Okay. Okay. You're right. I'm deleting it right now. I'm doing it. But can I just tell you one more thing?

LUKE: Yes, you can. What is that thing?

ROCHELLE: Sunday night, I drove past the Sonic where he parked that time, the one near my house. And his Tacoma was there. Same spot. And I sat in the Dairy Queen parking lot across the street for like 20 minutes just watching his truck. And I realized he probably saw me.

LUKE: Okay, so you're really just painting a picture of yourself as a main. and you really need to stop. I don't know why you think I would think that this is interesting, but I don't. Okay, so if you want some advice and you're going to take the advice, I'm happy to give it to you. But if you just want to tell me about, you know, David, I really don't care.

ROCHELLE: No, I want the advice. I'm sorry. I know I sound crazy.

LUKE: Well, thank you for the call, and we hope that you don't call us again tomorrow with the same shit, Rochelle. You're going to have to figure out your life there, because I don't have any advice for you that you're going to take. So, next up on the line, we got Mikey. Mikey, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life?

MIKEY: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I just dropped off this Tesla, right? And the whole ride back this guy's going on about his grind, how he's up at 4 in the morning, working until midnight, hasn't seen his kids awake in weeks, and he's saying it like it's a good thing, like he's winning. And I'm sitting there thinking, man, I used to be you.

LUKE: Yeah, I think we all did. That's part of our culture. It's to grind and work and grind and always be busy. And I think we've learned through study after study that that's not any way to live. And it's a good way to burn yourself out and get taken advantage of by exploitative employers.

MIKEY: Exactly. And here's the thing that got me. This guy couldn't have been more than 30, and he already looked like he needed a defibrillator, like physically looked bad. And I'm watching him and I'm like, dude, I burned my second marriage to the ground doing exactly what you're doing. I thought saying yes to every call, every hour, every toe in the middle of the night was proving something.

LUKE: Well, sometimes you can do that and sometimes you can't, you know, but everybody has to learn for themselves where their limits are and learn how to stand up for those limits. the hard part that a lot of people never get is, when is it time to say no? When is a time to step back? And how much forward momentum is really necessary without harming yourself and the rest of the things in your life?

MIKEY: Yeah, and that's what I never figured out until it was too late. Like, I didn't know how to say no because I thought the work was the point. I thought if I just kept showing up, kept grinding, that would be enough. But my ex-wife, she didn't leave because I wasn't making money.

LUKE: Why did she leave?

MIKEY: She left because I wasn't there. Like, physically I'd come home, but I was already thinking about the next call, the next job. I'd be sitting at dinner and my phone would go off and I'd just get up and leave every time. And she'd say, can't someone else get it? And I'd say, this is what pays the bills.

LUKE: Yep, and I think you've learned that there's more to life than paying bills. And that's a lesson that we all have to learn. In this world, I think we're starting to understand that, especially after COVID. the whole COVID situation really opened people's eyes up to how much we were wasting on capitalism.

MIKEY: Yeah. Well, here's the kicker, though. I still don't know if I actually learned it. Like, I'm still taking every call. I'm still out there at two in the morning hauling in some drunks Camry. The difference is now I don't have anyone waiting up for me. So it doesn't feel like I'm letting anybody down, which is maybe worse. I don't know.

LUKE: Well, it's a balance, right? If you're at a special spot in your life where you don't have anything else going on. Maybe that is the best use of your time. If it's keeping you occupied, you're being productive, and there's nothing that you're letting fall by the wayside, like your own personal health and nutrition and peace of mind, then good. You can do that. But you have to know when to ramp up and when to ramp down. And at some point in the future, you're going to want to have some sort of meaningful relationship with people or be involved in your community or take on some sort of volunteer or philanthropy or something like that. There's more to life than work. And if you put all of yourself into your work forever, I mean, at the end, you're not going to get anything out of it.

MIKEY: You're right. And I know you're right. But here's what scares me. I've been filling the time with other stuff. Like, I go home and I watch these quantum physics videos until three in the morning. Just completely fall down these rabbit holes about particle entanglement and the observer effect.

LUKE: Okay, but that's not really filling your life with other stuff. stuff is that's just consuming content to go to bed. That's not doing anything meaningful or making relationships or moving forward any personal goals. It's, uh, I don't want to say wasting time because you're learning and you're listening to something that you find interesting, but it's, it's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about, uh, getting something out of life, a project, hobby, uh, friendships, um, some, some, uh, greater purpose or meaning or, uh, involvement with your community and the world.

MIKEY: Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. I'm just swapping one way of checking out for another. Like, before it was burying myself in work so I didn't have to deal with anything? And now it's burying myself in videos about the double-slit experiment, so I don't have to think about the fact that I haven't had a real conversation with someone in weeks. My phone goes off, I answer it, I hook up a car, I drop it off, I go home, I watch videos. I fall asleep. That's the whole loop.

LUKE: And that might be okay for you right now at where you're, at in your life. But just make sure that the remainder of your life isn't just that. Because that's very small. And there's a lot more out there to experience and to be a part of and to contribute to. So do what you have to do now to get yourself through and pay your bills and keep yourself moving forward. But don't forget that there's a lot more to life than just working.

MIKEY: You know what gets me, though? That Tesla guy tonight, the one I picked up, he's doing the same thing I did. He's 30 years old, hasn't seen his kids awake in weeks, and he's proud of it. He's bragging about his 4 a.m. cold plunges and his 18-hour days like it's some kind of badge of honor. And I wanted to tell him, man, you're going to wake up one day and realize you traded everything that mattered for a bunch of nothing.

LUKE: Well, that's the thing that everybody has to learn for themselves, right? And I think that we all, and collectively as a society, are learning that, especially as we see continuous mass layoffs of people and the loyalty erosion of corporate America and just the current state of our country. I think we understand that we've been kind of chasing this line of bullshit. And something has to change if we want to have happy, productive, fulfilled lives. So learn that for yourself.

LUKE: And you can't, you can't, you can't teach it to anybody. They have to get to a place where they realize it on their own. So he's 30. 30's still pretty young. He's right about at the state where he should kind of be figuring that out because everything in his life is going to fall away. And all he's going to have is, you know, work. And it's not even particularly interesting work.

MIKEY: Yeah, and that's the thing. I couldn't say anything to him because what am I going to say? Look at me. I'm the guy who already learned this lesson, and I'm still doing the exact same thing just alone now. At least he's got the kids somewhere, even if he's not seeing them. I don't even have that anymore. My ex moved on, remarried some accountant who's home for dinner every night.

LUKE: Everybody's path is different, man. If some people don't want to be home every night, that's boring to them. That's not fulfilling, you know, what they want out of their life. They want to be out doing stuff traveling. If your work takes you to the places you want to be to interact with the people you want to interact with, great. Then you can get two birds stoned at once. But largely it doesn't. And I think we just chase it for some, I don't know, false notion of what we're supposed to do. I think we've been trained that way from school all the way up. And we're learning now through numerous scientific studies that it's not good for us. So people are waking up. And you should too, when you're ready.

MIKEY: I hear you. I think part of it is I don't even know what I'd do with myself if I wasn't working or watching videos. What does that even look like? I go to some community center and play bingo? Join a book club? I'm not being a smart ass. I genuinely don't know what the next step is.

LUKE: Maybe it is. If you like bingo and you like your community, then hanging out at the community center isn't a bad thing. I mean, you might find out that they need your help and some of your special skills to keep the community center rolling. Or, you know, you could take up hiking or travel or photography or music or any kind of hobbies that you're into or wanted to be into. You could start a business. You can use that knowledge that you have to run your own YouTube channel and talk about, you know, your quantum physics stuff. There's tons of avenues that you can take. It's just you don't want to sit around and rot away and only consume content and work. Right? That's, you might as well be dead.

MIKEY: That last part hit me. You're right. I've got all this knowledge rattling around in my head about quantum mechanics, and I'm not doing anything with it except using it to fall asleep. I could actually share that stuff. Make it make sense for people.

LUKE: You can try. I mean, you're going to have to go a little deeper than the double split experiment because there's certainly enough content about that and it's not that difficult a concept to grasp. So I would recommend veering out a little bit into something a little more unique than the double split experiment. It's been kind of done to death. But if you're into quantum physics, I'm sure you can find a way to make that interesting and maybe make it your career.

MIKEY: doesn't have to be your career. It just do something, you know, even if it's just for you and nobody sees it. Yeah, no, the double slit is just where I started. I've been going down all these rabbit holes about quantum entanglement, the measurement problem, all that stuff. There's this one thing about quantum tunneling that blows my mind. Particles passing through barriers, they shouldn't be able to get through.

LUKE: Well, there you go. Maybe you can come up with some sort of demonstration of that or, you know, do some research and get your yourself into academia. And if that's your thing, that's your thing. And that's what you should do. But, hey there, we got to get to our sponsors here, Mikey. So if you have anything else to finish up with, I'll let you do that, and then I got to go.

MIKEY: No, I appreciate you letting me ramble. I think I needed to hear some of this stuff tonight. Maybe I'll actually do something with it instead of just letting it sit in my head.

LUKE: All right. Thanks, Mikey. I hope that, you know, you continue doing what you've got to do to move yourself forward and then when it's time, you can expand your life into the other areas where you can get the maximum fulfillment out of it. And that was time for a word from our sponsors. I used to sleep on a rolled up horse blanket. I'm not saying that for sympathy. I'm saying it because Pillow Forever asked me to establish a before state, and that's mine. Pillow Forever is a memory foam pillow that remembers your head shape so you don't have to. It's got cooling gel, bamboo fiber, and a 30-night risk-free trial, which means you can sleep on it for a month and then send it back, and someone in a warehouse is to deal with that. Every pillow forever comes in a box that's too small, which is part of the experience. You open it? And it slowly expands like a nature documentary. My dog tried to fight it. Pillow forever. You deserve better than a horse blanket. You deserve better than a horse blanket. That's what we always say here, at Luke on the roost. And next up, we got Nikki. Nicky, Nikki, welcome to the show. What's going on?

NIKKI: Hey, Luke, yeah. Hi. Am I on? Okay. Um, sorry, I know it's late to be calling. So I run a dog grooming business down in animas. Been doing it about three years now. And I have this business partner.

LUKE: All right, what about your business partner? Tell us about your business partner.

NIKKI: So Jason came in about a year and a half ago. I needed help with the books, the scheduling, you know, the business side of things, because I'm good with the dogs, but I'm terrible at all that stuff. And he seemed great at first. Really organized had all these ideas about marketing and expanding. My sister Lena told me not to trust him. Said he had a reputation around Flagstaff for being shady, but I thought she was just being overprotective. Anyway, I could not sleep last week, just one of those nights. So I'm sitting there at like three in the morning going through our accounts, and I start noticing these withdrawals.

LUKE: Uh-oh, when somebody says the word shady in tandem with accounting, that's never good. So what are the withdrawals about?

NIKKI: Yeah, so it's almost $8,000 over the past year. Small amounts, You know, 300 here, 500 there, nothing that would jump out at you if you're just glancing at the monthly statements. But when I went back and cross-checked them against the actual receipts and deposits, they don't match up. Money's just gone.

LUKE: That's a little thing we like to call fraud. So have you talked to any of the authorities about this?

NIKKI: No, not yet. I confronted Jason yesterday afternoon. Showed him everything I found. All the discrepancies laid out. And Luke, he just leaned back in his chair and smiled at me. Like this calm, easy smile.

LUKE: Okay. That's maniacal. And then what happened? Did he say anything in response? Or did you just smile awkwardly and then you left?

NIKKI: No. He said two words. He said, prove it. That's all he said. Just prove it with that smile. And then he got up and left the shop. And the thing is, I keep going over it in my head. Like, what does that mean? Does he have the receipts hidden somewhere?

LUKE: I would call the cops because it sounds like he's ripping you off. And it sounds like you can prove it.

NIKKI: That's what Lena said when I called her, but I keep thinking, what if I'm wrong? What if there's some explanation I'm missing? I've been sitting here on the floor of the shop for four hours going through everything again, and the numbers are right there, but he seemed so confident. Like he knows something I don't.

LUKE: Well, maybe he does, but I would engage the authorities sooner rather than later, because now he knows that you're onto him, and the more time you give him, the more concrete he'll be able to make his defense.

LUKE: So catch him as quickly as you can before he has to time to cover anything up.

CALLER: You're right. God, you're right. I've been sitting here like an idiot, second-guessing myself when I should have called the police this afternoon. I just kept thinking maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I misunderstood something, but $8,000 doesn't just disappear. And I trusted him. That's the part that makes me feel so stupid.

LUKE: Well, that's the thing. You can't trust anybody. And that's just the way the world is. So you trusted him. It looks like he burned you. He gave you every indication that he did, in fact, burn you, and now you have to take whatever steps you can to protect yourself. And that's to immediately call the authority. So you should do that and let them know what happened and try to catch him before he leaves town with your $8 grand.

CALLER: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to call them as soon as we hang up. I've got all the paperwork right here. Everything's documented. You know what the worst part is?

LUKE: What is the worst part?

CALLER: Lena told me not to go into business with him. Before she moved to Flagstaff, she said Jason was sketchy, that he'd burned people before. And I told her she was being paranoid, that he seemed like a good guy.

LUKE: Yeah, well, all con men seem like good guys. That's sort of the job. I mean, that's what they do. And it's, you don't have to feel shame in getting fleeced by this guy. I mean, that's their skill. That's what they're good at. So just get off the phone with me, call the police, and start whatever proceedings you have to to get your money back as soon as you can.

CALLER: You're right. I'm doing it now. Thank you, Luke.

LUKE: All right, good luck. And that is why we don't. Don't partner with people because partners burn us every fucking time. And next up, we've got Frankie. Frankie, welcome to the show. What's going on?

FRANKIE: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I'm a home health nurse, right? And two days ago, I found out my neighbor Dale has been running surveillance on the whole street with his ring camera. Like, full spreadsheets.

LUKE: Full spreadsheets of what? What kind of information? Like what time people are walking by or like when they walk their dogs? What could he possibly be spreadsheets?

FRANKIE: time stamps of when everyone comes and goes, what vehicles were driving, notes about who's visiting who. I found out because his ex-wife is one of my patients. She's got MS. I see her twice a week. And she showed me the file on her laptop. There's an entry from me that says, 247 a.m. White sedan unknown from when I got back from an overnight shift. The guy's literally keeping tabs on the whole neighborhood, like he's running a stakeout.

LUKE: That's a pretty weird thing. I don't legal for him to do with his home video camera to just watch the footage and then take note of everything that happens. It's creepy and it's weird and it's wrong and I'd be pissed off about it, but I don't think it's illegal.

FRANKIE: Oh yeah. No, I looked it up. Totally legal as long as the cameras pointed at his own property and the street, which is public. That's not even the part that's driving me crazy. It's that now I can't stop thinking about it. Like, I've been staying at my cousin Rubin's place in Magdalena for three nights now because I don't want to give Dale the satisfaction of logging my schedule.

LUKE: I don't know if that's the way I'd go with it. I mean, you can, but I would rather mess with Dale's data. Like, get a bunch of friends to drive around at random times and kind of poison his spreadsheet, so he thinks he's got this great database of information, but it's all nonsense. I mean, that's how we're going to defeat AI. If you want to defeat AI, the only way to do it is defeat it bad information.

FRANKIE: Oh, man, that's actually brilliant. I could get the over-neighed night crew from work involved. We're all degenerates anyway. Half of us are coming and going at weird hours. Just flood his data with noise until he can't tell what's real anymore.

LUKE: Yeah, make him so busy logging nonsensical data that is not useful. But keep in mind, if there ever is an issue when you need that data from him for some reason, if there's ever a theft or a home invasion or just some kid smashing pumpkins or stealing Amazon packages, it could be good to have somebody like that in your neighborhood that knows everything where you can go and get that authoritative source of what's going on.

FRANKIE: Okay, see, that's the thing, though. Dale's not doing this to be helpful. This is the same guy who called the cops on the Martinez family last year because their nephew was visiting from Albuquerque. And Dale decided a brown kid in a hoodie sitting in a car was suspicious activity. Turned out the kid was just waiting for his aunt to get home from work. And, listening to music. Dale's not neighborhood watch. He's neighborhood paranoia with a spreadsheet. And honestly, I think he might be living in his truck.

LUKE: He's living in his truck, but he's using his house ring camera to collect this data. That's a little weird.

FRANKIE: Yeah, his ex-wife kicked him out like six months ago, but he still owns the house, so the ring camera's still up. I've seen his F-150 parked in different spots around town at night, with the windows fogged up. The whole thing is just sad, honestly. Like, I started this call ready to make it into a bit about suburban surveillance state nonsense, but now I'm realizing I'm hiding out at my cousin's place watching Severance for the third time instead of just going home because I'm letting some divorced guy in a truck get in my... my head. That's pathetic, right?

LUKE: I mean, it's pathetic on a couple of different levels, for you and for him, and it's sad all the way around. But I think one way to deal with this would be to just go, you know, knock on his F-150 window and ask him, you know, what the hell? You're recording me and I don't like it and ask him to stop.

FRANKIE: You know what? You're right. You're right. I should just go talk to him like a human being instead of treating this like it's some true crime podcast I'm living in. The guy sleeping in his truck and obsessive logging traffic patterns. He's clearly not doing great. Maybe I just knock on the window. Tell him I know about the spreadsheet and ask him what he's actually trying to accomplish here.

LUKE: Yeah, maybe you two could team up and become great friends and solve crimes together. You never know.

FRANKIE: Oh, God. That's the nightmare scenario. Me and Dale in his F-150 at three in the morning. Him with his spreadsheet. Me with my work stories about patients' weird moles. Just two insomniacs convinced where the only ones keep Magdalena safe. Although, honestly, knowing my life, that's probably exactly what's going to happen. I'll update you if we start a podcast together.

LUKE: All right there, Frankie. Thanks for the call, and I hope you do start that podcast. Let us know. Give us a call back and let us know if you ever start that podcast, and I know I will listen to it. So next up here on the old phone lines, we've got Connie. Connie, welcome to the show. What's happening tonight in your life?

CONNIE: Oh gosh, hi, Luke. Thank you so much for taking my call. So I got really drunk at my daughter's eighth birthday party five days ago and nobody will talk to me about it. And I think I'm losing my mind.

LUKE: Okay. Is there any video evidence of you acting out at this birthday party? I don't think you're the first person to ever be in that situation.

CONNIE: No, thank goodness, no video. At least I don't think so. It was just other moms and some dads and my husband and his sister. But Luke, I don't remember half of it. I remember. I remember.

LUKE: Well, that's certainly embarrassing. But if this is one-time thing and it's not a pattern of excessive drinking, then, you know, everybody's entitled a couple of those. It's too bad that it happened at your kid's birthday party, but, you know, nobody's perfect.!

CONNIE: So I would say, yeah, you're probably going to get some weird looks for this for a while, but it'll blow over. And just make sure that you're not drinking like this consistently. But that's what's making me crazy, Luke. The silence. Like, my sister-in-law put her jacket on me and clearly got me to the couch. My husband was there.

LUKE: Yeah, that's embarrassing. You embarrassed yourself. It happens. It's unfortunate that it happened where it happened in front of a kid, but this is the type of thing that I think you'll all look back on in 10 years and be like, remember that time? Mom blacked out and swung naked from the pinata when she was drunk at my eighth birthday party? And everybody will laugh and laugh and laugh.

CONNIE: Oh, gosh. I wasn't naked. Was I? No, I had clothes on when I woke up. Luke, you're making jokes, but I keep thinking, what if I said something terrible?

LUKE: Then you'll have to be forgiven by your friends and family because, I mean, you were blocked out. You can't know if you said something terrible unless somebody tells you. So let's just go with you didn't until you learn otherwise. And if you did, you have to make apologies and, you know, suck that up because you acted irresponsibly.

CONNIE: You're right. You're right. I should just ask. I keep waiting for someone to bring it up, but maybe they're waiting for me to bring it up. Oh, shoot. What if they think I don't even care because I haven't apologized? I sent a text to the group chat the next day saying, thanks for a great party, but I didn't mention anything about getting drunk. Because I was hoping maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought.

LUKE: No, it probably was as bad as you thought. But you know what? Everybody's seen that happen before with other people or been, you know, the one that was doing it themselves. So people do understand. And they know what it's like to be so drunk that you don't know what happened. Or at least a lot of people do. Or they've seen somebody else act in that way. So don't worry about it too much. Just don't do it again.

CONNIE: You know what? You're making me feel better. I've been sitting in here folding laundry for five days, just replaying what I can remember over and over. My husband's watching TV in the next room right now, and I've been hiding in the laundry room because I'm so ashamed. Maybe I just need to go out there and say, hey, Can we talk about Saturday and get it over with?

LUKE: Yeah, no matter what you did, it wasn't that bad. I mean, you didn't sign over your house to the casino or get married to a hooker in Vegas or, you know, you didn't do anything that can't be fixed. So don't worry too much about it. Don't do it again. Be careful and make apologies if you have to.

CONNIE: You're absolutely right. I think I've been making it bigger in my head than it actually is. I mean, Maya had a great time at her party. all the presents she wanted. And she hasn't said anything weird to me about it, so she probably doesn't even remember much. And Bethany was doing shots with me, so she can't judge. I'm just going to talk to my husband tonight and apologize to my sister-in-law tomorrow.

LUKE: There you go. That's the way to handle it. And be careful. Watch the drinking, because there might come a time when you're in a situation where it's not so easy to recover from. With that, we have to take a small word from our sponsors. Life is hard. You're listening to a man in an RV talk to strangers at 2 in the morning, so you already know that. That's why we partnered with Better Maybe, online therapy that's honest about the whole situation. With Better Maybe, you get matched with a licensed therapist within 48 hours. Will they fix your problems? Maybe. That's the whole brand. They're not going to lie to you. Your first session might change your life. It also might just be used. staring at the webcam while someone in another time zone nods politely. That's still more than your friends are doing. Better maybe. It's better than nothing, and that's not nothing. All right, and we are back. Here we go. We've got Ray on the line. Ray, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight, sir?

RAY: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So my neighbor set off M-80s in his driveway at 1030.30. tonight and my son ended up under the kitchen table.

LUKE: Well, how come you guys didn't go out and enjoy the festivities?

RAY: Enjoy the, Luke. It's a Wednesday night. People got work in the morning, but that's not even the thing. My son Marcos just got back from his second deployment in December. He's home on winter break from grad school. And the second those things started going off, he just dropped, like his body knew what to do before his brain caught up. I found him under the table with his hands over his head and this look on his face I haven't seen since he first got back two years ago.

LUKE: Well, that is too bad and he should maybe, I'm not sure if he is, but he should maybe be in some therapy for that post-traumatic stress. But here we are in the desert, right? These are the frontier states where people are going to blow off M80s and shoot guns. That's kind of, that's part of the appeal of this area. So it's not necessarily always a serene and quiet retreat. can really do here is talk to your neighbor and explain the situation and ask him to be a little more considerate next time.

RAY: Yeah, no, you're right. He isn't therapy. He's been going since he got back. And I get it. I do. People want to blow stuff up. It's a free country. I already went over there, told the guy about Marcos. He apologized, said he didn't know. Of course. How could he know?

LUKE: So it sounds like you've already solved this problem. What's eating at you?

RAY: I don't know, man. It's just, I keep. He's seen his face. Like Marcos is doing good. You know? He's in a master's program for engineering. He's got his life together. He comes home and we watch basketball. We go to the gym together. And then one string of firecrackers and he's right back there. And I'm standing in the kitchen doorway watching my son under the table and I don't know what to do.

LUKE: No, how could you know what to do? Did you talk to him about what to do, what he was feeling and maybe how you could be most helpful to him in that situation? I luckily have never had to go overseas or fight in any kind of war like that, so I don't have that stress reaction. But I can imagine that it's very unpleasant.

RAY: We talked after. Yeah, he was embarrassed more than anything. Kept apologizing, saying he was fine, that it just caught him off guard. I told him he didn't need to apologize to me. But he just went to his room. And that's the thing, Luke. I'm a physical therapist.

LUKE: Yeah, well, this isn't really a physical thing. So I don't know that you really have any. qualification in this area. But I would be interested if you have the opportunity to have a more serious conversation with him about what he's feeling and what the correct way to interface with him in that moment would be. I think that would probably help both of you and the listeners here.

LUKE: If we knew, if we saw that happen to somebody, what the correct way to help them would be without making them feel worse about it, you know?

CALLER: Yeah, you're right. I'm to actually ask him instead of just standing there feeling useless. It's just hard because he doesn't want to talk about it, and I don't want to push him and make it worse.

LUKE: Yeah, well, you don't really have to push him. You can phrase that another way. You can say, look, when that happened, I mean, you should be able to talk about the event that happened without causing a problem. So you can say, when that happened with the M80s the other night, and you were obviously in distress, I felt useless. And if that ever happens again, I want to be able to be helpful to you. So I'd like to understand what happened to you and how I could best be supportive to you in those situations, right? You can't make all loud noises stop. There's going to be Fourth of July. There's going to be somebody firing off M80s or a car backfiring. You know, that's going to happen forever for the rest of his life. So getting him past it and getting you past it together, like something that's possible if you can talk it through.

CALLER: That's good. That's really good, actually. I can do that. Because you're right. I can't bubble wrap the world for him. And he wouldn't want me to anyway.

LUKE: No, I don't think he would. And also, it's just an interesting thing that I think we all need to recognize and understand that some people have those responses to loud stimulus like that. And none of us or most of us really have no idea how to deal with that, how to react to those people. So I personally would be interested in what the right way to help somebody in that situation would be. Okay, we're going to take one more call here. And that's going to be the end of our show. So I think we'll go to Amber. Amber, thanks for calling in. You're the last caller tonight. How can we help you?

AMBER: Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I found $200 in a coat pocket. A coat I borrowed from my ex-best friend, Rachel, two years ago. And we haven't spoken since she moved to Flagstaff after this whole falling out we had and I need to know if this money is legally mine now or if I'm supposed to track her down somehow and give it back. I already looked up New Mexico Statute 30, 16, 6 on lost property, and technically, after holding onto something for two years without the owner claiming it, it becomes your property.

LUKE: Okay, well, it sounds like you went a little bit deep into this one. If it's cash money and it's in a coat and she moved away and you're in possession of the money, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I mean, how would you even get that money back to her if you wanted to? Congratulations on your new $200.

AMBER: Well, that's the thing. I could technically get it to her. I mean, I know where she works because her Instagram is public even though she blocked me on everything else. She's at this coffee roastery in Flagstaff. I could mail it or Venmo it, except she blocked me there, too.

LUKE: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you guys had a following out. She probably doesn't really want to talk to you. If she wanted the 200 bucks back, she would have come looking for it. I'd say just pocket the money and move on or donate it. You know, give it to somebody else. But I wouldn't rekindle that friendship over $200 that's been sitting in a pocket for two years.

AMBER: Right, but here's what's eating at me. I don't actually know if it's her money. Like it could be mine from two years ago and I just forgot I put it there. Or it could be hers and she forgot. And if it is hers, and she's been struggling financially, which she might be because she moved back in with her parents after the move, then keeping it makes me the person she's she already thinks I am, which is part of why we're not speaking in the first place.

LUKE: Okay, well, if you want to give her the money back, then, I mean, mail out of the money. But I'm thinking that probably you should just pocket this $200 and move on with your life and forget about her. Because obviously you two don't want to speak to each other and she's moved away, and it was two years ago. So, I mean, this doesn't seem like a thing that has to be keeping you up at night.

AMBER: You're right, it shouldn't be keeping me up at night. But the reason I'm actually calling is because my friend Tammy from church said, the exact same thing you just said. Just keep it. It's been two years. Forget about it. And when she said that, I got so annoyed with her. Like, unreasonably annoyed. I snapped at her in the church parking lot over it. And now I'm wondering if the money is even the actual problem, or if I'm just looking for an excuse to reach out to Rachel, and this is the only one I've got that doesn't make me look desperate.

LUKE: Well, that seems to be the case, because this is not a difficult, um, uh, obstacle to, to, to, Shit, this is not a hard problem, right? You could just keep the money and be done with it. But since you don't seem to want to accept that, it seems like you want to talk to your friend that you miss. And that's okay, too. And it's perfectly okay to reach out to an old friend and say, hey, sorry, you know, things ended the way they did, but I'd like to talk to you again because I miss you. That's okay, too. If that's what you want to do, I give you permission.

AMBER: Okay, but here's the thing. I can't just say I miss her because I'm the one who messed up. She didn't end the friendship I did. She started dating this guy Trevor, who I thought was using her. And I told her that. And then I told her sister that. And then I may have also told Trevor's ex-girlfriend some things Rachel told me in confidence about their relationship. And I thought I was protecting her. But really, I was just being controlling and inserting myself where I had no business being. She found out what I did, and she was right to cut me off.

LUKE: Okay, well, it seems like you understand the problem, and you can still reach out to her and say you miss her and you'd like to re-handle the friendship and you're sorry for what you did and you won't do it again. Because it sounds like you understand that. You take responsibility for what you did wrong here. And that's a good thing. And if you miss this friendship and you want it to continue, then reach out, give her $200 bucks back and see how that goes. But also, if it doesn't go the way you want, accept that.

AMBER: Yeah, I know I need to accept that possibility. But what if giving her the money back just looks like I'm trying to buy my way back into her life? worse. What if she doesn't even remember putting money in that coat? And now I'm just reminding her that I still have her stuff after two years. Which makes me look like I've been holding on to it for sentimental reasons, which I kind of have been, honestly.

LUKE: That's okay. You don't have to think about it that much. If you want to talk to your old friend, then talk to your old friend. And if you don't, then pocket the $200 and move on. That's what I have to say.

AMBER: You're right. I'm overthinking this because I'm scared. I'll mail her the money with a note that just says I'm sorry and I miss her. And if she wants to talk, I'm here. And if she doesn't respond, then at least I tried and I can actually move on instead of sitting in this break room at two in the morning, staring at $200 bills like they're going to tell me what to do. Thank you, Luke.

LUKE: You are very welcome, and I hope that works out for you. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of tonight's show. So thanks for tuning in. If you'd like to follow us, we're on all the socials or whatever social you like, you can find Luke at the roost. give us a little follow. It would help us out a lot if you use the old Apple Podcasts to leave a review of the show because that's what helps other people to find it. So thanks again, everybody. I hope you have a wonderful night.